Indulge

by Liv Morris

  Slade? How does she know about Slade?

  “I’ve heard things in town, honey. I know Courtney was just there and I’ve heard you’re beyond happy with a man who thinks you’re the world.”

  What? What would have been said for her to think that?

  “I don’t know.”

  “You should bring him. I would love to meet him.” She sounds happy about that thought.

  “Oh. Okay.”

  “I have to go, honey. Call me tomorrow and let me know when your plane will arrive.”

  “Okay. I love you, Mom,” I breathe out.

  She takes in a deep breath. “Love you too, Samantha.” Her voice is shaky. “I can’t wait to see you.”

  I sniff a few times, not able to speak past the lump in my throat.

  “Be safe and I’ll see you tomorrow,” she whispers before she hangs up.

  I still can’t move. It’s like I’m paralyzed.

  She wants to see me. Me!

  She said she loved me. It’s been so long since I’ve heard those words from anyone. I don’t count Jax.

  I stand there and close my eyes, remembering her dark hair that she kept long. She always wore it in big curls. That’s why I wear mine in curls. She would fix hers and then curl mine, either with the curling iron or hot rollers.

  I remember her letting me play dress up in her makeup and clothes. Courtney was right when she said I was always grounded, but it was because I was always getting into trouble. I did what I wanted, when I wanted meaning I got grounded for pretty much everything I did.

  I don’t know how it went so wrong.

  Why does she want to see me?

  With my eyes closed, I can hear her voice and picture her standing in front of me. Tears continue to run down my face. What if I get there and all she wants from me is money? It will break my heart all over again.

  “Angel?”

  I open my eyes slowly. Slade is standing in front of me with his hands on my hips. I didn’t even feel his hands on me. How long has he been standing here?

  “Why are you crying?’ He releases my hips to wipe away the tears that still flow freely.

  “My mom called me,” I say shakily

  He grabs my hand. “Come on. Let’s sit down.” He pulls me to the living room and sits next to me on the couch. “What did she say?’ He pushes a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

  “She wants us to come to Tulsa as soon as possible.”

  “Us?” His brows draw together.

  I shake my head. “I don’t understand what she wants. You don’t have to go with me if you don’t want to.”

  He shifts so he’s facing me and a smile forms on his lips as he takes my hands in his. “I wouldn’t let you go without me.” He smiles, but frowns when I don’t. “Talk to me, Angel. What are you thinking?”

  “I don’t know. I’m nervous. She said she wants to apologize the right way, but I can’t help thinking she has an ulterior motive. Why would she want to see me all of a sudden? I’m going to jump on a plane tomorrow and drag you to Tulsa with me.” I look to the floor. “She asked me to come home. It hasn’t been my home for a long time.”

  I look up to him as he stares at me, still holding my hands. “I left everything, Slade. Everything. All I took with me were two suitcases of clothes, a bag of bathroom stuff, and one photograph of the three of us. I left everything else. She probably trashed it all.”

  “I doubt she did that, Angel.”

  “Why would she keep stuff to remind her of a child she couldn’t stand?” I shake my head as I feel my chest get heavy.

  “I’m actually going to see her tomorrow, and I don’t know how to feel about that. I’ve wanted to talk to her for so long, but now that it’s happening I want to turn her down. I want to be strong enough to reject her. Let her feel the pain I’ve felt for so long. I can’t do that, though. I’m too weak to do that. She’s my mom and I love her,” I whisper.

  Slade leans over and pulls me onto his lap. “Angel.” He pulls my face out of his shirt to look at him. “You are the strongest person I have ever met. There is nothing weak about you. Remember that. You’re not going alone, I’m going with you. She obviously needs you for something. You’re the better person for going to her when she needs you.”

  I nod.

  “Come on, let’s get you to bed. I have a feeling you’re going to need your rest.”

  “It’s only six o’clock, and I still need to get online and get our tickets.” I go to get off his lap, but he holds me tighter.

  “I’ll get them. Don’t worry about it.” I go to say no, but he leans down and kisses me. “I’ll get them,” he repeats softly when he pulls his lips away from mine.

  “Okay. Thank you, baby.” I bury my face in his chest as he stands up and cradles me like a child, taking me to bed. As I undress, I can hear him on the phone getting our tickets.

  He crawls in next to me once he undresses. “We leave at six in the morning. We need to be at the airport by four thirty.”

  I nod. “Thank you, baby.” I lean over and set my alarm for three. As I lay down, I cuddle up with him.

  Tomorrow is probably going to be the longest day of my life.

  My hands are sweaty, my heart is racing and I keep bouncing my knee up and down as I sit in the passenger seat of our rental car. Slade is driving us to my old home and I’m a nervous wreck.

  As we pull up to the circle gravel drive, I start to have trouble breathing. Slade parks the car in the driveway and turns to me. “Wait here for a second and let me get our bags, okay?”

  I reach out for his arm. “No,” I almost shout. “Leave them in here. Just in case….I don’t know. In case we decide to leave. We can always come get them later.” I have a death grip on his arm as I ramble.

  He nods slowly. “Okay.” he takes my face in his hands. “I’m here for you, Angel. You’re not here alone. I’m here.”

