Indulge

by Liv Morris

  “Angel, I promise you, I have not seen her. She has texted me a few times to meet up, but I’ve told her to leave me alone. That I have a girlfriend and that I want nothing to do with her.” Her eyes look hollow...empty, and I can tell I’m not getting through to her. She’s shut herself down to me.

  “I’m sorry, Angel, but I deleted the messages and I have no proof, but I promise on everything that I’m telling you the truth.” Why the fuck did I delete those messages?

  She continues to stare at me with a blank expression on her face.

  “I….”

  Almost said I love you. Stupid bastard. Think before you speak.

  “You are the most important thing in my life, Angel. I would never do that to you. I need you to believe me.”

  Nothing. The only emotion I’ve seen on her face since I got her to open the door is sadness; heartbreaking sadness. I would do or give anything to get that look off her beautiful face.

  “Say something,” I plead. “Tell me you believe me.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispers.

  My body stiffens. This is it. She’s going to tell me it’s over; that she can’t stand the sight of me anymore.

  She takes a deep breath as I watch another tear stream down her cheek. “I’m sorry,” she repeats. “I didn’t mean to read the message. I thought it might have been Micah. Then, when I saw it was a girl, I couldn’t help but read it.”

  I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding. “You think I’m mad at you?” This woman continues to surprise me. “I’m not mad at you.” I shake my head. “I just want you to understand that I didn’t cheat on you. Please. Tell me you believe me?”

  She doesn’t say anything. I very gently kiss the tips of her soft lips. When she doesn’t pull away from me, I continue to kiss her. She opens her lips for me as I slide my tongue in her mouth. She’s a little timid, but it doesn’t stop me. When I finally pull away, I gaze into her sad eyes. “I only want you, Angel. Say you believe me. I need to hear you say it.”

  “You have to understand, Slade...” She takes a deep breath. “I’ve heard all those excuses and pleas before.”

  I let her push me away as she walks out the bathroom door. In her eyes, right now, I’m no better than that jackass Jax.

  The next couple of hours go by agonizingly slow. I’m on edge, and Angel hasn’t said one word to me since she left me standing in the bathroom. On the bright side, she’s not mad at me anymore, but she just acts like I don’t exist, and she’s drunk. Neither one is good, but combined it’s driving me fucking crazy!

  Now, we’re sitting at the table with my family and Holly, and we have just finished dinner. I look across the table to my mom who gives me a dirty look. Shit. I can’t win.

  Micah clears his throat. “I want to thank everyone for coming to dinner tonight.” Holly turns to Angel, giving her a questioning look. She smiles reassuringly and Holly turns her attention back to Micah. “I just want you all to know how much this means to me.” He stands up from his chair, and walks over to where Holly is sitting. She begins to stand. “Sit down, baby,” he says softly. She complies, looking at my parents, then to Angel.

  “What’s going on?” she asks Angel quietly. She doesn’t respond, causing her to turn her attention back to Micah again. When she turns back to him, he is down on one knee in front of her.

  Holly gasps as she places her hand over her mouth while she looks down to my brother. I can’t help but smile.

  He takes in a deep breath. “Baby, the past three years of my life have been amazing. I can’t remember a day that you weren’t there with me, making me smile. As I look to my future, I don’t want there to ever be a day that you’re not by my side. Please make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?” I can tell he is holding his breath. I’m pretty sure we all are. “Please, don’t cry, baby.” He lifts his hand to wipe a tear away off her cheek. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  Removing her hand from over her mouth, she starts shaking her head. “I’m not upset. I’m so happy, Micah. I love you. Yes, of course I’ll marry you.” She leans down to him and gives him a long kiss, followed by a hug. As he slips the ring on her finger, my Mom and Angel begin to cry. We all get up from our chairs as Holly and my brother get up off the floor. Everyone hugs them, and tells them how glad we are for them.

  “Congratulations, Micah.” I walk over to hug my brother. “I’m happy for you guys.” I give him a smile.

