by T. L Smith
Dropping to the floor, I curl myself into a ball. Every emotion runs through me.
Should I leave him?
Or...
Do I stay, and try to make it work?
That means having him as he is, and not trying to change him. It’s only fair, considering he wouldn’t try to change me.
I somehow make it to my bed. My neck is driving me crazy with pain, but somehow I end up going to sleep after stripping off my clothes, ignoring the endless calls and the knocks on the door.
ROBERT’S STANDING OVER me when I wake. He shakes his head and flutters his eyelashes as he looks at me.
“What?” I say, sitting up.
“Sass...” he yells quickly and spins around.
I went to sleep naked, too tired at the time to get dressed in some sort of nightwear. I’m amazed I didn’t fall asleep in the shower.
“Sorry,” I mutter, standing, pulling my sheet with me.
He turns back around and follows me as I walk to my small kitchen and make myself a coffee. “You’ve been sleeping a lot lately.”
“Yeah, so?”
“That has me worried, Sass. Happy people don’t sleep their life away.”
“Well, lucky for you, I’m not a happy person. I’m a broken person.”
He scoffs at me.
“Things are in your favor lately. Your mother is finally a mother, or somewhat of a mother. Livia doesn’t hate your guts anymore. You’re safe, and you’re in love. Yet, you seem like someone killed your dog and you don’t know how to cope with that fact.”
“Maybe someone did,” I say, putting the coffee to my lips.
“Please, you don’t have a dog.... do you?” Robert asks, and he seems mightily confused. His eyebrows are drawn together, and there are deep creases in his forehead. I laugh and shake my head.
Checking the time, I have to get to work. I’ve taken too much time off lately and put too much pressure on Becca. I need to take it back. I need to take my life back. Stepping out of the kitchen and up to my room, I quickly get dressed and ready.
Robert talks about his new boy toy, and I listen like a good friend. Robert follows me down the stairs. I stop dead in my tracks, taking in the scene in front of me, making Robert run into my back. My desk is full of flowers, there are tulips everywhere. Standing at the door is Ryken. He looks unsure, which is very much unlike him. He’s the most confident person I know. I admire that quality in him. Robert coughs behind me, and I step down to let him past. He waves bye and walks out the door passing Ryken and shaking his head at him.
“I gave you last night,” Ryken says.
I look around to see if any clients are in the store. Becca’s with one, so I nod for him to follow me outside. He holds the door open for me as I step out. My hands hug myself, trying to give me courage, as we stand just a few feet apart.
“I know, thank you.”
He looks at me again, his eyes are always on me. “Are we back to where we started, Barbie?”
Maybe we are, maybe we aren’t. I still get those feelings with him that I got when I first met him. Ryken’s it for me. He’s the only man who can make my heart beat fast and my hands sweat. He’s the only man to give me butterflies.
“What happened to him?” I ask.
“Do you really want to know?”
I nod my head. Then shake it no. Then stop.
“I want to know if this is going to happen to me again.”
“You’re a beautiful girl, people are always going to want you or want to be you. I can’t guarantee that they won’t hurt you.”
“But for now, I’m safe?”
His eyes close briefly, and a small smile lets me know it’s safe. Then he steps forward, I step back, and he looks hurt by my action. “You don’t feel safe with me?”
“Should I?”
He looks almost wounded by my words and looks up at me. “Always. Fucking always. I’ll kill anyone that hurts you, even if that person is my best friend. That’s how much I fucking love you, Saskia. You are it, and if I’m not it for you, too fucking bad because you’re it for me. I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you because I see the way you look at me. Even when you’re scared. You still want me to touch you even if you think you don’t.” His hand touches my skin ever so slightly on my arm, and that’s all it takes. I melt for him just as he said I would. He knows me better than I know myself. He makes me overdose on his touch on a regular basis.
“I can’t think straight when you touch me,” I say, hoping he’ll let go. He doesn’t.
“Too fucking bad.”
“It clogs my head. Stop touching me.”
Now both of his hands are on me. My brain goes foggy, and all I can feel and see is him. I try to fight it, to shake him off, but he doesn’t let go. I look up at him trying to give him my worst angry look, but it just makes him laugh.
“That just turns me on,” he says teasing me.
“It’s my ‘I’m angry at you’ face. Now stop touching me.”
He doesn’t stop touching, not even when an old lady walks past and shakes her head at us.
“Well, how about I show you my ‘I want to fuck you all kinds of ways’ face?” He raises his eyebrows, wiggling them.
“Is that all you think about? How to get me in bed?” I laugh, and he touches my hip and pulls me to him.
“Yes, and more. But most of all, I want you with me as often as possible. I don’t want you angry at me. I can’t deal with that. It doesn’t sit right with me. If Livia was angry, I was glad. Because I didn’t really care. You, I can’t have angry at me. You, I need, Barbie. I need you.”
This time I step into him. His arms pull me, so my body is flush with his. If we weren’t in public right now, he would have his way with me, and I would let him.
“I’m not moving in with you.”
