Salvage (Savages and Saints Book 3)

by C. M. Seabrook

  “Can’t talk about this now,” I bite out.

  “Shit, Damon.” Her fingers curl around the steering wheel. “So, he is yours.”

  I give her a hard glare, but in true Quinn fashion, she doesn’t ease up. “Did you know?”

  “You think if I’d known I had a kid, I would have hid it from you all?” I snap, slamming my head back against the headrest. I close my eyes, rubbing my palms over my face. “Sorry. It’s just a lot to take in. I’m so fucking angry right now, but I can’t be because she’s gone through hell and...”

  “So have you,” my sister says softly. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through. What are you going to do?”

  Take out the piece of shit that wants to hurt them. Mutilate him and throw the pieces of his body into the deepest part of the lake where no one will ever find him, but not before cutting off his balls and making him eat them. “Keep them safe, for starters.”

  “Mom and Dad are going to freak out. And Kade–”

  “This stays between us for now.” I open the door, wincing as the stitches in my leg pull.

  “But–”

  “I’m serious, Quinn. Lorelei isn’t ready, and the kid doesn’t even know yet. Just let me deal with this before you go making an announcement to the whole world.”

  She leans across the seat as I get out. “I was young when she disappeared, but I remember how hurt you were. Now I know why.”

  I don’t tell her I was more than hurt, that a part of me died that day. That until I saw Lorelei at the diner a few days ago, I didn’t realize how big the hole in my chest had become.

  And glancing across the lawn towards her now, where my son smiles and waves like he didn’t just live through a week of fucking hell, all those dark pieces slowly start to fill with light.

  I can’t–won’t–do anything that will push that light away.

  “I just need some time to help them adjust.”

  “But–”

  “You’ll be helping by staying out of this.”

  “God, you’re as stubborn as Zee sometimes. I was just trying to say it’s not like your house is set up for company. Do you even have a bed for him?”

  Shit. I hadn’t even thought of that.

  “I’ll figure it out.”

  “Let me help.”

  “Quinn–”

  “Go. Take them out for a ride on the lake, spend time with them. I’ll get Kade and Zee, and we can have this place fixed up before you get back. I have a spare bed we can bring over, and I’ll pick up some essentials.”

  “It’s better than him sleeping on the couch,” I mutter, knowing I can’t refuse her. Because even if I did, she’d be back here with Zee and Kade within an hour.

  “He really does look like you.” She smiles and gives a small shake of her head as she watches Nolan jump from the dock into the back of the boat.

  He does. But it also makes me wonder if Lorelei would have ever told me if I hadn’t figured it out myself.

  “I better get going if I’m going to get all this done. Mom is watching Jaxson, so–”

  “Don’t tell her,” I warn.

  “I won’t, but when they see him, they’re going to know.”

  She’s right. But I still need time.

  “Go spend time with your son.” Her eyes get watery when she says it. “You’re going to be an amazing dad, Damon.”

  Her words ease the fear I didn’t even know I was holding on to since the moment I realized the truth. A piece of me wondered if I’d be good enough.

  “You may just be the best of us, you know that?”

  She shrugs. “Yeah, I’m pretty awesome.”

  “Just not very modest.”

  “Everyone needs some flaws, even me.” She winks.

  I snort, shutting the door, then turn towards the lake as my sister drives away.

  Lorelei is sitting on the dock, legs hanging over the edge, when I approach. She chews on her bottom lip and looks up at me, a million questions in those blue-gray eyes.

  Questions I want to answer, but not now. Right now is about one thing–my son.

  “This is so cool, Damon.” He’s sitting in the captain’s seat, pretending to steer the boat.

  My insides are still a twisted mess, but there’s also this weird emotion stirring in my gut, one I can’t name.

  “You know what’s even cooler?” I jump in the boat, then take Lorelei by the waist, ignoring the little yelp she makes when I pick her up and set her down beside me. “If we took her out for a ride.”

