Dishonorable

by Natasha Knight

  “She probably figured out where you are.”

  He rolled over on top of me and trapped me with his elbows on either side of my face. He kissed me.

  “I like my smell on you.”

  “Well, I don’t know if everyone else will, so I should shower.”

  “What are you two going to do today?”

  “I’m not sure yet.” I thought back to yesterday, to seeing my grandfather with that man. “Raphael, that man from the wedding, who is he exactly?”

  Hid face grew serious, and he rolled off me. “Vincent Moriarty. A self-proclaimed businessman. A thug, and an extortionist too, to whom my father owed money.”

  “He’s dangerous, isn’t he?”

  “I told you I wouldn’t let him hurt you, Sofia.”

  It wasn’t me I was worried about. “Does he want to hurt you?” I asked.

  “He expects me to repay my father’s debt.”

  “I have to tell you something,” I said, sitting up.

  “If it’s about him meeting with your grandfather, I know.”

  “What? How?”

  “Eric mentioned it. He saw them, when you and your sister went to get her phone.”

  “Oh,” I’d forgotten about Eric. Of course he would have seen. “I want to see my grandfather again today. Ask him what it was about. Have him lay all his cards on the table.”

  Raphael chuckled and climbed out of bed. “You’re naive, Sofia.”

  I followed him. “I’m not naive. Things have changed. You’re my husband now, and it’s different than it was meant to be.”

  He stopped and turned. The look on his face made me falter.

  “I don’t want to lie to you. And I don’t want to play games with you,” I said.

  “That’s good, because I don’t want to play them with you.”

  “We’re not enemies, right?”

  “No, but your grandfather—”

  “Needs to go home and accept what’s happened. Accept his loss.”

  He took my face in his hands and drew me to him, then kissed my forehead.

  “Naive, but sweet.”

  He went into the bathroom. I followed him.

  “You never answered me when I asked you if there was more to tell me about the consummation. I’ve been thinking about it, and it doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t stand to gain by requiring that. There was something else, wasn’t there?” I knew there was from the look on his face. “What did you give up for me to have time with my sister?”

  “Five percent.”

  “What?”

  “I get forty-five percent now. Not the full fifty.”

  “For those few days she can be here?”

  He nodded and switched on the shower.

  “Raphael, you did that for me?” He didn’t have to. He hadn’t had to do anything for me. I went to him but when he turned, I saw how his face had hardened.

  “I told you once; don’t make a saint out of me. I’m not that, Sofia.”

  His words startled me. “What does that mean?”

  “It means exactly what I said.”

  “I want Lina to stay. I want to be her legal guardian,” I blurted out before I could chicken out.

  “Stay? As in here with us?”

  “She’ll be eighteen in two years. And she’s self-sufficient, not like a child—”

  “I’m not worried about that. What makes you think your grandfather will allow that?”

  “I’m going to ask him.”

  “No.” He shook his head. “You can’t see him again. I forbid it.”

  “You forbid it?”

  “He’s my enemy, Sofia, which makes him your enemy. Didn’t what you saw with your own eyes prove that yesterday?”

  “Exactly why I need to work out for my sister to stay here with me. I don’t feel safe sending her back with him.”

  He shook his head, stepped into the shower, and picked up the shampoo.

  “Raphael! I’m talking to you.”

  “I’m late for a meeting.”

  “What meeting? What is with all your meetings?”

  “I can make some time for a quick fuck in the shower, though.”

  He grinned, that arrogance I hated back.

  I flipped him off and walked out of the bathroom, slipped his T-shirt over my head, and ran for it to my bedroom, not wanting to bump into anyone until I’d showered. It took him all of two minutes to follow me, dripping and naked, down the hallway. At my door, he gripped my arm and pushed me inside, slamming it shut behind us.

  “Don’t you ever do that to me again, understand?”

  “Which part, this?” I gave him the finger again. “Or the walking away?”

  He squeezed my arm, his mouth tightening. “You want to play after all?”

