Can't Find My Way Home

by Carlene Thompson

  ‘Really?’ A perfunctory smile appeared on Rhonda’s perfectly sculpted face. ‘She’s my employer.’

  ‘You work at Love’s Dress Shoppe?’

  ‘Yes. In fact, I’m on an errand for Miss Hutton now.’ Rhonda looked Brynn up and down a final time. ‘I should be on my way. Goodbye, Lynn.’ She didn’t turn her head. ‘Savannah.’

  Savannah moved closer to Brynn as Rhonda took long strides in expensive high heels, heading for a small red car at the curb. She got in as if she were being filmed for a commercial, put on huge sunglasses and roared into the traffic lane. Meanwhile, Savannah’s hand crept into Brynn’s. It was cold and shook slightly. Brynn felt slightly alarmed by the girl’s physical response to Rhonda but decided not to call attention to it.

  ‘What’s this shop?’ Brynn asked with lively curiosity. As they continued walking they’d moved on to a large brick building called Painter’s Cove. ‘They sell good paintings.’ Savannah paused and sniffed, pulling a tissue from her pocket and dabbing at her nose. ‘They have two of Grams’s paintings. She died about three months ago. I loved her so much and I miss her like crazy. She took care of me after my mom left Dad and me.’

  ‘Your mother left?’ Brynn asked, unable to hide her surprise. ‘I thought … well, I didn’t know—’

  ‘You thought she died,’ Savannah interrupted. ‘Lots of people think that and I don’t tell them different because she didn’t love Dad or me and she just left one day with some other man when I was four. Dad never says anything about the man. He still thinks I don’t know, but I used to sneak around listening to him and Grams talking. You know how kids are,’ she said disdainfully, as if she hadn’t been a ‘kid’ for years. ‘Grams said Patty – that’s my mother’s name – wasn’t meant to be a wife and mother and she wasn’t surprised that Patty had run off with that “piece of trash who happens to have some money.” That’s exactly what she said. She also said when the money ran out, Patty would leave him ’cause he was a lot older than her.’

  ‘Oh.’ Brynn was so startled she couldn’t think of anything comforting to say. ‘That’s a bummer,’ she managed and could have kicked herself.

  ‘It was for Dad. I don’t remember a lot about it. Dad’s parents are dead and Patty’s mom lives in Montana. Her husband – Patty’s father – is dead.’ Savannah went on: ‘That’s how we ended up with Grams. She’s Patty’s grandmother. She has a big house and Dad told me she begged him to move in and let her take care of us.’ Savannah finally smiled. ‘She really loved me and Dad. She made him call her Grams, too.’ She sighed. ‘Once I heard her tell Dad that Patty was a real disappointment.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Savannah. The same thing happened to my brother, Mark. His wife just left him and went off with another man.’

  ‘Did they have kids?’

  ‘No. They weren’t married very long and after they got married, she told him she’d decided she didn’t want kids.’

  ‘Did he want kids?’

  ‘Yes. Mark loves children.’

  ‘I think Patty wasn’t right for Dad and that girl wasn’t right for Mark. Dad and your brother will both find the right girls someday, though.’

  ‘I hope so.’

  ‘They will.’ Savannah’s mood had definitely improved since their encounter with Rhonda. She looked around. ‘Can I tell you something I can’t say to Dad but I feel like I’ll burst if I don’t say it to someone?’

  ‘Sure you can, if you think I’m the right person to tell.’

  ‘You are. I can feel it.’ Savannah took a deep breath. ‘Just between us, I don’t love my mom Patty one bit. I hardly even remember what she looked like. She ruined our family and she never calls or writes to me. Oh, she sends me a Christmas card – big deal – like I care. Sometimes she remembers to send a birthday card. I just throw them away and I never look at a picture of her. I don’t miss her at all. Do you think I’m awful?’

  ‘Of course not. How could you miss her? You barely knew her.’

  ‘Yeah, but I miss Grams every day, sometimes so bad it hurts.’ She swallowed hard. ‘Now Dad doesn’t know what to do with me. I can tell he worries about me and I don’t want him to worry. I keep telling him I’m old enough to take care of myself, and I am, but he acts like I’m six.’

  ‘I’m sure he doesn’t think you’re like a six-year-old. He’s just trying to protect you.’

  ‘From what? Or who?’

  ‘Well, people can get lost or hurt …’

  ‘Or taken, like your brother.’ Savannah colored. ‘Damn. I mean darn! I’m sorry I made you think of him.’ She took Brynn’s hand and squeezed it. ‘I’m sure my dad will find him, Miss Wilder. He’s super smart and a really good sheriff.’

