by S. L. Naeole
“Everything else was a lie. But that last time, it was like, whenever he actually showed that he cared, that was real. I felt it, which is why it felt…weirder than it should have.”
“I still can’t believe your brother kissed you.”
“I didn’t know he was my brother at the time, Graham. And it’s not like I could have stopped him. You ever try stopping Lark from doing something she wanted?”
Graham quieted and looked away, embarrassed. Stacy squatted and looked up at me. “You know, the more you talk about what happened, the more it seems like Sam wasn’t exactly in charge like he—like we—thought.”
“No, I don’t think he was. He hated me. He hated me so much that it doesn’t make sense that he didn’t just kill me when he had the chance. I mean, why not do it at the wedding?”
Stacy’s cold hand rested on my knee and she smirked. “Because that’s usually not what people do at weddings.”
I groaned. “I know, but angels aren’t exactly supposed to be bringing their human girlfriends to weddings either.”
“Yeah, but you aren’t really human, Grace, and several of the angels that were there already knew that. I mean, Sam did, Ameila did, even Sera and Lem. Yeah, it sucks that they didn’t tell you or Robert the truth until you guys were both dying, but that doesn’t erase the fact that they knew and didn’t see anything wrong with you two being together.”
I scratched my head and tried to not show my contempt at her words. “I’m not an angel, Stacy. I don’t care if I can read your mind, or cry crystal tears; I’m human.”
“Yeah, those are totally the traits of being human,” Stacy replied sarcastically.
“Isn’t it time you went and ate someone?” I asked, too irritated to care about my tone anymore.
“You know what? You’re right. I’m out.”
She was gone before I could blink, and Graham whistled. “You think it’s a good idea to piss off the people eater?”
“Sure. It’s not like she’d eat me—I’m not even human, remember.”
“Yeah, but I am,” he said, swallowing.
APPOINTMENT
Graham and I were sitting on the sofa, flipping through the billion cable channels on the tiny television set in the living room when Robert returned. His reaction to seeing me was less painful than Graham’s, but no less thrilled.
“Don’t ever do that to me again,” he breathed into my hair before kissing me and proving that every part of me had awakened.
“I promise.” I held him tightly, squeezing him as hard as I could before it started to hurt me.
“Are you guys gonna do it? Like, right here?” Graham asked, annoyed.
Robert’s head turned, and though he didn’t say anything, I knew that a lot was said. Graham pressed a button on the remote and then stood up, grabbing his keys from the table beside the front door and leaving, his hand raised in a silent goodbye.
“Now that he’s gone, we have to talk,” Robert said before picking me up and whisking me upstairs to his room.
“Whoa. No one is here. Why can’t we talk in the living room?”
“Because I plan on doing a lot more than talk,” he said with a slow smile.
“Oh.”
Oh!
Robert disappeared in a puff of black smoke that instantly swallowed me, and I shook with anticipation as wisp by wisp, the smoke found every sensitive area that was uncovered on my body and marked them with heat. My shirt began to rise up, and then I felt it tighten on my back as it pulled forward. The mist was filling it up, filling it and growing firm, solid, until I heard the seams tear and then the shirt fell away.
“What are you doing?” I asked when Robert’s eyes appeared above mine.
“Trying to keep things from getting boring.”
I giggled. “Boring? We’ve been with each other twice. I don’t think boring can happen for at least…two more times.”
“Twice?”
“Yeah. That first time and then…after…”
“I don’t call that twice, Grace.”
“Three, then? That one time in your room; you count that?” I asked, confused.
“No. That night in the sky, that was just one, long moment with you and I want to have millions of them; starting with moment number two.”
The torn shirt on the floor was followed by the rest of our clothes, and as we sank into the small bed, I began to laugh.
“What’s so funny?”
“I never thought it would be weird, being naked in a bed with you, but after that first time, it is.”
“Let me remedy that,” he said with a sly smile.
“Oh!” We were rising, and I was turning, my back making contact with what I knew was the ceiling.
“Better?” he asked before kissing me. I nodded and lost myself in everything that followed.
***
“So, are we going to talk?”
“I’m sorry. Yes, we’re going to talk.”
“So…talk.”
Robert sighed. “I spoke to my grandfather about you, about us, about everything. I asked so many questions, so many angry questions that I didn’t think he’d answer them all.”
“But he did.”
“Yes. He did. He answered every question I thought to ask, and every question I didn’t think to ask.”
“And…?”
“And he wants to talk to you. Actually, the first circle wants to talk to you.”
“T-to me? Why? Why do they want to talk to me?”
We settled back onto the bed, and Robert pulled the comforter over me before pushing my hair away from my face. “Because of who you are, and what you are.”
“Well…when then?”
He grew quiet, and my eyes narrowed. “Robert…they want to see me now, don’t they?”
“Yes.”
I looked at him, looked at his face, and for the first time, I saw every single thought in his head without touching him. I saw faces, heard voices, felt the depth of every emotion that he contained within him and my mouth fell open as one thought found its way to the front.
“This isn’t going to be a short visit, is it? That’s why you were in such a rush to make love.”
