Indulge

by Liv Morris

  I go back to my room, grab my school ID, license, and a few bucks. I decide to ditch the purse and just use my pocket.

  We all pile into the Explorer and take the short trip to Hank’s. Georgia is drunk as a skunk, and it is hilarious. She’s singing every word to Snoop Dogg. I just never pictured a 4’11’’ country talkin’ girl from Alabama rapping. I guess that is what happens when you assume.

  There is an old wooden sign that is barely legible on the left side of the highway. It looks like it has been there for fifty years. We make a few quick turns, and there it is. Hank’s Tavern. It’s a party in the middle of nowhere. Something about this makes me feel like home.

  As we make our way to the door, Georgia slips on the gravel. She starts laughing, and the rest of us do as well, once we help her up.

  “Y’all, I think the ground and curbs are out to get me. I mean, they come out of nowhere. The next thing I know, I’m on my ass again!” Georgia is a hoot. She always makes light of situations.

  Hank’s Tavern is not exactly what I pictured. It’s an old, worn-down, wooden shed. There are five parking spaces in front of the restaurant section of the place. The rest of the parking is located across the road in a gravel lot. It’s gravel, no pavement anywhere. The bouncers are dressed in jeans and Hank’s Tavern t-shirts that fit just a little snug around their arms showing off their muscles. They ask for our IDs, take a brief glance, and in we go. I will have to say; the guys don’t get in quite as easy. They get patted down and driver’s license checked. Sometimes it pays to be a female.

  We enter through another set of glass doors and immediately cigarette smoke and stale beer hit my nostrils. The room is open except for a few pool tables and the bar. It is dark, lights are flashing, and the music is bumping. We do exactly what any group of girls would do, walk straight to the restroom. You have got to kidding me! No door, really? There is no freakin’ door on the last stall. After taking a few minutes to get over the negative stall door and freshen up, we walk out and head straight to the dance floor.

  I have to say that this is exactly where redneck meets ghetto fabulous. Who would have thought a place like this would play Mystikal, Dr. Dre, Lil Wayne, throw in a little “Downtown” by Lady A, and Old Crow Medicine Show? We have the best time just dancing in a big group. I notice Crystal and Lucas on the floor; she smiles and waves before continuing to do things she should be embarrassed to be doing in public. I am so thankful that I don’t have to deal with that in my room. That is one benefit to her dating a Resident Assistant… he has his own room.

  By midnight, Hank’s is packed. I decide to grab a bottle of water, and as I’m about to pay, I hear that oh-so-sexy voice.

  “I got that.”

  “It’s okay, Joe. I got it.”

  “No, I insist. I was an ass earlier. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. It’s the least I can do.”

  “Damn straight! I’m proud of who I am and where I’m from. I just hate when damn Yankees come down here and then try to make us look like hicks. You don’t like the way we live, then don’t cross the Mason-Dixon,” I say as playful as possible. It did tick me off earlier, but I don’t want him to think I’m a bitch.

  “I swear I won’t do it again, and nobody is gonna pick on you eating squirrel but me,” he says with a smile.

  “Okay, I’ll give ya that.”

  “So, Squirrel, you wanna dance?”

  “Mr. Scaredy Cat, I’d love to.” He takes the water bottle from me and leads me to the dance floor.

  About the time we get to the floor, I hear “Mirrors” by Justin Timberlake begin to bleed through the speakers. I sure do love some JT! Joe and I make it to the dance floor. I notice all the baseball players didn’t dress up for this event because they are wearing sweats. Joe takes my hands, entwining our fingers, and pulls me closer to him. We move back and forth. I do my best to keep my body at a distance, but it is almost impossible. The way he moves, the firmness of his body near mine, and the way my body is reacting to him is almost scary. He is so sure of himself.

  As if he is reading my mind, he turns me around to where my ass is now at his other brain. I think it’s time to have a little fun. I know it’s a sign when I hear “To the windows, to the walls”. When I know the chorus is about to start, I get ready. I’m about to show him what this country girl is made of. I bend over to the floor and touch my toes just like the song says. When I do, I know I have him because that second brain of his is at full attention.

