Yorkshire

by Lynne Connolly

  I caught my breath, sure something would go wrong, to stop this pure delight we found in each other. This couldn’t possibly be for me. The obstacles waiting outside this little room might defeat us yet, but I would always have this. I was so glad I’d had the courage to go through with it.

  “I didn’t know. I didn’t know if you wanted me forever, but it didn’t seem important any more.”

  “It’s important. I’ll write it down for you, if you like. Would that help you? Give you some proof of my intentions while I’m away, something to be sure of?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t need proof, other than this.” I meant it, too. I was as sure of him now as I was of myself.

  He touched his lips to mine in a gentle kiss, passion assuaged for the present. “We might cause scandal, but I don’t care any more. My family will have to look to themselves. God knows, I owe them nothing. Except, perhaps, for my sister, Maria. I’ll be sorry if she suffers because of anything I might do.”

  I, too, would be sorry to bring his younger sister trouble. But when I looked at him, relaxed and happy, I couldn’t regret what we’d done.

  He smiled. “I haven’t been this out of control for years, if I ever was. We shouldn’t be here, should never have done this. But I needed you so much. You took all my senses with your first kiss, and after that, I was yours. Could you bear this, in the years to come?”

  “Oh yes.”

  He kissed me deeply in response, his tongue caressing every part of my mouth.

  “I won’t believe it until it happens,” I said then.

  “Should you mind where it happens?”

  I didn’t understand. “What do you mean?”

  “If we cause unpleasant gossip, if scandal erupts, we might be better going away, for a while. Then I’ll be the disgraced brother. I don’t want you to enter the bear pit in London without some experience behind you and I won’t subject you to that kind of attention. If Julia still won’t cry off, but makes me break the contract, would you come to Venice with me after a quiet ceremony somewhere?”

  “Venice? I always wanted to see Venice,” I said happily.

  “I’ve a small apartment there. It’s mine, bought with money I earned. I’ve never taken anyone else there before. It’s always been my sanctuary and I’d like to share it with you.”

  “It sounds wonderful.”

  He drew me to him, punctuating his words with small kisses, on my mouth and throat. “I have a great desire to make love to you in the bedroom there, with the windows open to the sound of the water, and the church bells, and the light.” I blushed, a different kind of heat suffusing me. He laughed softly. “How can you blush? Not a stitch on, and still you can blush!” He lay back on the bed, drawing me closer into his arms, one arm behind my head, the other softly caressing my body, as if he couldn’t stop touching me. I knew how he felt. I traced an imaginary line on his chest. Touching him was a joy, everything I’d thought it would be when I’d lain awake during those lonely nights since we arrived at the Abbey.

  He looked around at the sparse little room. “‘For love, all love of other sights controls; And makes one little room an everywhere.’ I never knew what he meant before, but it makes sense now.”

  “Who?”

  “John Donne. I’ll read the whole poem to you one day.”

  I was relaxed and happy, ready to explain something to him. I took a breath. “I wanted to do this now because I wanted to give you my maidenhead. I didn’t want you to take it as your right, as a husband does, I wanted it to be a gift.”

  He turned his head to look me in the eyes. “The most precious possession you have.”

  “Had,” I corrected him.

  “It will most likely take me a lifetime to pay it back. Have you thought of that?”

  I laughed. “Then you mustn’t try. I give it to you freely.”

  His caresses became less gentle as the answering tingle rose within me. His skill meant I could enjoy his loving more than once—even now, my first time. I lay against him, enjoying the sensations, trying to remember them for when I was alone, though now I knew for certain he would come back for me. I watched his tender smile when he saw my reaction to his loving, and reached my hand up to him, touching the slight roughness of his cheek. He moved his head to kiss my palm.

  Desire rose again within me when I felt his shaft harden against my body. I had never known anything so exciting in my life before. He leaned over to kiss me and love me again and I seemed to know what to do in return, as if it had always been there inside me and he released it all. I touched him and felt triumph when his soft groan told me just how much my touch affected him. His hands released all the sensuality I never suspected I owned.