  “Really?” Nolan’s eyes go wide. “I’ve never been out on a lake before.”

  “Shouldn’t you be resting?” Lorelei asks. “You were shot–”

  “I’m fine.” My leg aches like a motherfucker, and my back throbs where a giant welt has formed, but the only thing I want to do right now is be out on the open waters with them. To turn off the bad, the regret, and the doubt for five bloody fucking minutes and just breathe these two in. I turn back to Nolan, who’s grinning up at me. “If you go through that door, you’ll find lifejackets. Get one that fits you–”

  “But I can swim.”

  “Everyone under sixteen has to wear one, Captain’s rules.”

  He doesn’t argue, just darts under the boat, and I can hear him say, “There’s a bedroom down here. And a bathroom. So cool. Mom, you have to check it out.”

  She starts towards the stairs, but I take her hand. Electricity surges from the contact. Sizzling pleasure that could turn my mind to mush, unravel my control, and make me forget all the little details we still have to discuss.

  Her hand in mine, her body so damn close, and all the adrenaline from the day’s events still racing through my veins have a dozen fantasies rapid firing through my brain.

  I’d still been hard when I woke up with her in my arms this morning, and no amount of cold water or jerking off would ease the need to be buried inside her.

  I clear my throat. “We still need to talk.”

  “I know.” Her voice is shaky when she says, “And I know you have every right to be upset. But I promise I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just...I can’t live without him.”

  I frown down at her, not understanding right away what she’s saying. “Jesus, Lor. You think I’d try to take him from you?”

  “He’s your son.”

  And you’re the fucking love of my life. The reason my heart beats. Why the hell can’t she see that? Maybe because she doesn’t feel the same way about me.

  But I know I’m wrong. I feel it when she looks at me. Under the fear, behind the walls, the awareness of us beats and breathes like it is a living entity. The space between us surges and swells with it. Pulling. Tugging. Like her soul is tethered to my own.

  She shivers, but I don’t trust myself to pull her into my arms. It might just break me to hold her after all the revelations today.

  “I don’t want to hurt you, Lor. I would rather cut out my own heart than take him away from you.”

  “But you’re angry–”

  “Of course I’m fucking–” Shit. I drag my hands over my face and inhale deeply, trying to regain some composure. I keep my voice lowered and try not let my frustration and hurt seep into my words. I fail. “I lost ten years with him. I should have been there. Seen his first steps. Heard his first words. You’re right, I am angry. But not at you. Okay? So, please, just give me a fucking moment to process this.”

  She nods, and I let out a heavy breath, and I feel the weight of her eyes searching me. I’m just not sure what she’s looking for.

  We both force a smile when Nolan comes back on deck with a lifejacket. “I can’t get it on.”

  I move away from Lorelei and hear her let out a shaky breath. “Come here, buddy. I’ll help you.” I help him into the vest and buckle it.

  As we undock and start out onto the lake, Lorelei is quiet. Which is fine, because Nolan isn’t one for letting the attention off himself. I situate him in front of me, so he can hold the steering wheel as I
drive, and he laughs hard when I speed up and we go over a big wave that splashes us.

  We spend a couple hours out on the water, before heading back, stopping first at the marina to fill the gas tank. I try to stretch our time out so Quinn and the others will be gone by the time we get back, but it’s Nolan who reminds me we haven’t had dinner.

  “I’m starving. Just no pizza.” He makes a face.

  “You don’t like pizza?”

  “It’s all I had when I was...” He goes silent and looks away, momentarily caught in a memory. At the hospital, he’d spoken to me a bit about his time with Farkas and Gretchen, and even though I know he’s resilient, there’s no denying his time with the bastard will leave scars.

  I see the worry in Lorelei’s eyes.

  “Okay, bud, no pizza.” Turning the boat back towards land, I place my hand on my kid’s head. “I’m getting pretty hungry myself,” I add. “How about we go home and see what we can make?”

  The sun is starting to set by the time I dock the boat. Other than my banged-up truck, there aren’t any vehicles in the driveway.

