Needing Him

by Kennedy Fox

  “You taste so fucking good,” he says, becoming more greedy. I grab the comforter in my fists, trying to hold back the impending orgasm as he continues to drive me wild. Evan knows my body inside and out and knows exactly what I love. This gives him an advantage that I don’t mind him having.

  “Evan,” I let out in a hushed whisper and can feel him smile against me.

  “Yes?” He stops.

  “No, no. Don’t stop.” I lift myself on my elbows at look at him.

  “I couldn’t deny you if I tried,” he says, his lips curling up, but he doesn’t immediately give me what I want, which only causes me to breathe heavier. I’m almost willing to beg when his mouth is on me. It doesn’t take long before my body is buckling beneath him. With a quick movement, he hovers above me on the bed. He takes his time as I wait impatiently for his intrusion. He makes a small, breathless sound as he enters slowly—taking his time. I press against him, wanting our ends to meet, for us to be as close as possible. As I move my hips, I take him, all of him, and he inhales sharply.

  “Emily.” His voice trembles as he continues to increase his pace. I close my eyes, wanting him—all of him—more of him until I crumble beneath him again. He’s everything I’ve been missing in life, everything I’ve wanted in a man. Gentle with enough roughness to keep me begging for more.

  Evan looks directly into my eyes as he reenters. “I want to take my time, but fuck you feel so goddamn good.”

  “Mmm,” I moan breathlessly as he moves slow and steady.

  I’m falling head over heels, and there’s nothing there to catch me—just Evan. Our lips touch, and our tongues immediately swirl together. I can never get enough of him—his body or his lips against my skin. I try to imagine Evan Bishop not being in my life, and it’s impossible, which is also frightening. They say only fools rush in, and if that’s the case, I’ll be the first to admit it—I’m a fool.

  When his body tenses, I know he’s close. I wrap my legs around his hips and open my eyes to watch him lose himself in me. The orgasm rocks through him, and he moans against my neck, which is music to my ears. After a minute, the only sound that fills the room is our unsteady breathing.

  After we clean up, I’m wrapped up in Evan, and as I lie in his arms, I can’t help but think about what Courtney had said at the party about Alicia. I figure now is as good as time as ever to bring it up because I think it’s something we really need to discuss if we’re going to continue moving forward in our relationship.

  For minutes, I try to find the courage, try to figure out the words I need to say. After seeing his reaction to the coffee, hearing Veronica, then having Courtney drive it home, I know it has to be something significant enough that changed Evan’s life. At this point, not knowing what happened in his past is more detrimental to our relationship than knowing.

  “So I have to ask you something,” I begin nervously.

  “Okay, sure what is it?”

  Inhaling, I continue. “Well, today at the party, Courtney said something that’s been weighing on my mind.”

  He laughs. “I’m sure she said a lot of somethings.”

  I look at him, studying his face, knowing I can’t go back on this conversation now.

  “She said something to the point that she didn’t think you’d move on after Alicia, which is why she’s so happy to see we’re together.”

  Evan sucks in a deep breath, and his eyes move to the ceiling instead of to me.

  “It’s not something I like talking about,” he finally says.

  “I’m sure it’s not easy, but I want you to trust me. Everything I’ve shared with you is because I feel safe with you, and I want you to feel safe with me too. You have to allow me into your past, if we’re going to move forward and have a future together.”

  “It’s not that I don’t trust you, baby. I do. It’s just that it was a painful time in my past, and it really affected me. And not in the best way either,” he admits, and my heart hurts seeing how hard this is for him.

  “I wouldn’t bring it up if I didn’t think it was important for us. After having more than one person mention this to me, and Veronica giving me a little insight, I only want to hear it from you.” My words are soft and to the point. The truth in them may sting, but I watch him slightly relax before he rolls over to face me.

  “Take all the time you need,” I whisper, seeing the emotion evident on his face.

  He sucks in a deep breath and nods. “Alicia was a barista who worked at The Grind Café, and every morning before work, I’d go in and grab a cup of coffee. It became our ritual. I’d go in every day, and over time, we started chatting about little things. We formed a friendship, and it quickly became more than just getting coffee in the morning. I felt like my day wasn’t complete if I didn’t see Alicia. It became obvious to me that I liked her as more than just a friend, and I had a gut feeling she felt the same about me just by the little hints she gave. Even if I drank coffee at home, I’d stop in just to see her and hear her voice. However, I was working long hours, and I knew I’d never be able to have a real relationship due to the commitment of the hospital, but that didn’t stop me from thinking about it. After a while, I decided I was going to go for it anyway, and I told myself as soon as the opportunity presented itself in our next conversation, I was going to ask her out.”

  Watching him, I can see the pain in his eyes when he glances back over at me and continues.

  “I was running late for work one morning, and I didn’t get a chance to stop by the coffee shop. A few hours later, there was a call that a woman was being rushed in from a car accident.”

