‘I have to go. I’m sorry about what’s happened but I hope we can still be friends.’
‘So we can meet up for coffee?’ He shrugged. ‘I can’t see that happening, Becky, can you? It’s probably best if we make a clean break.’
‘If that’s what you want,’ she said, wondering how she could bear the thought of not seeing him again.
‘It isn’t what I want. It’s what you want, apparently.’
Tears stung her eyes when she heard the censure in his voice. ‘I’m simply doing what I believe is right, Ewan. If you’re honest then you know it would be madness to carry on. You’d end up hating me for not being able to give you a child and that isn’t what either of us wants.’
She turned away before he could reply, afraid that if she didn’t leave then, she wouldn’t find the strength to do so. Ewan didn’t try to stop her as she let herself out and that in itself seemed to prove her point. In his heart, he knew she was right, knew that no matter how much they loved one another, their relationship was doomed.
It was barely seven when she let herself into the cottage. She changed into her uniform then drove to the surgery. Hannah had just arrived as well and she grinned when she saw Becky.
‘Another early bird. Charlie had us up at five so that’s my explanation for such an early arrival. What’s yours?’
‘Oh, I woke up early too,’ Becky said shortly, feeling her eyes fill with foolish tears once more.
‘Hey, what’s up? Have you and Ewan had a row?’ Hannah grimaced when Becky looked at her. ‘Ros happened to mention that you were staying over at his flat last night. Sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.’
‘That’s okay.’ Becky tried to smile but her mouth wouldn’t seem to obey her.
‘Come along.’ Hannah took her arm and steered her through the surgery doors, quickly dispensing with the alarm before it started ringing. ‘I think a cup of tea is called for, don’t you?’
Hannah briskly led her to the staffroom, ignoring her protests that she was fine. Becky sank down on a chair while Hannah made the tea, wondering what she was going to do. There weren’t that many options. She and Ewan had to go their separate ways, so she would just have to learn to live without him. Tears streamed down her cheeks and Hannah pressed a cup of tea into her hands.
‘Here you are. Drink this and tell me all about it.’
Becky did as she was told, letting the whole sorry story come tumbling out. Hannah sighed when she had finished. ‘Oh, Becky, I don’t know what to say. It’s so awful for both of you. Are you sure that you and Ewan can’t find a way around the problem? I mean, you could adopt or even try to find a surrogate. It’s perfectly acceptable these days.’
‘But why should Ewan have to go through all that to have children? There’s nothing wrong with him. It’s me who can’t give him a child.’ She shook her head. ‘No. He needs to find someone else, someone who can give him a family.’
‘And who’s to say that if he does find someone else, she can have kids? Or even if Ewan himself can have them? I mean, nobody really knows if they can until they try. Imagine how you’d both feel if that happened.’
‘Don’t!’ Becky shivered. ‘The only thing that’s keeping me going is the thought of Ewan being a father one day. I can’t bear to imagine it all going wrong.’
‘I’m sorry. I don’t mean to upset you, but you need to think about this. You love Ewan and he loves you. That’s an awful lot to give up for something that might never happen anyway. Plus there’s Millie. Anyone can see that Ewan thinks the world of her. Maybe she isn’t his biological child but Ewan loves her just as Tom loves my Charlie.’
Hannah gave her an encouraging smile before she left the staffroom. Becky finished her tea, wondering if Hannah was right. Was it wrong to give up their love for something that wasn’t a guaranteed certainty?
She sighed. She was looking for reasons for her and Ewan to stay together because she loved him so much. However, at the end of the day, she knew it wouldn’t be fair to let him make such a huge sacrifice. She had to let him go no matter how much it hurt.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
A WEEK PASSED, the longest, most agonising week of Ewan’s life. Although he had been upset when Becky had left him eight years ago, it had been nothing to compared to this. Fortunately, life in ED continued to be hectic so everyone was far too busy to notice his downbeat mood, even the ever-perceptive Cathy. Ewan knew that he couldn’t have explained what was wrong. It was far too painful to talk about why his heart was broken.