  “Thanks, Slade.” He hugs me then pulls away. “I’ve been so nervous. That’s why I acted strange on Dad’s birthday. It’s all I’ve been thinking about.” He stands back and places his hands in his pocket as if he is nervous. “Slade.” He pauses for a second, “Will you be my best man?”

  I pull him into another hug and pat his back, smiling like a fucking idiot. “Of course I will Micah. I’d be honored to stand by you as you marry Holly.”

  He pulls away and turns around to go over to Holly.

  I smile looking back over to the table and see my mother pouring Angel another glass of wine.

  Fucking fantastic!

  I walk over to my mother as Angel walks over to speak to Holly and Micah. “Mom, may I talk to you for a minute?” She gives me a dirty look. This is not going well. I just need to grab Angel and take her back to my place.

  “Listen, Slade,” Great, aren’t I a little too old for a lecture? “whatever you did to mess up what you have with Samantha, you better fix.” She points a finger at me. “Sam is the best thing that will ever happen to you, so pull your head out of your ass and pay attention. This relationship you have with her will end one of two ways. One, you will fuck it up beyond repair and she will leave you, or two, she will realize you’re not taking her serious and leave you. A woman like that wants commitment, not childish games. Which one do you want it to be?”

  I stare at her wide-eyed. My mom never cusses. “I’m trying to fix it, Mom,” I sigh.

  She raises her eyebrows. “I’m going to fix it. She’s drunk, I’m tired, and I want to talk to her. I think I’m just going to take her home.” I run a hand through my hair.

  “That’s a great idea, Son.” She hugs me then heads to the kitchen.

  I spot Angel standing with Holly. She has her head thrown back, laughing, and the sound of that laugh makes me think there’s hope for me; for us. I will do anything to hear that laugh, rather than that sad face I saw earlier.

  I walk toward them. “Angel, you ready to go?”

  She continues to face Holly, completely ignoring me. I’m at a loss here. What the fuck do I do? I’ve already told her the truth. She just chose not to believe it. How do you make someone so stubborn believe you?

  “I’ll call you in the morning, okay? We’ll meet tomorrow for lunch and continue the planning.” Holly gives her a hug.

  Angel laughs. “That sounds great. Congratulations, Holly. I’m so happy for you guys.”

  “Thanks, Sam. You’re going to be the best maid of honor ever.” Holly has a huge smile on her face as Angel hugs her one last time. I grab her hand, but she pulls it away from mine. I take in a deep breath, and put my hand on her back, guiding her out of the house and into my car.

  I pull out of the driveway. Angel seems to be in a better mood now. It must be from all the wine. I’m going to take advantage of this. “When were you going to tell me you read the message?” I say nicely, not wanting to fight with her.

  I see her body stiffen in the passenger seat. “I wasn’t.” She sounds rather annoyed to be alone with me again.

  I shift uncomfortably in my seat. “So what? You were just going to go back to my house with me, pack your shit, and leave?” I’d have been furious, and chased her ass down.

  “Yes,” she says sharply.

  I let out a dark laugh. “Well, that would have never happened, Angel. First, I wouldn’t let you leave my house mad at me without me knowing the reason why. Second, you’re too drunk to be driving anywhere.” She doesn’t respond because she k
nows it’s true. She lets out a puff of air. I can tell she’s mad at me again.

  She turns to face me. “Why haven’t we had sex?”

  I almost run off the road.

  “What?” I snap defensively. “What are you talking about?” I have no clue what is going on in her head, but I don’t think I’m going to like where it’s going.

  “You have slept with all these other women, but yet you won’t sleep with me. Why be with me if you’re not attracted to me sexually? What’s the point?” she demands.

  “You think I’m not attracted to you?” I say in disbelief. “Are you crazy?” She just might be.

  “What the hell am I supposed to think, Slade?” she yells, then leans back in the seat. “I had to get you all wound up yesterday for you to want to do anything sexual with me. It’s like you don’t even want to touch me.” She whispers the last part.

