Dishonorable

by Natasha Knight

  I rose to my feet. “Any debt you think I owe you is wiped out. Stay the fuck away from me, or the next time, I will fucking choke the life out of you, you disgusting pig.”

  He didn’t have a chance to speak. When one of his men stepped in my path, I knocked him with my shoulder and kept going. He didn’t follow. I walked out of the restaurant and to my car and drove home, finished with Moriarty and his debts, one more step closer to walking away from my past. Only problem was, I knew I’d never give it a chance to let go of me because I knew I couldn’t let it go. Not when it meant letting go of Sofia.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Sofia

  I left by train from Siena to Venice that evening. Once I checked into a small hotel, I called the attorney who’d overheard my conversation with my grandfather and left him my address, telling him to forward any paperwork to me here. I called Lina and told her I was in Venice, told her what had happened and what I’d done, and told her I needed to be off-line for a few days.

  I missed Charlie. I missed cuddling up with him on my lap, missed his unconditional love.

  The first twelve days I spent in bed, feeling sorry for myself.

  On the thirteenth day, someone knocked on the door. When I told whoever it was to go away, they answered that I had received a package.

  Reluctantly, I went to the door, cringing when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I opened it and took the large white envelope, assuming it was paperwork about Lina’s guardianship. I pushed the shutters and window open to let in some fresh air and sunshine. The room smelled stale, and it seemed my sadness had permeated even the walls.

  Once seated at the desk, I opened the envelope and withdrew the papers.

  And stared.

  I checked the return address. It was my attorney, so I’d assumed they were the papers to take over guardianship of Lina. But when I opened them, there was a second envelope inside. This one was from Raphael or his attorney. He must have sent it to my attorney who forwarded it here. This was the document discussing the annulment of our marriage.

  “Unbelievable.” I flipped through the pages, shaking my head. “Didn’t waste any time, did you?”

  After everything that had happened, he’d just drawn up the papers and would put things into motion. All that was needed was my signature, and he’d get a nice big payout from my grandfather.

  I questioned now what had happened in that office that day. Maybe he hadn’t been lying at all in the chapel. Maybe he’d lied after hearing about the payout, knowing he could be rid of me and still get paid in a matter of weeks rather than years. And save his own house and get Moriarty off his back on top of it. Maybe he didn’t want me at all. It’s not like he was fighting for me.

  I shoved the chair back and found a pen in one of the drawers.

  Instead of signing the document, I drew an X through the center of it and wrote the words Fuck You at the very top in big, bold letters.

  Unless I signed, he’d get nothing.

  And why should this be easy for him, when it was anything but for me?

  I called the front desk and scrawled Return to Sender on the envelope, handing it back to the man who’d just delivered it and telling him to send it back. I then went into the bathroom to have a shower and give myself a kick in the ass.

  Why in hell was I wallowing in my pain, when he was out drawing up paperwork to be rid of me? To collect money to do just that?

  Apart from my father, I’d known two other men. And they’d both betrayed me. They’d used me and then discarded me like I was a piece of trash.

  Well, fuck them. I’d had enough.

  I left the hotel later that morning and stepped onto a gondola that took me across the canal and spent the day exploring the beautiful old city. I’d always wanted to come here, to see it. I just never thought it’d be alone. But I forced a smile on my face and walked along with other tourists through markets and narrow streets, eating lunch in a tiny café where I ordered by pointing to a dish another diner was eating. I returned to my hotel when it was dark out with a bottle of wine I’d bought, feeling exhausted, the depression I’d been shoving to the side creeping back in as I opened my bedroom door and walked inside. I opened the window, pulled my chair up to it, and watched the water and the people below. I drank the entire bottle of wine and didn’t not even bother undressing before I collapsed on top of the sheets, oblivion seeming like a fine idea right then.

  At first I thought the pounding was my head.

  I’d been drunk once before, at Raphael’s house that first night.

  That hangover was nothing compared to what was happening now. The sound wouldn’t stop, the throbbing wouldn’t go away.

  “Sofia! Open the door!”

  I rolled over onto my side, realizing I still had on my clothes and even one shoe.

  “I know you’re in there. Don’t make me break it down.”

  I glanced over at the door. The pounding started again, and I heard another door open and someone yell out that it was the middle of the night. I checked the time. It was almost two o’clock in the morning.

  “Goddamn it.” He started banging again.

  Raphael?

  I sat up, clutching my head. Was I still drunk, or was this a hangover? Getting up, I unlocked the door and pulled it open to find Raphael standing outside, looking like he was about to ram his shoulder into it.

  “Why are you pounding?” I asked, stepping back when he shoved his way in before closing it.

  “Because you sleep like the dead. I tried knocking like a normal person, believe me.”

  He looked at me, furrowed his eyebrows, sniffed, then zeroed in on the empty bottle of wine lying on its side near the window. My gaze followed his, surprised. Had I drunk the whole thing?

  “You’re drunk,” he said.

  “No.” I shook my head, but it hurt so I stopped. “I was drunk. Now I’m hungover.”

  He grinned, shaking his head.

