Baby for My Brother's Friend

by Nikki Chase

  My lips pull up into a smile. William ate both those things while Adam was here, and he remembers.

  “Fish chowder and bread sticks,” I say.

  “Ah. And I’m sure you cut everything into tiny little pieces to prevent choking,” he says.

  “Yeah.”

  “See? I’m learning. I read that somewhere.”

  “Yeah. I notice.” I give him a smile.

  Adam may be a lot of unknown things, but he’s not a bad dad. Keeping him away from William would do William more harm than good.

  If I keep my feelings out of this, maybe it doesn’t have to become complicated.

  “Also,” Adam adds, “all the books say William’s about to start trying to climb out of his crib. You may want to watch out for that. But I’m sure you already know that.”

  “Yeah.” I smile. “Adam, I gave things a lot of thought last night,” I say. “I was being rash when I told you to leave. I overreacted. I’m sorry. It was just an accident. I see that now.”

  “Are you serious?” Adam blurts out as his stunning green eyes study me. “Wait, never mind. Don’t re-think anything. I just want to make something clear. So . . . you don’t want me to leave anymore?”

  “Yeah.”

  Adam gazes deep into my eyes. His skin crinkles, pulled up by his smile. “Kitten, you don’t know how happy you’ve made me.”

  As Adam steps forward with his strong arms spread wide, I realize my horrific mistake.

  Yet, for a split second, I consider letting the misunderstanding slide and just going with it. I mean, those arms look really warm and comfortable. It’s kind of chilly this morning, and it would feel really nice to nuzzle my cheek against Adam’s neck.

  “Hold on.” I press my palms against Adam’s arms, pushing him away. He really is as warm as I imagined.

  But I have to be strong. I can’t be reckless.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks, his eyes darkening with alarm.

  “I’m so sorry. I . . . There may have been a misunderstanding.” My voice is shaking. “I just meant . . . You can come back here and see William again. You’re his dad, and I have no right to keep you away from him. I promise you, I won’t do it again.”

  “Thank you. That’s . . . That’s massive.” Adam smiles as his eyes grow glassy with emotions. “But what do you mean by a misunderstanding?”

  “I mean . . . us,” I say softly. It’s hard to look him in the eye when he looks so confused, and I’m about to deliver some bad news. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to just . . . jump into a relationship or anything like that. There are so many things we don’t know, so many things we’re still trying to figure out.”

  “Say no more,” Adam says assertively. “I know what you mean. Instability is not good for William.”

  “Yeah. Exactly. I’m glad you understand.” With relief, I let out a surreptitious exhale.

  “Completely,” Adam says. “It only makes sense. You’re a nurse, so you’ve seen all the things that could go wrong with your own two eyes.”

  “That’s part of it, yeah.”

  “Also, considering you didn’t even know it was possible for you to conceive, it’s natural that you’re protective of William.”

  “Yeah,” I say in amazement.

  I never told anyone this, but I feel like I cheated fate, somehow, by having William. Since I wasn’t meant to have a child, I worry someone’s going to notice the mistake one day and take him away from me.

  It sounds kind of insane, I know. But it’s how I feel. I can’t help it.

  I’ve never talked about this with anyone. Yet somehow, Adam understands it.

  “I know I overreacted after the accident. I shouldn’t have,” I say joylessly. “But that whole thing made me realize that I’m too volatile for a relationship. I can’t do the mom thing and the relationship thing, too.”

  “You’re just being a good mom, Katie. That’s a good thing. I’m never going to blame you for that.” Adam gazes at me, his eyes alight with determination. “But you’re wrong about something. I won’t cause instability in your life. I won’t be an uncertainty, Katie. And you’re not too volatile for anything. I’ll show you.”

  Katie

  One Year Later

  As soon as the door clicks open, William turns his head, drops his little yellow scooter on the floor—luckily, my floor is carpeted so I don’t have to worry about dents—and flies into Adam’s arms.

