Crazy In Love: A Standalone Christmas Thriller

by Ivy Smoak

  I ate another piece of it as I stared at his abs. Stop staring at his abs! I took another bite. Stop stress eating! I threw the half-eaten piece of bacon back down on the plate.

  "Snuggle Muffins, we're leaving." I snapped my fingers.

  "Aren't you going to scoop my shit?" There was a smirk on his face.

  He was trying to play this off. Like he wasn't just embarrassed a minute ago when he was crouching over the box leaving a dump in some litter. I'd seen his face. I knew the truth.

  "Nope," I said. "I'll scoop it later so you have time to think about what you've done."

  I walked over to the boxes along the wall and found the one labeled "Christmas Decorations." It was about time I decorated for the stupid neighborhood lighting contest. And a few decorations would probably help me look innocent. Like I was the perfect housewife who would never kidnap her own husband.

  "You're going to leave me down here with no clothes, a pile of shit, and bacon I can't reach?"

  "Well when you put it like that..." I let my voice trail off. "Yes." I tried to hide the smile from my face.

  I realized I wasn't going to be able to carry both Snuggle Muffins and the box, so I lifted the little dude and tossed him into the box. He yelped.

  "Oh, you're fine. I'm giving you a lift." I didn't even bother closing the lid. Snuggle Muffins had given me no indication that he’d be able to jump out of a box.

  He sighed from somewhere beneath the tangled Christmas lights.

  "You can't just leave me like this," Noah said.

  "Of course I can. And if you're a good boy and you’re quiet all day long, I might feed you tonight."

  "Wait...how long are you going to leave me like this?"

  I pulled his gag back in place. "As long as I want." I patted his cheek, my hand hesitating a beat too long on his chiseled jawline.

  He tried to say something, but his words were muffled.

  "Shhh." I put my finger against his lips.

  He kept trying to talk.

  This wasn't going to work. I needed him to behave. I needed him to be so freaking quiet all day. I couldn't risk him screaming while Detective Torres was sitting in my kitchen. "Be a good boy and tonight I'll give you whatever you want."

  He lowered his eyebrows.

  And for some reason I found myself leaning closer. He smelled liked diaper wipes and yet still so much like himself. That alluring scent I couldn't get out of my head. The one that kept me up at night staring at the ceiling. "I promise, Noah," I whispered into his ear. The scruff along his jaw tickled my cheek. "I just need you to be quiet today. Not a peep. And then I'll give you anything you want. Anything." I bit down on his earlobe. Why am I biting him?

  He groaned.

  What the hell am I doing? I took a step back and stared at him like he was the one that had just acted inappropriately. But I was the one with my mouth on him. My lips parted like I was about to apologize, but I pressed my lips back together. We were just going to pretend that didn’t happen. I stared at him, willing him to silently agree with me.

  Instead...he winked.

  My stomach clenched. That wasn't the reaction I wanted. I turned away. "Behave." I wasn't sure Noah knew I was talking to him instead of Snuggle Muffins. I was only having trouble controlling one male in my life. And it was the man, not the dog.

  I grabbed my box of decorations and dog and made my way back upstairs. And I was strong enough to only glance back at Noah once. It wasn't fair that he'd taken his shirt off. I silently cursed as I slid the deadbolt back in place. I literally had a hundred shirts upstairs that would fit him beautifully. His stripping was an easy fix. But he'd flustered me yet again. I really needed to make that stop happening.

  ***

  Baby it's Cold Outside was stuck in my head on a loop as I decorated the front bushes. Detective Torres had been by twice already, but he was fairly unobservant. I doubted he’d remember that my house hadn’t been decorated yet. And it looked better if I had been prepping for Christmas normally before my husband disappeared, instead of skipping the holiday altogether this year.

  Because normally this time of year, my lights would have been up for weeks. I'd actually care about throwing my hat in the ring for the grand prize - a gift card to a local restaurant. It was never about the gift certificate though. It was all about the glory.

