The Edge of Sanity

by Sheryl Browne

  ‘What?’ said Hannah, as wide-eyed as Kayla and wondering why. Sandwiched against the wall SAS style was definitely not, she felt sure, the kind of cool-type behaviour that got one into nightclubs. But something was up, judging by the look on Kayla’s face.

  ‘I don’t bloody believe it. It’s him,’ Kayla muttered, ducking around a corner. ‘Gimme the mobile.’

  ‘Him, who?’ Hannah whispered, handing Kayla her phone. It couldn’t be Charlie. Kayla would be more drooling at the mouth than sweating at the brow if she clapped eyes on Charlie. Hannah stretched her neck curiously around Kayla.

  ‘Get back,’ Kayla hissed, clutching a handful of Hannah’s shift dress. ‘He’ll see you.’

  ‘Who’ll see me?’ Hannah asked, a bit miffed. This was doing nothing for her street cred.

  ‘My dad.’ Kayla rolled her eyes in Daniel’s direction.

  ‘Uh-oh, we are in deep shit.’ Hannah retracted her head swiftly. ‘So who are you calling?’

  ‘Shush.’ Kayla flapped a hand. Then dialled again.

  Engaged, Kayla thought with wry amusement. All of a sudden, they’re doing a one-to-one, and it’s all down to little old me. They’d obviously taken time out to check out her whereabouts. That was different, she supposed. They were worried, obviously. How totally touching.

  Yeah, right. Feeling guilty, more like, cos she had told them a few home truths. Well, they could play caring parents all they liked, but they could leave her out of it.

  A search party she didn’t need. And if they turned it into some big deal and went and reported her missing, plod would be scouring the nightclub in no time. And that would seriously damage her chances with Charlie. It wouldn’t hurt them to be worrying about her for once, she supposed, but she didn’t really want them thinking she was dead.

  Parents, they were such a pain. They blank her completely, then, in a fit of conscience, start flippin’ well running around after her. Well, they could get lost, as far as Kayla was concerned. Was it too much to ask to be left alone, after being left alone for the past six months? ‘You’d better ring your mum, Hannah,’ she said, after her third attempt at ringing hers.

  ‘She’s out tonight,’ Hannah reminded her. ‘That’s why yours has thrown a wobbly, I’ll bet. She’s probably tried to ring you.’

  ‘I gathered.’ Kayla sighed. ‘Probably to check I haven’t selfishly slashed my wrists, or something. Call your mum on her mobile, then. Tell her there’s been a change of plan and we’re staying at someone else’s. That way, when she does get hold of her … Oh, hold on, it’s ringing.’

  ****

  Daniel was more than worried. Still no reply from Hannah’s house. Her mother was obviously making a night of it with the boyfriend. Judgemental or not, he was bloody annoyed. This was assuming Kayla had ever intended to stay there, of course.

  Daniel had had enough. And he didn’t really give a stuff what the black-suited idiot on the door thought either, who was watching Daniel steadily now, arms folded, feet splayed in a quiet display of aggression. Whatever, Daniel was going in. The queue had slowed to a dribble, so either he had missed Kayla, or she had ditched her regular haunt in favour of some other dive.

  In which case, he had to start looking elsewhere, fast.

  ****

  Jo sat uselessly on the bed. Watching the clock didn’t help. It was past one, for God’s sake. Where was she? And where was Hannah’s bloody mother? Tucked up in bed, probably, with the boyfriend.

  ‘Ring, will you!?’ She eyed the phone, frustrated, picked up the receiver to check the dialling tone, and then banged it back down. She wandered to the bathroom for a Paracetamol and washed her hands distractedly instead. Five minutes, she told herself. She would give it five more minutes, and then start phoning around Kayla’s friends, whatever the time.

  ‘God!’ she shouted out loud. ‘I can’t do this. Please. I really cannot do this.’ She caught a sob in her throat and focused hard on the ceiling, determined to stay in control. Kayla would be fine. She was making a point, that was all. Jo would kill her when she got hold …

  Jo’s heart almost stopped as the phone did finally ring, shrill against the silence.

  Stupefied, she blinked at it, and then flew around the bed to snatch it up, torn between relief and dread.

  ‘It’s me,’ Kayla announced coolly.

  Jo dug her fingernails into the palm of her hand and bit hard on her tongue. ‘Where are you?’ she asked, careful to keep any hint of anger from her voice. ‘Are you all right?’

