by S. L. Naeole
“You believe you are human, so your body responds that way. We all have human traits within us, some more than others, because we were fashioned for humanity. When we become so used to it, so attuned to it, we change. You have only known what it is like to be human. You have only known what it means to be the human daughter of a human man.
“It is time you learned what it means to be the divine daughter of the most divine woman.”
I looked to Robert, but instead of seeing him, I noticed a mirror on the wall behind him. In it I saw my reflection. It was exactly as it had always been. My hair was a mess, and my clothes looked secondhand and worn. My forehead was just as wide, my face just as dotted with freckles, my bottom lip still unnaturally larger than my top.
My eyes were still the same shade of boring brown they’d always been, and when I wrinkled my nose, they shrank into crinkled slits. Everything that I had been a year ago, I still was in that mirror. It was what lay behind those eyes that was different.
The person I’d been a year ago knew love, but not hope. I knew what it meant to hurt, but I never knew what it meant to truly die inside. I knew what loss was, but I didn’t know what complete abandonment of everything important meant. And, a year ago, my mother was the most perfect person in the world. Now she was worst.
“I know what you think. I know what you believe I am and what you think I’m destined to be, but I’m the only one living this life and I don’t want to be the daughter of Avi, or the next Death, or whatever it is you think I’m supposed to be. Right now, I don’t even want to be the daughter of Abby, wife of a grocery store manager. I just want to be Grace.”
Gabriel’s laughter was so sudden and so strangely beautiful that I almost smiled.
Almost.
“Do you really think that just being Grace is going to keep you alive? That it’s going to keep your friends and family alive? That it won’t stop what has been set into motion by your birth?”
“Yes,” I said with conviction.
“Then you’re completely lost to us.”
“I’ve always been lost to you,” I countered. “You think that because you’ve got wings and you’re older than dirt that you somehow know more about me than I do? You weren’t the ones who watched your own mother die. You weren’t the ones who lived every single day of your life being told that you don’t fit in, that you don’t belong, that you don’t matter.
“You guys sit on top of the world while we look up, hoping for one single glimpse of you, and the whole time you’re looking down your noses at us because we’re not like you. When was the last time you actually lived with us, huh? When was the last time you actually tried to feel the way we feel and love the way we love?
“You know what? I take it back. I’ve never been lost to you; you were the ones lost to us. You haven’t ever lived the way that we have. You’ve never known what it feels like to love and lose that love. You don’t know what sacrifice is because you’ve never cared enough about anyone or anything to actually do it.”
Uriel came to stand beside Gabriel, his face now filled with concern. “You know what is going to happen if you die.”
“I’ve been told.”
“It’s not something said to scare you, or frighten you into making a decision. Before your mother’s creation, I was tasked with keeping the world balanced. It required the ability to control humans against their will and force them to live lives that would keep them harmonious, especially since they were meant to exist on this earth forever, immortally good and faithful.
“But humans are created with a free will, and my ill-assigned task went against that. I could control behavior, but I could not create emotion that was not there, and humans who’ve been controlled since birth know no emotion. So I relinquished control and allowed humans to be as they were meant to.
“The emotion that appears most easily is love, and it was like the world had been reborn. The discovery of each other, of want and need, desire and passion came easily afterward. And then the children arrived. Humanity blossomed; we were pleased.
“But then humanity discovered something new. Rage is the emotion that spreads the fastest, and humanity became engulfed in it within months, violence becoming more common than love making. It was a plague, killing nothing but every last ounce of the goodness that had once existed in humanity.
“Taking away their freedom had been our first mistake. Failing to take away their immorality was our second. It was both a failed and a successful experiment for we learned that control would not ensure happiness, and immortality would not ensure balance.
“So Avi was created, and along with her creation came the introduction of humanity’s mortality. They took it...badly.”
“Naturally,” Gabriel sneered.
“Yes. Naturally,” Uriel acknowledged. “But when they’ve never known anything but eternity, to be introduced with the end was like tipping the world upside down; it changed everything for them. The violence that had been seen before was nothing. Now there were consequences; physical, permanent effects of their rage and for many, it became addicting. They attacked each other with renewed vigor and the results were disastrous.
“Avi, with the ability to control the life and death of every single human being, became aware of just how important her role was, how integral she was to the balance of the world when humans began taking more lives than she was. She realized what she needed to do and restored the balance that we had mistakenly disrupted.
“Now that she is gone, you are the key to stability in this world. Humanity grows more and more unstable with each passing day. It is imperative that you take your place among us. The longer you stay away, the closer this world drifts to its destruction.”
Robert wrapped his arm around my waist and brought me to his side. “You cannot put that heavy a burden on her.”
“It’s already a burden on her,” Michael said solemnly. “It’s been her burden since her birth.”
THE FIRST RING
N’Uriel, you have a monster in your home.
Robert stiffened and I blinked. As if by reflex, I turned around and found myself facing Stacy, who was wiping a smear of something dark and red from the corner of her mouth.