  I narrowed my eyes, but my heart pounded at the look in his eyes, the tone of his voice. I always seemed to forget my inexperience. Forget his power.

  Or maybe I just thought things had shifted between us last night.

  “We can play.”

  He turned me and pushed me over the footboard of the bed.

  I made to get up, but he pressed a hand between my shoulder blades and kept me down, then shoved the T-shirt up over my back and spread my legs apart before coming to stand between them. I felt him then, felt his hardness at my ass, and as much as I didn’t want to, as much as I wanted to stay angry, my body was responding, like it always did to Raphael.

  “You have a great ass, Sofia,” he said, then slapped it once.

  “Ow!”

  “Keep your face on the bed.”

  He twisted my hair around his hand and leaned over me.

  “You’re hurting me.”

  “Seems to be the story of our lives.”

  He slapped my hip again.

  “Stop!”

  “You going to keep your head down?”

  He squeezed his fist, and I nodded. When he straightened, I stayed as I was. His hands came to my ass and spread me open.

  “A very fuckable ass,” he said, fingers caressing me, holding me wide.

  I made a sound, embarrassed, and buried my face in the bed.

  “And your cunt is always dripping for me, isn’t it?”

  “I hate you,” I muttered.

  “That’s not true.”

  In the next moment, his tongue was licking the length of me, from my sex to my ass, circling there, then sliding back over the lips of my sex.

  “I’m going to fuck every hole, you know that, right?”

  I swallowed, more aroused than I liked.

  He licked again, this time, pressing his tongue against my ass.

  “Stop.”

  “Don’t worry.”

  He straightened, his cock at the entrance of my pussy.

  “Not that one yet.”

  He dipped his cock inside, and I arched my back, biting my lip.

  Fuck. That first moment, when he first entered me…fuck.

  “You want to come, don’t you?” He moved slowly in and out. “You like being fucked.”

  I swallowed, gripped the bedcover, and refused to answer. Too humiliated to let him know how turned on I was.

  “Not this morning, though,”

  His hand in my hair, he drew me up, held me to him with his cock still buried inside me.

  “Consider it your first punishment. A relatively easy one.”

  He slipped out and turned me around to kiss me once, then pushed me to my knees.

  I looked at him, at his cock before me, slick with my juices.

  “Open wide, honey. I want to come down your throat. Take care of this hole before I take care of that ass”

  I wanted to hate him, wanted to be repelled by him, by his words. He got hard while humiliating me. So why couldn’t I hate him? Why did I, instead, open my mouth and lick him, tasting him and myself on him, before opening wide, like he said, and taking him into my mouth? Why did I drip for him?

  “Fuck,” Raphael groaned, drawing the word out.


  I looked up at him as he moved me over himself with his hand in my hair, hurting me a little, still leaving me wanting.

  This was fucked up. This wasn’t how sex was supposed to go.

  And it was even more fucked-up that it made me wet.

  When he looked down at me and gave me that lopsided, dirty grin, all I wanted to do was reach between my legs and make myself come.

  “I like your virgin mouth, Sofia. I’m going to like coming down your throat, making you choke on me.”

  He moved me faster along his length, going deeper, not easing up when I struggled for breath.

  “And I want you to know that when I say I forbid you something, I expect obedience.”

  He squeezed my hair, his cock stuffed deep in my mouth, forcing me to look up at him.

  “Remember your wedding vows.”

  He smirked and thrust deeper, his face tightening, his cock thickening.

  “Because I didn’t take a whip to your back last night doesn’t mean I won’t take my belt to your ass when you need it. Punishment earned is something else entirely.”

  The head of his cock hit the back of my throat.

  “Understand?”

  Tears fell from the corners of my eyes as I pushed against his thighs, struggling to breathe.

  He pulled out a little, and moved my head in a nod.

  “Good girl.”

  In that moment, I hated him. I hated his power over me. Hated that it aroused me even now, even through this.