“Grace-”
“I’m not going.”
“You have no choice.”
“I don’t’ have to do what they want. I’m not an angel.”
“Grace, the first four aren’t like the rest of us. They control you as much as they do me.”
“No they don’t, and I can’t believe you’re just gonna hand me over to them.”
I scrambled out of the bed and began to dress, my eyes blurred by the tears that were beginning to form.
“Don’t you see that I have no choice? If I don’t take you, they’ll come for you, and they don’t come for anyone.”
“Well too damn bad. I lost you twice; I’m not going to lose you a third time and I don’t care what they have to say about it or what your stupid legends or mythology says about it. I’m not afraid of them and I’m not afraid of your first four either.”
“Grace, you don’t know what they can do.”
I zipped up my jeans and began to pull on some socks. “I’ve stood up to angels, erlkings, cheerleaders, and vice-principals. I don’t care what four antique buzzards can do.”
Robert stood up and I heard my intake of breath as I took in his naked form. It was beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. He walked over to the closet and pulled out a pair of pants and a simple shirt. As he dressed, I felt disappointed, but I didn’t know if it was because he was clothed or because he had agreed to hand me over again, like a package instead of his wife.
You know that’s not true.
I glared at him as I walked towards the door. “It’s true. I understand why it happened before, but I’m not the same person I was when you met me, Robert. I’ve learned that I’m a lot smarter and a lot stronger than I thought I was, and I’m a hell of a lot more stubborn, too. I know that I don’t need a babysitt
er or a bodyguard. Not anymore.
“If they want to see me, you tell them to make a goddamn appointment because I’m busy trying to find out who’s been trying to kill my friends and family.”
Robert’s eyes lit up. “You’ve been busy while I’ve been away.”
“You have no idea.”
“So you don’t believe that Isis was Sam’s partner?”
“No. She wanted to kill me. Sam wanted to kill me. But whoever was working with Sam did not. That’s why Sam could never actually do it—he was being controlled by his partner.”
We walked downstairs, him just a step behind me, and when I landed on the floor I blinked.
The empty living room wasn’t so empty anymore.
“Uh…”
Four men stood in a line in front of the door. All of them wore the same thing—band t-shirts with dark jeans and studded black belts—and each one looked at me with interest.
“Uh…”
The one with darkest hair stepped forward, and I recognized him immediately. He smiled, and held out his hand. “Hello.”
“H-hello, Raphael.”
“I hope that you have time to fit us into your busy schedule of saving the world.”
“I-I…”
“Has married life been kind to you?” another voice asked. I turned to it and uttered something incoherent as I recognized the face of the person who had married us.
“She struggles for words, doesn’t she Michael?” a third voice asked. This one came from the angel with hair that looked like sun was sitting on top of his head. His eyes were blazing a color that looked almost like white gold, and his skin was deep in shade, like dark coffee. His smile was gleaming and…crooked.
“She does, Uriel. I think we have overwhelmed with our presence.”
“We overwhelm all with our presence,” the last voice said in a bored tone. “I see no reason why it should be any different with the half-ling.”
“She is not a half-ling, Gabriel,” Uriel corrected.
“This is correct,” Michael agreed.
“That is yet to be seen,” Gabriel responded with the same uncaring voice. “With every day that passes, she becomes more and more divine, but the taint of her origin is growing as well.”
Gabriel was the most impressive of the four, with hair that seemed on fire, it was so brilliantly red. He had eyes that looked green one minute, gold the next, and his height was at least two inches above the others. His lips were full, and his nose was sharp, and his chin was square, defining a face that on anyone else would have been ordinary, but on him looked regal.
They all looked regal.
“There is no taint,” Robert spoke up.
“You would argue that, N’Uriel, because your birth bears the same stench of falseness,” Gabriel said with contempt.
“Now-now, let us not argue about this. We are here to speak to this poor girl. She has been through so much, seen so much, and has had no answers to the questions that creep inside of her. We shall answer her questions and we shall tell her what we have decided to do.” Raphael’s instructions seemed to be accepted—if only begrudgingly—and he looked at me with a smile that I couldn’t tell if it was genuine or simply the only form of expression he was capable of displaying.
“You’re gonna answer my questions?” I asked.
“The questions in your mind, yes. The questions your mouth wishes to ask? No,” Gabriel replied with a huff.
“But you just did; answer my question, that is,” I pointed out.
Michael and Uriel snickered, and Raphael nodded in amusement. I looked at Robert, who looked mortified at my comment.
“It seems she’s more human than angel,” Gabriel said stiffly.
“I like it,” Raphael announced before taking my hand. Just like it had with Robert that first time, my head began to fill with images and thoughts, like a balloon attached to a fire hose. Robert was at my side instantly as I winced and squirmed, but my hand was firmly locked in the older angel’s grip. I fell to my knees in front of him as he looked at me with a peculiar expression on his face.
“You are strange, indeed,” he said after letting go, pressing his hand against his chest in awe. “I did not intend for that to happen. I merely wanted to offer you comfort while we spoke.”