Saturday night arrived and he volunteered to work overtime when the agency registrar failed to turn up. Rob Blessing, the senior charge nurse who’d recommended that restaurant he’d visited with Becky that fateful night, was on duty. He grinned when he saw Ewan making his way to the desk.
‘Here comes the cavalry.’ He peered past Ewan, a look of mock surprise on his face. Rob was happily gay and very involved in amateur dramatics. ‘Don’t tell me you’re riding solo tonight, cowboy.’
‘Yep. There’s just me and my trusty steed, only I think he’s deserted me too and gone back to his stable.’ Ewan made a determined effort and smiled. ‘It’s just you and me, pardner. Think we can handle it?’
‘No sweat! We’ll soon sort out the bad guys.’
The phone rang at that point so Rob passed him a file and answered it. Ewan made his way to the cubicles. His patient was a child, a boy aged ten who had come off his bike and injured his arm. His mother was with him and Ewan had to spend a few minutes calming her down before he could examine the boy.
‘Right, then, Ethan, let’s see what damage you’ve done to yourself.’
He carefully removed the sling the paramedics had used to support the boy’s arm and discovered that his shoulder was dislocated. It was a forward and downward displacement, typical of a fall onto an outstretched hand.
‘Hmm, looks like you’ve popped your shoulder out of its socket,’ he told the boy in a deliberately upbeat tone that was at odds with his mood. Could he live out the rest of his life without Becky? Could he see himself growing old with someone else, because that’s what it would mean? If he didn’t find someone else and have a family then it would make a mockery of their sacrifice, yet he couldn’t imagine it happening. How could he make love to another woman when it was Becky he loved, Becky he wanted, Becky he needed?
‘I told you something like this would happen!’ Ethan’s mother’s voice was shrill as she rounded on her son. Ewan hurriedly collected his thoughts.
‘It’s a fairly common injury,’ he said soothingly. ‘All it takes is a fall and—bingo—out it pops. We’ll soon get it sorted out, so don’t worry that Ethan’s done himself any permanent damage. Give it a couple of weeks and his shoulder will be as good as new.’
‘It should never have happened in the first place,’ Mrs Jones declared. ‘I told him he wasn’t to go on that new BMX track but he took no notice.’ She turned to the boy. ‘Well, it’s the last time this is going to happen, my lad. As soon as we get home, I’m going to put your bike up for sale!’
Ethan started to cry and Ewan frowned. The child had been extremely brave and it didn’t seem fair that he should be treated so harshly. ‘That seems a little harsh, if you don’t mind my saying so. Your son could have popped his shoulder if he’d tripped over in the street.’
‘But he didn’t, did he? He came off his bike and it’s not going to happen again.’ Mrs Jones glared at him. ‘It’s obvious that you don’t have any kids, Doctor, but when you do, you’ll realise that you can’t give them an inch or you’ll regret it.’
Ewan forbore saying anything, afraid that anything he said would be unprofessional. He wrote out an instruction for the boy’s shoulder and arm to be X-rayed as a fall like this often caused damage to the humerus and left the cubicle. If he and Becky got married then he would never get the chance to be a father, except to Millie, of course. Would he come to feel that he had missed out, as Becky believed, or would it be enough that he had her
and Millie to love and care for? Pictures suddenly flashed through his head, pictures of the fun he’d had playing with Millie that day at the beach. He wouldn’t have enjoyed it any more if Millie had been his biological daughter.
The thought was a much-needed boost to his spirits. As he made his way to the desk, he decided that he wasn’t going to give up. Somehow he had to make Becky see that they could be happy together despite everything. He obviously looked more cheerful because Rob grimaced when he saw him.
‘You aren’t going to look nearly as happy when you hear what I have to tell you.’
‘Why? What’s happened?’
‘It seems there’s been a fight at one of the caravan parks. A gang of youths have knocked seven bells out of each other.’ Rob sighed. ‘The police are ferrying them in so we can patch them up.’
‘Great.’ Ewan glanced at the queue of people waiting to be seen. ‘Looks like there’s going to be a bit of a backlog. Any chance of drafting in some reinforcements to help?’
