Just Be Her

by Kaydence Snow

“Mother.” Alex shook her head, a warning in her gaze.

  Annabelle finally turned to look at what had everyone else’s attention. She gasped. “Oh, Oren.”

  Oh, Oren, indeed. I was speechless. I had no idea if I should try to explain, get on my knees and beg for forgiveness, or run away and pretend none of this had happened. So I found myself rooted to the spot, wearing another woman’s clothes, dread settling over me as the first person I’d allowed myself to care about in years stepped forward.

  “Preston and I drove here together when we realized we had meetings around the corner from each other—just a block away.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets, his voice low, flat, every word measured. “We saw you three duck in here and decided to join you for a drink instead. I wanted to get to know my future mother-in-law.”

  Oren took slow steps until he stood directly before me. His voice carried so everyone could hear, but his hard stare was reserved for me alone. I resisted the urge to drop my gaze. He deserved to have me look him in the eye as the truth came out. I couldn’t be a coward now, not anymore.

  “I was engaged, and I was falling for a woman. Imagine my shock when I realized the two were not the same woman. What a fool I’ve been.” He seethed, then turned to Alex. “Alexandria.” It wasn’t a question. Alex met his gaze with as much dignity as possible while wearing nothing but a man’s shirt, and she nodded.

  Oren turned back to me and raised an eyebrow.

  I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “My name is Antoinette. Toni.”

  He nodded, pressing his lips together. “That must be the first true thing you’ve told me since we met.”

  “No. Oren, no. Please . . .”

  I had no idea what I was pleading for. I reached out to touch him, only to pull my hand back at the last second. I wasn’t sure how he’d react to my touch, even though all I wanted was to feel his arms around me, feel the steadying beat of his heart under my cheek.

  He took my hand in both of his, and my heart soared. If he felt even half as strongly for me as I felt for him, maybe there was hope. Maybe he wouldn’t be able to walk away from me any more than I could walk away from him.

  I covered his hands with my free one, but he shook it off. Just as fast as it had soared, my heart plummeted.

  He lifted my hand between us and held it in place.

  It was never mine to begin with, but as he carefully tugged his mother’s ring off my finger, it felt like he was ripping my heart out—tearing it right out of my chest and stuffing it into his pocket along with the diamond. He didn’t look at me again, didn’t utter a single word as he turned and walked away. He didn’t rush out, angry and emotional, like Ren had. No, Oren’s steps were steady and measured, the hard set of his shoulders saying more than words ever could.

  He pulled the timber door open and stepped outside into the blinding afternoon light, leaving me standing in the middle of a dingy bar with a gaping hole in my chest, blood and despair dripping all over the dirty floor.

  I stared at the closed door, just trying to breathe as bile rose in the back of my throat and my eyes began to sting.

  “Shit.” George sighed. “I’ll head back and try to do some damage control.” He gave my shoulder a squeeze as he passed.

  “Thank you, George.” Annabelle’s voice was low, cautious.

  “I’ll give you a ride back, Preston.” It wasn’t a suggestion. George opened the door and waited. Preston still looked shocked, but there was a hint of amusement on the asshole’s face. Why did he have to be here? Why did Loretta and Dennis and anyone else have to witness my destruction?

  As the door closed behind them, I turned and walked on numb feet behind the bar. Dennis stepped out of my way, eyes wide, his hands gripping a tea towel. I grabbed a bottle off the top shelf and poured the amber liquid into a shot glass.

  “Ah, shit,” Loretta croaked but managed to avoid another coughing fit. “At least it’s all out in the open now.”

  “You knew?” Alex’s surprised voice asked from right next to me.

  “Child, nothin’ happens in this bar without me knowing.”

  It didn’t matter anymore who knew. Oren knew, and everything was fucked.

  Silent tears poured down my cheeks. I gripped the edge of the bar for something to hold on to, something to keep me from plummeting completely into despair. Or maybe I was already there and just didn’t realize it.

  “Antoinette?” Annabelle’s gentle voice came from directly opposite me, on the other side of the bar.

