Something Forever

by M. Clarke

  Dr. Howard’s shoulders relaxed. “The sound you were hearing was a warning that the baby was not getting enough oxygen.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked. Clearly the doctor’s words were simple and understandable. I just needed a moment to take it in. Max grabbed my hand when the nurse gave him a space to move in.

  “It could be many factors, but one of the common ones are too much straining on the baby’s heart during induced labor, or the cord being wrapped around the baby’s neck, cutting off the oxygen.”

  “What can we do about it?” Max inquired. My poor Max, he looked so worried, like he was the one having a baby.

  “Right now, nothing. All we can do is wait. If it happens again, we’ll have to prep Jenna for the possibility of a C-section. We’ll give her an epidural. An epidural is a shot that is used to numb the pain from the waist down, which I know you are aware of. The nurse will be right outside. I have to check on another patient, but I’ll be back. Don’t worry. I have a pager. They can contact me any time.”

  “Thank you,” Max said, watching the staff walk away.

  Another wave of pain hit me. I took in deep breaths and exhaled slowly, just like they’d showed us at the Lamaze class. Max, feeling the squeeze of my hand, knew I was having another round of cramping pains. Like a good trooper, he breathed with me.

  It wasn’t that long, but being in pain, time seemed to drag. “How are you doing?” the nurse asked. She lifted my gown. “I’m going to check your dilation. Can you lift your legs for me?” I did as instructed. “Hmmm...still only two.”

  “Only two?” I let out a huff. With all of the pain I had been enduring, I’d thought I would have least expanded a bit more.

  “Don’t be discouraged. It takes time, but two is better than none.”

  It was easy for her to say it. She wasn’t the one in labor. “Ahhh,” I cried softly, holding my stomach. I wanted to scream, but I contained myself by biting my bottom lip. Women had said being in a labor was like having really bad menstrual cramps. My cramps were never that bad so I had no idea what I was in for. And no one could truly understand what it was like to be in labor unless they’d experience it.

  Max dragged his hair back and took a forceful step toward the nurse. “Isn’t there something you can do for her pain?”

  “She’ll have to hold on. It’s too soon for an epidural.”

  “Okay. That’s right.” Max nodded, looking disappointed. He had forgotten what we learned in Lamaze class. I couldn’t blame him. In fact, I was surprise at myself that I remembered to breathe.

  The nurse started checking my vital signs when suddenly the beeping noise that I’d heard before rang in the room. This time, knowing the reason for the sound, I panicked. “The baby,” I whimpered.

  Max stepped aside again for the nurses and Doctor Howard. The beeping sound was faster this time. “Let me try shifting the baby’s position.” I had no idea what he meant, but what he did next made me cry out in pain. This time I couldn’t hold it in.

  I wasn’t sure what he was doing, but something pushed inside of me. I cried out with no control. “Look at me, babe,” Max directed, holding both of my hands. Focusing on Max’s loving face helped somewhat, but when my back arched in pain, I turned away. It took two turns, but whatever the doctor did, the beeping noise stopped.

  Doctor Howard released a long sigh, looking relieved. “Sorry, Jenna. I know you didn’t like the idea of having a cesarean, but I’m afraid there’s going to be no choice. You haven’t progressed. You’re still at two and it’s been a couple of hours. The anesthesiologist will give you an epidural and get you ready. The baby’s heart rate dropped stronger this time. I don’t want to take any more chances. We need to deliver now.” He turned to Max. “Mr. Knight, you are welcome to join us in the delivery room, but you’ll have to put some protection on. The nurse will bring them to you.”

  “Yes, please. I want to be in there with my wife.”

  While Max was putting on the uniform, I was getting my epidural. I held my hands tightly in a ball, ready for the pain on my spine, but nothing came. “There, done. You did great,” the anesthesiologist said. “Pretty soon, you won’t feel a thing.”

  I did great? He was awesome. “I didn’t feel a thing,” I praised him. “Thank you.”

  “That’s what I’m good at, painless as possible. We want to make sure you’re comfortable. You’re all ready. Everything is going to be fine.”