  As the song ends, I decide I better break up this party before it has time to get started. I turn to walk to the Kluft girls who are still dancing. He grabs my hand and pulls me back to him.

  “Not so fast, Squirrel. You can’t leave me after that number.”

  I just smirk and walk back to my friends. We all continue dancin’ and I know I’m about to get the third degree.

  “Shit, Char. You should have seen his face when you did that. I thought he was gonna explode right there!” Anna says.

  “Well, he ticked me off earlier today, so I thought it would be fun to leave him with a different impression.”

  “You are so bad! I love it!” Anna states.

  We finish the night dancing with whomever and whatever comes our way. We laugh at the old redneck guy with no teeth that Anna is trying to fend off. It’s so funny we can’t even help her. Finally, one of Lucas’ friends comes to her rescue. Georgia finds a guy named Donte, and her hips don’t leave his all night long. They are like a boat riding the waves. Tori, Caroline, and I have fun dancing, and then I feel that hot, muscular, surfer body behind me. Joe.

  Joe and I dance the remainder of the night. We laugh and just have a great time dancing. As closing time approaches, you can almost feel all the hormones raging as they begin to play a little Marvin Gaye, “Let’s Get it On.” I try to make my way off the floor, but before I can, Joe pulls me into a tight embrace. I have no choice but to put my arms around his neck, my head on his chest, and enjoy this last song with him. I start to giggle as Joe begins to sing when the chorus comes through the speakers. I pull back and sing with him. I am completely focused on him as we stare into each other’s eyes. As the song ends, the DJ makes the announcement, “Y’all, it’s that time. You ain’t gotta go home, but you gotta get the hell up outta here! Same place, same time next Saturday night.”

  As we distance ourselves from each other, Joe looks at me and smiles. I walk across the floor to round up the girls. That’s what happens when you’re DD for the night. You end up being everybody’s mama.

  We walk across the road to the Explorer. I make sure everyone is accounted for and then back to Southern we go. We don’t get far before I see blue lights ahead. Dang. Road block.

  “Hey, y’all. Make sure you got your seatbelts on and got some sense.”

  We get through the license check like it’s a piece of cake. As I’m about to turn right to get to campus, I hear Tori. “I’m starved! I need a Servco hotdog!”

  Of course, all the drunk girls agree. So, where do we go? The Servco gas station. I get queasy just thinking about those hotdogs and realize anything must taste better drunk.

  After what feels like an eternity, we finally make it back to Southern. We begin to walk toward Kluft when I hear my name.

  “Squirrel, hold up!”

  I don’t need to turn around to know that it is Joe, but I do anyway. He jogs to catch up with me. Damn, he’s fine. He has a smile plastered all over his face.

  “So, I just wanted to let you know I added another unique fact to my list.”

  “Oh, really? What’s that?” I smirk.

  “You can bend over to the floor and touch your toes,” he says playfully. “No, really Charley, you can dance your ass off. It’s going on the list. If all country girls dance like that, then I’m gonna die and go to country girl heaven!”

  “You ain’t right! I just love to dance. Always have and always will. You ain’t so bad yourself, ya know?! In fact, I don’t know what I would have done if I
hadn’t danced with you all night. I’d probably ended up with the toothless guy that was all over Anna.”

  “I think it’s a safe bet to say you wouldn’t have been alone. I’m just glad I got you out there first.”

  Joe and I continue to walk to Kluft. As we approach the door, he stops, turns to me and looks me in the eyes. Oh, those make ya wanna melt eyes.

  “Guess I’ll see you Monday in class?” I ask quietly.

  “Yeah, I guess so.”

  He moves toward me, puts his hand on my chin, pulls my lips to his, and gives me one soft kiss. I have so many thoughts going through my brain, and the biggest one of all involves a boy I call Cash Money.

  “Um, Joe. I gotta go.” I haul ass upstairs straight to my room. I’m alone as usual and make the text to Cash because I know he is waiting.