  I don’t know the exact moment when William started to run more than he walks, but it seems like he’s turning his nose up at just regular walking now. Instead, William runs, jumps, and sometimes even stands on one foot like a pink flamingo.

  When he does walk, he does it backward for some reason. To make it more of a challenge, I guess. He’s already becoming more cocky by the day, just like his dad.

  I’m glad I decided to let Adam stay in William’s life last year. He’s proven himself a good, reliable, generous, patient dad.

  Adam shows up here almost every day, often with treats—healthy ones, of course—and toys.

  William’s room now looks like a toy warehouse, with buckets of Lego bricks, Play-Doh, and even a miniature wooden treehouse with actual, swinging doors.

  There were times when one toy led to another, like when Adam randomly got William some coloring pencils just because they caught his eyes and he’d read that it’s good for a three-year-old to get comfortable with handling stationery.

  William ended up drawing deformed-looking animals on the walls of his bedroom. Aside from some paint supplies (I made Adam paint over the drawings on the wall), we also had to buy some coloring books and teach William how to use them.

  I donated a bunch of William’s toys around the time I did my summer cleaning, but they’ve piled up again now, even though it’s only been a couple of months.

  Sometimes, Adam’s mom drops by, too. She’s a sweetheart, and I love her sharp wit. I can see where Adam got his intelligent green eyes from.

  Today, though, it’s just Adam. No treats; no toys; no Grandma. And still, William’s elated to see Adam.

  He’s so happy he’s freaking out, actually. He’s grabbed onto Adam like a koala on a eucalyptus tree, and he’s squealing.

  Adam laughs, just basking in William’s pure excitement. With his strong arms around William’s little body, I know my son’s perfectly safe.

  Adam’s learned a lot about parenting now, to the point where I feel completely safe letting him watch William alone most of the time, like when I run out to get some errands done.

  “Hey,” Adam says when our eyes meet.

  “Hi.” I give him a smile and try to hide the fact that I was just staring at him for the longest time, probably with cheesy stars in my eyes.

  “What are you watching?” Adam saunters into the living room where I’m sitting on the couch in front of the TV.

  “Just, uh, folding the laundry.”

  Yeah, I know. I lead an exciting life.

  William’s perched on Adam’s arms, wrapping his little arms around Adam and touching Adam’s lush, dark hair.

  I have to admit, I’m kind of jealous. Of my own kid. Because he’s too close to his dad. How screwed up is that?

  “So, your birthday’s coming up,” Adam says as he paces around the room, carrying a giggling William.

  “Who told you that?” I ask, glancing up from the tiny onesie in my hands.

  “Uh . . . Sawyer? Or maybe I saw it on Facebook. I don’t know. Was it supposed to be a secret?” Adam teases, his eyes watching me intently as he smiles.

  “No. Okay. Yeah. I mean, yeah, my birthday’s coming up.”

  What am I getting all nervous for? He’s just mentioning a fact. Maybe he just remembers because he has good memory.

  Still, I can’t help but think about all the selfish boyfriends I had in the past, many of whom didn’t even bother to send me a birthday text.

  “Okay,” Adam says. “Now that the cat’s out of the bag, how about we
celebrate it together?”

  “What?” I ask blankly.

  “Your birthday.” Adam chuckles. Shooting me an amused smile, he asks, “What is it with you today?”

  “Nothing. And I don’t want to do anything for my birthday. It’s just another day.”

  “Not acceptable,” Adam says, shaking his head. “I know you’ll have Friday and Saturday off. I’ll come here on Friday, and we’ll have a little party with William.”

  “Par-teee!” William yells like a drunken frat boy who’s just inhaled some helium.

  “That’s right.” Adam wiggles his eyebrows. “See? William thinks it’s a great idea. Don’t you, little man?”

  “Par-teee!”

  Adam and I share a look, then we laugh while we watch William go crazy with excitement, giggling like he’s just said the funniest thing in the world.

  “So . . .?” Adam asks.

