Past Secrets, Present Love

by Lois Richer

  “Would her suffering more fix any of the past? Would it undo what happened to you?” Zach shook his head. “That’s the thing about God, Ross. He doesn’t give a fig for the past. It’s over with. It’s today and tomorrow that matter to Him. Your tomorrow.”

  “I guess.”

  “You don’t have to guess. You can know. Just ask Him to help you understand.” He pulled the door open. “I’ve got to get going.”

  “Yeah, me, too. Thanks for checking things out with me. At least we know the place is safe for now.”

  Zach locked the door, drove him back to the parking lot at the hospital and parked alongside Ross’s car, engine running.

  “They’re getting closer,” he mused. “Whoever is doing this is also getting bolder. A hospital is a pretty public place. But they can’t hide forever. Sooner or later they’re going to make a mistake.”

  “I just hope it’s not too late for Sandra or Kelly.”

  “A few prayers couldn’t hurt.” Zach gave him a pointed look, waited till he’d stepped out of the car then raised a hand and drove away.

  Ross resisted the urge to go to Kelly’s room. This yearning inside was bigger than her, bigger than anything he’d experienced before. Sandra, Zach, Kelly—they all seemed confident, certain that their God would accept him.

  That was something he needed to find out for himself.

  Kelly glared at Glynis.

  “It’s not that I’m ungrateful, it’s not that I want to be anyone’s target, but I’ve missed way too much work,” she whispered, glancing at Sandra to be sure she wasn’t disturbing the other woman. But Sandra hadn’t moved. She lay still and white, lost in the coma that bound her in some place Kelly couldn’t reach.

  “I’m no help here, but there are things I have to do. So I’m going to Tiny Blessings. If you want to come along, you’re more than welcome. But I am going!”

  “Fine.” Glynis stuffed her handiwork into the bag by her feet and rose. “My orders are to stay with you, so that’s what I intend to do.”

  Once the paperwork was done, Kelly and Glynis left the hospital.

  “I forgot, I didn’t bring a car. Wait here, I’ll get a cab.”

  “No need. I have wheels.” Glynis led her to a small coupe. “You want to go home first and change?”

  “Yes, please.”

  They actually made it to the office just in time for morning coffee break. Kelly accepted the warm wishes of her staff, returned a few hugs and finally entered her office. There were several pressing matters but once they were clear, she headed for the hall closet.

  The memory of those cassettes and papers had threaded through her dreams all night. She intended to satisfy her curiosity before anything else happened to deflect her attention from them. She grabbed her keys and opened the closet door.

  Grateful for Glynis’s presence, Kelly lifted out the stacks of papers, which she handed over. She gathered up the cassettes herself and carried them into her office. One last check ensured that the bottom drawer of the small cabinet held only empty case files and two very large stones.

  “Somebody didn’t want that cabinet going anywhere,” Glynis mused.

  Kelly nodded, sank into her seat and began scanning the pages of notes.

  “I’m thinking this is private. I’ll wait outside. I have to call in anyway.”

  “Okay. There’s a room right next door you can use. I promise I won’t go anywhere without telling you. And thanks. Really.” Kelly moved around the desk to hug her. “I do appreciate everything you’ve done.”

  “That’s my job.”

  “You’ve gone above and beyond.”

  Once Glynis had gone, Kelly returned to reading the material. After ten minutes she asked reception to hold all her calls, spent a few minutes praying for strength, then returned to the papers. What she read was more shocking than anything she could have imagined.

  Sometime later a knock disrupted her thoughts. Glynis must have arranged for lunch because she brought in a sandwich and a glass of orange juice. Kelly ate absently, her thoughts busy as she began to put the pieces together.

  She scribbled notes as she read, checked them against the tapes, until everything made sense. Finally she leaned back in her chair, pressed her fingers against the throbbing spot at the back of her head and sighed.

  “Oh, Lord, this is more than I can bear.”

  She spent a long time alternately praying and weeping. When a hand pressed on her shoulder, she stifled a scream. It was Ross.