  ‘Fine,’ Kayla replied lightly. ‘Hannah forgot her key,’ she went on, as if it were perfectly normal for her to be out in the early hours of the morning—worrying her parents half-to-death. ‘So we’re staying with Sally.’

  ‘Sally?’ Jo flicked through her memory, and came up blank. ‘Who’s Sally?’

  ‘You don’t know her.’

  ‘Right.’ Jo took a breath. ‘Well, I’ll have the address, then, please, Kayla. And the telephone number.’

  ‘No, Mum,’ Kayla said, bluntly. ‘I’ve said I’m fine. I appreciate you might be worried, but I need some space. I don’t want to speak to you, not tonight, or him. Or see either of you right now. I’ll be back tomorrow.’

  Jo was stunned for a second, before overriding anger mixed with fear of losing her daughter took over. ‘Oh, no, you won’t, young lady! You’re to come home right—’

  ‘No, Mum!’ Kayla said, and rang off.

  Jo stood quite still. She listened to the empty dialling tone—and heard nothing but the pieces of their shattered lives crashing heavily to the floor.

  ****

  The bouncer stood his ground, arms still folded, mouth curved in a cocky smirk. ‘The perv wants in.’ He grinned at the Neanderthal to his side. ‘What you into then, you sad bastard? School girls, is it?’ The grin widened to split his stupid face.

  Which is exactly what Daniel felt inclined to do. He took a deep breath, counted back five, and kept his temper in check. ‘My daughter’s in there,’ he said calmly.

  ‘Yeah, right. Everyone’s daughter is, mate.’ The bouncer guffawed. ‘But you,’ he paused to jab Daniel in the shoulder, ‘ain’t ‘avin none. Now, piss off.’

  Daniel plunged his hands in his pockets. He counted backwards, from ten this time. At five, he nodded and backed off.

  The bouncer relaxed his stance and dusted his hands together, seemingly satisfied. ‘That’s seen him off,’ he said to his sidekick. ‘Fuckin’ pervert. Give us a fag, mate.’

  Daniel watched as the bouncer turned for his cigarette, which was all he needed, one second’s complacency. Time enough to wrap his arm around the bastard’s neck.

  He locked his hold with his other hand and pulled back, hard. ‘I’d say you’ve got about ten seconds left to live, at most,’ he grated quietly into the man’s ear, years’ worth of manual labour adding muscle to his threat. ‘Now, I’d like you to listen …’ he jerked his arm back another fraction ‘ … very carefully. And you, back off,’ he warned the bouncer’s mate, who took a step towards him.

  ‘Now,’ Daniel went on quietly, ‘I think my daughter might be in there. She’s fifteen.’ He waited while that sank into the idiot’s pea-sized brain. ‘I know …’ Daniel pulled back another fraction, just to make sure he’d got the bouncer’s attention ‘ … that at least three of her classmates have gone in. They’d be the same age, which would be underage. This information is shared by my wife, who, at present, is awaiting my call before she calls the police to tell them you’re not checking ID. Am I making myself clear?’

  The bouncer rasped and clawed at Daniel’s arm.

  ‘Let him go,’ his mate said, warily. ‘You can go in. Look around, but don’t cause any trouble,’ he warned, brave from a distance. ‘Okay?’

  ‘No problem.’ Daniel smiled, and dropped the idiot bouncer. ‘Cheers,’ he said, keeping an eye on them both as he backed inside.

  ****

  Still watching from a safe distance, Kayla closed
her mouth, awestruck and uneasy. Was that her father she just saw floor a bouncer?

  ‘Blimey,’ said Hannah, gobsmacked. ‘He’s got one helluva temper, hasn’t he, your dad?’

  ‘Has he?’ Kayla shook her head, bewildered. Well, he had apparently, as demonstrated before her very eyes. She’d never seen him lose it before, ever. He’d flipped, obviously. And it was … Scary is what it was.

  No way was she going back home tonight. Uh-uh. Somehow the boat didn’t seem a very safe harbour. He might cotton on, come looking for her and, God only knew what he might do if he found her. Kayla had heard about fathers going loopy and wiping out whole families. Hers had had enough shit to drive him completely mental. Safer to stay out of the way, she decided.

  But she wasn’t going anywhere until she saw him come out again, in one piece.