‘What do you think?’ Rob replied tartly.
The first police van arrived just then so Ewan went out to meet it. There were three young men inside, not much more than teenagers really, and they all had cuts and bruises.
‘Right, you lot,’ he said, knowing that they needed to know who was in charge. ‘I shall make this clear: anyone who doesn’t behave himself won’t be treated. So no swearing at the staff and no causing a nuisance to the other patients. You’re to sit quietly until your name is called. Understand?’
There was a bit of muttering but no real objections. Ewan led them inside and sat them down. The police had to go back to collect some more of the wounded but they left an officer behind to keep an eye on things. Ewan took the first youth into a cubicle, using glue to close the cut over his eye before he sent him on his way. If the police wanted to interview him, they would have to take him to the station. He was more concerned about clearing the decks before the next influx.
They worked as a team. He and Rob dealt with the worst cases while Moira and Trish saw to the rest. In a very short time most of the youths had been seen. Rob nodded towards the waiting room, which was packed.
‘I’ll see to the last of this little lot if you’ll make a start on the rest.’
‘Will do.’ Ewan picked up the next patient’s notes. ‘Amanda Lewis. Can you follow me, please?’
He led the woman into a cubicle. She’d twisted her ankle and as it looked very swollen he decided to send her for an X-ray to make sure it wasn’t broken. Rob was in the next cubicle and he could hear voices being raised as he wrote out the slip and handed it to her. ‘Along the corridor on your right. Just knock on the door and someone will come out to you. Do you need a wheelchair?’
‘No, my boyfriend can help me,’ Amanda told him. She grimaced when there was a crash from next door. ‘I’ll be glad to get away from here.’
Ewan hurried out of the cubicle and into the neighbouring one, taking in the scene that greeted him. Rob was trying to calm down his patient, who had overturned the trolley containing supplies. ‘Everything okay in here?’ he asked, neutrally.
‘Fine.’ Rob grinned. ‘Jez here isn’t too keen on having an injection, it appears. We had a difference of opinion, shall we say?’
‘Too right we did.’ The teenager rounded on Ewan, his face contorted into an ugly expression. ‘I’m not having the likes of him putting needles in me. I might catch something!’
It was a direct reference to Rob’s sexuality and Ewan couldn’t let it pass. ‘You were warned that if you didn’t behave yourself you wouldn’t be treated. I think you’d better leave.’ He flipped back the curtain and waited but the youth didn’t move. ‘The police are outside. Do you really want me to call them in? You’re in enough trouble as it is.’
Jez glowered at him. ‘Do what you like but he’s not putting his hands on me.’
Ewan had heard quite enough. Stepping forward, he took hold of the boy’s arm. ‘Come on, don’t make this worse for yourself than it already is.’
He went to lead him towards the corridor, stopping when he felt something punch him hard in the chest. He looked down in surprise when he saw a knife sticking out of his body. Where had that come from? he wondered before everything started to go dark. There was a rushing in his head, the feeling that he was falling, down and down, and then nothing.
* * *
Becky was in her room when Tom came to find her. It was Monday morning and she’d just done a BP check on one of his patients and assumed he was eager for the results.
‘You were right, her BP is rather low,’ she told him, picking up the notes. ‘One hundred over fifty so it will need checking again.’
‘Thanks. I’ll get Lizzie to make another appointment for her.’ Tom paused as though he wasn’t sure what to say next and Becky laughed.
‘Come on, spit it out. If you want me to fit someone else into my list then I promise not to bite your head off.’
‘It’s not that.’ He took a deep breath. ‘I’ve just been speaking to a friend of mine at Pinscombe General. He told me that Ewan’s on the cardiac unit.’
‘Is he? How odd. He loves working in ED so I wonder why he’s changed specialities?’ Becky tried to keep her tone even, although after a week of not seeing Ewan it was hard to hold back her tears. She missed him so much and couldn’t bear to imagine a future without him, even though she knew it was the right thing to do.