  I close my eyes tight, remembering what little details Veronica had told me the morning I brought Evan coffee. His hoarse voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

  “When the woman was rushed in, I immediately recognized her, and I was completely distraught. She was in bad shape, but I refused to let her die and did everything I could to save her life. The man who crashed into her was still drunk from the night before, and his truck destroyed her little car. When she arrived at the hospital, she was going in and out of consciousness, but her body was so broken, and blood was everywhere. I tried so fucking hard to resuscitate and did everything I possibly could. I went out of my way and was told to stop wasting my energy, but I couldn’t let her die. However, her brain began to swell, and there was nothing anyone could do. The impact of the collision was too hard, and she never had a fighting chance. She was declared brain dead within twenty-four hours.” His voice cracks. “That was one of the hardest fucking things I’ve ever experienced—to this day. I blamed myself for a long time even though logically I knew there was nothing I could’ve done differently; it still didn’t help soothe the burn.”

  “Evan,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry.” I can’t even imagine that kind of pain or seeing someone you care about lose their life. I’ve witnessed many tragedies and have experienced my mother’s own pain, but to feel responsible for their life would affect me too.

  He closes his eyes tight. “I’ve been having nightmares on and off about that day ever since it happened. For weeks after, I’d replayed every moment and all the things I could’ve done differently. It haunted me for years. So yeah, I don’t go into that coffee shop anymore because it brings back too much pain and memories. I’d made plans and promised myself I’d find the courage to ask her out that week and never got the chance. I beat myself up for months over it, taunting myself about why I kept waiting and if I hadn’t, maybe the circumstances of where she was that morning would’ve been different. The what-ifs were enough to drive me crazy. From that point on, I put all of my spare time into my work and had no desire to date anyone, hence how I got that stupid nickname.”

  “I can’t even imagine.” I lay my head on his chest, listening to the steadiness of his heartbeat as I wrap my arms around him. “I’m so sorry you went through that. Thank you for sharing it with me.”

  Leaning forward, he kisses my forehead, then holds me tight whil
e brushing his fingers lightly through my wet hair. I’m not sure he’ll ever let go, and truthfully, I don’t want him to.

  “I honestly didn’t think I’d ever meet another woman who was right for me—or that I’d want to be in a relationship with—until you came along and barged into my life. Now I can’t imagine it without you.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  EVAN

  Another day, another trauma.

  Sometimes, I’m surprised how much happens in this town. It’s not super small, but it’s definitely not that big either. Yet it’s never a boring day in the ER.

  It’s been two weeks since Emily’s met my entire family at the birthday party, and I honestly haven’t felt this content in a long time. I was worried how things would be at work between us, and if any of our co-workers would notice, but we’re both smart and professional and have made sure to keep it that way during our shifts.

  “Two adult females and an adult male are coming in with injuries sustained in the genitals and anal region,” Veronica tells me in a serious tone. “ETA is four minutes.”

  “I’m sorry…what? Injuries are where?”

  She clears her throat. “Genitals and anal region,” she says louder to appease me.

  “What kind of injuries?”

  “Lodged sex toy in female’s anal region and the male’s penis is stuck in the other female’s vagina. His piercing got hooked on something, and when he tries to pull it out, she says she feels tearing.”

  I keep waiting for her to break out in laughter, but she continues speaking in a flat tone like this is an everyday occurrence and not at all ridiculously odd.

  “You’re joking, right? That’s not really the case.” I cross my arms over my chest, waiting for her to confirm.

  “Nope. Three minutes.” She shifts around the ER, giving the update to the other doctor and nurses.

  “Well, this is a new one,” I mutter to no one. Looking around for Emily, I realize she’s on her break still. “Veronica,” I shout. “Please page Dr. Bell.”

  “Absolutely, Dr. Bishop.”

  Within minutes, the ER erupts in pure chaos. There’s a stretcher with a female lying on it, and she looks moderately uncomfortable. The next stretcher to roll in has both the male and female lying on it. Correction: the female is lying on it, and the male is on top of her.

  Jesus Christ.

  Talk about a threesome gone wrong.

  Dr. Umbridge tells the medics to take the female to trauma room one and the doting couple to trauma room two, then looks at me with a shit-eating grin and tells me to handle room two.

  “Dr. Bell’s with me,” I tell him before realizing she’s still not here yet. “Veronica, did you page her?”

  “Yes, but I can page her again.”

  “Thank you. Then meet Fiona and me in there.”

  “Will do.” She smiles.

  Once my gloves are on, I enter the room and see Fiona doing her best to keep them calm while waiting for my instructions. She looks terrified, and when my eyes scan down the stretcher, I immediately regret it. Only a thin sheet covers them but when the guy shifts, it completely slides off.

  “Stop moving, Justin!” the woman shouts, trying to cover her chest with both hands, but it’s useless. “It hurts when you move,” she shouts again. Fiona grabs the sheet and recovers them the best she can, giving me a puzzled look.

  “Are you going to help us or keep staring?” Justin snaps at me. Considering he’s hovering over a woman butt-ass naked in missionary, this guy has no room for an asshole attitude.

  Instead of barking at him like I want to, I ignore him.

  “What’s your name, miss?”

  “Debra Johnson,” she answers, her cheeks reddening.

  “Debra? You said your name was Kandi,” Justin interrupts.

  “It’s my stage name, okay? We all use fake names.”