  I leaned back to get a better view of Charlotte's decorations down the street. She'd won practically every year since I'd moved in. Except for one year when nosy Sally had surprised everyone by hiring an actual actor to play Santa Claus and sit on her chimney. And I don't mean for one day. He was up there for a week. I wasn't sure if she won because her decorations were the best or if people were just worried that giving her the prize was the only thing that would make her let him down. It was probably a neighborhood liability thing.

  Charlotte's decorations were as perfect as always. Her lawn was even adorned with beautiful white fake Christmas trees. The whole neighborhood used white lights. It was like an upper-middle-class standard. White lights meant fancy. Colorful lights meant...homey. I looked at the white lights I was currently streaming along my bushes. Every year I used them to fit in, while secretly putting colorful lights on my tree inside. Because wasn't Christmas supposed to be homey? Home for the holidays? All that jazz?

  Snuggle Muffins sighed.

  I wasn't sure if it was because he agreed with me or because he was still testy about me putting him in a box. I was going to go with the former. "I know, boy. Screw them." I pulled the white lights off the bushes and shoved them back in the box. This year I hadn't decorated a Christmas tree. Which meant I still had the colorful lights to use outside if I wanted. Actually, I had a lot of colorful lights that I hadn't used in years. I used to string them along garland all over my apartment. Because I was just that homey. I grabbed a strand. I was going to peace out from suburbia in style. By ruining the annual Christmas light competition.

  "Oh, colorful lights dear?"

  I jumped. Jesus, Sally. It was like I'd summoned her. She was a sweet old lady combined with Satan. "Hey, you." I always felt weird calling her Sally because she was so much older than me. It felt like she needed to be Mrs. something. But I'd never caught her last name. And as the years ticked by, I couldn't undo not knowing. It was way too late to rectify the situation. I cleared my throat. "Don't you like them?"

  Sally smiled. "Actually I do. But I'm not the one judging the contest. Well, I get one vote, but one vote hardly means anything out of 100 votes."

  "I'll vote for myself too. Maybe that'll be enough."

  She put her hand on the center of her chest. "You're not supposed to vote for yourself."

  "It can be our little secret." I turned my attention back to the bushes I was decorating.

  "If you say so." There was an awkward pause and I willed her to walk away. She had to see that I was too preoccupied for her nonsense small talk.

  I even started humming Baby it's Cold Outside again, hoping she'd get the hint that I was a little busy. But I wasn't so lucky.

  "I heard about Noah," she said.

  I wasn't sure if there was accusation in her tone or if I'd just imagined it. My fingers froze on the strand of lights. My husband was missing. I was supposed to be upset. Distraught. Fragile. Why was I humming Christmas tunes and decorating? Yes, it looked good if they were up for Detective Torres. But I couldn't go back in time. And now all my neighbors could just tell him that I'd only decorated this afternoon. This was a terrible idea.

  "I'm just trying to distract myself," I said.

  "Hmm. It seems like you're in an awfully good mood for someone whose husband is missing."

  Well, that was most definitely accusatory. What the heck was her problem? We'd always been civil before this. "Like I said, I'm trying to distract myself." Now go away, you old croon.

  "I'm not trying to insinuate anything." She took my hand in hers and patted it. "I'm just saying that it doesn't look like you're upset. And there's been a lot
of bad things happening in this neighborhood. Housewives...snapping."

  I swallowed hard. Did she know? She was staring at me like she knew. I don't want to have to kill Sally.

  "I know that Noah kept odd hours for work,” she said. “I know he came home late. Left early. I know all this. But you need to look upset, dear. Even if you're not. You don't want anyone to jump to some wild conclusion about you being behind his disappearance."

  I didn't know what to say. Had all our neighbors realized our relationship was rocky? I'd tried so hard to hide it. I found myself nodding along.

  "You don't want anyone suspecting you. That's all I’m saying." She patted my hand again and let go. "Speaking of suspects, I'm missing another lawn gnome. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

  I had my suspicions. But I didn't know for certain. I shook my head.

  She sighed. "Oh well. Cute dog, by the way. I saw you pick him up at the holiday adoption drive at the mall yesterday. I didn't realize you even liked dogs."