  “Thank you,” I whisper as I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

  “Come on.” He releases me and gets out of the car. I watch him walk around the front of the car and open my door for me. He helps me out and doesn’t let go of my hand as we walk to the door. I take a few breaths before I decide to knock instead of just walking in.

  This is not my home anymore.

  I hold my breath as I hear the door unlock. I can’t move. Mom was always small, but she seems to look even smaller. I don’t know, it’s hard to tell with the baggy man’s t-shirt she is wearing and black baggy sweatpants. She’s wearing a white ball cap with her hair pulled through the back. I notice her hair is a darker brown and shorter than she used to keep it.

  She seems like my mother. The same woman. Yet different in a way I can’t explain.

  “Hello, Samantha.” She smiles at me, but I don’t return it. “Slade.” She reaches out her hand.

  He shakes it. “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Bennett.”

  “Please, call me Marie. Please, come inside.” She slowly steps aside to allow us in. Slade has to nudge me through the doorway.

  Once inside, she shuts the door and turns to us. “Can I get you two anything to drink?” she asks as she walks away from the door down the hallway.

  “No thank you,” Slade answers. I just shake my head. I’m afraid to speak. I may start yelling at her and cussing, or I may run to her and cry like a baby. Neither one would be good, so I keep my mouth shut.

  “Come. Let’s go sit in the living room.”

  I notice nothing has changed. Everything is the same, except I don’t see any pictures of Gary. Husband number four.

  Slade sits down on the couch and I walk over to the fireplace. I look up and stare at my father’s urn that sits on her mantel. I never understood why he had in his will that he wanted to be cremated, and I found it odd that my mother wanted his ashes.

  I walk over to the couch and sit down next to Slade and stare down at the floor. I don’t want to be here. It just feels so wrong; like a lie. I raise my head when Slade squeezes my hand as m
y mom comes back to join us.

  “I need to give you this before I forget.” She hands me an envelope. I raise my eyebrows as I look up at her and take it from her hand. She sits down slowly in the recliner and looks at me.

  I remove my hand from Slade’s and open it up. I stare at a check for four hundred and eighty thousand dollars. I continue to stare at it as I shake my head. “I don’t understand,” I rasp out.

  “It’s every dollar you ever sent me,” my mom explains.

  “What? Why?” I can’t take my eyes off of it.

  My mother sighs, pulling my eyes away from the check to hers. “I need to tell you something. And I need you to listen to everything before you speak, okay?” She slides a look to Slade who is sitting so close to me that I can feel his body stiffen as she looks at him.

  I nod my head.

  “Samantha, I’ve been trying to save you. I thought I was doing the right thing. I still think it was the right thing.” She puts her head down as if this is killing her to admit. She lifts it up to look at me again. “Your dad and I had a wonderful relationship and a perfect marriage. Well, the first couple of years anyway. It was my fault that it didn’t stay that way.” She looks down to the floor and takes in a deep breath. “A few months before you turned two, I had an affair.”

  I gasp, putting a hand over my mouth. I feel Slade shift even closer to my side.

  My mom shakes her head as she lifts her eyes to meet mine and continues. “I went off the deep end. I had a husband and a new baby. It was just all so overwhelming. I couldn’t stay focused on my family. I started going out and partying. It caused problems between your dad and I. He was always at home taking care of you while I was too busy wanting to live a different life.”

  A tear slides down her cheek. “It got so bad that he had to take you to work with him during the day. I know that is why you were a daddy’s girl. I wasn’t there for you.” She shakes her head. “Eventually he got tired of it and left me. It woke me up. I begged him to come back for us to be a family again. He wouldn’t though. He said the damage was already done. I don’t know why I thought there was something else out there for me besides a family who loved me.” She wipes a tear from her face.

  I’m having a hard time keeping up.

  “I loved your father more than anything. I never got over him, and ended up remarrying three more times,” she laughs bitterly.

  I can’t handle it anymore. “What aren’t you telling me, Mom? And where is Greg?”

  “Greg and I divorced.” She doesn’t seem upset about this.

  Of course she divorced him.

  She takes a deep breath. “The summer before you started your senior year, I found out I had breast cancer.”

  What? My heart just dropped to my stomach.

  “I went to your father and told him. He set me up with the best specialist in town and paid for all of my treatment. Less than two months later, your dad passed.” She lets out a small cry.

  I feel my throat start to close up of the mentioning of my father.

  “I was mad at him for leaving you that company. He and I had already made others plans for you.”

  Plans? They made plans for me?

  “We didn’t want that life for you, trapped here in this town.” Slade grabs my hand which makes me nervous. “I didn’t want there to be any reason for you to stay in this town if that wasn’t what you wanted, so I never told you, honey. That day when we had our last fight, when you told me you were selling the company and wanted away from me. I had just come from the doctor’s office and I knew that was the best thing for you.”

  Tears fall down my face. I shake my head lightly. “I don’t understand. Tell me what?” My mom won’t even look at me, so I look to Slade. He’s staring at my mom and a muscle ticks in his jaw. What am I not getting?