“It happens,” I said with a pained shrug. “Don’t worry about it; I’ve been through worse.”
“So we’ve seen,” the other three said in unison.
Raphael backed away as Robert helped me to stand, my knees quivering with the memory of pain. He eased me onto the couch and sat beside me, taking my hand in his and pressing his other hand against the side of my neck, feeling my pulse and sighing at its rhythm.
“Your concern is touching, N’Uriel. She means so much to you—almost as much as you mean to her. I think that your joining is less a union as it is a reunion. There seems to be no end and no beginning to you; a rather wonderful thing in such a cynical time.
“But let us focus instead on why we have come to speak to Grace. You, sweet child, have learned some harsh truths over the course of this year. You have felt human heartache and human betrayal. You have felt angelic heartbreak and angelic betrayal. The time will soon come to experience divine heartache and divine betrayal.
“You will take your mother’s place and you will do it without regret. In fact, you will watch lives and worlds end and you will rejoice because of it.”
I shrunk away from his words and actually felt myself shiver. “You’re not serious. You’re not serious about that. I’ll never be happy to kill people! And if I’m doing what my mother did, then that means that Robert won’t be, and I won’t let that happen. You guys can think and see what you want, but I’m not like you—I’m not an angel. I don’t have to follow your rules.”
“You think that this is about rules?” Gabriel asked, amused.
“I don’t care about your rules anymore,” I answered him defiantly. “I stopped giving a damn the minute I learned that my mom was one of you and did this to me on purpose. You guys all think you’re these freaking superior creatures, with your wings and your powers, and your pretty faces. You want humans to love you, but more than that you want us to be scared of you.
“But I’m not scared. Not anymore. You and your rules have terrorized my family and my friends, haunted my dad’s life for years, and forced me to hurt them. I’m through. I won’t let you hurt anyone else I care about anymore. Maybe it’s because I’m part angel. But I’m more human, and I still have that choice.”
Gabriel smirked. “You think you know everything; typical. Have you never once stopped to ask why the moment you met N’Uriel, who you were began to change?
“I’ve changed, I know that, and I know it’s because of everything that I’ve been through. Experience does that to people.”
“You aren’t people, Grace. You aren’t even human,” Michael said in a smooth, steady voice.
“She is human,” Gabriel argued.
“She was raised human,” Uriel countered.
“I was raised like every other kid here,” I reminded them.
“Yes, but you’re not like every other kid, are you? The children obviously knew that; they sensed it just as much as you did,” Gabriel pointed out with a slight maliciousness that bothered me.
“Okay, so yeah, they knew I was different. But I look different, and after my mom died, I was different. You guys call yourselves angels, you’re supposed to be empathic and crap but you don’t understand anything, do you?
“You guys live so far away from people, from human beings that you don’t understand any of them. Try being a kid in school that doesn’t look like the other kids. Try being a kid in school that doesn’t dress or act like them. Then be the kid who everyone, from the kids in school to their parents, to their teachers blames for the death of her mom.”
Gabriel showed no emotion when he spoke next. “But you are to blame for her death.”
A year ago, even six days ago this wou
ld have broken me. I would have shut down completely at the truth in those words and not even the promise of seeing my dad again would have brought me out. But now I knew better; I knew myself better.
“The only things I can be blamed for are the consequences of my own choices. I choose not to die. I choose not be intimidated by you. I choose not do live by your rules anymore. And I choose not to let who my mother was determine who I become. Whatever happens because of that, I accept responsibility for. But I won’t accept the responsibility of my mother’s death.
“She made her choice-”
“This is how I prove that you’re human,” Gabriel sneered. “You still think that what she did was a choice. She had no choice; she had to give birth to you. Do you honestly believe that an angel would willingly choose to put someone through what you have endured?”
My chin rose up and I nodded once, firmly. “You forget that I’ve already seen what angels would willingly do. I’ve seen it and I’ve survived it.”
“And do you ever question why you survived it?” Michael asked, his face sympathetic to the defiance in my voice.
“Of course I do. I ask why every single day.”
“The reason you survived is because that is how it was meant to be. You cannot be who you are meant to be without the experiences that you have gone through,” Michael said with a proud smile spreading his lips apart. “You met N’Uriel because without him, you would have never known your own kind.
“His entrance into your life was the catalyst to your change. No—not change; reversion. You were born an angel, Grace. You were born one; though your mind forgot, your body never did.”
“What the hell does that even mean?”
Raphael looked sympathetic to my confusion, and offered in his warm voice an explanation. “It means that everything that you have experienced—the weird bruising, the ability to keep your thoughts from others, the escapes from death—are all traits of an angel. You have been raised human and as a result, your mind has refused to let you reach your full potential. It’s like being a bird raised by a cat; you know you’re different but you don’t know why until you meet others of your own kind.”
“Look, I get that you really, really want me to be like my mom because it’s the only thing that makes sense to you, but I’m not an angel, okay? Angels don’t bleed; they don’t get broken bones,” I pointed out while Robert nodded his head slowly, as though wanting to agree with me but finding more to disagree with.