‘He hasn’t. He’s a patient.’ Tom’s tone was gentle. ‘It appears he was stabbed on Saturday night. The knife went straight into his heart.’
‘Stabbed!’ Becky exclaimed in horror.
‘Yes.’ Tom came around the desk and sat her down. ‘It’s bad, Becky. You need to know that, but he is alive.’ He squeezed her hands. ‘Hannah told me about you two splitting up because you can’t have children, but I thought you’d want to know.’
‘Of course.’ Becky took a deep breath, trying desperately to clear her head. Ewan was hurt and she needed to be with him; nothing else mattered except that. She jumped up and grabbed her bag out of the drawer. ‘Can you tell Lizzie that I have to go out? I don’t know what she’s going to do about my appointments...’
‘We’ll work something out,’ Tom assured her. He followed her into the corridor. ‘Are you sure you’re fit to drive? I can phone for a taxi if you want.’
‘No. I just need to get to the hospital and see Ewan.’
‘Of course. Give him our love, won’t you?’ Tom told her and she nodded, afraid to admit how scared she was that it might not be possible. If Ewan died she wouldn’t be able to give him her colleagues’ love or her own.
Tears blurred her eyes as she hurried out to her car but she blinked them away. It seemed to take forever to get to the hospital and then there was all the hassle of finding a parking space. In the end she parked on double yellow lines. The car wasn’t in the way and she didn’t care if she got a ticket. It took her another few minutes to find the cardio unit and when she arrived, she was told that Ewan had been moved to ICU. His condition had worsened in the last hour and it had been decided that he needed specialised nursing care.
Becky could barely contain her anguish as she made her way to ICU and went through the rigmarole of explaining who she was. Fortunately, Ewan’s parents were there and they vouched for her but it all took time. Then she had to wait while the consultant finished examining him but finally she was allowed in to see him.
She made her way to the bed, trying to ignore all the tubes and monitors he was attached to. She knew they were essential but it was a shock to see him like this, so still, so pale, so very vulnerable. Ewan had always been very fit, always been strong in mind as well as body, and it hurt to see him lying there like that. Sitting down beside the bed, she covered his hand with hers, mindful of the wires leading from it.
‘Ewan, it’s me, Becky. I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. I didn’t know what had happened, you see, but I’m here now and I’m going to stay until you
’re better. I love you so much, my darling. You have to try really hard to fight this because I need you.’
A sob welled to her throat and she stopped, not wanting him to hear her crying. He couldn’t die. Not when she needed him so much. Maybe she couldn’t give him a family but she could love him with all her heart and that had to count for a lot.
‘I love you,’ she repeated. ‘I love you so much, Ewan. Please don’t leave me.’
* * *
Consciousness came back in a rush. One minute there was nothing but blankness and the next he could feel and hear. Someone was talking to him, a voice he recognised, although for a second he couldn’t place it. And then he realised it was Becky and sighed. Everything would be all right now that Becky was here.
He turned towards her, forcing his eyelids to open, but they wouldn’t move. He tried again but they seemed to be stuck together... He flinched when the tape was removed, taking one of his eyelashes with it. However, at least he could see and that was a relief. His gaze rested on her as a rush of emotions hit him. He loved her so much, far too much to let her go. Maybe they could never have a family but they could have each other and that was more than enough. He would devote his life to loving her and Millie, and be happy.
‘Ewan, can you hear me?’ She bent over him, her hazel eyes filled with worry, and his heart wept for what he must have put her through.
‘Yes,’ he whispered because his throat was raw from having had a tube down it. Unlike all those scenes in the movies when the unconscious patient awoke and had no idea what had happened, he remembered everything: the pain in his chest, the darkness, followed by nothing....
He shuddered, not wanting to think about that. He was alive and Becky was here with him—that was all that mattered. ‘I love you,’ he said hoarsely, praying that she understood what he was trying to say.
Her face lit up so it appeared that she did. ‘I love you too, so very much.’ She kissed him with exquisite gentleness and he groaned in frustration. He didn’t want kid-glove treatment—he wanted passion!
The Rebel Who Loved Her Page 15