“Is this a party of the pretty people?” she asked as her eyes flicked over the four men who stood shoulder to shoulder in front of us.
“You allow her near your wife?” Gabriel asked with a hint of surprise.
“Hell yeah he allows me near her. He even lets me hold her hand,” Stacy sneered before demonstrating just that.
Uriel looked shocked, while Michael merely smiled. “She’s harmless; her bloodlust is specific and her loyalty runs deeper than I believe even ours does.”
“That’s apparent,” Gabriel remarked, “since N’Uriel helped to create this monster.”
“He didn’t help create anything,” Stacy growled. “And don’t ever question his loyalty. His loyalty to creeps like you is the reason why I needed to turn into this in the first place. You guys have the nerve to call me the monster when you let psychos like Sam and Isis exist just because they’ve got wings and glow in the dark?”
“Sam and Isis existed because they filled a purpose, a necessary purpose that goes beyond what your simple mind can comprehend. And let me remind you that you helped kill Isis.”
Stacy’s eyes grew darker and she glared, her finger rising to point at him. “After she nearly killed Grace. You guys keep talking about how if Grace dies, that the world will end—yeah, I heard you; I can hear pretty damn well for a monster—but none of you did anything to stop people from trying to kill her, did you?”
“It’s not our job to interfere,” Uriel said plainly.
“No, it’s not, but you do it anyway. It’s why you’re here, right? To interfere?”
The way the four older angels seemed to struggle with an answer, I knew that Stacy was right. She did, too.
“We are here to explain to Grace the truth about what she is.”
&nb
sp; “Then do it. Tell her,” Robert and Stacy both said.
Gabriel broke from the line and opened his hand, a silver circle sitting against his palm. “You see this?” he asked me.
I nodded.
“Do you know what it is?”
“A ring.”
He grabbed my left hand and raised it to my face. “Does it look familiar now?”
My eyes flicked back and forth between the rings on my finger and the ring in his hand. “It looks like my mother’s.”
“It’s the first circle. No one but those of the first circle can wear this ring.” He tossed his to Stacy. “Put it on.”
“I’m not putting that on,” she said vehemently.
“Give that to me,” Robert grumbled and then placed the ring on his right, ring finger. Almost as soon as the metal touched his skin, it began to glow and Robert’s hand became engulfed in a burst of black flames.
Robert gripped his wrist and his mouth opened as a scream of agony left him. I hadn’t heard that sound since Halloween, and my entire body began to shake as the pain spread through me. We fell together, his pain my pain.
As we writhed together, Gabriel continued to speak. “Your mother was the most empathic of us all. It is why you feel N’Uriel’s pain so completely. She knew what hurt others, what made them weep with sadness and with joy. She felt everything, experienced every emotion even if she didn’t know what it was. She was the first of us to feel rage and jealousy.
“She was the first of us to know what being in love felt like. Lust, desire, she felt those for the first time, too. She was the most like humans out of all of us because she lived through their feelings. She was also the most forgiving. She was the most understanding, and because of that, she was the most weak.
“She was tasked with the most significant role this world has ever known. She had control over life and death, the ability to instantly create faith and fear in the palm of her hand. And now look at her daughter—Death, dying in her hand, fear multiplying in her heart, faith slipping away with each agonizing scream.”
Stacy was grasping at Robert and me, trying to help, trying to do anything but stand there like statues the way the others were.
But I knew she couldn’t do anything to help. I could see it in Robert’s eyes, and I could feel it in the way my blood began to boil beneath my skin. Even my head was too filled with fire to hear any thoughts. I could only do one thing that didn’t include giving in. I grabbed Robert’s hand. The black flames that licked at his skin were shockingly cold, and the glowing ring that still circled his finger felt like ice. I grasped it and pulled, the ring slipping off as if it had never been attached to anything.
Immediately the screaming stopped. Robert panted and I could hear my heart in my ears as I began to pant as well, gulping for air that felt like I hadn’t been able to taste…ever.
“Jesus, that was awful!” Stacy exclaimed as she grabbed my face to see if I was okay. “Are you hurt? Sore? Do I need to break more wings?”
“No-no, I’m fine.” Of course, I wasn’t. I knew that. And listening to the floating thoughts that drifted around me, I knew that everyone but Stacy knew that as well. “Can you get me a glass of water?”
“Yeah. Don’t move.”
She was gone in an instant, and I turned to look at Gabriel who smirked as I felt the thick slide of liquid fall from my nose. I wiped it, knowing what it was and not needing to see the red smear. Instead I scowled at him.
You bastard. You knew that would have killed her.
He shrugged, unapologetic in every way. One less tainted creature to deal with. You act as if she is worth the same to us as you are. She is not. She can be replaced. They all can.
At that thought, he winced. I saw it, saw the crease form in his forehead and the lines take shape around his mouth. I smiled. She can’t be replaced. She can’t and you know it. There is only one Stacy Kim in this world and she can’t ever be replaced. You think you know everything because of who you are but you don’t. You don’t know what it’s like to have friends.