  ‘I knew your dad when he was still a teenager. He and Mark were friends. Your dad was really smart and dedicated to anything he decided to do. I have faith that he’ll find Mark.’ Brynn smiled and wondered if the beautiful, bright girl in front of her saw right through it. She had a feeling Savannah saw much more than she let on. ‘I want your dad to find Mark and I want you to do something for me, too.’

  ‘Oh, I’ll do just about anything you want,’ Savannah said eagerly.

  ‘I want you to call me Brynn, not Miss Wilder. Friends call each other by their first names.’

  ‘Really? You like me enough for me to be your friend?’

  ‘You wouldn’t believe how much I like you.’

  Savannah looked dumbstruck. ‘I can hardly believe it! Wait till I tell Dad!’

  ‘You don’t think he’ll mind us being friends?’

  ‘Gosh, no! He always says I need more friends.’ She looked slightly to her right and softly said, ‘Brynn.’ Then, ‘Brynn,’ a bit louder. Finally, with airy abandon, ‘This is my friend, Brynn.’ She smiled. ‘Do I say it right?’

  ‘Just right. You sound like you’ve been saying it for years.’

  ‘So Dad and I are both your friends. Dad longer than me because he’s lots older.’ She frowned. ‘I’m really glad you have faith in Dad, ’cause I’m sure he’ll find Mark. I wasn’t just saying that to make you feel better.’ Brynn felt the girl’s gaze flash on her for a second. ‘He’s got plenty of time, even at night. He doesn’t date at all now. Back in the winter he dated that woman, Rhonda.’

  ‘Oh,’ Brynn said carefully. ‘She’s very pretty.’

  Savannah made a huffing noise. ‘Grams always said, “Pretty is as pretty does.” I don’t think she’s at all pretty because of how she is. When Dad dated her, Rhonda pretended to like me and Grams, but we could tell she was being fake. Dad hasn’t gone out with her since Grams died. Well, really for a while before then. When he stopped dating her, she started calling the house for him all the time, even at two or three in the morning! He got our number changed. He said if anyone at headquarters needed him, they’d call on his cell. Rhonda doesn’t have that number. He really doesn’t like Rhonda anymore.’

  ‘She doesn’t sound very likeable,’ Brynn said neutrally. She didn’t want to pry into Garrett’s private life.

  ‘Oh, she’s not! And I sure wish I hadn’t said you were a friend of Dad’s. She’ll hate you because you’re lots prettier than her and Dad likes you. She’s real jealous, even though they don’t date anymore. And even when they did date, I don’t think Dad thought she was all that great.’

  ‘Do you want your father to have a girlfriend?’ Brynn couldn’t help asking.

  ‘For sure! He’s hardly dated anyone that I can remember and I think he gets lonely sometimes. He had Grams and me. Now he just has me. He needs someone his own age. He’s real stubborn about going out with women, though.’ Savannah looked at Brynn, a twinkle in her eyes. ‘I think he’s like your brother, just waiting for the right girl. Someone pretty and nice and talented and who really likes me and Henry …’

  You’re a little matchmaker, Brynn thought in amusement, although she kept her face blank as they reached a wishing well and Savannah insisted on them both throwing pennies. They each leane
d over the well, closed their eyes and dropped their coins into the water. As their pennies disappeared, they raised their heads, smiling at each other.

  ‘A penny for your thoughts or pennies from heaven?’

  Brynn and Savannah turned and looked at a woman standing a few feet behind them. She didn’t smile or move her gaze. ‘Hello, Brynn,’ she said evenly. Then Brynn knew who she was …

  Tessa Cavanaugh – the girl who’d killed her father.

  FIVE

  Except Tessa wasn’t a girl anymore. Brynn hadn’t seen her for eighteen years, and only just recognized her. Tessa would be thirty-three now, Brynn thought, but she looked much older: deep horizontal lines crossing her forehead, her lips pale and dry, and her gray-blue eyes bare of makeup as they gazed from behind wire-rimmed glasses. A narrow scar curved outward from above her right ear and ended halfway down her neck – a scar she’d received during her attack. She hadn’t attempted to hide it. In fact, she didn’t wear any makeup. Her long, sharp nose looked shiny in the sunlight and her sparse eyebrows were nearly invisible. Brynn guessed her to be about five foot seven. A shapeless blue linen dress covered her knees, she wore lace-up white walking shoes, and her long, thin, gray-streaked blonde hair was pulled back with a white ribbon.

