Loving Colt

by C. A. Harms

  Chapter Eight

  Alexis

  I was sure without Colton I would have walked home from the party. I felt overwhelmed by all the questions and prodding of the guests. I was the new girl around, and everyone wanted to know about my past and what brought me to Brooklet.

  I was running out of ways to avoid the details of my past.

  Colt had kept things simple over the last two weeks, and I was sure I had scared him off. He came around daily, but it was just different. Prior to my confession in the bathroom that night two weeks ago, he used to flirt. Now he just smiles kindly and treats me like I might break.

  I was sure I had scared him with all my drama, but the moment he motioned for me to join him on the couch, I froze. On the inside, I wanted to rush over to him and use him as a buffer, but was that a smart idea?

  When his grin flashed that dimple, I let go of my hesitation. I wanted nothing more than to allow him to protect me from the ongoing questions.

  Now here I sit tucked securely into his hold. The security of his embrace comforts me more than I had imagined it would.

  The moment I realized my hand was resting on his thigh, I felt embarrassed. What was I doing?

  When his fingers began feathering over my arm, a feeling of calm set in over me. His touch was soothing and gentle. I allowed my eyes to close to focus solely on the feeling.

  When he leaned in and whispered against my ear, chills spread out over my arms and legs. “I think you should let me take you to dinner. Just the two of us.”

  I could feel his warm breath fanning out over my neck and shoulder. I turned just enough to look up into his warm brown eyes. He smiled softly and waited for me to respond.

  “Are you sure you want to get involved with a girl who has such a dramatic past? You don’t need all of that in your life. A woman with a kid running from a crazy ex.” I was trying to make a joke of it, but his eyes only darkened with intensity.

  “Nothing about your past scares me, Alex,” he insisted.

  I thought it over for a moment before I smiled in return. “Okay.”

  ***

  After Maria opened up the gift that Colt had made for her by hand, my heart became even fonder of him.

  He had handcrafted a gorgeous crib and matching changing table out of oak. When Maria began to sob, I thought it was purely due to the detail of the design. But when Gavin held her close and he too become emotional, I knew it was because of something more.

  It was the card that threw her over the top.

  Kori took it from Maria’s hand and, after she nodded her head, Kori read it aloud.

  Sis, it’s your time. Our losses will never be forgotten, but they are pieces that hold us together. This was meant to be. The love you have within your soul can soothe all heartache.

  The love you and Gavin share has given me hope that one day I may find the same.

  Love, Colt

  I was given the chance to be a part of this emotional moment.

  ***

  Colt took our date seriously. Ann kept Maddison, and I was picked up at seven in the evening as promised. He walked me to his truck, and like a complete gentleman, he helped me climb up inside.

  When he got into the driver seat, he passed me a single red rose, and I found myself wondering where he had hidden it.

  Colt surprised me by leaning over to place a soft kiss on my cheek, skimming his nose across my cheek bone. Barely brushing his lips over my ear, he whispered softly, “You look beautiful.”

  “Thank you,” I said breathlessly. He had my heart racing with the closeness of our bodies.

  He smelled amazing and manly.

  Something had shifted today between the two of us. I wasn’t sure exactly what it was or what we were doing yet, I just knew it felt different. I wanted to enjoy the change; I wanted to relish the idea that it could lead somewhere. The problem was I knew all good things seemed to turn out for the worst, at least that had been the way for me.

  “You look nervous,” he said. “Why?”

  My eyes met his, and we stared at one another for a moment. I nervously licked my lips, and his gaze fell immediately to my lips.

  “I wanna kiss you, Alex,” he whispered, as he continued to stare at my lips. “What are you thinking?” he asked.

  I hung my head for a second and took in a calming breath. “I didn’t realize I was that transparent.”

  The moment his hand reached out for mine, I turned to look up at him. “This doesn’t have to be more than you want it to be. I’m not trying to push you or force you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

  I immediately felt embarrassed, maybe I read more into it than I should have. He was just trying to be friendly, and I thought it was more. I started to pull my hand away and act as if everything was fine when he gripped mine tighter.

  “I won’t lie and say that I don’t want this to lead somewhere. I do. I have from the moment I saw you walk into the diner, holding Maddison’s hand.” I couldn’t speak as I stared back at him. “I understand your hesitation, completely. I’m a patient man, Alex. I’ll wait it out, but I can’t stay away. I want to spend time with both of you.”

  There was a silence that set my stomach on fire. Colt watched me, and I, in turn, became even more nervous. “I’ll give you only what you ask for. Just know that I won’t hurt you. You’re safe with me, completely safe. Both of you are.”

  All I could do was nod my head. I wanted to believe him. I never thought he would hurt me, but I had thought that about Seth too.

  Chapter Nine

  Colt

  I had to figure out a way to make her feel safe with me. I knew she was uneasy; if you watched closely enough, anyone could pick up on it. Today at the party, I thought she had finally let go of her fear. I know now that it was only an “in the moment” kind of thing.