  “Thank you,” I smiled. There was peace and assurance in his tone. Whatever the worries I had before about things going wrong during birth, they vanished. His words were like an answer to my prayer.

  Max stretched his arms and strutted to us. “How do I look?”

  Delicious, I wanted to say, but instead, I offered a soft laugh. “You look like a doctor.”

  When the anesthesiologist walked away, Max hovered over me. “You look so cheerful. I’m assuming the drugs are working?”

  “Yes.” Some sensations wavered through me, and now it felt like having a baby was going to be a piece of cake.

  Max’s gaze on me turned heated. “Now that you feel better, how do I really look? What did you want to say, Jenna? I could see in your eyes that you wanted to say something else.”

  I tugged him closer so I could whisper in his ear. “I want to fuck you wearing one, Doctor Knight.”

  Max’s lips pulled back in a huge grin. “Maybe I can buy one, but only if you’ll wear that gown.”

  We started to laugh when we jerked back from the sudden sound. The nurses and doctor were already halfway in the room, but the sound started increasing, faster than the last time.

  “Code blue,” I heard one of the nurses yell outside of the room.

  Another bed was reeled in. It took two men to switch me over, one on each side. It happened so fast that I had no time to register what was happening to me. It was the strangest feeling to have my body being lifted like that. Having no sensation to my lower half, I felt as if half my body was missing.

  “We need to get her in now,” Dr. Howard demanded. His tone shot up my adrenaline. Fear flushed through me. My baby was all I could think of. What if something terrible happened? Oh my God! “Max,” I cried out loud as they started to wheel me.

  “I’m right here, babe. Don’t worry about a thing. Everything will be fine.” Max sounded calm, but I could also feel the fear in his tone.

  “Everything is fine, Jenna,” I heard one of the nurses say, but all I could see was the white ceiling above me as they wheeled me into the room.

  “You can’t come in, Max,” someone said.

  “What do you mean?” Max sounded agitated. Then I heard the door close.

  My heart pounded with no mercy, and I was scared out of my mind. I didn’t care what happened to me, I just wanted my baby safe and well. Please God, I prayed. Please don’t take my baby. Max and I will take good care of our baby. Please. Tears slid down the side of my face on both sides.

  A warm hand touched my forehead. “Can you feel anything? I just gave you an extra dosage of epidural just to make sure.”

  “I’m okay,” I replied, wiping my tears.

  “Max is waiting outside. We don’t let the husband in during cold blue situations.” I gazed at the door. Max was just beyond there. I could see his face, but he couldn’t see that I was looking at him. I wanted him with me. He should be with me, I wanted to demand, but the baby came first.

  Max

  Damn it! The nurse blocked my way and just fuckin’ closed the door on me. How could she do that? Jenna needed me and I couldn’t be there for her. It was the most frustrating thing. Pacing back and forth helped me relieve some tension and frustration, but that only lasted for a few seconds.

  When the nurse yelled out code blue, my heart dropped to the floor. Knowing what that meant had me scared for both of their lives. All I could do was tell Jenna that everything would be fine even though I wasn’t sure. Guilt consumed my heart at that moment. When Jenna told me she was p
regnant, a huge part of me wished she wasn’t. I was even upset about it, but now the possibility of losing our baby was devastating. How could I have ever wished the baby wasn’t conceived at all? Tugging a fistful of my hair with both of my hands, I took deep breaths. Please don’t let anything happen to our baby or Jenna, I prayed.

  Unable to control my curiosity and needing to know that everything would be fine, I plastered my face against the small window, but it was frosted. I could hardly see a thing. Damn it! I had to pull myself together. This was not how I should be acting.

  Just before my pulse shot up again, the door opened.

  “You may come in now. Everyone is fine,” the nurse said, swinging the door wider.

  “Thank God,” I huffed under my breath, and went straight to Jenna.

  Jenna

  “Is my baby okay?” I asked with hesitation. I was afraid to know. Oh God! What if my baby came out all blue and couldn’t breathe?