  “I was dying, Samantha. I wanted you to leave home. It was never about the money your dad left you, or the money you got from selling his company. It was about me dying.” Her eyes move back and forth from mine to Slade’s. “I didn’t know how to handle the news. All I knew is that I didn’t want my sickness to dictate your life.” Tears run down her cheeks as her eyes plead with mine.

  “Why wait five years to tell me you were dying back then?” I look down at the check still in my hand, trying to piece everything together. I look to my mom when I hear a sob.

  “I’m still dying,” she whispers.

  I stand up so fast that I jerk my hand out of Slade’s hand in the process “Dying? You said Dad paid for treatment,” I say frantically.

  “He did, but we found it too late.”

  “You mean to tell me you’ve been sick all this time while I’ve been away?” I ask rather hatefully.

  She nods.

  “Why didn’t you tell me, Mom?” I can’t hold back the tears that run down my face “I would have stayed here. With you. For you. I would have taken care of you.” I start pacing the living room floor.

  “Don’t you see?” She stands up slowly. “That’s why I never told you. You needed to go off and live your life. Not waste it while you took care of me, waiting for me to die.”

  I stop pacing. “How long?” I yell, making her flinch.

  “Three months,” she whispers.

  I take a step back like I was just punched in the gut. “Three months?” I whisper. “All this time. These past five years you’ve made me think you hated me,” I say calmly.

  She puts her hands up as she shakes her head “No, no, no. That was not my intention.”

  “Well that’s how I took it,” I snap. “Pushing me away, not coming to my high school graduation. Not wanting to see me before I left for college. For fuck’s sake, I’ve been calling you every month and sending you money!”

  I turn away from her, running a hand through my hair before returning back to her.

  “You may be able to return the money, Mom. Money that I don’t give a fuck about!” I scream as I lift up the check and tear it to shreds. “What about the past five years, Mom? How are you going to return that? How could you just push me to the side like I wasn’t important enough for you to want around?”

  I start to walk out of the room. “If I ever have a child, I will treat him or her like they should be treated. I would want to spend every last minute I had with them and my husband. I would show them that they are the most important thing in my life. I would never toss them to the side like trash!” I scream.

  “Angel,” Slade stands as he finally speaks.

  Screw that.

  I have nothing to say to either of them. I don’t care what he has to say. I keep going and slam the front door. I run to our rental car and jump in, thanking God that Slade left the keys in the ignition.

  I need to take a long drive.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  I sit back down on Marie’s couch in shock. I can’t wrap my mind around what just took place in front of me.

  Poor Angel. I can’t even imagine what she’s going through right now. I didn’t want her to leave. It’s not good for her to be out there on the road when she’s that upset.

  I sigh as I look up and see Marie staring out the front window. Angel looks just like her. She has her beautiful green eyes and Barbie doll face. I can’t imagine what she’s going through, either. Why wouldn’t she want to spend her last years with her daughter? I rub a hand over my face as I look down to the carpet.

  “You call her Angel.”

  My head snaps up. Marie is looking at me with her back to the window. “Yes.”

  A small smile forms on her face. She walks over to the fireplace picking up a picture, then sits in her recliner. She looks at the picture in her hand, then reaches over to hand it to me.

  “That is Samantha and her father, Jack. That was taken right after I had her. It was her first picture. I’ll never forget what he said when he first held her. He called her our little angel from God.”

  “He called her Angel?” She never mentioned it.

  “No.” She s
hakes her head. “Just that one time. He always called her princess. She was his little princess. I don’t expect you to understand what I did. I didn’t tell her because I wanted her to live her life. I didn’t want to bring her down with death.”

  “You’re right. I don’t understand your reasoning. Now Angel will have to live the rest of her life always wondering about those five years she can never get back.” I set the picture on the coffee table and sit back in the couch.

  She sighs. “She wouldn’t have gone to school and gotten a degree. She would have never met Jax.”

  I scowl at that thought.

  “Meaning she would have never met you.”

  I shake my head. “You’re right again! I thank God every day that she found me, but I don’t want that to be at her mother’s expense.”

  She tilts her head to the side. “Do you love her?”

  “With everything I have. She is my life.”

  She stands up and goes to open a dresser of a china cabinet sitting in the hallway. She returns holding a little red velvet box. She sits on the couch next to me. “I want her to have this. I want her to have something that was once very special and held meaning,” she croaks out as she opens the box to reveal two silver bands. One is tiny and has little diamonds all the way around it. The other one is just a plain silver band much bigger.

  I take them out of the box and hold them in my hand.

  “They were our wedding rings. You can melt them down and turn them into something new and special from you, or you guys can keep them this way.”

  “I can’t.” I try to give them back to her, but she just closes my hand shut around the rings.

  “You can,” she nods. “Marriage isn’t always easy. Sometimes it’s hard work. But at the end of the day, no one will ever love you as much as my daughter does. I’ve been keeping close tabs on her all this time. I never let her get too far that I didn’t know what she was doing.”

  I look up at her, not knowing what to say. She was always right there, so close yet so far, and in the process she has destroyed a piece of Angel. A piece that I don’t know if my love can patch.