  “Oh, Ross, it’s so awful.” She threw herself into his arms and sobbed on his shoulder as she told him the whole awful mess. “Barnaby Harcourt didn’t run Tiny Blessings for any good or generous or kind reasons. He used other people’s problems to fulfill his own greed.”

  She pulled away, waved a hand over the stacks of papers, tapes, notes.

  “Look at this, a horrible history of extorting people who came to him for help. Look at these names—a who’s who of prominent people who brought him unwanted babies. He changed their records, altered everything he could to make it as difficult as possible to trace these children back to their prominent parents. Including me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I know who I am, Ross.” She glanced up into his face, her voice hard. “You wouldn’t tell me, but I know. I’m the daughter of our illustrious mayor. Gerald Morrow is my father.”

  “Yes.” Ross nodded, his eyes sad. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you, but I’m glad you know the truth. No one can live with a lie forever.”

  “It’s about time Barnaby’s lies came out,” she vowed, dashing away the tears. “I knew him, you know. He seemed like an innocent grandpa who loved kids, but he was a user. Greedy, dishonest—words don’t begin to cover what he did.”

  Ross frowned. “What all did you find?”

  “He blackmailed these people for years after he so generously got rid of their unwanted children.” She couldn’t stop the anger that rose up inside for the innocent babies who’d been used by this unscrupulous man. “Some of his ‘clients,’ like Gerald, he kept on the hook for years afterward. Barnaby Harcourt profited from misery and in doing so, if these notes are accurate, took in a fortune!”

  “It sure looks like it.” Ross whistled as he scanned the pages she’d highlighted, read her notes. “There’s no mention of Ben Cavanaugh’s parents here.”

  “No. Actually, I found very little in here about him. Just when he was brought in, his age, weight, that kind of thing. It doesn’t mention his parents. There’s only this curious notation beside his name—see ANM. I haven’t been able to find out what that means.” She took a deep breath, planted her hands on her desk to steady herself.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m not sure. I want to talk to Gerald Morrow. I want to ask him why he forced Sandra to do what he did.” Kelly fought to keep the tears from her voice. “I want to know if he ever gave a thought to the child he gave away all those years ago. If he ever wondered what I’d become, who I was.”

  “Is that really what you want to ask, Kelly?” he asked her softly.

  “No,” she admitted. “I guess what I really want to know is if he ever loved me.”

  “You may not get an acceptable answer to that question.” He led her to a sofa, sat down beside her. “I need to tell you something, Kelly. Maybe it will help you with this.”

  “Okay.” She stared into his eyes. Something was different.

  “I never told you why I really left New York.” His hands held hers, his thumb brushed over her skin as if he needed the contact. His voice was tight, controlled. “The place was everything rotten that I told you about—and more. But that doesn’t excuse what I did. I shot a kid, Kelly. A boy. He wasn’t even a teenager yet and I gunned him down because I lost my focus, thought I saw a gun when I didn’t. My bullet robbed that kid of life as he knew it.”

  “Oh, Ross.” She squeezed his hands as tears formed at the corners of her eyes. “You didn’t do it on p
urpose.”

  “It felt as if I did. I was so fed up, so sick of seeing the same thing over and over. I wanted it to stop and when I saw him reach for something, I was sure I saw the barrel of a gun. ‘I’ll stop the little creep,’ I decided. So I took aim and I fired. Only he was turning away and the bullet lodged in his spine. He will never walk again, Kelly. Because of me, because of what I did. I’m no better than the punks I was chasing.”

  “The difference is here.” She tapped his chest. “You didn’t knowingly shoot him in the back. You were trying to stop a crime, you were doing your job.”

  “I was trying to be judge, jury and executioner. And I almost killed him.” He shook his head, his lips tight. “But last night I realized something.”

  “Oh?”

  “I’m forgiven, Kelly.” He shook his head, eyes wide with disbelief. “It seems impossible to me and yet, when I talked to Reverend Fraser this morning, it all came together. He and Zach helped me see that I can’t change the past. What I did, my childhood—all of it happened. It was what it was and there’s no way I can rewrite history.”