Gabriel’s face continued to change in front of me, and he began to quiver as he held on to his lie. My smile grew wider. You don’t know what it means to have someone choose to be loyal to you for nothing. That’s what friends do. You think she can be replaced because she’s human because you don’t value us at all, but we’re more valuable than you are because I know that I can trust her. I can trust the monster; I can’t trust you.
Stacy had returned with the glass of water and I took it from her with a whispered thanks. She waited and watched as I took several sips, and then took the edge of her t-shirt and wiped my face.
“You look like hell.”
“Thanks.”
She looked down at Robert and offered him her hand. He took it and stood, her help not necessary but the act proved what I had said about her. Uriel, Raphael, and Michael all nodded in agreement, but Gabriel, looking pale and with no remorse, refused.
“She will betray you in the end. You will see that. She will always be loyal to her kind first.”
“I am her kind,” I said as I watched his body jerk and twitch with each untruthful word. “I am more her kind than I am yours because I don’t treat people the way you do. You wanted to prove to me that I’m Avi’s daughter, that I’m really an angel with amnesia, then fine. You’ve done it. And this angel is telling you to get the hell out of this house.”
Michael looked shocked, while Raphael and Uriel both looked hurt. Gabriel, on the other hand, looked pleased. “And why should we?”
“Because you tried to kill my friend, and I don’t care who or what you are—I’ll kill you before I let another one of my friends get hurt by people like you.”
Gabriel’s smile was beautiful, as beautiful as any angel’s smile should be. “Dying is nothing to be feared. Death is like a caterpillar shedding its cocoon. And that, Grace, is a start.”
I knew what they intended on doing before they did it, but still, seeing all four of them disappear in a burst of white haze surprised me. The smoke thinned into nothing the minute Lark walked in, Graham behind her, Sean at his heels looking wary.
“It would be just like them to leave,” she huffed.
Stacy was irate. “If those guys are supposed to be the best of your kind, it’s amazing there aren’t more jerks like Sam running around. Seriously, that Gabriel guy’s a total creep.”
“Who are you guys talking about?” Sean asked with a completely lost look on his face.
“Don’t worry about it. And why are you here?” Stacy looked at her brother with mild irritation and began to speak in Korean, the conversation growing animated and heated very quickly.
Lark nodded her head at things she agreed with, and raised her eyebrows at things that surprised her. I could hear the thoughts in Stacy and Sean’s head but they were in Korean as well, and I just threw my hands up in frustration.
“Yeah, I don’t understand either,” Graham said at my reaction.
“I’m telling him that he’s supposed to be helping out our dad. He’s gotta take up the slack with the school now that I’m not there,” Stacy informed us angrily.
“And I was about to tell her that our dad’s selling the school.”
Stacy froze. “What?”
Sean’s eyes held a great number of emotions, but the most noticeable one was defeat. “He and mom decided last night that they can’t run the school anymore. You were the only one who ever really helped out.”
“Yeah, because mom and dad let you boys do whatever the hell you wanted. I always got stuck doing chores and work because of you guys, and now none of you want to help out?”
“What do you want us to do, huh? That school was Dad’s dream, not ours; not even yours.”
The way Stacy’s eyes glossed over, and the way her lip trembled, I knew she wanted to cry. Maybe she was…in her own way. What Sean said hurt, but it was the truth. His thoughts said so…now that they were in English, anyway.
“It wasn’t my dream. I don’t get to have my dream anymore. I don’t get to live the life I wanted anymore. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want anyone else to either! It’s not gonna kill you or your social life to help Dad out a couple of hours a day!”
“Why’d you have to go and turn yourself into this anyway, huh? It’s bad enough I’ve got Mom guilt-tripping me every day because I didn’t watch out for you enough. Now I gotta have your ghost doing it, too?”
“I’m not a ghost,” Stacy said sadly.
“Yeah, well, it’s the only way I’m ever gonna be able to explain why I’m showing up for tonight’s shift,” he grumbled before turning around and heading towards the door.
Stacy ran after him, stopping him before he’d even moved six inches, and hugged him. “Thank you, opa.”
“Yeah-yeah.”
He left and Graham chuckled. “Even dead, you’re still the boss.”
“It’s not funny, Graham,” Stacy scolded. “You don’t know what it’s like, okay? My brothers always got away with murder. They never really had any responsibilities and even when they did, they’d just pass it on to me, or blame me for them not doing it. So when my dad decides that he’s gonna close down his school, it’s not because I’m the boss. It’s because he never was.”
Graham stopped laughing. “Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“So,” Graham started, his cheeks red with embarrassment, “what happened? Who left? Why were they here in the first place?”
Robert spoke for the first time since putting on Gabriel’s ring. “They were here to tell Grace more about who she is. But more than that, they showed us something that’s even more valuable.”
“And what’s that? That they’re so old even their smoke smells like mothballs?” Stacy said acerbically.