  ****

  It didn’t take Daniel long to realise that trying to find Kayla, in the dark, with only the assistance of strobe lights, was going to be almost impossible. There were three floors for a start, each one a pulsating mass of torsos, trance-dancing, or whatever Kayla called it. He could see the attraction, for kids anyway. The frenetic rhythm seemed to seep into your veins, with the help of a little Ecstasy in some cases, he suspected, supplied by the cretin, whose number he’d got.

  He scoured the main dance floor from a balcony. Nothing. His eyes trailed over the paid dancers. Kayla could dance, but she’d hardly be on stage at age fifteen. Daniel raked his hand through his hair, exasperated, and searched the other two floors. He hesitated, the bouncer’s sidekick behind him, then banged into the nearest girls room.

  ‘Whoa!’ The sidekick crashed in after him, causing girls to clamber for cubicles, or huddle back out of the line of fire. ‘You!’ He motioned to Daniel. ‘Out!’

  Daniel didn’t argue. Kayla wasn’t in there, not unless she was standing on the toilet seat. ‘Where are the others?’ he shouted, emerging with the sidekick hot on his heels.

  ‘What?’ The sidekick looked at him askew.

  ‘Toilets. Where are they?’

  The sidekick seemed to debate for a second, then threw his hands in the air, and pointed to the balcony.

  Daniel took the stairs two at a time, then ventured once again into female territory, his eyes picking out every dark-haired girl and searching every face. He got a proposition for his efforts, but no daughter.

  Frustrated, he left—the girls chattering excitedly behind him, ducked under the spiral staircase and checked the two bars on the balcony, followed by the downstairs bar and, finally, the chill out room. He could see at a glance why it was called that, kids slumped on sofas, chilling out, i.e. coming down, after their exertions on the dance floor.

  No Kayla, though, not a sign. Daniel might have been playing cat and mouse. She wasn’t likely to be standing in one place. But then, she might not be here at all, even if his every instinct told him otherwise. Maybe she wasn’t.

  Beaten, he heaved through the crowd towards the exit, back past the main bar—and locked eyes with Mr Big Shot himself, the shit-dealing lowlife from outside.

  ****

  ‘What’s that freakin’ weirdo lookin’ at?’ Charlie dragged his contempt away from the bloke who was looking him over, and turned his attention back to pulling the bird with the blonde hair down to her bum. Great. Now she was eyeing up the geezer who was eyeing him up, despite Charlie having doled out a generous amount of quality crack to the silly cow.

  That irritated Charlie. He wasn’t too enamoured of people muscling in on his territory. Pulling birds and pushing drugs was what Charlie did, and that big bastard was cramping his style. What was even more irritating, freaky even, was that he wasn’t looking in any particular way. Just sort of looking. No expression whatsoever.

  Nah, he was getting paranoid. Coming down probably. And the bloke was obviously wasted. Charlie shrugged and looked away. He’d come over if he needed some gear. Meanwhile, he flashed the bird he had his eye on a tab and reeled her back in.

  Chapter Six

  ‘Jo, I can’t hear you.’ Daniel clamped a hand over his ear, in a useless attempt to shut out the deafening throb of music.

  ‘I said …’ Jo’s response was lost on the noise.

  This was impossible. ‘Jo, hold on,’ he shouted, heading for the exit.

  ‘What’s happened?’ he asked once outside, panic rising in his chest. ‘Is she all right?’

  ‘Yes, she … Daniel, where were you?’

  ‘A nightclub. I went in to—’

  ‘Oh.’ Jo said over him.

  ‘Jo …’ Daniel shook his head, frustrated. Was he hearing her right? That short word carried a whole lot of insinuation. Did Jo really think he’d gone in there for kicks? ‘I was looking for Kayla, Jo, not for a good time.’

  ‘Yes. Yes, of course you were. I’m sorry, Daniel, I … Look, you can stop looking. She’s fine.’

  Daniel closed his eyes. ‘Is she home?’

  ‘No.’ Jo hesitated. ‘She’s not coming home, Daniel.’

  What? Daniel turned full circle on the pavement. ‘What do you mean, not coming home?’

  ‘Tonight, she meant. I’m sorry. I’m not thinking straight. She said she’d be back tomorrow.’

  Daniel massaged his forehead, and tried to quash his uneasiness. Tonight, Jo had said. That was just one night. One night too many though, one which Kayla might think gave her carte blanche to do what she liked.

  ‘Did she ring?’ he asked, taking two strides forwards and two back again.

  ‘Yes, about fifteen minutes ago.’

  ‘And?’ If he was going to get this straight in his head, Daniel needed details.