He smirks like he was expecting those words to leave my lips. “That’s okay, I can sleep here and work from my place.” He says it like he has it sorted in his mind.
I push away from him and turn to look back in the store. “I have to work... you need to leave.”
He goes to argue with me but pauses then takes a deep breath before he looks back to me. “Don’t argue with me. If you try stopping me from working, I can tell you now this isn’t going to work.”
“I wouldn’t.”
A part of me knows that I just needed him to confirm it. Opening the door to go back inside, I wave to him, grabbing the flowers and removing them to around the front of the shop. He’s still out front when I turn around, then he comes in. He was just standing there watching me.
“These are yours.” He passes me keys to his car then walks out. I look down at them—other than the car keys, there is also another set of keys. I run out after him, calling his name as he walks to a black car.
“There’s an extra key,” I yell out confused.
Ryken opens the car door, turning back to look at me. “It’s for my house. It’s yours.” His smile is the last thing I see before he slides in the car and drives away.
Stepping back into the shop, my smile doesn’t seem to want to leave, not for the rest of the day. Being angry at Ryken Lord never lasts long. The heart wants what it wants. And even if I try to deny it, it doesn’t work. Because I love him. More than I’ve ever loved anything or anyone.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Ryken
The moment I know her shop hours are over and the shop closes is the moment I’m back at her door waiting for her. She smiles as she lets me in. This time I don’t use my key, I want her to let me in. She offers me a small, “Hello,” before we start walking up to her apartment. I have my bag in hand, ready to keep some stuff here. If this is where she wants to be this is where I will be. It’s time someone put her first and she’s my number one priority.
She puts her keys down and faces me. “We are an us, and that makes us equal. We decide on things together,” she says. I simply smile at her words. “Why are you looking at me like that? Sh
ouldn’t you be saying something? You need to say something.” Her eyes are wild as she stares at me. “Fine! You tell me how you want it to be, then tell me how wrong I am and how it’s meant to be.” I step closer to her, and she looks to be on the edge of anger. “Why aren’t you saying anything? God, Ryken, right now is the time I need reassurance. My mind won’t shut down.”
“I can make it shut off.”
She shakes her head, but I don’t listen. I kiss her anyway. My hands wrapping around her back and pulling her tightly to me. She goes to speak, but my mouth touches her, taking away her voice while holding her as tight as I can possibly get to her. Because I want to take away any insecurities she has, I want to take away any unsure feelings and keep her safe and secure with me. Her hands wrap around my neck, and she kisses me back. Our tongues dancing and our lips locked.
Is it possible to kiss someone and feel high?
I’m high as fuck on her right now, and I’m afraid of the fall that follows. But this time it won’t be a fall, this time we have nowhere to go but to each other. It’s all working out. Even if we lost people along the way, even gained some, we’re still standing and have each other. No one is going to take that away from me, from us.
I pull her clothes from her body, and we stop kissing so she can help me. I do the same, undressing myself, and the minute our clothes are off our bodies slam back into each other.
Passionate.
Sensational.
Craving.
So many more words to describe how we are together.
None can describe how we feel. How our hands can never stop touching one another. How our lips devour like we haven’t eaten for days and that all we have is each other to feed from. Our love is crazy.
Stupid
Unpredictable.
Breathtaking.
It isn’t long before we’re on the bed, and I’m over top of her. She reaches between us, her hand circling my cock as she positions it at her entrance. Her eyes lock with mine, and with one sweet breath, she takes me inside her. Our bodies are connected, and we are one.
Two hearts that are fucking glued together by pain and heartache. There’s no replacing it. No one could even come close to comparing with it.
My father’s words were wrong.
I should have never listened to him to begin with.
If I listened to my heart, I often wonder where we would be right now. How we would have ended up. Would we have still fallen into the same spot we are now? I’m sure the road to get here would have been less traveled. Her soul wouldn’t have been hurt in that process either.
“I love you, Ryken,” she says as my hips start thrusting. My mouth comes down to her neck, kissing its way to her chin, licking the edges then to her mouth where I taste her lips.
I kiss her and fuck her like this is our last time. It’s no longer just sex we share, it’s fucking more. So much more.
Her hands slide down my back, stopping on my shoulders and digging her nails in. Her legs link behind my back as I sit up looking down at her and watching a fucking masterpiece as I fuck her.
Have you ever seen anything more beautiful? Because I haven’t. The way her lips curl and her hands hold a tight fist.
Looking down, her legs unlock from around me, and I lift them over my shoulders, staring down as my cock slides perfectly in and out of her tight pussy.
“Tell me again...” I pause, the tip of my cock sitting at her entrance.
She moves to try to slide me in. I keep her still with my hands on her hips. “Fuck me,” she groans, trying to move.
“I like it when you’re feisty, but that’s not the words I want to hear.” I slip in just a bit further and she moans, and then groans again.
“I fucking love you. Now fuck me.”
I do as she says. Slamming into her, making her hands latch onto her breast and squeeze tight. She pinches at her nipples, hard. I push them away and lean forward, biting one and pinching the other. Her moans of pleasure edge me on even further. And with each thrust, my tongue flicks over her nipple.
