Saving Rain

by Karen-Anne Stewart

  Coffee turned into lunch, and lunch turned into dinner, and before she knew it, they were seeing each other every day. Raina liked being with him, debating with him, he is brilliant, and she loved the challenge of his intellect, but she knew something was missing. When Chris kissed her, she felt, disappointedly, nothing...no sparks, no fireworks, not even the faintest ember. She had told him up front that their relationship would not be a physical one. She shared her desire to wait until marriage, and at first he was so noble and acted like a gentlemen, not pressing the issue.

  Raina could tell the kisses meant more to him than to her, and she refused to lead him on. She had been as kindly honest as possible when she explained that she just wanted friendship and wasn’t ready for romance. Chris had obliged her wishes, at first.

  It wasn’t long before things started getting tense between them if he saw her talking with another guy, no matter the innocence or the necessity of it. Her study groups involved mostly men, there was no way around not speaking with them, and she wasn’t about to stop just to appease Chris’ growing jealously.

  Raina had spoken with Chris about his jealousy after he had verbally attacked her one night when she left the study group. She remembers the harshness of his voice as he accused her of sleeping with Seth, simply because he had touched her arm when he told her and the rest of them goodnight. The anger that burned in Chris’ eyes had frightened her, but it enraged her more. She was never again going to let anyone make her feel like she had done something wrong when she knew she hadn’t. They had their first argument that night, and it had ended with Chris apologizing and looking truly repentant for his rash accusation. She had forgiven him easily, too easily. She had never been apologized to before, and it floored her, skewing her good senses.

  Raina had continued her friendship with Chris, she even agreed to try dating again, at his insistence on second chances. For a couple of weeks things were good between them, she still didn’t feel any sparks, but she wasn’t sure she was supposed to yet. She had never dated before, everything was so new to her, she wasn’t sure what to expect, not until she met Kas. When she first saw Kas, and he shook her hand, it was like a sharp jolt of electricity ignited when his hand touched hers.

  When the dean had suggested her help to him, all of her senses were screaming at her to tell him no, but her treacherous lips had agreed. Raina knew she was in for trouble when Kas’ chocolate eyes bored into hers, and he had said, “I think we’ll make a great team.” It only took a few days working with Kas to know that she would never feel around Chris like she does with him, just from Kas walking into the room. Her heart would pound, and butterflies would take flight in her stomach as her usually adept verbal skills eluded her.

  She had tried to talk with Chris again, to tell him that it just wasn’t working out between them, but he begged her to give it some time. In the end, she had relented. She continued to work with Kas and tried to douse any sparks that began to ignite when she was around him, but it was like throwing gasoline on a fire. She had no control over how she felt, and it scared her to the bone.

  Kas never indicated that he felt the same, and she never, not once, acted on her feelings. Raina had several reasons keeping her from showing how she felt, but the most pressing at the time was her not wanting to hurt Chris. She decided to focus all of her attention in trying to develop feelings for Chris, but she was as much of a prisoner to her feelings of disinterest towards romance with Chris as she was to her body’s reactions when she saw or even thought of Kas.

  Three nights ago, Raina had started to talk with Chris again, to tell him that it just wasn’t going to happen with them. She had tried to explain, telling him she was truly sorry, but he had become so angry and had grabbed her arm, interrupting her. His grasp was tight, bruising, as he had yelled at her, accusing her of sleeping with Kas. When he called her a slut, her own anger rioted, and she jerked her arm away from him. The tender speech she had heartbreakingly prepared to give Chris was replaced by her seething words, telling him it was over and demanding him to leave. The sting of his slap had caused her ears to ring.

  Raina will never forget the look in his eyes, the rage that burned in them. Chris’ heated look was so similar but yet so different than the cold, menacing glare of her father. She didn’t think, just reacted, when she pushed him hard enough to cause him to stumble backwards. It caught them both off guard, which gave her time to grab the phone and dial 911. She could see the struggle going on inside of Chris. The rage was still there, that she was sure of, she could feel it radiating off of him, but common sense won, and he had left. As soon as he was out the door, she locked it and sat on her bed, holding the phone with trembling hands as the dispatcher told her to wait on the line until the police arrived.

  Raina pushes the memories aside and sits up straight as she juts her jaw out in defiance. In the early quietness of the hospital room, she makes a vow to herself that she will not let her guard down again, the only witnesses to her pledge are the slow beep of the machines and Kas’ groan as he stirs, as if in protest to the promise she had just made herself.

  Kas stretches and lets out a long yawn as he opens his eyes to see the most beautiful jade eyes staring back at him. “Good morning, sweetheart, how are you feeling?” he asks, his voice thick and deep from his half awakened state.

  The blush that seems to take over every time he speaks to her brightens Raina’s cheeks, “I’m fine.”

  “There you go with that word again,” Kas softly admonishes.

  Raina wishes that she had a shower, or at least a comb, and she definitely wants to get her hands on that toothbrush the nurse had brought her last night. She cringes at what she must look like right now and self-consciously runs a hand over her hair, trying to tame it as much as possible. She is extremely thankful that she gets to leave the hospital today, but nervousness hits her square in the gut as she recalls the battle she lost about staying with Kas for a while. Bristling, she realizes that she is able to be on her own now, especially now that Chris is in jail and will not be granted bail, it would be hard, but she could do it if the doctor hadn’t refused to let her leave without knowing she would be under someone’s care. Kas had demanded that position, and then he and Chase had tagged team her straight into a corner, leaving her no other option. In the end, she had relented, simply too exhausted to argue anymore.