  I feel so shitty. I don’t know what to say. I never thought she would think of it that way.

  How do I tell her I just didn’t want to hurt her?

  That I wanted her body to heal?

  That I’ve thought of having her a hundred different ways since I first heard her voice?

  I don’t know how to explain any of it, so I just stay silent. As soon as I pull in the garage, she is out of the car and walking in the house.

  “I don’t think so.” There is not a chance I will let her go pack her stuff. I run in the house, not even bothering to shut the car door, but I do manage to hit the garage door button. I might need that down to buy me some time if she makes it out that far. Highly unlikely, though.

  I run in the bedroom to find her in the closet packing her stuff. “Why don’t you believe me?” I walk over to my tall dresser and place a pair of handcuffs in my back pocket without her noticing. If I have to, I will use them.

  “It’s not that I don’t believe you. I…I...”

  She sits on the floor and sags her head. How can I make her feel this badly? Has her past with Jax made her feel this insecure, or is it just me? Do I do this to her because of the history I have with women? I go sit down beside her and pull her in my lap. I’m relieved she doesn’t fight me.

  “How could you think I don’t want you? You’re very special to me.” I kiss her hair.

  She talks into my chest as I smooth her hair down her back. “You might think I’m overreacting, but seeing that message made my chest hurt and my head spin, trying to figure out what that message meant. I…I have feelings for you, Slade. Feelings I can’t explain. And I’m mad at myself for allowing them in.”

  She pretty much just told me that she loves me, but hates herself for it. Well, I can work with that because I know I love her and I don’t want her to be ashamed for feeling the same way.

  “Angel.” I lift her head up; slow tears are trailing down her cheeks. “Don’t be ashamed of your feelings. I feel the same way.”

  She jumps off of me so fast that she almost trips. Or that could be the alcohol. I remain sitting on the floor, trying to figure out why she looks pissed all of a sudden. I’m having trouble keeping up with her emotions. Fuck. Are all women this way?

  “It’s not supposed to happen this way! We’re supposed to take it slow!” She throws her hands up in the air, frustrated. “You...” She looks at me with clarity in her eyes, and I feel a cold chill run up my spine. “You could fall in love with any of those girls you’ve fucked.”

  What is happening? Where is this going?

  “You just didn’t give yourself the chance. You fuck them then throw them to the side like toys. They just go seeking you out, and surprise!” Her eyes go big as she throws her hands up in the air. “They let you fuck them. You treat them like they are nothing to you but a piece of ass. Which, let’s face it,” she lets out a hard laugh, “who would blame you?” She gestures a hand down my body. “Every girl wants you. You’re hot.”

  She’s all over the place. Where the fuck is this coming from?

  “If you gave every one of them the chance to become friends and get to know them better, you could fall in love with them very easily.”

  I start shaking my head no.

  “Don’t disagree. I know what I’m talking about.” She puts her hands on her hips. “Have you ever been in love, Slade?” She doesn’t let me answer. “Falling in love with someone…” she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. When she opens them, they’re full of tears. “I’ve come to find falling in love is easy. It’s getting the person you love to love you back just as much that’s hard because no two people love the same!”

  She walks out of the closet, leaving me sitting on my floor alone.

  One good thing about all this is that her bag is sitting in front of me with all her stuff thrown around, so I know she’s not leaving this house. I’m getting really tired of her leaving me in a room going over what she says. I can’t help but remember what she said. Could I fall in love with any of the girls from my past? Absolutely not! But that doesn’t matter. The way I look at it, none of them made me feel the way she does. She does something to me that I’ve come to crave. I don’t have to have a previous love to know that the love I feel for her is real. It is the most real thing I have ever felt. I feel an unexplainable need. Need like I have never known for another when she sighs my name. She makes me feel powerful when I hold her little body in my arms. I feel as if I’m the only man in the world when she looks at me with those beautiful green eyes. She has made me feel every damn feeling possible.