  Smiling, he paused, his hand resting on my stomach. “Can you do this? I love you so much, want you so badly but I’m afraid I’m forgetting your well-being. I’m not so far gone I can’t think of your welfare first.”

  I smiled back at him, taking his hand and placing it on my breast. “I can do this.”

  This time, we were not so frenzied. He had more time to love me and I him. I touched him, felt his eager response, knowing it was all for me. He kissed me, slowly, lingeringly. He kissed a nipple, suckled until it stood hard for him, leaving me gasping with desire. His hands, his graceful, mobile hands moved over me, caressing, exploring, making me feel complete.

  Lifting over me, he entered me again, laughing softly when he heard my contented sigh. I opened my eyes and watched him loving me, felt his hands on my body, reached my hands up to touch him. He helped me to heights more sustained than last time, but just as wonderful. I could mark the climb, instead of plunging straight into mindless pressure. I was glad he had so much experience, so he could bring this confidence as his gift to me. Even then, I guessed it must be rare for a woman to achieve so much joy during her first encounter. I couldn’t have loved him more.

  Curling my legs around his, I pulled him close when I felt his body tremble, invited him to thrust as deeply, as hard as he needed to. I had never felt so at one with anyone before. He rolled to one side, taking me with him, settling the covers over us.

  Overwhelmed by ecstasy and exhaustion, I fell asleep, safe in his arms as he murmured words of love.

  It was a singularly foolish thing to do.

  I awoke with his hand pressing my face against his shoulder. I knew a moment of panic before I heard what he had—footsteps coming up the corridor outside towards us, the occasional opening of a door, as though someone was exploring. Then I panicked even more.

  Richard prevented me from lifting my head and being recognised by whoever approached the door. He put his mouth by my ear. “Stay still, say nothing.” I rolled on to my stomach, and he pulled the covers up around me. He drew my loose hair over my face, and we waited.

  I heard the door to the corridor open, and I knew someone stood there, looking at us. A breathed, “My God,” told me who it was. I moved involuntarily, but Richard’s hand pressed into my shoulder in warning.

  Richard turned his face to the door. “Good afternoon.” I nearly laughed at the formality of his greeting.

  “Good afternoon, my lord,” said Steven.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I heard Steven breathing heavily, recovering from the shock of discovering us like this. “As you can see,” Richard said calmly, once Steven had regained some self control, “your presence here is rather de trop.”

  “I cannot believe you would do such a thing, my lord,” Steven gasped. Agitation coloured his voice.

  “Believe it,” Richard said firmly, but without heat.

  “Who is it? Tell me which girl, my lord.” Typical of Steven not to forget Richard’s title.

  “No. You will most likely get her into trouble with her mother or Lady Hareton. She’s mortally afraid of either eventuality. Aren’t you, my dear?” He was lucky I didn’t giggle. Shock had given me that strange impulse to laugh that comes over people sometimes. I said nothing.

  “Th
is is abominable!”

  “I fail to see your reasoning, sir. True, I have taken a girl from her proper work for the day, but she didn’t object. I’ll see her well rewarded for it.”

  “My lord, you have abused her ladyship’s hospitality.”

  “Really? I shall apologise to her then. But I think that may cause more embarrassment than if we kept silent, don’t you think?”

  I knew that Steven, having got over his initial shock, would try to make something of the situation. “As a man of God, I do not feel equal to that proposal.”

  Richard laughed. “If you were a true man of God, I doubt you would chase after quite so many skirts yourself.” He had given Steven a facer, a deliberate provocation to put him on the defensive, to block further questions. It didn’t matter if it were true or not, only that Steven responded.

  Steven rose to the bait. “I beg your pardon, sir, you can have no such information.” The very air bristled with his indignation.

  “I’m not blind, Drury. And neither is my brother. You seem to have designs on half the females in this house. And don’t tell me you’ve not made a play for at least one of the maids, because I won’t believe it. However, I’ve beaten you to it this time, so kindly take yourself off and close the door behind you.”