  Crap, crap, crap! I'd told Detective Torres I'd had Snuggle Muffins for a couple weeks. I needed to make sure Sally didn't say anything to make it seem like I was lying. Even if I was. "You're mistaken. I've had him for a few weeks."

  She tilted her head to the side. "No. You got him yesterday. I saw you, Ensley. At the mall. At the adoption drive."

  You already said all that. "It must have been someone else. I have one of those faces. And one of those dogs."

  "Alright, dear. My lips are sealed. Just...don’t make a fool of me like Adeline or Violet did."

  I'm going to have to kill Sally.

  "I know you're one of the good ones."

  Maybe I'll have to kill her. "Thanks." I was pretty sure it came out as more of a question.

  "And if you want to win the decoration contest, you should hire an actor. Maybe put a sexy elf man in your front lawn?" And with that comment she waved and continued on her merry way.

  She knew my husband and I weren't in a good place. She knew I just got Snuggle Muffins. What else did she know?

  Chapter 14

  Sunday

  I was crouched in the bushes on the side of Charlotte's house. Eavesdropping. Because apparently I was a stalker now too. I needed to know what Sally knew. I needed to know if I could trust her. But all I could think about were the spiders probably all over me. Every inch of my skin itched.

  I leaned forward and strained to hear her conversation with Sally. My name was in both of their vile mouths. And when I concentrated on them talking instead of the spiders, I could just make out their words.

  "Do you think that maybe Noah just...left?" Charlotte asked.

  "I think it's possible," Sally replied. "But it's also possible that something happened to him. Something...bad."

  I leaned through the foliage so I could stare daggers at her. What the hell, Sally? I thought she had my back.

  Charlotte shook her head. "It's so frightening. What if she...what if she did something sinister to poor Noah?"

  Poor Noah? He was a lying, stealing, cheat! What happened to women sticking together and all that bullshit? They should have my back. Not be gossiping behind it.

  "We've known Ensley and Noah for a long time. Do you really think she'd be capable of hurting him?"

  "I think that I don't trust anyone in this neighborhood anymore." Charlotte sighed. "Except you of course. And Phoenix and Rosie. And the other women in the book club."

  That was pretty much every housewife in this neighborhood but me. Bitch.

  "I've been talking to my husband, and I think we're going to bring up the possibility of a neighborhood watch at the next civic association meeting."

  "What a wonderful idea," Sally said. "A proper lookout would certainly make me feel more comfortable."

  That was the last thing I needed. A bunch of nosy neighbors snooping around...oh, wait. They already did that! This conversation was pointless. Neither of them knew anything. And honestly it didn't seem like either of them was necessarily out to get me. They just wanted new gossip. And it just so happened I was a hot topic right now.

  I sighed and climbed out the back of the bushes, slapping my arms to remove any spiders. And then I started hitting my ass too as I stepped onto the sidewalk. That's when I knew I'd messed up. Not because I was smacking my ass in the middle of my neighborhood. But because Detective Torres was standing there with his arms crossed over his chest and a scowl on his face.

  Shit. How long had he been watching me? I glanced behind me at the bush I'd just crawled out of. Was it at all possible he didn't see me come out of there? Based on the expression of his face...negative. I cleared my throat. "Hey, Detective Torres. How are you today?" Smooth.

  "Ensley, do you want to tell me what you were doing hiding in your neighbor’s bushes?"

  No, obviously not. "Hiding?" I laughed. "Whaaa..." I shook my head. "Oh, you thought?" I laughed harder. "I wasn't hiding. I'm not a peeping Tom." Don't give it a label!

  He kept his arms folded across his chest and hardened his stare. "Then what were you doing?"

  "Vandalism." Vandalism? What the ever-living fuck?

  "Excuse me?"

  "The annual Christmas light competition is tomorrow. And I...knew I couldn't win. So I was cutting some of the wires on Charlotte's lights. Snippety snip and victory will be mine."

  "With what?"

  "What now?"

  "What were you cutting Charlotte's lights with? I don't see any scissors. Or wire cutters. Or a chainsaw. Nothing."