  “I see.”

  “That would be sad, if that’s all there was to it. But it’s not.” He grasped her hands tighter, leaned in, excitement filling his face. “You and I—we have trouble accepting what was, what is. But don’t you see, it’s what we make of what is now that matters.”

  “But I wanted—”

  “I know.” A sad smile lifted his mouth. “You want what we all want—to be loved and cared for by the people who should be doing just that. But despite the ugliness, despite our mistakes and dreams and wishes, God has a different plan. And it’s what we do with that which can make or break our future.”

  “Are you saying you believe in God?” She could hardly believe it.

  He nodded. “I believe in Him, I trust Him, I have faith that no matter how bad my past is, He’s going to make it right, He’s going to get me through.”

  A wash of shame spread over her. Ross was new to the faith, just learning and yet, he’d grasped what she hadn’t.

  “I’m very glad for you.”

  “Thanks.” He leaned nearer, his gaze intent. “Kelly, if God can do that for somebody as messed up as me, don’t you think He can work things out for you, too?”

  “Yes. But I can’t deny this need to talk to Gerald Morrow. I need answers.” She rose. “I’m going to call him now, try and set up a meeting.” She looked up the mayor’s number, asked to speak to him.

  “I’m sorry, he’s not in at the moment. Who’s calling?”

  “I’m sorry, Mrs. Morrow, I should have said. It’s Kelly Young. Do you know where I might reach him?”

  “I’m sorry, I don’t, my dear. But I do know that with the new year upon us, he’s very busy trying to get municipal affairs in order. Is it something I could help you with?”

  “No, thank you. I need to speak to Mr. Morrow. I’ll try his office.”

  “My husband is a very busy man, Kelly, and extremely stressed at the moment. I’d prefer if you didn’t trouble him today.” The hostess voice dropped several degrees. “I really think you should try to handle whatever this is about on your own. That is why they made you director of that place, isn’t it? So you could make the decisions and not bother others.”

  There was a soft click.

  “She hung up.” Kelly stared at the phone. “She told me he’s too busy to see me and told me to handle it on my own. I’ve never heard her speak like that before. She was almost rude.”

  “She probably has her own troubles to deal with. I overheard them arguing the other day. I don’t think their marriage is very smooth.” Ross rose, reached out a hand. “Come on, I’m taking you out for dinner. You’ve had a long day, because you wouldn’t stay put in the hospital,” he added with arched brows.

  “I couldn’t. I had to get at this stuff.”

  “Maybe so. But you’re in no shape to go grocery shopping and then start cooking. Come on, we’ll celebrate my new decision.”

  “I really am very happy for you,” she told him once they were riding down in the elevator. Glynis’s replacement had taken over for a few hours and was behind them. “It’s a decision that will change your life, Ross. When you go back to Richmond, you’ll want to find a church where you feel comfortable. They’ll help you learn more.”

  “Is that what you want?” he asked as he walked with her down the street toward a small café. “Would you be happier if I wasn’t around?”

  “That isn’t what I meant.” The appearance of the mayor’s signature black luxury car distracted her. “Look. Maybe Mr. Morrow will be having dinner here, too. I could ask him for a meeting.”

  “Maybe.” Ross’s face grew grim. Inside the restaurant they were seated at a table in a darkened corner where they could see the other patrons but weren’t particularly noticeable. The policewoman who’d replaced Glynis declined to join them but seated herself at a table behind them.

  “I hadn’t realized it was so late,” Kelly said as her stomach issued a loud rumble. “We’re lucky to get a table. This place gets packed for dinner every night.”

  Ross was silent and she knew from glancing at his face that luck had nothing to do with it.

  “You made a reservation?”

  He nodded. “I wanted to talk to you.”

  “About leaving?” She told him what she wanted, which he relayed to the server. When they were alone once more, she folded her hands in her lap and tried to prepare herself for more bad news. “When are you going?”