  “They are working fast...almost done,” the anesthesiologist assured me.

  I looked beyond the blue long cloth that blocked me from seeing what they were doing. I could understand why. I probably would have fainted from the sight of my guts all hanging out.

  “And there...we are done.”

  “That was fast,” I sighed. It was within a few minutes.

  “Yes, we’re fast. We have to be. Every second matters.”

  “Is my baby okay?” I was so scared to know...so scared to see.

  “Why don’t you see for yourself?” The anesthesiologist looked up with a smile. Just as I was about to see whom he was smiling at, he called my name.

  “Jenna.”

  “Max.” I turned my head and more tears streamed down. I couldn’t help it. He was my comfort, my husband, and the father of our child. Max’s worried face made me frightened. “You did great, babe. I’m so proud of you.” His words made my heart pound faster and I was preparing to hear the worst. Before I could ask anyone what was going on, I saw a white and blue blanket laying on my chest.

  “Congratulations,” Dr. Howard announced. “Here is your precious baby boy, but you already knew you were going to have a boy. Twenty-two inches and eight pounds.”

  I didn’t know what to say. My mind was filled with millions of thoughts, and they were swimming around with so much joy that I couldn’t even fashion them into words. “Hi there.” It was all I could say as I stared into those beautiful brown shiny eyes filled with wonder...filled with curiosity...filled with love. As joyful tears ran down my face, all I could do was smile and thank God for keeping our baby boy safe.

  “Mommy and Daddy promise to take good care of you. You come first.” I couldn’t help myself. I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to touch him due to possible germs on my finger, but I did it anyway. I was his mother. He lived inside of me for nine months. We shared a bond that only mothers and babies could understand. Nobody was going to tell me what I could or couldn’t do. With tiny strokes, I caressed his cheek. “Ahhh,” I sighed softly. I melted into his softness and into the newborn baby smell.

  Max kissed my cheek. “I love you.” Then he kissed our baby’s forehead tenderly. “I love you very much. You gave us one huge scare, little one.”

  “What’s the baby’s name?” the nurse asked.

  “Connor Maxwell Knight. He’s named after Max’s grandfather,” I said proudly.

  Max

  “Are you comfortable, babe?” I asked, helping her adjust the bed with the remote control.

  “I’m drugged up. I’m all good.” Jenna rewarded me with a faint smile. She looked so drained. “When is the nurse going to bring Connor?”

  Right on cue, the nurse walked in. “Would you like to hold him?”

  I stared at her for a brief second before I answered, “Sure.” Folding my arms in the position I was taught in Lamaze class, I was ready. An overwhelming sensation coursed through me when his precious small body was placed in my arms. At that very moment, there was another level of happiness that filled me up. I already loved him the moment I heard his heart beat, but this was beyond what I had prepared for.

  Standing there, all I could do was stare at his round chubby face. His eyes were closed, but that didn’t stop me from studying and memorizing every inch of his face. With his cute little nose, perky little mouth, and full head of hair, he was my son.

  “I’m your daddy, Conner. We’re going to have a lot of fun together. I’m going to teach you how to catch a ball, how to ride a bike, how to swim, and how to pick up girls.” I heard Jenna giggle. “There’s so much I want to show you and teach you. You’re going to be so loved. Every day will be filled with precious memories. Everything I am, everything I have belongs to you.” Suddenly, my muscles became relaxed. I hadn’t realized how tense I was. Connor and Jenna were safe and it hadn’t hit me until now.

  Placing Connor in Jenna’s arms, I wrapped my arms around them. After planting a kiss on Jenna’s cheek, I said, “I love you both.”

  Jenna couldn’t keep her eyes away from him, just like me. Her smile brightened the room. I could feel her love and happiness from the way she was holding him. It came so naturally to her.

  “When you’re ready, you can try to breast feed him,” the nurse said.

  “Okay.” Jenna sniffed his scent. I could understand why she had done that. There was something pleasant about the smell of a newborn child.