  “No, sweetheart, you’re still drunk.”

  Sweetheart.

  Ha.

  “How did you find me?” No one knew where I was, not even Lina. Only my lawyer, so I could sign whatever I needed to sign and get Lina away from my grandfather.

  “It wasn’t easy.”

  “What do you want?” I asked, blinking hard, forcing my eyes to stay open.

  He moved around the room and went over to the phone, picked it up, and ordered coffee and some bottles of water. The water sounded good.

  “Come on, you’re having a shower.”

  He took my arm and started to move me toward the bathroom.

  “No, I’m not. I’m going back to bed as soon as I drink that water you ordered. Go away.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  He lifted me in his arms when I wouldn’t go willingly and deposited me in the bathroom.

  “Strip.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “You already said that on the annulment papers, remember?” A knock came at the door. “Strip, and get in the shower while I get that.”

  “No.”

  But he walked away to answer the door, leaving me alone to do as he said. Well, like I said, he could go fuck himself.

  I sat down on the edge of the tub and ran a bath instead.

  I heard him thank the room-service man. A few minutes later, the bathroom door opened again, and he stepped inside with a bottle of water. I still hadn’t undressed, but he seemed pleased I was running the water.

  “Here.”

  He handed me the bottle. I took it and drank almost all of it down while he went back into the other room. He returned with a cup of coffee.

  “You shouldn’t drink an entire bottle of wine.”

  “Like you care.” I took the coffee from him and drank a long sip. It was good. I felt a little more human.

  “I do care. I told you that already. What the hell was with that Return to Sender with the big ole fuck you, Sofia?”

  “You didn’t like it?”


  “No. You’re being immature.”

  “Well, I am a little girl, right? Isn’t that what you said?” I drained the coffee and handed him the empty cup. “Excuse me while I have a bath.”

  “I’ll stay right here.” He set the cup on the counter.

  “What do you want, Raphael? You want my signature? After everything, you just want to erase this whole thing like it never happened? Well, you can’t just do that. It doesn’t work that way.” I swore at the tears that threatened and shifted my attention to switching off the water.

  “You almost got killed because of me.”

  “No, not because of you. Because of my grandfather.”

  “I’m giving you back your freedom.”

  “You’re getting paid.”

  “It’s not about the money.”

  “You sure were quick to sign. “Five minutes or the offer expires.” You were tripping over yourself to sign.”

  “Did you hear a word I said to you in that office?”

  “The lies, you mean? You told me once not to make a saint out of you. Well, I heard that, loud and clear. You’re not a saint. Got it. Remembered it. It was just a hell of a lot easier to walk away and tell me you were doing it for me. Admit it, Raphael. Admit it was easier. Then get the hell out of my life.”

  I felt stronger, like the effects of the wine were wearing off. Maybe it was the water or the coffee, but I had a feeling it was the anger inside me burning away the alcohol more than anything else.

  But then he said what he said.

  “If you wanted me out of your life, you would have signed the annulment papers.”

  And I knew it was true. He was right. If I wanted him out, I would have signed and put all this behind me.

  “I’ve changed my mind, anyway. You’re not going anywhere, Sofia.”

  “Not until you have my signature, you mean? Did you bring a clean copy of the paperwork?”

  “You’re being stupid.”

  “No, I think the word is naive. You used that once too, didn’t you? You had my number all along. I was the fool to fall for it, for your tortured soul act. Get out. I mean it.”

  “No.”

  “Get the fuck out.”

  He cocked his head to the side. “Fine. You want me out? Make me go.”

  I narrowed my eyes and went toward him. With both my hands on his hard chest, I shoved him backward.

  Except he didn’t move.

  “You’re going to have to do better than that.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “Is that an offer?”

  I shoved again. Again, nothing.

  “Get out. I mean it,” I said, hands fisted at my sides.

  “Like I said, make me.”

  He gave me a cocky grin. The one I remembered from when I first met him. The one that said he didn’t believe I dared.

  Well, I fucking dared.

  With tears in my eyes, I drew my arm back and slapped him hard across the face. He barely moved. His eyes blinked and his head turned just a little, but his wall of a chest still stood right where it was, not moving, not allowing me to move.

  For a moment, I froze. This wasn’t the first time I’d slapped him. And I remembered well what had happened the last time.

  But Raphael only stood there, waiting for me. Waiting for more?

  I could give him more.

  “I’d never been slapped before,” I said, drawing my arm back again, remembering my grandfather slapping me, readying to strike him again. “It’s a really personal thing, isn’t it?” I said, swinging. “Humiliating.”

  He caught my wrist, and when I swung the other one, he caught that one too and shoved my back against the wall, pressing his body into mine, stretching my arms over my head.

  “Yeah, it’s personal.”

  He smashed his lips over mine then quickly came up for air.

  “It’s very fucking personal.”

  I grunted, trying to free myself, refusing to open my mouth, turning my head. “Fuck you.”

  He transferred both wrists to one hand and gripped my jaw with the other, forcing me to look at him.

  “I told you already, I love you,” he said.

  “That’s why it was so hard to give me up.”