  I pretended to gnaw through an imaginary wire. And then I laughed. And laughed some more. Trying to buy time. I slapped my leg. "Got you! Do I really look like someone interested in sabotage?" I laughed again. "You should see your face!"

  He just stared at me. He did not find this funny. At all.

  "Sabotage." I shook my head. "No. No. I...Snuggle Muffins got out!" Now that was a brilliant excuse. Too bad it came to me a few minutes too late. "And I thought I saw him go under these bushes. So I climbed in after him without thinking about the fact that I'm so much bigger. And then I kind of got caught." I twisted my body in the air and froze for effect. "And I couldn't get out. But then I fought through the devil hedge. And Snuggle Muffins wasn't there anymore. I can't lose him too." Cry. Force yourself to cry right this second. I wasn't sure if I looked sad or if I was grimacing, but his eyes softened.

  "I'm sure he's here somewhere." He whistled. "Here, Snuggle Muffins! Here boy!"

  Wow. Detective Torres was a certified idiot. "Snuggle Muffins!" I called.

  "Is everything alright?" Charlotte asked as she and Sally hurried toward us on the sidewalk.

  "Yes, ma'am." Detective Torres nodded at her. "Ensley's dog got away from her, but we'll find him."

  "Oh, he's right there." Sally pointed toward my house.

  Sure enough, Snuggle Muffins was sitting on my front porch staring at me.

  What a good boy. I'd told him to stay and he had. I knew I should have pushed him back inside when I went to go spy, but he'd made a fuss. So I'd told him to stay and run off into the bushes. And he’d...waited. A smile curled onto my lips.

  I ran over to Snuggle Muffins and lifted him in my arms. "You're okay!" I exclaimed for the audience. "Thank goodness!" I kissed the side of his furry little head and tried not to gag. "Thank you for saving me from that sticky situation, mister," I whispered to him. "I really appreciate it." I kissed the side of his face again and this time I didn't even think about gagging.

  He just sighed.

  "Well, I'm glad we found your dog," Detective Torres said as he joined me in my lawn. "I don't have as good news about your husband."

  I tried to ignore the fact that Sally and Charlotte were still staring at me. "He wasn't in Canada?" I asked.

  "Do you mind if I come in so we can talk?"

  "Of course not." I gave him my brightest smile as I opened the front door. "Come in, come in." Being overly welcoming was on my to-do list today. So was making sure he did
n't get a chance to knock or ring the doorbell. Check and check. Hopefully Noah wouldn't even realize I had company. And if he did...hopefully my accidentally illicit promise would keep him quiet.

  As soon as I closed the front door behind us I realized just how bad an idea this was. I couldn't trust Noah. I knew better. I wasn't even sure I could trust myself. All I wanted to do was go double-check the deadbolt. I swallowed hard.

  "Nice place you have here," Detective Torres said.

  "Thanks." I realized I was still holding Snuggle Muffins to my chest. "Go play," I said and set him down. But instead of running off he just plopped down next to me like he always did. "So...um...you said you didn't find Noah?"

  Detective Torres shook his head. "Unfortunately not." He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and stared at me. Like he was waiting for something.

  I didn't want to invite him further into my house. I wanted him to stay right where he was. "Did you talk to Sophia?"

  "The local precinct brought her in for questioning. They let me listen in. I'm really sorry, Ensley. But...your husband wasn't with her."

  I nodded. "Okay." My whole body felt cold. But he was having an affair with her, right? I wanted to scream the question at him. But I didn't have to. I knew it. I knew it and yet...ouch. For a second last night I believed that it had only been one kiss. I'd believed what I'd wanted to believe. But Noah was no saint.

  "I'm sorry I don't have better news."

  "That's fine. Let me show you out." I gestured to the door.

  He didn't move. "We have a little more to discuss about Sophia Tremblay. Actually, a lot more."

  "We do?"

  "Did your husband...did he hurt you?"

  Noah never hit me. But the things he said to me? I was reminded of that old lie about "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." That person didn’t know my husband. His words were as sharp as knives. "No."

  "Never?"

  It felt like I was shrinking under his gaze. And I found myself wanting to say…sometimes. Maybe. "No. I don't understand what this has to do with him being missing."