  Chapter 37

  Jenna

  A huge “Welcome Home Connor Maxwell Knight” banner was spread across the foyer when I walked through our front door.

  My eyes were wide and excitement filled me to see my parents, my in-laws, Nicole and Keith, Kate and Craig, and Becky and Matthew surrounding us. Looking beyond them, I saw blue balloons that floated almost to the ceiling, and vases of red roses were everywhere. I knew those were from Max.

  “Welcome home,” I heard someone say. I was so overwhelmed to see a welcome home party that I couldn’t recognize the voice. Though my parents and in-laws were at the hospital the day of Conner’s birth, it was nice to see them again. After we had lunch, we gathered in the family room.

  “Becky, I would have understood if you couldn’t come,” I said. It had been a month since she gave birth.

  “We only drove a few blocks. And plus, I had to come see you and Conner. He’s such a great looking baby.”

  “Of course he is,” Max said proudly with a curve of his lips. “He’s got mine and Jenna’s genes.”

  Everyone laughed at his humor. “I’m glad you’re here. And Addison looks a little bit bigger.” Addison was dressed in an adorable pink dress with a pink bow in her hair. I couldn’t help but stare at her delicate facial features. Her tiny fingers were wrapped around Becky’s pinky. It was the sweetest thing to see. It was difficult to tell who she looked like, but for sure she had the same color eyes as Matthew’s.

  “She grew an inch in one month,” Matthew informed us proudly.

  “They grow up so fast, especially the first year,” Ellen said, admiring Addison. “Anyway, want some coffee or tea?”

  “I’ll help you,” my mom insisted. After they took orders, they left the room.

  “Ellen is right. They do grow up too fast,” Kate said, gazing at her daughter. Kristen had turned three recently. What a difference a year made. Her hair was longer and she acted a little bit more mature than the last time I had seen her. She sat quietly between Kate and her dad with an IPad.

  “Not only that, they are technologically advanced, too,” Robert commented, observing Kristen.

  “They are learning things a lot faster these days,” Dad added. “I see junior high school kids with cell phones. Jenna didn’t have one until she was in college.”

  “I’m sure there are other things kids these day are advanced from. I don’t even want to think about it,” Robert added.

  Nicole leaned over my shoulder. “Connor is so adorable. Look at that face. He’s going to break some hearts. It will be cool if I have a boy. Then at least when we ha
ve a play date, one won’t get left out.”

  “Well, even if you don’t there might be another chance,” Kate threw in.

  All eyes flew to her. “Are you?” I asked.

  “Yes, I’m pregnant with our second.” Kate’s lips pulled back so big that I could see so much happiness in her smile. “I didn’t tell you, but we had been trying for a year. And it finally happened.”

  “Congratulations,” we all said.

  Conner started turning his head while his lips were searching to latch onto something. “It’s feeding time,” I announced. I was saying it more for me, but the men started to clear out as if the room was on fire. I had to laugh at that. Max left and came back with the nursing pillow that helped support Conner during feeding. He also placed a cushion behind my back, then left.

  As I unbuttoned my shirt, I could feel Conner squirming under my arms. His little mouth started to tremble and his facial muscles twitched. A hungry cry was soon heard.

  I pushed my nipple into his mouth just as it opened. “There you go.” Milk gushed not only from where he drank, but from the other breast as well. A sensation shot through me and I could feel it dripping. Thank God for my pad, which would stop it from leaking out.

  “Will you look at that?” Becky said. “He’s a great drinker. Addison was a bit stubborn at the beginning.”

  “Hmm, I wonder who she takes after,” Nicole teased.

  “What?” Becky exclaimed, laughing. “I’m not stubborn...sometimes.”

  “Both of you are lucky. I had a difficult time feeding Kristen. She had a hard time latching on. It also took me some time to produce milk. Wait till your nipples get sore. I hated that part.”

  “My nipples are already sore,” Becky sighed.

  I had read about the possible difficulties of producing milk and babies having a hard time latching onto the nipple. Little things like that made me feel so grateful. Suddenly, a loud sound erupted.