  I lifted the shot glass and realized I’d poured a shot of the same whiskey we’d been drinking that night we’d pretended to watch a movie. I slammed it back down on the bar, the alcohol splashing over my hand. My tears mingled with the whiskey as my shoulders quivered.

  “Toni.” Alex placed a hand between my shoulder blades. “What happened?”

  “I . . .” I croaked. “I fell in love.”

  With the whole, heavy truth finally out, sobs racked my body. Alex wrapped her arms around me, but my knees buckled, and I collapsed to the ground, ugly crying. Snot poured down my face, my shoulders shook violently, and the sounds coming out of my mouth were pure, unadulterated anguish.

  Alex kneeled with me and pulled me against her, holding on tightly as I fell apart.

  I clung to her, this woman who was a stranger and also apparently my sister. Except she wasn’t a stranger, not really. She’d shared her life with me, both by letting me live it and by talking to me every damn day. Hadn’t I done the same? Without even meaning to, I’d let Alex in, allowed her to know me, see me.

  I was at my lowest point since the day I’d wandered into the Cottonmouth Inn, on my last penny and on the verge of homelessness. As the sobs subsided, I was glad she was there, happy she was the one trying to hold me together. Alex was the smartest and most confident, capable, determined woman I knew. Having her at my side made me feel stronger. Strong enough to take the tea towel from Dennis’s outstretched hand and wipe my face. Strong enough to look into her eyes—eyes identical to mine—and say my truth again.

  “I fell in love, Alex.”

  She was crying too, her eyes red-rimmed and puffy. “Me too,” she whispered. She wiped her cheek, but another tear tracked a wet path down her face immediately.

  “Fuck.” I handed her the tea towel, not entirely sure I wouldn’t need it again. “Which one?”

  She sighed and wiped at her face again. “Both.”

  “Oh my god.” I pulled her in for a hug. Now it was me trying to comfort her broken heart.

  “I don’t think I even realized it fully until they both walked out that door.” She clung to me and cried.

  “I hate that fucking door,” I growled. As if it were the door’s fault the men we’d fallen for had walked through it, taking our hearts with them.

  She cried into my shoulder for a few minutes, and then we pulled apart and just stared at each other.

  “Only you would set out to have a month of freedom and fun and end up falling in love with two guys,” I deadpanned.

  “Only you would set out to take advantage of the lap of luxury for a month, only to cause chaos for one of the richest men in the country,” she shot back.

  We laughed darkly, even as tears kept trickling down our cheeks.

  I shook my head. “We really fucked up, didn’t we?”

  “Yeah, but it was my stupid idea to begin with. This is all my fault.”

  “Shut up. I agreed to it, didn’t I?”

  She sighed. “Why did you all march down here anyway? Why didn’t you wait for me to return your call?”

  “What difference would it have made? Would you really have been able to walk away from them and switch? Because I was fully intending to come clean with Oren after speaking to you.” It hurt to say his name. “There was no way I could just leave him. Not that it matters—he’s walked away from me.”

  “No. I was never going to be able to just leave them. I couldn’t marry Oren. Not after all this
.”

  “What a mess. He was engaged to one sister and sleeping with another. Sounds like a soap opera.”

  Alex’s eyes went wide, and she shook her head. “Sister?”

  “Oh, fuck. Yeah. That’s why we rushed here to find you. Your mom showed up at the same time as the DNA test results. Turns out we’re twins.”

  After all the drama of the past hour, that bombshell didn’t even seem that crazy to me anymore, but Alex was hearing it for the first time.

  She craned her neck to look up at her mother, and I followed her gaze.

  The older woman sat on a bar stool, her head in her hands. After a beat of silence, she sighed and lifted her head. Her eyes were glassy, her makeup streaked down her face. I guess it was an emotional day for everyone.

  “Mom. How is this possible?” Alex got to her feet, flashing me her bare ass under Andre’s T-shirt.

  I leaned away and averted my gaze. “Maybe put some underwear on first?”