  I don’t blame her for protecting herself. She had a darkness inside of her that held her back. All I wanted to do was give her back a sense of freedom. I wanted to give back to her the feeling of safety.

  Every time I thought about what that asshole did to her, it was hard not to get pissed off. He had better hope I never have the chance to show him just how much it angers me.

  No woman should ever have that kind of fear instilled in her by any man. Boy, jackass, and low-life son of a bitch were more like it; he was no man.

  Dinner was quiet and tense. I took her to a small Italian restaurant, requesting a table secluded from the other guests. I wanted the chance to talk, but now I wished we had a little more distraction.

  “I’m sorry, I’m ruining everything tonight,” she whispered from across the table. I wasn’t sure I was meant to hear her apology, but it was clear.

  “You’re not ruining anything. Being here with you is enough. I told you I’m not pushing. Just think of this as two friends having dinner together. There are no expectations, I promise.”

  She nodded her head, and we finished dinner a little more relaxed than we started it.

  “Dessert?” I asked, and she groaned in protest. Holding her hand against her stomach, she closed her eyes for a brief moment.

  “If I eat another bite, I may explode.” I chuckled as she blew out her cheeks, making them puffy. She then laughed and shook her head in embarrassment.

  Her reactions and gestures were so cute. I almost said it; it was on the tip of my tongue, but I held it back. I noticed that, if I complimented her, she shied away. It had taken me this long to get her to relax, and I wasn’t ready to take two steps backward. Instead, I silently admired her movements and pretended not to be as affected as I was. It was almost impossible, but I managed to hide my attraction for her.

  ***

  When we pulled up in front of my mother’s house, it was dark. Momma had left the porch light on and the small light just inside, for Alex.

  She walked ahead of me and up the steps toward the front door. I won’t lie and say I didn’t notice the sway of her slim hips. She is beautiful, and any man w
ould take the opportunity to admire her perfection.

  I didn’t get too close. I wanted to stay in the comfort zone. I was so afraid of making her fearful of any advance on my part.

  She stopped suddenly and turned to face me. “Thank you for dinner.” She worried her lower lip between her teeth before looking up to meet my gaze. “I’m not scared of you. I don’t think you would hurt me. That is the part that terrifies me.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Because I told myself I would never again trust a man. Seth never gave any sign of who he truly is, until it was too late. It came out of nowhere. I just can’t go through that again.” She placed her feet on the first step of the porch.

  With two steps between us, we were close to the same height. “I have to protect myself and Maddi. Falling for you wouldn’t be the smart thing to do right now. I have really messed things up since Troy died. I think my choices have been wrong, and I’m trying to do things differently.”

  I wanted to argue with her, but she stopped me. “Can we just focus on being friends? Right now I could use a good friend.”

  The knot in my chest grew two sizes as I fought the twisting churn in my stomach. I wanted to tell her hell no. I wanted to be more than her friend. I wanted to be able to kiss her and hold her. I wanted to be the man who held her close at night and into the morning.

  Instead, I forced a smile and pushed aside my needs. “Of course we can. Anything you want, sweetheart. I told you it was all in your hands.”

  Alex took the two steps down and wrapped her arms around my neck, hugging me close. Her sweet scent filled my nose and her warmth engulfed me.

  Wrapping my arms around her, I kept them firmly placed in the center of her back, fighting the urge to slide them lower. Friends. She needed that right now, and I would give it to her.

  It would kill me and I knew it, but I would do whatever I had to so that she got what she wanted. I was pushing too hard. I needed to pull back.

  She was making it clear that we were just friends—something a man never wanted to hear from the woman he fantasized about.

  ***

  “Colt, you in here?” Gavin hollered from the front of the shop.

  “Yeah, back here.” I raised my hand in the air from around the edge of the hutch I was staining. It was scheduled to be picked up on Saturday, and it needed one more coat before then. I was ahead of myself on my orders, but that’s what happens when you do nothing but work.

  Over the last week, I have busted my ass to keep my mind busy. I started in the moment I woke up and went until I was on the verge of passing out. The only time I paused was to grab something quick to eat, but even then I worked in between bites.

  “So Maria wasn’t bullshitting me.” Gavin pulled a chair up and took a seat next to me. “She said you were hiding out and working yourself into exhaustion. You wanna talk about it?” he asked.

  “Nothing to talk about. I just have orders to fill.” I averted my eyes. I didn’t need a heart to heart. I know he meant well, but what guy wanted to admit to another that he had struck out? Not me.

  “She broke down this morning,” he stated. I looked up at him, waiting for him to tell me about my overly pregnant sister’s newest meltdown. The girl was cranky as shit, swollen and emotional. I felt for the guy. I really did, but it was always the same. Maria flipped out and cried for hours, only to later get pissed off because she had a breakdown in the first place. It was a reoccurring cycle that I was happy to avoid.

  “Alexis.” One word was all he gave me. It caught my attention immediately, and I sat up straight, a deep pain settling deep inside of my stomach.

  “What about Alex?” A rush of concern swarmed within me.