  “His lordship shall hear of this immediately upon his return.”

  Steven left, but closed the door behind him as Richard had asked him. We heard his hurrying footsteps retreat down the corridor and the stairs at the end.

  “My guess is that he’ll lay in wait for us below. Is there any other way out of here, my sweet love?”

  I lifted my head, pale with shock. I thought Steven would insist on seeing me, and I couldn’t believe he hadn’t recognised me, but Richard’s accusations distracted him.

  “There are the back stairs,” I offered, almost whispering.

  He smiled to reassure me. “This whole thing is so outrageous, he’ll never guess it was you. Whatever made me insane enough to do this I can’t possibly imagine.” He paused, his gaze growing more intent. “Oh yes I can,” he corrected himself, and he drew me back into his arms and kissed me, long and lingering. “I will return as soon as I can. Just wait until the scandal over Julia has passed and then I’ll return. I don’t know how I’ll wait until I have you in my bed once more.” He gave a self-deprecating laugh. “Of course, my reputation is already so bad your brother might well take it into his head to keep you away from me for good.”

  Nobody would do that, not now. “I’m my own person. I’ll have whoever I choose.”

  “Well said.” He took my face in his hands and kissed me one more time. “Don’t fear—we’ll see them all off. But, Rose…now we’ve committed ourselves thus far, I have to ask you something.”

  “Yes?” My stomach muscles tightened.

  His gaze remained loving, but gained a graver cast. “Will you take me with nothing? Julia’s father loves her very much. He may seek such revenge in the courts that I’ll be left with nothing. I have a personal fortune, but I could lose that in any breach of promise case. My father may well cast me off and disown me, as much as he can. He’s threatened it before. He might actually do it this time, if things go badly for me. He can’t take the title or the entail away, but the Southwood title has very little entailed property, so he could will them away from me. I have the means of making my own way in the world, and I’m not afraid of working for a living. I don’t care, for myself, but for you. You deserve better. We can avoid the worst of the scandal if we go abroad, but no one will receive us. We’ll be outcasts. It might seem trivial to you now, but we may be thrown on each other’s company with no distractions and no comforts. We won’t starve but we won’t have any spare income for a while. Can you bear all that?”

  I relaxed, smiled. “You’re all I want. Nothing else.” I meant it. If doing without him meant facing society on my own, going back to a life of comfortable spinsterhood, then I knew I couldn’t do it. Not now.

  He kissed me for a long time. “I’ll make you happy. I swear it.”

  We gazed at each other, totally content, then he smiled. “I fear we must face the world again, sweetheart, so—” He sat up and flung back the covers, swung his legs out of the bed, then turned to help me out. “By the way about these sheets. I would have thought after ten years they would have been in a worse condition than they are—”

  I bit my lower lip. Time to tell the truth. “I put them on the bed yesterday. I took them from the discard pile and I shall take them to be burned now. No one will miss them.”

  To my surprise, after an astonished, “You little schemer!” he burst into laughter, finding it difficult to stop. “I…I only thought,” he gasped after a good minute of trying hard to get his breath back, “how my friends in town wouldn’t believe it. I allowed myself to be seduced by an inexperienced country girl.” That sent him off again. I saw the funny side, though I’d begun to think it wasn’t that funny, when he controlled his mirth.

  He put an arm around me, drawing me to his side. “You’re so good for me. I can’t remember when I’ve laughed so much. There seemed precious little reason to laugh in recent months.” He kissed me soundly, and then bent to pick up my shift, the last article of clothing he had removed from me. “I make an excellent lady’s maid.”

  He was right. He knew just where every lace and pin should go, and he even made a reasonable job of taming my unruly hair. He needed no help himself, except with his heavy coat, which was too much for the stiffness in his arm.

  Properly dressed, we were ourselves again, and I felt shy, foolish even. “I’ll follow Drury on my own. If he’s waiting, I’ll keep him busy. Can you find another way out without anyone seeing you?”