I can feel her tightening around me, she’s almost there. I’m almost there. But I don’t want it to end, so I pull out and flip her over, her ass now up in the air and her front lying on the bed. My cock goes to her entrance, and I grab hold of her hands, locking each one with mine and then pull her backward, her front sliding on the bed as I slam into her with my cock. Over and over again.
She screams loudly as she comes. I follow straight behind her, pulling out and watching her collapse onto the bed. She laughs when I slap her ass but doesn’t bother moving. She’s sated, and I’m happy with that. Reaching for her, I turn her over so her front is visible to me, and her smile is there for me to see clearly.
“What’s that?” She points to my hand. Lifting it up to the side is a tattoo. It’s small, but it’s clearly visible. I turn it around so she can read the words written there.
It says her name. Barbie. The name I call her. She smiles so fucking hard when she sees it.
“You got my name on you? I don’t know how I feel about that.” She smiles, grabbing it and looking at it closely. “I kind of like being branded on you, though.”
“You do, do you?”
Her smile is contagious and makes me want her again.
“I do, it makes me feel powerful.”
A knock comes on the door, and she sits up fast. Someone says her name, and she quickly stands and dresses. Her eyes look back to me. “It’s my mother. Get dressed.”
Her mother.
What the actual fuck?
I stand, managing to pull a shirt on before the door slams open, and her mother stands there looking so much like Barbie it’s scary. Her eyes fall on me then to Barbie.
“Did you forget about our dinner?”
Saskia hits her head then looks back to me and she mouths she’s sorry. Then looks back to her mother. “Ryken and I had to talk. Can he come?”
I want to tell her, no, but her mother says, “Yes.”
“I can order in, and we can eat here.”
“That may be easier.”
Her mother walks in and looks to me, placing her bag on the small table as Barbie walks into the kitchen to her cell phone.
“Ryken... I’ve heard so much about you.” I’m not sure what to say to that. So I say nothing. “You’ve worked everything out with my Sass then?”
“I have.”
She looks unsure but doesn’t question me, her eyes fall to my hand. “Barbie? Robert told me you call her that.” Her mother’s eyes fall to where she’s on the phone. “She’s even prettier, isn’t she?”
I nod my head—no doubt about that. She’s stunning. She looks up and smiles at me then looks at her mother.
“You love her,” her mother says.
“I do.”
“She isn’t used to love. You’ll have to remind her of it, often.”
“I plan to, every day.” She smiles as Barbie walks back over.
“Pizza’s ordered. Why don’t you tell me where you’re living, Mom?”
“Same place. I cleaned it up. Even your room if you want to see it.” Saskia shakes her head at her mother. “That’s okay, I don’t mind coming to you. It’s the least I can do.”
This whole thing feels strained. So fucking strained.
“Ryken’s moving in,” Barbie says out of the blue. I look at her, confused, then to her mother with a smile. I do plan to get her to my house eventually. But right now, I’m happy to be here with her. As long as she’s here, this is where I want to be.
“That’s a big step. Are you ready for that?”
She nods her head. “Of course. Well, I think.”
I touch her leg to reassure her, and she covers her hand over mine. “We’ll work it out... as it comes,” I reply.
“I want to try to get to know you better. Well, I guess the both of you now.” Her mother looks to me then to Barbie. “If he’s in your life, that is.”
“He is.”
> Her mother nods her head.
The rest of the afternoon goes smoother than I thought it would. The tension eventually ends when Barbie starts talking about her work. Her mother listens with interest and even enthusiasm, and I eventually excuse myself as I feel I’m invading their personal bonding time which should be between them.
Grabbing my cell, I go down to take delivery of the pizza. Quinn pulls up at the same time the pizza delivery driver does and pays for it before he brings it to me.
“You sure you want to do this?”
“Yes,” I simply reply. I’ve given him two of the five clubs I own and left him to run mine as well. He tried to talk me out of it, but he needs it, he deserves it, for his loyalty. No one has been more loyal than Quinn has been.
“It’s yours. Sign the damn papers and I’ll finalize it tomorrow.”
He nods, passing me the pizza then walking back to his car where Sabrina sits quietly. He’s in love with her. He’s about as crazy for her as I am for Barbie. It’s interesting seeing it from an outside perspective. He loves differently. So does Sabrina, though. They make an excellent couple. He plans to propose to her and give her everything she never had. Much like Barbie. Two completely different women, though.
Walking back inside, they’re laughing, and her laugh makes me walk straight over and lean down to kiss her forehead. I could honestly survive on that laugh alone. It makes me happy. She makes me happy.
We eat and not long after, Barbie’s mother leaves.
We decide it’s bedtime and Barbie and I climb in after undressing—I’ve got her naked again just the way I like her.
“Marriage. Tell me your feels on it? Is it something you want?”
She turns to face me, pausing Grey’s Anatomy which is playing on the television. “It’s never been something I’ve thought much about,” she tells me.
I grab her face, kissing her lips. “I plan to put a ring on that finger one day soon, be prepared.”