  “She let everything out, I guess she talked to her brother and confessed everything she had gone through. Your mom called Maria, they tried calling you, but you didn’t answer your phone.” I stood quickly and brushed the dust from my pants. “She’s gone, man.”

  “What?” I panicked at his words. “What the hell do you mean, she’s gone? Where’d she go?”

  “Florida. Her brother bought her and Maddison airline tickets. They flew out about twenty minutes ago. Apparently he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Got them both on the first flight home.” Gavin looked at me with pity. I think he knew I was losing it on the inside.

  “Wanna tell me what’s going on with you two?” he asked.

  “What do you mean?” I replied, still not really wanting to admit that I had screwed up.

  “Colt, I’ve been there; you know that. Something happened. She said she pushed you away, and then you were avoiding her. Seemed real upset about it.” His comment only made my stomach tighten more.

  I sat down on the chair across from him, resting my elbows on my knees. “She’s right.” I looked up to meet his gaze, and he stared back at me in confusion. “I was avoiding her. I wanted more and she didn’t. I said I could be friends, but I couldn’t. It was harder than I thought.”

  I blew out an aggravated breath. “So I just stayed away and ignored her calls until it was too late to return them. I sent a few texts telling her I was swamped here at the shop, but the truth is I just couldn’t be around her and pretend I didn’t want her.”

  He looked back at me with a look of understanding. Gavin was right. He had gone through this. He had avoided his feelings for Maria for so long, until he finally woke up and made them known.

  “She left you this.” He held out an envelope. I looked down at his hand and my stomach dropped. Did I want to read it? Could I handle her words, knowing that I had hurt her when I promised I never would?

  I know it wasn’t the same as what she had been through in the past, but I had still hurt her. She needed a friend and, because of my bruised ego, I turned my back on her.

  I swallowed hard and grabbed the envelope from his hand. I couldn’t meet his stare. I kept my eyes averted toward the floor, gripping the envelope so tightly it crinkled in my grasp.

  Chapter Ten

  Alexis

  Jett knew me well, which was one of the main reasons I had chosen to avoid him. I knew I would cave if he pushed hard enough. He knew I was hiding something. He knew there was a reason I had decided to leave California, and he didn’t let up until he had it.

  It has been four hours since I landed at Palm Beach International Airport. Jett and Harper were waiting for me at the gate.

  My brother didn’t even take the time to speak before he reached for me and pulled me in tightly against his chest. He held me as he expressed his concern silently. Within seconds, I caved within his embrace and allowed him to hold me up as I let everything rush from me. All the anger, frustration, and pain I had held in for so long.

  Harper knelt down and hugged Maddison, telling her over and over again that she had gotten so big.

  “I will get a hold of that prick, Alex, and when I do...” Jett let his words fade away, and the evident anger boiled within him. He was not small by any means. He was tall and intimidating. He held an aura of confidence that I was proud of. He was and had always been my protector. I knew he was serious, which was the main reason I had held back the truth from him.

  “No, that is why I didn’t tell you. You won’t get in trouble over this. I left, Jett. It’s over. If he comes here, I’ll call the police. I couldn’t live with it if you got in trouble over my mistakes.” I pleaded with him. I wanted him to understand my concerns.

  He stared back at me, his face unreadable, and I had to look away from him.

  The moment we arrived at my parents’ I was pulled into a tight hug. My dad had been informed about everything, and I hated the looks of pity they all gave me. I didn’t want to be looked at as a victim. I was no longer a victim; I was a survivor.

  I had yet to turn my phone on since my arrival. I knew that, by now, he had to know I left.

  I was torn over the idea that Colt may or may not have called. If he hadn’t, it meant he didn’t care that I had left, which would break my heart
. If he had called, would I have the nerve to listen to what he had to say?

  Maddison was busy showing my mom how well she could color within the lines. I took the opportunity to grab our bags and wander upstairs to my old bedroom.

  I looked at all the things that reminded me of my youth, all the things that used to make me happy, before life changed. Sitting down on the bed, I pulled my bag in securely against my chest and tucked myself into a ball in the center of my bed.

  I could hear Maddison’s and my mother’s laughter filtering up from downstairs, and I couldn’t help but smile. My little girl’s sweet giggle had the greatest affect on me.

  My mind wandered back to the day Colt had her laughing so hard by pretending to be different farm animals. It was before things got complicated, before our date. Before I let the fear of moving forward run him off.

  Remembering suddenly the photo I had snuck out of Ann’s house. I dug through my bag and pulled the small framed picture out. A sense of guilt washed over me for taking it. I wanted something of him to remember. I didn’t want to let him go just yet.

  The photo was from Maria’s wedding. Colt wore a dress shirt and tie, and the cocky grin on his face only made him look sexier.

  With each day that passed after the date that changed it all, I knew I had made a mistake. I just wasn’t sure how to fix it. As the days went on, I found it harder to force myself to go after him. I convinced myself that he had changed his mind and no longer wanted anything more with me.

  It was a childish game, I know, but one I played anyway. My fears and insecurities got the best of me, as they always did.