  I nodded.

  “One more thing.” He took my face in his hands, looking directly into my eyes. I saw no amusement there now, no laughter. He looked at me steadily. “Everything I said to you today, I meant. I love you more than I can say. While we both know this shouldn’t have happened, I’ll never regret it. I will marry you, and I’ll do it after a proper courtship. I’ll take Julia home, and come back for you. This I promise, whatever it costs.”

  I knew this was a solemn oath, and he meant what he said.

  I leaned forward to kiss him but he drew back after one, tender exchange. “And if you quicken, you must promise to tell me at once. What other plans we have will be as nothing. We’ll marry at once, and damn the scandal.”

  I promised and he kissed me once more, his lips lingering on mine as if he couldn’t bear to part with me. Then he left, quickly, before, as he said, I undid all his resolve. God knows I wanted to.

  I stripped the sheets off the bed, leaving the blankets neatly folded on top, and then I knelt to check the floor. Unfortunately in our haste, we had torn off several of his waistcoat buttons, and Richard being Richard, they were fine, distinctive ones. I scrabbled about, locating as many as I could, then I pocketed them and left the room—not by the corridor, but by a small door in the corner. This looked as though it should be a cupboard, but opened on stairs leading down to the servants’ corridors. I had discovered it the day before, when I cleaned the room and made the bed.

  I went down to the basement. I’d screwed the sheets into as tight a bundle as I could make them, the secret of my lost virginity tucked inside.

  Servants filled the kitchen, so dinner must be well under way. I threw my bundle on the fire, pushing it to the back with a poker, making certain sure the fire caught it. “Rags,” I explained to the one maid who lifted her head. Then I went up the backstairs to the outside of the house, coming in again through the side door.

  I went up to my room, noticing it was half past two. I must hurry, to dress in time for dinner. A maid entered—Grey—and I looked at her with new understanding, wondering how she’d felt having her lover taken from her.

  If she noticed the knot that tied my stays was not the same one she’d tied that morning, she said nothing. “Is it true,” I asked her, �
��that you loved the last earl, the younger brother?”

  Her hands faltered at the back of my gown, and then she continued. “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Would you have done anything for him?”

  “Anything.”

  She fetched the black gown from York from the bed, and held it open. I slipped my arms into the sleeves and she busied herself hooking it up at the front. “I understood he knew a few of the village maids.”

  She snorted. “They didn’t understand him, ma’am. He needed care and understanding, but they didn’t notice that. His brother kept him short of money all the time.” I looked up and met her sorrowful gaze. “He needed looking after, ma’am. He was so sad, so afraid of everyone and everything.”

  I nodded. “Thank you.” From what she had said, I doubted the fifth earl was in complete command of all his faculties, though whether by birth or the abuse heaped on him from childhood could never be discerned now. His father’s draconian treatment, then his brother’s deprivations would be enough to turn anyone’s mind.

  I had eliminated another suspect. I met Lizzie on the way down to dinner and told her my news. She sighed. “I talked to her, too. She seems to have had real affection for the poor man. I’m glad he had someone.” She glanced at me, sharply. “So where did you get to this afternoon? I couldn’t go and find you without causing comment, but I would have done if I could.”

  “Oh, we toured the top corridor and then we walked in the gardens for a while.” I marvelled how easy I found it to lie to her, when I’d never kept secrets from her before. “Then he went in to rest, and I stayed outside. Do you know how much work there is to do in the gardens?”

  “Oh, I can guess.” Lizzie seemed satisfied with my explanation. “Ten years’ growth must amount to a forest.”

  “You can just discern flower beds from hedge,” I said, improvising wildly. “I think it would be best razed to the ground and done all over again.”

  “You’re probably right,” she agreed, and we went to dinner.

  Steven behaved towards Richard with increasing insolence, perhaps thinking they shared a secret when he’d discovered us in flagrante. Richard took no more notice of him than he did of Miss Cartwright, treating them both with the same rigid politeness.