  She yanked the hem of the shirt down and gave me an embarrassed look.

  “I’ll get some food on while you gals talk.” Loretta disappeared into the kitchen.

  We all turned to look at Dennis. Poor kid was still standing near us, a dumbfounded look on his face. He snapped out of it, turning first in one direction, then the other. “I’ll just . . . uh . . . go clean . . . something.” He rushed out from behind the bar and started wiping down already clean tables.

  “Right.” Alex took small steps toward the back stairs, trying to preserve her modesty. “I’ll go get dressed, and then you need to explain, Mother.”

  “Of course.” Annabelle looked tired but resigned. “I’ll answer all your questions.”

  “Good. Don’t even think about going anywhere.” With a firm look in her mom’s direction, Alex disappeared out the back.

  “Wouldn’t dream of it.” A small smile pulled at the older woman’s face. “I’m never letting either of you out of my sight again.”

  Twenty-Six

  Alex

  “You snore.” I took a sip of my green tea as Toni narrowed her eyes. “You really should get serious about quitting.”

  She stared me down and took a slow, deliberate drag of her cigarette, exhaled the smoke, and chased it down with a sip of black coffee. Neither of us could eat breakfast first thing in the morning, but where I had to have my tea, she was addicted to coffee.

  “Fuck off,” she finally responded, flicking the ash off her cigarette and lifting her feet onto the balcony railing. It was overcast but still warm. “You’re lucky I didn’t kick your ass out of the bed. You twitch. You smacked me several times.”

  I chuckled and smacked my hand over her face lightly. “Like this?”

  She leaned away, unable to defend herself with her hands full. “Seriously?”

  “Sorry,” I said, completely without remorse, and propped my own feet up to mirror her pose. “Just trying to teach my little sister who’s boss.”

  “I told you, I’m the oldest,” she argued.

  “Can’t wait until Mom gets here and proves you wrong.”

  The previous afternoon, after everyone was dressed and had stopped crying, Mother had filled me in on the story of what happened to Toni. I couldn’t believe I had a sister. A twin! I’d wanted a sibling my whole childhood, had always been jealous of the special bond my friends shared with their brothers and sisters—even when they were fighting. We’d certainly found each other in the strangest possible way, but at least we’d found each other.

  By the time Mom had given me the gist of the story, it was time for the bar to open.

  “I messaged Andre and told him we’ve got the bar covered for the night.” Loretta propped her hands on her hips. “Now you two better get some aprons on and get ready to work. Way I see it, you started this mess. Least you can do is keep the man’s bar staffed for a night.”

  She didn’t wait for a response, disappearing back into the kitchen as the happy hour crowd in suits and heels started to trickle in.

  She was right. I’d been waiting for him to come back through that door all afternoon, even as I listened to my mother’s outrageous story. The knot in my stomach would not ease until I could find out how pissed off he was with me, find out how Ren was doing. I hated myself for putting them in this situation, but I was glad they had each other.

  Toni and I stepped behind the bar and got to work. When they walked in and saw two Tonis, the other staff gave us wide-eyed looks and asked all kinds of questions.

  “We’re twins. Didn’t know the other existed until recently. It’s a long-ass story. Now go take that frat boy’s order.” Toni didn’t pull any punches. We hadn’t sat down and decided anything, but we were both done hiding, pretending, and lying.

  Toni was fantastic at her job. The staff listened to her, and she ran that bar as if it were hers, directing everyone, keeping an eye on the stock levels, making sure no one got rowdy, and buzzing around the place like a worker bee on crack.

  My mom sat at the bar, nursing a gin and tonic and watching us work for hours. She even broke her clean-eating diet and had one of Loretta’s burgers.

  Around eleven, George joined her and tried to convince her to get some rest. Both she and Preston had been asked to leave the manor, our whole family evicted from the Winthrops’ lives, but Preston had rented an apartment nearby, as he still had business in New Orleans to attend to. He’d graciously invited us to stay.