  “I’m not sure.” He changed the subject, asked her a hundred questions about the information she’d uncovered that afternoon. When their food came, they ate heartily, enjoying the rich flavors of a chef who knew how to tantalize.

  “I wish there was a way to get that extortion money to the children Barnaby Harcourt adopted out,” she mused, laying down her fork. “Many of the families were wealthy ones and they don’t need the money, but the children might welcome funding for college or to start a business.”

  “Is that what you want from Gerald?”

  “Ross! How can you even ask that?” She stared at him, surprised by his hard tone. “No. I don’t want his money. I just want a chance to talk to him. All this time he and Barnaby were working together and he never even tried to help Sandra. I want to know why.”

  “It was a long time ago. I doubt he knew that you were the child he had Barnaby arrange an adoption for. He probably paid heavily not to know.”

  “I never thought of that.” She glanced around, saw the Morrows being seated near the windows in a prominent position. “Look who dropped in. You’d think with servants and a cook on staff they wouldn’t have to eat out, wouldn’t you?”

  He turned slightly, watched the older couple. “The missus doesn’t seem very happy tonight. In fact, it looks as though Chestnut Grove’s society maven is furious.”

  Kelly agreed. Tonight Lindsay Morrow seemed unconcerned with her image. She ranted at the staff, refused to accept the salad she was brought and ordered her server to return her food to the fool who’d salted it too heavily. Mayor Morrow argued less loudly, but several times he placed his hand on his wife’s wrist and forced it down to the table. Neither looked as though they even knew what they were eating.

  “I’m having dessert. Want to share some?” She felt Ross’s shock and grinned. “Well, you said celebrate. I’m having the Hawaiian cheesecake. I’ve only had it once before but I can tell you there’s enough of it for two.” She raised an eyebrow in question.

  Ross nodded, beckoned one of the staff.

  “Celebrating huh?” the young man asked.

  “Yes. A new life,” he answered.

  But there was something wistful in his voice and Kelly found herself wishing that he wouldn’t leave, that Sandra would wake up and beg him to stay in Chestnut Grove.

  She was in love with him.

  The awareness hit her without warning just as the cheesecake was set before them.
She stared at him, realized she’d memorized every line of his face, knew exactly how his dark eyes glowed when he was excited, narrowed when he was trying to figure something out.

  He’d been there for her every time she needed him.

  Who would she turn to when he left?

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Are you ready to leave?” Ross watched Kelly glance at the Morrows again and knew immediately what was coming.

  “Can we stop by their table? I’m going to set a time to see him if I can.”

  “Sure.” He walked behind her, stood silently while she greeted the unhappy couple.

  “I was wondering if I might meet you privately, Mayor Morrow,” she murmured, softly enough that no one else in the restaurant would overhear. “I have some things I need to discuss with you. I understand from your wife that you’re busy but I’m afraid it can’t wait. Would sometime this evening be convenient?”

  “I’m afraid Gerald and I have plans for this evening, Kelly.” Lindsay Morrow smiled but there was a bite to the brilliant gleam of those perfect teeth. “Can’t your business wait until tomorrow?”

  “I wasn’t planning on going in to the office tomorrow,” Gerald told Kelly. “But if it’s important, I guess I could meet you there at ten-thirty.”

  “Why should you disrupt your day off, Gerald? You need a break from that dreary office.” Lindsay’s glare was polished steel. “Come to the house, Kelly. I’m sure you can talk all you want there. I won’t be home but Gerald can make you comfortable.”

  “Thank you very much, Mrs. Morrow. I do appreciate your help. And I apologize again for interrupting your dinner.”

  Ross felt anger simmering below the surface and told himself to get a grip. Why was he always so irritated that Kelly found this woman admirable?

  “My dear, please don’t apologize. It was a meal that needed interrupting. I can’t think why Gerald suggested this place instead of the country club. It’s so…common.”

  Implying they were, too, because they’d eaten here? Ross clenched his teeth.

  “We’ll be leaving then. Good night, Mayor. Mrs. Morrow.”