  “Okay, Debra,” I speak up, ignoring Justin’s outburst. “Can you tell me exactly what hurts?”

  “His piercing is stuck on something inside me.”

  “And do you have something inside you it could be hooked on?” I ask.

  “The only thing I can think of is my IUD.”

  “Okay, and what’s it feel like when he tries to pull out?”

  “Feels like a sharp pain or even tearing. Could his piercing really get stuck on it?”

  “Well, an IUD is obviously very safe to use during intercourse, but if there is consistent penetration or perhaps rough intercourse, the threads of the IUD that extend into the vagina could’ve snagged the piercing, if that’s what it’s caught on. Or it could’ve even slipped. When did you get it inserted?”

  “Why are you asking all these questions? Does it matter? Just help us detach, okay, doc?” he snaps again, his attitude really grating on my nerves.

  “That’s what I’m trying to do, but I need to know her medical history first before I try to dislodge your penis from her vagina, so if you could just hold tight, I’ll do my best to release your penis in one piece.”

  He narrows his eyes at me, and I hear Veronica snicker next to me, though she covers it up with a fake cough and keeps her head down as she continues writing down notes.

  “I got it about a year ago,” she tells me.

  “Okay, thank you.”

  “Now, mister…” I turn toward Justin, waiting.

  “Hayes,” he mutters.

  “What gauge is your piercing?”

  “Eight,” he confirms.

  “And is it a hoop?”

  “Yes, it’s a Prince Albert.”

  I clear my throat and look back at the couple. “Okay, anything else I need to know? Any allergies or things that would be critical to know before we try shifting you out?”

  “Well…” Justin mutters. “No allergies, but I do have a butt plug in, and when I shift my weight, it hurts.”

  For fuck’s sake.

  “Okay, Fiona can you please assist me while I check him out.” I pinch my lips together, hoping I’m concealing my smile, but I have a feeling I’m not the only one in the room who’s trying to keep it together.

  “I can help you, Dr. Bishop,” Veronica jumps in.

  “Where is Dr. Bell?” I snap. “Did you page her?”

  “Yes, twice.”

  “Then page her again.”

  I walk to the end of the bed where Justin’s ass is arched in the air. “Alright, Mr. Hayes, I’m going to bring the sheet up so I can take a look.”

  “Just do it,” he sneers.

  Once I see what I’m working with, I shake my head at the cucumber size butt plug shoved up this guy’s ass like a turkey stuffed in a pineapple. “I’m going to need you to stick your hips out as far as you can without shifting your groin. I know that sounds complicated, but the wider, the better.”

  I hear some curse words, and when the girl shrieks, I order him to stop.

  “Well, I can pull it out now, or after I get you two unhooked, but either way, it’s going to hurt.”

  “Just do it now.”

  “Fiona, can you find me some lubricant please.”

  “Of course,” she says sweetly.

  Forty-five minutes later, I’ve added butt plug removal and Prince Albert piercing disengaging from a vagina to my resume.

  “That was by far the weirdest thing I’ve seen in a long time,” I say once the room is cleared. It’s just Fiona and me when I realize Emily hasn’t shown up yet. “She must’ve gotten called into Dr. Umbridge’s trauma,” Fiona suggests. “I saw Veronica page her several times.”

  “That’s not like Emily to not at least check in. Even if she gets caught up with something else, she always makes sure to have someone report back to me.”

  I rip off my gloves and wash my hands. “I’m about to go find out.”

  Walking out of the trauma room, I search the ER and see it’s fairly empty. Veronica’s behind the nurses' station looking through files.

  “Is Emily with Dr. Umbridge?” I ask.

  H
er eyes snap up to mine, and she shakes her head. “No, she didn’t respond to any of my pages.”

  “That’s unlike her. Did you check the break room by chance?”

  “Uh, no. I actually misplaced my employee keycard and had planned on running up to HR on my break to get another one.”

  “Fuck.” I brush a hand through my hair. “She never takes long breaks like this. She must’ve fallen asleep. I’m going to check the on-call rooms. Page me if she shows up while I’m gone,” I tell her before walking out.

  Reaching for my phone, I call Emily. Though during our shift it’s usually off, I hope by chance she turned it on during her break to text Kiera or something. It rings a few times, then goes to voicemail, so I text her.

  Evan: Where are you?

  I walk down the hallway and check each of the on-call rooms, but they come up empty. The locker room is empty, too, but I notice her locker door is open. Peeking inside, I see a bag of black licorice open, which means she was definitely sitting here during her break. Glancing around, I look for another clue, and that’s when I spot her cell phone.

  Dammit.

  It’s on the floor and causes me to panic. It’s not like her to leave her shit lying around, especially her phone. Tapping the screen, I see my message along with a few unread ones from Kiera. The first one from her was sent over an hour ago.

  Where the hell has she been for the past hour?

  Glancing down at the screen again, I read Kiera’s messages.

  Kiera: OMG! It is? Really?

  * * *

  Kiera: Have you told Evan yet?

  * * *

  Kiera: How are you gonna drop a major bomb on me like that and then not respond to any of my messages!

  What the hell is she talking about?