  ‘Hello, Tessa,’ Brynn said woodenly.

  As if sensing Brynn’s body going rigid and her inability to say anything else, Savannah began chattering. ‘Hi, Miss Cavanaugh. You probably don’t remember me. I’m Savannah Dane. I come in the library sometimes. I’m taking a walk with Brynn. We’re having the most amazing time!’ Savannah seemed to be running out of breath, but she added, ‘Henry’s with us. He’s the dog.’

  ‘I guessed Henry was the dog,’ Tessa said with a stiff note in her voice and a slanted smile. Henry took a step nearer to Savannah and sat down, staring at Tessa. No doggie handshake for you, Brynn mused.

  ‘Henry goes almost everywhere with me,’ Savannah said. ‘Dad says we’re nearly inseparable.’

  ‘How nice. I’ve always thought you should keep what’s important to you as close as possible.’

  ‘Huh?’ Savannah frowned. ‘Oh, important. Well, Henry’s real important to me. We love each other.’ She paused. ‘And he also loves Brynn.’

  Tessa gave Savannah a tight smile. ‘Of course he loves Brynn. Everyone loves Brynn. She was the most popular girl in middle school when she lived in Genessa Point, or so I’ve been told – I was three years older than her. Then Brynn went away to become a bestselling author. I’ve heard talk that people in Hollywood will be making a movie of one of her books.’ Tessa paused. ‘Brynn has always been a winner.’

  ‘Oh, I wouldn’t say that,’ Brynn returned, trying to keep her voice easygoing. She wanted to shout at Tessa. She wanted to drive her away as if she were a breath of plague coming too close to Savannah and her. ‘I’ve had my share of bad times, Tessa. And I wasn’t popular at the school I attended in Baltimore. Not at all.’

  Tessa dropped her gaze and clutched the brown bag she carried. Then she slowly looked up. ‘I’m sorry about what I said about you always being a winner, Brynn. I’m sure you won’t believe this, but for years, I worried about you.’ She paused and took a deep breath. ‘I ruined the lovely life you had in Genessa Point. Don’t think I’ve ever forgotten that fact. I know saying I’m sorry after all of these years is meaningless, but I am saying it.’

  Brynn softened slightly. ‘You said you were sorry after … the incident. You said it over and over to the police. You even sent separate letters to Mom, Mark and me. I kept mine.’

  ‘I meant every word I wrote.’ Tessa twisted her hands, obviously feeling awkward, although she was trying to be sociable. ‘Why are you here after so long, Brynn?’

  ‘I came to visit Cassie Hutton.’ Brynn couldn’t believe how easily the lie rolled out. She certainly didn’t want to discuss Mark with Tessa. ‘Cassie’s come to see me but I’ve never been back to visit her. I also wanted to see what she’s done with Love’s Dress Shoppe.’

  ‘Ah. What’s your opinion of the store?’

  I haven’t even been there, Brynn thought guiltily. ‘I just got here yesterday evening. I’ll see the shop this afternoon or tomorrow.’

  ‘It’s much lovelier than when her aunt – or great-aunt – owned it. Not that I do a lot of shopping. People don’t notice what librarians wear, do they, Savannah?’

  ‘Well … I’m not sure … maybe …’

  Tessa laughed softly. ‘I’m making you uncomfortable. Forgive me.’ She gazed at Brynn. ‘You look quite well … lovely, like your mother. And you’ve always had such beautiful dark cinnamon-brown hair.’ Her pale eyes drifted almost sadly over Brynn’s long, thick hair, her fanciful, bright top and tight jeans, making Brynn even more uncomfortable. ‘I’m pleased about your success.’

  ‘Thank you very much, Tessa.’

  Tessa went on in her quaint, formal manner: ‘When we were young, I was unaware you wanted to be a writer.’

  ‘We barely knew each other.’

  ‘I’ve always been an introvert. My brother Nathan inherited all the charm and charisma in the family. He had so many friends. Even your brother.’ Tessa might as well have said, Your brother whom everyone thinks is a killer like your father. She rushed on: ‘Now Nathan travels all over the world with his computer consulting business and I think he’s comfortable everywhere. There are people like that, you know. The ones who are at home in the world. He keeps in close touch, but his job is important and he can’t come home often. His work was at such a critical point, he couldn’t even break free when Father died. I had to go through it all alone.’ She looked mournful for a moment, then seemed to catch herself and said gaily, ‘Nate’s coming for the festival, though! He’ll be arriving tonight. I’m so looking forward to having him around for a few days. He has such an invigorating presence. I haven’t seen him for months, not since Daddy … Well, perhaps Cassie told you he died in a car wreck two months ago?’