  But then he leaned me backward at an angle just this side of painful and fucked my face, really fucked it, and when he stilled and came down my throat, all I could do was take it, take him, and watch his face, his beautiful face as he took his pleasure from me then drew out, releasing me.

  I wiped the back of my hand over my mouth, sitting back on my heels.

  “That was good for your first time,” he said. “But you missed some.”

  With his toe, he pointed to where some cum had dripped onto the floor.

  “Lick it up.”

  Rage burned hot inside me, starting at my belly, searing my throat as it made itself heard. “Fuck. You.” I stood, somehow not stumbling, and faced him. I refused to look away. And when he grinned, I drew my arm back and slapped him.

  His body didn’t move, only his head snapped to the side. He exhaled, and the side of his mouth curved upward as his hand rose to touch his cheek. Slowly, he turned to look at me.

  His gaze slid over me, and I shuddered, holding my breath when he brought his fingers to my belly and slid them up between my breasts, over my chest. His hand then fisted around my throat, and I grabbed his forearm as he leaned over me.

  “Don’t ever fucking do that again.”

  He squeezed, and I trembled. He was volatile, like a land mine that if I didn’t tread lightly, I’d set off. He crushed my neck in his hand, and I couldn’t speak. I made a sound as he lifted me up on tiptoe. That was when he must have realized what he was doing, because he blinked fast several times, as if seeing me anew. When he released me, I clutched the footboard. It was the only way to keep upright.

  He looked around the room, and it took him a minute to face me again.

  “Get dressed. Don’t force me to punish you.”

  His warning said, he crossed the floor and left, slamming the door behind him.

  I exhaled, rubbing my throat. What the hell had just happened? After last night? How had we devolved to this point? What had I said? What had I asked? I’d flipped him off and walked away. He’d gotten so angry. Too angry.

  My legs trembling, I walked into the bathroom and switched on the shower. I hurried to wash and got dressed, pulling my hair into a ponytail as I went to knock on Lina’s door. But there was no answer. When I opened the door, her bed was made and the room empty. She’d taken to sleeping with Charlie on her bed, and he too was gone.

  I didn’t hear Raphael, When I got to the kitchen, I found Maria rolling dough at the counter and Nicola drying and stacking dishes.

  “Good morning.”

  They both smiled and wished me the same.

  “Is my sister here?”

  Maria said something, but I didn’t understand so Nicola translated.

  “No. She left with Damon earlier. She said she would be back by dinnertime.”

  “With Damon?” I guess she’d been waiting for me. “Did she leave me a note or anything?”

  “No, sorry. She said to let you sleep.”

  “Okay. Thanks.” Charlie chose that moment to come back into the house, yapping in excitement when he saw me. Eric followed behind him, looking irritated. “Where’s Raphael?”

  “He left for a meeting,” Nicola said.

  So I was on my own. Well, on my own with Eric.

  “If you want to go anywhere, I’m to take you,” Eric said.

  “I’m fine. Thanks.”

  After making myself a cup of coffee, I walked outside. Charlie followed. The fields were quiet, not another person in sight as far as I could see. I walked toward the vineyard with my coffee, enjoying the sun, the quiet all around me, disappointed that Lina had left but glad she had. She only had a few days left, and it was good that Damon was here and he could show her around. But what would I do all day? Staying here, rattling around the house, just made me feel isolated, even more alone. I wondered if I’d ever settle in. Ever call it home.

  I drew my phone out of my pocket and dialed Lina, but it went directly to voice mail. I left her a message and told her to have fun, then tried Damon’s phone. His, too, went to voice mail.

  I then did something else. Something I knew Raphael would not approve of. But if he was busy with his meetings and expected me to stay here alone all day and just let everything happen around me, well, he had another thing coming. I had to remember that no matter what had happened between us, this man carried a lot of baggage. Physical abuse as a child, most likely accompanied by emotional and mental abuse. Murder—even if it was self-defense. Prison.