  Quinn has been here and left, which is evident by the aroma coming from the kitchen. There’s a lasagna cooking on low in the oven, and a note from Quinn on the counter telling me Nolan’s room is set up and to call her if I need anything.

  “You want to see your room?” I ask him. “It’s the first door on the left.”

  He races down the hall, followed by Lorelei, who frowns at me when I follow them into what used to be a junk room filled with boxes.

  “How? This was all boxes this morning...”

  A little in shock myself at what I find–a single bed with a dark blue comforter, a dresser in the corner, and brand new clothes set out on the bed–I shake my head and just say, “Quinn.”

  “Isn’t it great?” Nolan says. “Can we get my Playstation and games from our apartment and bring them here?”

  “I don’t think we’ll be going back there,” Lor says, and I see her flinch slightly. She’d pawned most of her things trying to get the money for Farkas, and I have no doubt the gaming system is one of the things she let go.

  “I’ll tell you what,” I say. “You and me, we’ll go into town tomorrow and get a new one.”

  “Really?”

  “Damon, you don’t have to–”

  “Are you kidding? I’ve wanted one of my own for years, just didn’t have a reason to buy one.” I wink at Nolan. “Didn’t have anyone to play it with.”

  “I’ll play with you.”

  “Sounds good. You’ll just have to tell me what the best games are.”

  He starts naming off a dozen games, which I know I’ll be buying tomorrow.

  My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I pull it out. I’ve ignored it for the past few hours, needing the time to unwind, but I know I can’t avoid it any longer.

  “I need to take this. Make yourself at home.” I glance at Lorelei to emphasize I mean her, too. “Both of you.”

  Any peace I found out on the lake quickly dissipates as I listen to the half dozen calls from Blake as well as Terry Saunders, Harristown’s chief of police.

  The good news is that Sara got through surgery and is in the ICU, and she’s expected to make a full recovery. The bad news is when they raided the house Farkas was staying at, a location they got from one of his men, the bastard was gone.

  “We’ve got enough on him now to bring him in for good,” Blake says over the receiver. “The drug charges alone will put him away for fifty to seventy.”

  “We still have to find him.”

  “We will.”

  Except we hadn’t in the past ten years despite their efforts and my own. The man is a snake, and once again he’s found a hole to burrow into.

  Part of me wants to be out there, hunting him down, but there isn’t a chance in hell I’m letting Lorelei and Nolan out of my sight until the bastard is brought down.

  There’s still paperwork and statements I have to do, but right now I’m happy to let Terry and his men deal with all the fine print. They know to contact me if there’s any sign of Farkas. And Blake will call me with any updates.

  “This place is so cool.” Nolan bounces into the kitchen, Lorelei following after him. “Your TV is huge. I bet you can see the sweat on the players’ faces when you watch hockey games.”

  “You like hockey?” I ask, turning off the oven, then pulling out the lasagna.

  “Yeah. Mom says one day she’ll take me to a Penguins game.”

  I give an exaggerated groan. “Tell me you’re not Pittsburg fan? We’re going to have to sit down and have a man-to-man talk, kid.” I scoop a slice of lasagna on a plate and hand it to him.

  “You’ll have a hard time convincing him that number eighty-seven isn’t the best hockey player of all time,” Lorelei says, taking the plate I hand her.

  “Not arguing with you there, but you’re a New Yorker now.” I sit down at the table with them.

  Lorelei’s eyes dart across to me, her lips thinning as she presses them together, and I give her a look, daring her to argue with me. This is one fight she won’t win.

  “The Islanders look good this year,” I add. “We could get tickets–”

  “Really? That would be great,” Nolan says through a mouthful of food, then adds, “But can I still cheer for the Penguins?”

  “I was just kidding, buddy, you can cheer for whoever you want. Just makes game nights more interesting.”

  “Do you play hockey?” Nolan asks.

  “Not well, but I hear you’re a bit of a superstar.”