  ‘Yes, she did.’ Brynn answered. ‘I’m sorry.’

  Tessa sighed. ‘Sad times around here lately. I’m sure you heard about Doctor Ellis’s daughter Joy dying less than two weeks ago. She was such a pretty girl. Did you know her?’

  ‘Not well. She was five years younger than me, but she took piano lessons from my mother and Mom was impressed with her skills even though she was so young. I know her parents adored her.’

  ‘Yes. Such a shame.’ Tessa seemed to search for something to say, then pounced on Savannah. ‘Have you been practicing your lines for the play?’

  ‘Sure! I don’t want to mess up on stage in front of all those people.’ Savannah smiled nervously. ‘I think I’ve got them memorized.’

  ‘Genessa Point: The Beginning?’ Brynn asked.

  ‘You remembered!’ Savannah beamed.

  ‘After Father died, I was so sad I threw myself into writing this play. I’m called the assistant director, although I’m not good at directing,’ Tessa said. ‘Savannah won the second lead. I’d hoped she would be the star, but another girl’s mother who dotes on her daughter and has so much influence around here got the part for her child. Unfortunately, Savannah didn’t have a mother pulling strings for her.’

  Another girl’s doting mother. Savannah didn’t have a mother. How tactless could Tessa be? Brynn stared hard at the woman. Savannah was silent. Finally Brynn said, ‘Savannah doesn’t need anyone to pull strings for her. She’s capable of managing just fine on her own.’

  ‘I really like my part better anyway,’ Savannah ventured.

  ‘Oh, well, if you’re satisfied with that …’ Tessa trailed off.

  ‘Are you coming to the fireworks tonight?’ Savannah asked politely.

  Tessa cringed. ‘No! I hate loud noises. I can’t bear them!’

  ‘Oh, that’s a shame. They’ll be pretty,’ Savannah said. ‘I didn’t know about your noise phobia.’

  Brynn almost started laughing at noise phobia. She knew Savannah was gently making fun of Tessa’s vi
olent reaction to the very mention of loud noises. Tessa didn’t have a clue.

  ‘I suppose you’ll be here, Savannah.’

  The girl nodded.

  ‘Brynn?’

  Brynn shook her head.

  ‘Well, enjoy yourself tonight, Savannah.’ Tessa gazed around, almost vacantly, then looked back at them and held up a paper bag. ‘My lunch. In the summer, I always eat in the park and watch the birds. I throw bits of bread to them.’ She gave them her stiff smile. ‘Have a pleasant day.’

  It wasn’t until Tessa walked slowly away and sat down on a bench, opening her bag and pulling out a cling-wrapped sandwich, that Brynn realized the woman had talked about Nathan but hadn’t asked a word about Mark.

  ‘Are you OK?’ Savannah asked tentatively.

  Brynn drew a deep breath. ‘Yes. I’m fine. It was just a surprise to see her, although I don’t know why. This isn’t a big city.’

  ‘I think she acts like she’s from another planet,’ Savannah said emphatically.

  ‘She’s … off-beat.’

  ‘Since I’ve been around her so much because of the play, I’ve noticed that sometimes she seems OK and other times she, like, has a freaky spell. That’s what all the kids call it. One of Tessa’s freaky spells. Anyway, I wish we hadn’t run into her. We were having so much fun.’ Savannah paused, then asked tentatively, ‘Do you hate her?’

  Yes, I think I do, Brynn felt like saying, but she lied. ‘No.’

  ‘I probably would if she’d killed my dad.’ Savannah blushed. ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I always say the wrong thing.’

  ‘No, you don’t.’ Brynn paused. ‘You were just being honest, so I’ll be honest with you. Tessa said she killed my dad, but some people believed there must have been a third person in the woods. I think they’re right.’ Brynn was aware of her voice rising. ‘Tessa was only fifteen and my dad was a grown man. He wasn’t as big as your father, but he was bigger than Tessa. I’m sure she was attacked by someone else but was terrified and confused and …’ Brynn took a deep breath. ‘It must have been an accident. She was acting in self-defense and wasn’t thinking straight. She didn’t know who she was lashing out at. I shouldn’t hate her for that. I mean, to be fair I can’t hate her. It’s just—’