  No matter what he did, no matter how much I wanted things to be good, no matter how much I needed to believe that demons could be banished, I needed to remember the reality of things. And his hand squeezing my throat this morning, well, that was reality.

  I touched my neck, which felt tender. Bruises had already begun to form, and I decided I wouldn’t cover them up. He should see what he was capable of. They all should.

  Scrolling through my cell phone, I found my grandfather’s number. He was the only one who answered on the second ring.

  “This is Marcus Guardia,” he said formally.

  I rolled my eyes. He had to know it was me. He’d see my name on the display. “It’s Sofia,” I said.

  “Good morning, Sofia.”

  “Good morning, Grandfather.”

  An awkward moment. “This is a surprise. A pleasant one.”

  “I…” What was I doing? “I need to see you.”

  “All right. I’m just getting ready to leave for the winery. Would you care to join me? Have a look at it yourself?”

  “The winery?” I had never been to it. Neither had Lina. Over the years, my grandfather had taken trips there, but he’d never brought us along. “Yes.”

  “I can pick you up in about forty-five minutes, if you like?”

  I glanced behind me at the house but didn’t see Eric. “Yes, please. I’ll be waiting by the gate.”

  “I’ll see you in a little bit. And Sofia,” he said just as I was about to disconnect the call. “I’m glad you called.”

  I didn’t have a response apart from a good-bye, and we hung up. I returned to the kitchen, already knowing what I’d tell Eric to ensure he wouldn’t follow me. As for Raphael, I risked his rage, but I had no choice. I needed to talk to my grandfather about Lina. About Moriarty. I needed to get things out in the open and be finished with it.

  Forty-five minutes later, Charlie and I stood at the gate alone. A sedan came toward us down the dusty road, pulling to a stop at the gates. My grandfathe
r opened the back door and stepped out at the same time as the driver, and I climbed into the car with Charlie on my lap.

  “What is that?” he asked, a clear look of distaste on his face.

  I scratched behind Charlie’s ear and held him on my lap. “It’s a puppy, Grandfather. His name is Charlie.”

  “Does he have to join us?”

  “Yes.”

  He didn’t argue with me but gave me a resigned look. The driver closed the door, and we were off.

  “No one to wave you off? Where is your sister?”

  “Resting,” I lied. I knew he wouldn’t like knowing Lina was in enemy hands. Although Damon was hardly the enemy. Maybe he was my only ally. Funny how, just a few hours ago, I’d been thinking Raphael was my ally.

  “And Raphael?”

  “Meetings.”

  “Does he know you’re with me?”

  “No.”

  “Good girl,” he said with a smile, shifting his gaze out the window.

  “Why haven’t you ever brought us to the winery?”

  “I wasn’t sure you’d be interested. You were both too young.”

  “It’s our history. Of course we’d be interested.”

  “Well, then forgive me my poor choice.”

  His voice told me he didn’t want to talk anymore about it. And that was fine. Neither did I.

  We drove in silence for a little while, Charlie making what could have been a long trip a little less awkward. The winery was located about an hour from Raphael’s property. I had no idea it was that close. Why hadn’t Raphael mentioned it?

  Much like his, it was set off the road with a large house at the top of a hill, surrounded by vineyards in full bloom, the vines thick with lush green leaves. Dark purple-blue grapes grew in abundance. That was so opposite the blackened vines surrounding Raphael’s house it was startling.

  “We’re here, Sir,” the driver said.

  “Thank you.” I reached to open the door, but my grandfather put a hand on my knee to stop me.

  “We’ll be right out.”

  “Sir.” The driver nodded and left us alone.

  “About what you said the other day. I don’t hate you,” Grandfather said. “And I may have blamed you for your mother’s…choices…but I realize that’s not quite right. I am trying, Sofia.”

  I looked at him, his lined gray eyes showing his age. I bit the inside of my mouth and nodded. Too many questions to ask, but this moment, I felt like it was truth. His truth, at least.