  The kid’s grin widens, and he starts spouting off the stats of his last season. I can’t help but smile at the confidence that beams from him, the easy way he communicates, and the way he obeys Lorelei any time she corrects him.

  She’s right, he is a good boy. But it doesn’t soften the blow that I missed the most crucial years of his life.

  The conversation centers around hockey, both the NHL and Nolan’s team back home. I make a promise to look into teams around the area, my heart swelling thinking about taking my son to his games.

  “Can I watch TV now?” he asks when his plate is empty.

  Lorelei nods.

  “Thanks.” He hops off his chair and starts to leave the room, before muttering something under his breath, returning to get his plate, then rinsing it off in the sink.

  He kisses Lorelei on the cheek before darting away.

  “You’ve done a good job with him.”

  She picks at her food and gives me a forced smile, but I can see the emotion weighing on her. Tears are in her eyes, and she looks ready to break down.

  Shit.

  Screw giving her space. We’ve already lost too much damn time. I’m not willing to give another moment away.

  I push my chair back, pulling her up to me, wrapping my arms around her. She comes to me easily. No resistance.

  “Talk to me,” I murmur against the top of her head.

  “I’m...I’m scared.”

  I know she’s not talking about Farkas. This is about me and her and what we have, what we should have had all along, what I won’t let go of–ever.

  A storm rumbles inside me, lightning searing, thunder crashing, waves battering against my chest.

  “You’re safe here.” I cup her face in my hands and brush away the tears running down her cheek.

  Her hands flatten on my chest and she holds my gaze. “I’ve never felt truly safe in my entire life. But...”

  “What?”

  “I do with you. And that scares me.”

  A smile tugs at my lips. “I’m not saying it’s going to be all puppies and rainbows living with me, but we’ll make this work. Speaking of which, a boy needs a dog.”

  “You are not buying him a puppy.”

  “You used to love dogs.”

  “I still do, but it’s hard enough cleaning up after a ten-year-old boy.”

  “You won’t be doing it alone now. This is your home.”<
br />
  “Yeah, about that–”

  “I’m not in the mood to argue, Lor.”

  “I wasn’t. I mean...I’m not, but...” She chews on the inside of her lip for a second before saying, “You have Nolan’s room set up...”

  “And?”

  “Where am I supposed to sleep.”

  I grunt. “Beside me. We already established that last night.”

  “Nolan will think–”

  “We’re together? Good. Because we are, Lor.”

  “And I don’t get a say in that?”

  “No. Because you’ll come up with some excuse to push me away or keep me at arms’ length, or hell...I don’t know, run again. But I won’t let that happen.”

  “It’s been eleven years, Damon. You can’t know if you even like who I am now, let alone want to live together, like...like...”

  “Like a real family. Yeah, Lor, I do.” Frustration constricts my throat, and I have to take a few steadying breaths and lower my voice so Nolan doesn’t hear us fighting. “Tell me right now you don’t want it, too, and I’ll...fuck, I’ll take a step back.”

  “You’d walk away?”

  “Hell no. But I’ll sleep on the damn sofa if that’s what you want. And I’m not talking about what your head is telling you to want, or what your fears are trying to stop you from wanting. I’m asking you to, right now, Lorelei, look me in the eyes and tell me what you want.”

  “You.” The word floats from her mouth on a breath, almost silent, but I hear it.

  It’s all I needed. One word.

  My mouth crashes down on hers.

  Desperate.

  Wild.

  Needing to be closer.

  Needing more.

  I’m drowning in her, and I don’t care. Even if she wrecks me, it’s worth it, to...feel. To fucking feel anything other than the constant emptiness my life was without her.

  With her, I feel everything.

  I’m lost to her, in her.

  Submerged.

  Engulfed.

  Drowning.

  And I don’t care if I ever come up for air.

  Chapter 12

  Lorelei

  One touch and he undoes me. One kiss and it’s like the chasm that separated us for eleven years is being closed. It’s dangerous to feel so much for one person.