  Me: I’m safe & sound

  Cash: Good, Had fun at the hall

  Me: Great! Talk to you tomorrow love u

  Cash: Love u 2

  Chapter 7: 18th Birthday

  Joe and I keep our talking to a minimum in Freshman Seminar on Monday. I don’t exactly know what he’s thinking, but I know what’s on my mind. I like everything about him. His fine ass body, his dance moves, his voice, his smile, his crystal blue eyes, and the way he makes me feel. I also know how I feel about Cash. He’s my rock, anchor, always there no matter what, knows the good, bad, and ugly, loves me unconditionally, and has always been the country boy in my little country fairytale.

  As I’m pondering my thoughts, I hear Joe. “Hey, Squirrel, you okay? You seem like something’s on your mind.” I shrug my shoulders. I know that I decided to take things slow with Cash, but I also want to live my life here. I think the living here is going to include Joe. I don’t want to be one of those girls who leads guys on. They always pissed me off when I was in high school.

  “I’m okay. Just got some stuff to think about.”

  “Well, I’m here if you need to talk. I mean, I hope it’s not me.”

  How do I ignore that comment? I try to shrug it off and change the subject, but that doesn’t happen. As class ends, Joe makes sure to get my attention. I know that he has something to ask.

  “So, Squirrel, we had a great time at Hank’s. Are you all going again this week?”

  “Yeah, we did have a great time. I’m not really sure about the plans for this weekend. That’s too far out. My birthday is Friday though, and we’re planning to have a party on the hall. You should come.”

  “I think I might have to take you up on that.”

  As we walk across campus, I decide to put what’s on my mind out there.

  “Joe, I do have something I need to talk to you about.” I want to tell him what is going on, but I know I can’t share that with him. He just needs to know what to expect from me, or rather, what not to expect.

  “Oh, okay. You wanna go somewhere? We could grab a bite to eat somewhere off campus if you want.”

  “Um, maybe let’s just walk and talk. I found a nice trail the other day when I ran.”

  “Oh.” I can hear and see the disappointment.

  We make our way to the trail after stopping to drop our books off in my dorm room.

  “What is it you need to talk about?”

  “Joe, I just need to be upfront with you. Do you remember when I met you at the soccer party?” He nods. “Well, there’s a lot you don’t know about me and where I come from. A lot of it I don’t want to talk about, but I don’t want to give you the wrong impression either. I had so much fun with you Saturday and at the party, but I just want to enjoy college. I just don’t want you to think that I’m leading you on in anyway.”

  We walk a few minutes before Joe speaks. “Since the day I saw you at that god awful freshman get-to-know-you activity, I wanted to know you more. I don’t know what you have been through, but I can see a strong person inside. I just have one question. Is there someone else? I’m not saying I want us to be an item; I just want to know.”

  “Yes,” I manage to say. I walk with my hands in my pockets. I’m unsure if I should elaborate. After what feels like forever, I finally decide to tell him about Cash.

  “Can we sit a minute?” I point to a fallen down tree trunk.

  “Sure.”

  “I’ve mentioned my best friend Cash. He has been there for me through a lot of shit. I’ve loved him my entire life, even when I wouldn’t admit it. I don’t know what will happen between us now that I am not home. I just need you to know he’s still in the picture.”

  “Okay, so what does that mean while you’re here? Are you off the market or fair game?” I give him a puzzled look. “I didn’t mean it like you were a piece of meat. I just want to know if I have a chance.”

  “This is what I know. I want to be independent. I have a lot of baggage, which I will not explain to you. I left Grassy Pond to discover who I am. I have no idea what will happen along the way.” I take a deep breath and pause. “I just didn’t want to hide that from you.”

  “Charley, that says a lot about you. Most girls would have done what they wanted to regardless of who they hurt. You are different. I don’t know what happened at home and it doesn’t include me, but I do want to get to know you.”

  We stand up from the log, and Joe pulls me in for a hug. I feel like a ton of bricks has been lifted off me, well, at least half a ton. The other half will lift when I talk to Cash.

  On the way back, we discuss practice, the lacrosse game, swimming, and my party.

  “So, what do you want for your birthday?”