  Jo went quiet.

  ‘Jo?’

  ‘She said she needed some space,’ Jo said, sounding defeated. ‘That she didn’t want to see or talk to either of us. Then she … ended the call. Oh, Daniel, what have we done?’

  Daniel slowed his restless pacing. What had he done? This was down to him. He was the cause it. He’d screwed up. And then, in trying to give Jo and Kayla some sort of a shot at a life, he’d screwed up all over again.

  ‘Where is she, Jo?’ he asked, his voice tight.

  ‘At a friend’s,’ she said. ‘I don’t have the number.’ Jo sighed wretchedly. ‘I’ve never even heard of her, to be honest.’

  Daniel tried to take stock. Kayla was okay, that was the main thing. She was acting out, that was all. Even if she was putting them through the mill, at least she had rung to let them know she was okay. Jo was obviously worried sick, and his banging on about the whys and wherefores wouldn’t help.

  ‘She’ll be all right, Jo,’ he said softly. ‘Like she said, she just needs some space.’

  ‘I hope so,’ Jo breathed.

  ‘Do you want me to come back? Wait with you until she comes home?’

  Jo hesitated. ‘No,’ she said, after a moment. ‘I’ll be fine. I’m going to have a hot bath, I think. And then try to get some sleep.’

  ‘Good idea,’ Daniel said quickly. ‘But you’ll ring me, yes? As soon as—’

  ‘Of course I will.’

  ‘I’ll wait to hear from you. And Jo …’ Daniel stopped. I still love you and always will, he wanted to say. ‘I wasn’t looking for a good time in there,’ he said instead, fancying that the former might be the opening to a long conversation, which was best left. Or a short one, which he would certainly rather leave. ‘You know that, don’t you? No one could hold a candle to you, anyway.’

  ‘Oh.’ Jo sounded surprised. ‘Well, thank you for that, but I think the girls in there might be fair competition. They have about twenty years on me.’

  Daniel smiled. ‘No contest.’

  Don’t leave it there, idiot, he cursed himself. Talk to her. ‘Who’d look at a sad old sod like me anyway?’ he said, and then cursed himself again, for not having the guts to take the conversation where he really wanted it to go.

  ‘Well,’ Jo considered, ‘there’s Miss Dawkins at the post office.’

/>   Daniel laughed. ‘She’s a hundred and fifty.’

  ‘And Jan Green at the newsagents.’

  ‘She’s a bloody basket case. Every time I go in there, she follows me around the shop.’

  ‘Ye-es,’ Jo replied, her voice laden with insinuation. ‘Oh, and then there’s the postman.’

  ‘Ho, ho.’

  ‘He does. He always gives you a cute little wave. Haven’t you noticed?’

  ‘Wondered why I got first class service.’

  Jo laughed.

  ‘That’s better,’ Daniel said, hating how long it had been since she’d done that. ‘Are you going to be okay?’

  ‘Yes,’ Jo said. ‘Yes, I think I am, now. Thanks, Daniel, for being there.’

  I wish I could be, Daniel thought. ‘No problem,’ he said. ‘I care about you. Both of you. Very much. Call me tomorrow, okay? Meanwhile, get some sleep.’

  ‘I’ll try. You too. Bye, Dan.’

  ‘Bye.’ Daniel waited for Jo to hang up, then flagged a taxi, worn out, and more worried than he’d let on to Jo. There was nothing he could do now but wait. He’d rather wait with Jo, but he realised he needed to prove that to her, assuming Jo wanted it too. Christ, he hoped so, prayed that Jo really did hope their relationship wasn’t beyond all repair.

  ****

  ‘I think I should give it a miss,’ Kayla said, risking another peek as her dad climbed into the taxi. He looked awful. He was pale. She’d bet he’d lost weight. And his body language was all wrong. Her dad walked tall, straight-shouldered, or he did until the last few months. Kayla wished he would go home. That she could go home. To a home that felt like home—like it used to.

  Maybe she should tell them that. Then refuse to go back until they called a truce and sat down and talked, like adults. Yeah, right. If she didn’t go back, it’d be her mum slashing her wrists and blaming her dad. Mind you, the way her dad had acted tonight, he looked to be the parent Kayla should be worrying about.

  ‘Oh, come on, Kayla. Let’s go in,’ Hannah cajoled. ‘He’s gone, hasn’t he? And it’s nearly chucking out time, anyway. If we don’t go in now, we might as well forget it.’