  He shook his head then kissed me again, grinding against me.

  “You stupid, stupid girl.”

  “Let me go! I mean it, or I’ll scream.”

  “Go ahead and try.”

  He lifted me off the floor and carried me into the bedroom, where he threw me on the bed.

  “I’ll do it.”

  “I said go ahead and try.”

  He drew his shirt over his head and came at me, one knee on the bed, capturing me as I scurried to the other side. Once he had me, he dragged me toward him. I did as I said I would and opened my mouth to scream, but he closed his hand over it, looming over me with that know-it-all grin, and ripped my dress in two.

  “Next time I tell you to strip, you’ll learn to strip.”

  I fought him, but he only laughed at my attempts and tore my bra, exposing my breasts, then dragged my panties down and off.

  “I missed seeing you naked,” he said, his gaze scanning me. “Missed touching you.”

  He straddled me with his thighs, keeping his weight off me but trapping me. He leaned down close.

  “Do I need to gag you?”

  I opened my mouth to scream, but he muffled the sound when his lips found mine.

  “I guess that’s a yes,” he muttered

  He mashed his mouth over mine again and held my arms at my sides, pinning me to the bed. After a good, long kiss, he leaned back.

  “Now be fucking quiet and listen.”

  I tried to move, tried to break free, but it was impossible. I stopped fighting and looked at him.

  “Did you even bother reading the papers I sent you before scrawling your message to me?”

  I hadn’t. I hadn’t thought there was any need to.

  “Did you?”

  I shook my head.

  “If you had, you would have seen that I opened a bank account in your name. That the money the old man owed me would be transferred right back to you. I don’t want the money, Sofia. This has never been about the money. But fuck me. It was never meant to be about love either.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Raphael

  She finally quieted.

  Fuck. I hadn’t come here to fuck her. I hadn’t.

  “You still want me to let you go?”

  She shook her head.

  I released her wrists and flipped her over onto her belly, then straddled her again, trapping her beneath me.

  “I love you,” I said, reaching over to grab the bottle of hand moisturizer she had on the nightstand. “But you’re a pain in my ass.” I drew her hips up, so she was on her knees. “Don’t get up,” I told her when she started to rise. I pushed her knees apart with mine and fisted a handful of her hair, pushing her face down into the bed. “Ass up, face down. Understand?”

  “Raphael—”

  I slapped her hip—not hard, but enough to get her attention. She cried out and looked back at me from the corner of her eye.

  “Understand?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good.” I let go of her hair and twisted the lid off the lotion, squeezing about half the tube on her lower back. “Now like I said,” I started, unzipping my jeans and pushing them and my briefs down, my cock like steel in anticipation of what was to come. I hadn’t had another woman since Sofia, and it had been too long since I’d had her.

  I spread her ass cheeks and looked down at her perfect, virgin ass before sliding my cock into her pussy.

  She sucked in a breath.

  “Like I said.” She looked at me. “You’re a pain in my ass, so I’m going to be a pain in yours.”

  Her eyes grew wide as she registered my meaning, and I smiled, pumping slowly in and out of her pussy while smearing lotion all over her tight little asshole.

&nb
sp; “You can’t,” she said, her eyes closing again.

  “I told you I’d fuck every hole, didn’t I?”

  “But—”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you come, but not until I’m buried deep.” I slipped my thumb into her asshole as I said it, and she rounded her back, her muscles tightening at the intrusion. “Relax, let it feel good.” It took her a few minutes, but she did, slowly arching her back again, letting me move my finger in and out of her as I slowly pumped my cock in her pussy. I smeared more lotion in and around her asshole, and when she was taking two fingers and moaning, I drew out of her pussy and held her hips.

  She stiffened instantly, her eyelids flew open, and she tried to draw her hips away.

  “Sofia.” I gripped tighter and slapped her hip again to get her attention. “I’m fucking your ass now. Relax. Look at me, okay?”

  She nodded.

  I brought the head of my cock to her, smearing it in the lotion, rubbing and pushing until her opening stretched to let me in.

  “Too big.” She tried to pull away again.

  “Shh.”

  She made some sound and I pushed in a little deeper.

  “That’s it. Relax. Fuck, you’re so tight.”

  “It hurts.”

  “It’ll feel good. I promise.” I reached around to take her clit between my fingers and rubbed. Her eyes closed again, and her back arched. I pushed in a little deeper, pumping in and out slowly. “You feel good, Sofia.”

  “I’m going to come, Raphael.”

  “Come, baby. Let me feel you come.”

  She did, as if on demand, moaning with my cock halfway inside her, my fingers pinching her clit, rubbing, making her come. Her body relaxed, and I pumped deeper. It took all my effort not to thrust harder, wanting to, needing to claim her, all of her. Needing to make her mine.

  “You like my cock in your ass?” I asked, pumping a little harder, almost all the way inside her now. “Are you going to take my cum inside your ass?”

  “Yes. Fuck, Raphael—”

  She closed her eyes, coming again, and this time as she did, I pulled out and drove in harder. She gasped, arching her back, thrusting her hips against me.