  “Okay.” I sigh in defeat. I can’t say no and disappoint William now. What can I say? I guess the kid likes cake.

  “And then, after the eagle—” Adam gestures at William “—lands in the nest, comes the after-party.”

  I almost laugh at Adam’s attempt at speaking in codes, but my heart stops at the mention of an after-party.

  What after-party? That sounds like trouble.

  “No,” I say firmly. “After the eagle lands in the nest, the whole eagle family goes to sleep.”

  “It doesn’t have to be that way. Maybe some of the adult eagles like candle-lit dinners, or long walks on the beach.”

  “No. Firstly, most eagles sleep at night. And secondly, birds don’t walk,” I say.

  “Actually . . .”

  “Okay, they do, a little bit, sometimes,” I admit. “But the point is, after the eagle lands in the nest, everybody’s staying in the nest. Except for the eagle who’s just visiting.”

  Adam stares at me. “I don’t know what we’re talking about anymore.”

  “Neither do I.” I laugh.

  “We’ll party on Friday, okay? Leave everything to me,” Adam says. Before I can respond, he turns to William. “Party?”

  “Par-teee!” William answers enthusiastically.

  Adam grins at me. “Come on. There are some things I want to talk to you about.”

  “Like what?” I ask suspiciously.

  “Important things. You’ll see.” He winks.

  “Important things concerning William?”

  “Yeah,” he says unconvincingly.

  “Really? About what?”

  Adam pauses for a few seconds before finally saying, “College fund.”

  “Really?” I give him a flat stare. William’s only three. I get planning ahead, but there’s no need to make it a whole thing.

  “Really.” A lopsided smile plays on Adam’s lips. He knows there’s no way for me to find out, other than accepting his invitation.

  “Okay.” I let out a deep sigh and try to focus on the laundry.

  If I were being completely honest, I still have feelings for Adam—obviously; otherwise, I wouldn’t be wishing I were the one being carried around the living room right now.

  But honesty, interestingly, isn’t the best policy. Not when you’re a mom.

  Everyone thinks moms are pure, guileless angels, but I’ve lied more since becoming a parent than I ever did in my previous life.

  I lie about not having any chocolates in the house. I lie about Santa Claus being the one who leaves presents under the Christmas tree. I lie about losing the noisy toy gun that made this loud, obnoxious pew-pew sound whenever William pulled the trigger (and he pulled the shit out of that trigger).

  So why shouldn’t I lie about my feelings for Adam?

  Things are going well now. There’s no need to change anything and risk ruining everything.

  That’s why I’m concerned about the party and even more concerned about the after-party. We didn’t have any of those last year. Why change now?

  Will I have to remember Adam’s birthday, too? Will I have to plan a celebration for him, as well? Is he going to keep doing this every year? What happens if I find a boyfriend, or he finds a girlfriend?

  My heart clenches at the thought of sitting home alone in the dark next year, cake-less and Adam-less because Adam’s busy screwing his gorgeous, new girl.

  I’ve been trying. God knows I’ve been trying. But I can’t help caring about the things I shouldn’t care about—like Adam.

  Adam

  William squeals with glee when Katie lets him blow out the candles. The dining room goes dark as the flames turn into smoke that dissipates into the air.

  Sawyer turns the light back on, making everybody squint. My mom, ever the matriarch, approaches the table to help cut and distribute the cake slices.

  “Remember what I taught you?” I squeeze William’s little shoulder from behind.

  William looks over his shoulder at me and gives me a nod that’s so solemn and dramatic I almost burst out laughing. But that would ruin the cute little surprise I trained William for.

  “Happy birthday, Mommy,” William says. He reaches up to Katie’s face and gives her a peck on the cheek.

  Katie’s beautiful face breaks out into a big smile. That smile is worth all the hours of prep-work I put in to get William to do it right.

  “Thank you, William.” She wraps her arms around William and plants a kiss on his head.