  It was too busy to get much more detail from George, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to know how badly I’d messed everything up anyway.

  “George, I’m not leaving until these two do,” Mom insisted.

  “We’re going to be here until well past midnight, Mom,” I argued while pouring a beer. “We need to close the bar. Just go with George. Get some sleep.”

  “What if something happens? I can’t leave my girls again.” She started to cry; she’d been doing it on and off all night.

  Toni appeared next to me. “Look, it’s gonna be really late when we finish. Alex can crash here with me, and we’ll see you tomorrow. We’ll take care of each other, OK?”

  I gave her hand a squeeze under the bar, and she returned it. We’d been taking care of each other for the past month.

  With the three of us convincing her, Mom finally let George lead her away. The rest of the night wound down without incident—and without Andre’s return. The other staff left, and we closed up and headed upstairs.

  We’d shared a bed, as most sisters would’ve done countless times growing up, and woken up midmorning to a million messages from Mom. I’d spoken to her on the phone and convinced her we were both fine while Toni made me a green tea and herself a coffee.

  “How long until your mom and George get here?” Toni asked, setting her empty mug down on the little round table between us.

  “She was on her way when we hung up, so not long.” I drank more tea and studied her profile.

  “I know she’s technically my mother too, but it doesn’t feel natural saying ‘our mom.’” She frowned.

  “Of course not. You only just met her. You and I only met a month ago.”

  “You jumped into bed with me after only knowing me a month.” Toni gasped dramatically and smiled. She was deflecting, trying to lighten the mood, but I wasn’t going to let her.

  “Toni, I’m serious. This is a crazy, messed-up situation, but I want you to know no one expects you to just start calling her Mom or me Sis or whatever. But I do want to be in your life. I want to know you.”

  “I know. Me too.” She gave me a sad smile. “I want this more than you know. To have family, people. I don’t even think I realized how much I craved it. It just feels like a betrayal on some level.”

  “Toni, your parents would want you to be happy.”

  “I know. It just feels like I’m letting them go, moving on.” Her voice cracked, and I set my tea down to grip her hand. She held on tightly but kept her gaze on the thick clouds above the buildings.

  “Moving
on is a good thing. But it doesn’t mean you have to forget them or pretend they never existed.”

  She nodded. The silence settled between us for a few moments before she let my hand go.

  “I’m sorry about the money,” I said.

  “What?”

  “The money I promised you in exchange for switching.”

  “Oh, right. Yeah. That’s the last thing on my mind. Honestly, I’m glad the marriage isn’t going ahead.”

  “Me too. Despite what it means for my finances.”

  “Shit. That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry you won’t be able to save your family business. I just don’t think I could’ve handled Oren marrying another woman.”

  “I know. I get it.”

  “And now he’ll never speak to either of us again, and he’ll probably end up marrying some socialite who gives really bad head.”

  I threw my head back and laughed. The situation was beyond messy, but Toni’s dry wit never failed to make me feel a little bit lighter. Especially when it wasn’t used against me.

  I wiped the tears from under my eyes. “I can’t believe you fell in love with my fiancé.”

  She snorted. “Same. Didn’t think I was capable of love, to be honest.”

  The thud of heavy boots in the hall carried all the way through the small apartment and past the open windows, making me lose track of whatever consoling thing I was about to say.

  My heart jumped into my throat, and I leaned forward and gripped the armrests, ready to chase after him. But what if he didn’t want to speak to me? What if he hated me for how much I’d hurt Ren? What if I’d hurt him more than I realized?

  “Dude.” Toni’s firm voice snapped me out of my crippling self-doubt spiral. “Go.”

  She bugged her eyes out at me and pointed to the door.

  I sprang out of the chair and dashed across the studio on bare feet, wearing nothing more than underwear and a Jack Daniel’s tank top.

  I wrenched the door open and nearly copped a fist in the face.

  Andre dropped his arm, abandoning his knock. He was in jeans and boots, a white T-shirt stretched over his defined chest. He looked tired, his eyes bloodshot and his big shoulders hunched.