  “Not a thing. I just want to hang out with my friends and live it up.”

  Once we return to my dorm room, Joe grabs his bag and leaves to get ready for practice. I know I need to talk to Cash, but I’m sure he’s busy on the farm. I have to be honest with him. I know that I love him, but it’s time to have some fun.

  After practice, I decide to call Cash. I go to my room and say a little prayer. I don’t want to hurt him. I know he feels what I do for him, but he also understands why I came to Southern. I pick up the phone and call him. Before the phone even finishes the first ring, I hear Cash Money.

  “Hey, Char-coal! What are you up to?”

  “Just finished practice and thought I’d see what you were doing.”

  “You miss me, huh?” he states with such confidence.

  “But of course! Everything okay at home?”

  “Yeah, so what do you really have on your mind? I know you, Char, remember?”

  “Gah, I can’t get anything by you. Well, I just needed to hear your voice and talk to you about us.”

  Cash gets really quiet. It sounds like he’s moving around.

  “Hold on Charley, let me get where we can talk.”

  I can hear the TV in the background and the screen door slam. I know exactly where he’s going. Toward the club.

  “You going to the club, Cash?”

  “I thought about it, but I think I’ll just sit at the truck.”

  I love that truck. It is the perfect way to draw any country girl to a country boy, let alone some of the fun we have had in it. I pull myself from my thoughts.

  “Okay, Charley. What are you thinking?”

  “I’m having so much fun here. I’ve really started to just be me, but I wanted to tell you one other thing.”

  Before I can start my sentence, Cash completes it for me.

  “There’s a guy, huh?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “You’re not sure that he’s a guy, or that you like him?” he asks, laughing.

  “Cash, you always make light of everything. I just needed to talk to you. You know I love you. I’ve always loved you, and after I left Hooters, I thought there could be no one but you. But, I just want to have fun. I don’t want to be tied down to one person right now. Does that make any sense?”

  “It does, and I already knew that this was bound to happen. You’re there, and I’m home. I want you to experience college, which is why I’m not pushing us.
I’m here for you no matter where I am.”

  “So, what do we do? I mean, are things okay with us?” My heart is in my throat.

  “I tell you what. Have fun and experience college, but be careful. I can’t say that enough. I’ll do the same here. Charley, I love you. Let me ask you this. What would happen if I went out with someone else? How would you feel?”

  I stop before I can even speak. Did he really just ask that? That hadn’t crossed my mind. I think I just might be sick.

  “I guess I’d have to be okay with it.” I know that I wouldn’t be fine with it.

  “So, Char, let’s do this. Let’s both experience life and see what happens. I’m not saying I’m going to look for someone, but let’s just have fun. When you come home next weekend, let’s talk about it in person.”

  “Okay, but regardless, I do love you, Cash.”

  “And I love you too, Char-coal.”

  We hang up the phone, and I take a deep breath. I know I want to have fun, but if Cash meets someone else, it will be the end of me. I know it’s a double standard, but I don’t care. I want my cake and eat it, too!

  I try to take the remainder of the week to focus on practice, class, and my birthday. I can’t believe that I am almost eighteen. All the girls on the hall have been going overboard planning my party. I honestly think that it is just an excuse to dress cute, drink, dance, and have fun. I’m game.

  I wake up Friday morning to find my door has been abused by toilet paper, shaving cream, and all the decorations a college kid can find in their closets. I go to practice, and when it’s over, I get ready for my lovely 8 a.m. Bio class. On my way to class, my phone blares “Crash My Party”. Cash. I answer to the rich, warm voice singing in the phone.

  “Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday, dear Char-coal! Happy Birthday to you!”

  “Well, if that isn’t a way to start my mornin’! Thanks, Cash. I love you! I knew you wouldn’t forget!”

  “Ain’t no way in hell I’m missin’ your eighteenth birthday. How’s the party gonna be tonight?”

  “Well, for starters they decorated my door after I went to sleep last night, and all the girls are going crazy with outfits, decorating, and drinks. They have tried to be discrete, but they are so obvious. I think we are going out for supper tonight.”