  I want to go to her. Pull her close to me and tell her I love her. That I would never in a million years have known love with any of those other women before her, but I don’t think I should. Not because I think she’s right about me loving the other women. She is wrong about that. I can’t because I want to give her space. She obviously needs time alone to figure out what her feelings for me mean.

  I know I am in deep. So deep, I couldn’t crawl out if I wanted to. There is one thing I’m sure she was right about. No two people love the same. And the love she has for me may just be shallow enough for her to push to the side and never look back.

  It would give me a new feeling.

  A broken heart!

  And I already know no other woman would be able to put the pieces back together.

  I sigh and close my eyes. I don’t know what my next move should be. She is always leaving me second guessing myself, and not knowing what direction to go with her. I want her to know how much she means to me.

  With a clear mind, I stand up and head out to look for her. She doesn’t need space; she needs me to take this relationship to the next level.

  And that’s exactly what I’m going to do!

  What the hell was I thinking, rambling on about love and sex?

  Geez, I’m so stupid!

  Why couldn’t I have said, “Slade, I believe you.” Now he knows I have feelings for him.

  Crap, I’m so stupid!

  I need to quit drinking. It messes with my emotions, and I don’t need any help when it comes to my emotions bouncing around. Slade pretty much takes care of that himself.

  I can’t love him. I’m not supposed to love him. I’m supposed to…

  Hell, I don’t know!

  He could never love me the way I would love him. He will leave me, having to piece my broken heart back together.

  I can’t love him. I’m not supposed to love him. I’m supposed to…

  Hell, I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel!

  I hear him coming up behind me. “Angel?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it, Slade. I just need time to think.” I continue to walk down the hallway, not looking back at him.

  He grabs my arm and spins me around roughly, knocking me up against the wall. Before I can ask what the hell he’s doing, his lips are on mine, and his hands grab my thighs, lifting me up. I don’t hesitate, wrapping my legs around him and kissing him back. He lets go of my legs and fists his hands tightly in my hair as he starts walking us to his bedroom. Th
is is how it needs to be between us. Just sex, no love. Maybe my talk did some good after all.

  We stop walking, and he pushes me up against another wall. I reach down frantically, grabbing his shirt. He pulls away long enough for me to pull it over his head, and his lips come crashing back to mine. His hands come down and tighten on my ass as he pushes his erection into my jeans. I grip his hair tightly as he groans and nips my lip. He pulls me away from the wall then slams my backside up against another wall. I break away from the kiss and throw my head back, crying out. His lips kiss me up and down my neck.

  “Ahh!” I scream as he bites my collarbone. “Please!’’ I don’t know what I’m begging for, but he seems to know.

  He pushes me harder against the wall, using his body to hold mine up. “Lift your arms,” he rasps out. I do, and he pulls my shirt over my head. Before I can lower my arms, he already has my bra ripped off. He slows his movements, taking a breast gently in his hand as he leans his head down to suck on the other.

  I don’t want gentle right now! I want him to show me the side of him that I know he’s holding back.

  “Slade,” I breathe out as he moans. God, it’s so hard to talk. I can’t think of how to tell him what I want, so I’ll show him. I place my hands in his hair and roughly pull his head up to mine. I kiss him hard, our tongues seeking out one another while I pull his hair and bite his lip.

  “Fuck,” he growls as he pulls me off the wall and starts to walk again. He opens the door and walks us into his bedroom, shutting it with his foot. We both fall onto the bed. He hovers over me, pulling my arms down to my side, straddling me so that my arms are pinned under his legs.

  God, the weight of his body feels so good.

  “Is this what you wanted, Angel?” he breathes heavily. “You want me to fuck you?”

  My body shivers at his words. “Yes,” I moan.

  He plays with my left nipple between two fingers as I arch my back and cry out.

  He runs his thumb over my bottom lip, and I can’t stop myself from sticking my tongue out to lick it. As I lick his thumb, he slides it into my mouth and I start to suck on it.