  “Aww . . . That’s precious.” My mom holds a hand over her heart.

  Sawyer clears his throat, and I turn to stare at him just as he asks, “William, Mommy seems to like being kissed. Don’t you think other people should kiss her, too? Like Adam, for example?”

  “Yes!” William answers eagerly. He points his tiny finger at me. “Adam!”

  I glare at Sawyer, but he just grins back at me.

  Katie says, “William, I don’t think—”

  “Where should Adam kiss Mommy, William?” Sawyer asks. “Should he kiss her on the cheek? Or . . . on the lips?”

  “On the lips!” William says.

  “On the lips. On the lips. On the lips,” Sawyer chants. He laughs when William joins him, oblivious to my death glare.

  I’m not happy Sawyer’s teaching William to cut people off in the middle of their sentences, but also, he’s not helping.

  I have my own plans tonight.

  “William, Grandma’s got some cake for you.” I point to the plate my mom’s holding, hoping the sugary treat will distract him.

  “Cake!”

  Thank god for the gullibility of small children.

  I do hope I’m going to kiss Katie tonight, but not like this.

  While Katie’s putting William to sleep in his room, I call a few numbers and get things rolling.

  Sawyer’s already driving my mom home, and William’s probably about to be asleep soon.

  Then, it’ll just be me and Katie. A rare private moment, all to ourselves.

  I have to be stealthy because she’s so adamant on keeping our relationship strictly business, even though I know she wants the same thing I do.

  Hell, judging by the way William grabs onto me every night before letting me go home, he probably wants the same thing, too.

  So, if all three of us want to be a family, why don’t we just go ahead and do that?

  That’s the question that’s taken root in my brain and refuses to leave me alone, and I know the answer. It’s simple, but not necessarily easy.

  I have to convince Katie it’s a good idea to take another chance on me.

  Maybe it’s silly to do something so cheesy for a sensible, practical, realistic woman like Katie.

  Still, as I watch people in uniform flitting back and forth between the backyard and the cars parked out front, something tells me she’s going to appreciate it nonetheless.

  There’s no way she doesn’t at least think it’s nice. The backyard looks fucking magical.

  Katie

  I kiss William as usual and head back outside. I wonder if everybody’s s
till around. I feel like a bad hostess for leaving them to fend for themselves, but they’re all technically family.

  When I open the door, my jaw drops.

  The hallway is dark—not completely dark, though, because there are candles on the floor—not like the spindly kind on my birthday cake, but fat ones in heavy, glass containers.

  The darkness and the warm, ghostly glow of the candles makes my hallway appear foreign. In a good way. It’s not like I ever put any thought into home décor.

  The candles and some red flower petals form an aisle that leads down the hallway, all the way to the door that opens into the backyard.

  I look around. I get the feeling someone’s watching me, but I can’t see anyone. It’s a disconcerting feeling.

  Is this the after-party Adam mentioned?

  I close William’s bedroom door and cautiously follow the glowing path to the end of the hallway. I push the back door open.

  “Hey, you,” Adam says. He holds up my favorite black coat. “Put this on. It’s chilly tonight.”

  I stand with my mouth agape as I take in the view before me.

  This is my backyard?

  String lights hang from tree branches, spilling light onto corners that are normally hidden. The candles from inside extend all the way across the backyard and toward a table in the center, on which sit two hot water bottles and two mugs.

  We’re also joined by three men and a woman who are playing string instruments in one of the well-lit corners of this bizarro-world version of my backyard.

  “Katie,” Adam says. “Your coat?”

  “What is this?” I stretch my arms out and put them through the sleeves of the coat Adam’s holding up for me. I hold my breath as his hand brushes against my shoulder.

  “Welcome to the after-party.” He smiles, obviously smug about having successfully surprised me.

  “Adam, this is too much.”

  “Nothing is too much for you,” he says earnestly.

  It should sound cheesy. But coming from him, and seeing what he’s already done for me . . . I don’t know. Maybe he means it.