  An hour later, Raina silently, but resentfully, allows the nurse to help her in the wheelchair and wheel her to the hospital exit, feeling humiliated and defeated by the attention. She desperately needs to stand on her own two feet again, without anyone’s help. Guilt seeps into the mixture of her self-demeaning thoughts as she inwardly struggles with the kindness they are bestowing on her. She knows they mean well, but the need to stand on her own latches onto her with such intensity it takes all of her self-restraint to keep her mouth shut and grin and bear it until the nurse finally stops the wheelchair. If it wasn’t for the nagging pain that bites into her like an angry bulldog anytime she makes a sudden movement, Raina would jump out of the chair and sprint out of the exit. Instead, she forces a stoic smile and concentrates on making her face as emotionless as possible as she stands. She knows she has to start finding her strength again so she can push through the pain and fear, allowing herself to take back her life once again.

  Kas takes Raina’s elbow, trying to help her out of the wheelchair, but she pulls back as she smiles politely. Kas doesn’t miss how her lips are pressed too tightly together from the pain he knows that she is doing her best to disguise.

  “I’m fine, but thank you,” Raina manages to push out, even though breathing seems to be difficult while she gets herself to a standing position.

  Kas grits his teeth and forces himself to take a step back, so she can prove whatever it is she needs to prove to herself, but he isn’t the least bit happy about it. His self-restraint will only hold out so far, and if he hears so much as a tiny whimper, he will help her, no matter how hell-bent she is to stop him.
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  Thirty minutes later, they pull into the cobblestone driveway of Kas’ place. Raina finds that she is suddenly very curious to see his home, to see how he spends his free time and where he lays his head at night. His jeep pulls to a stop, and he bounds out to open her door. She allows him to grab her hand and help her out, and his chest swells with the small triumph.

  Raina gazes at his house, admiring the dark stained wood and bold, cobalt blue tin roof. It’s a smaller home, but it has a huge tiered deck that wraps around from the front door to as far as she can see of the side of the house. The deck is stained just a shade lighter than the home, and its detailing is pure craftsmanship.

  Raina loves the way the tiers open up to larger ones as they ascend and how the front of the tiers and railing are accented by beautiful Mexican tiles. The deck curves at one spot where a high bench has been crafted so people can lounge around the large wooden table that sits to its front, topped with the same tiling that accents the railing. There are six high-back bar stools on the opposite side of the large, inviting table. A top of-the-line stainless steel grill is proudly displayed conveniently next to the French doors coming from what Raina assumes is the kitchen. From her vantage point, she can see that there is at least one other curve in the deck that bestows a lower, bigger bench that would accommodate even more people. She wonders at whether or not Kas entertains large crowds that would easily fit on his deck. The lawn isn’t as spectacular, but the grass is already a healthy green and is neatly trimmed with berry bushes edging the front and tall pine trees standing majestically from behind the house. An unfamiliar sense of belonging teases the back of Raina’s thoughts before she quickly banishes it, blaming the knock to her head for such idiotic sentiments.

  Raina takes a deep breath and starts towards the deck on her own. Kas begrudgingly allows her. The short walk to the deck is manageable enough, and she wishes that Dr. Merrick would have released her without making her promise that she would have someone be with her when help is needed. She straightens her shoulders with a slight twinge of indignation at the assumption that she needs assistance. She’s perfectly capable of managing on her own, she has for so many years, so, why should it be any different now?

  Kas stays just enough behind Raina to give her the feeling of independence but close enough to grab her elbow to help if needed. He suppresses a chuckle as her spine lengthens, and he has an idea of what must be going on in that pretty head of hers. For the month that he’s known her, it has become obvious that she is self-sufficient. He would have sworn by her maturity and self-reliance that she was at least in her mid-twenties, even though she looks like a teenager.

  Uughh, teenager, what has gotten into your head, Pierce? He castigates himself. He thinks of the release papers at the hospital and how he had stolen a quick glance. They showed her birthday being just a few days away, and he almost laughs out loud at how he finds himself justifying the fact that twenty sounds so much older than nineteen. Well at least she won’t be a teenager anymore, he tells himself. Kas watches her proudly as she braves the steps to his deck on her own. He admires her tenacity and can’t help but wonder if that same spit-fire tenaciousness follows her into the bedroom.

  Chase pulls up behind them, all the windows on his Lexus down, not wanting to miss out on the unusually warm spring day. Chase’s arrival pulls Kas away from the thoughts he knows he shouldn’t be having. Chase steps out of his silver Lexus with the bag of clothes he stopped to get from Raina’s cabin. Kas doesn’t try to stop his laughter this time as Chase grabs a pine needle off of the wipers before tossing it on the drive.

  He and Chase are about as different as two men can be on many things, vehicles being one of them. Chase prefers sporty, luxury cars while Kas would rather have tough terrain SUVs. Chase’s idea of solving problems is by carefully, and with diligent insight, discussing the issues behind them, while Kas much prefers to identify the problems cause and immediately fix it or remove it. They are exactly the same on the matters that count though, and for that, Kas can trust Chase with his life and has on a few occasions.

  The inside of Kas’ home surprises Raina. The walls are warm, earthy tones that she decides suits him, but she is taken aback by all of the pictures on the walls and shelves that are filled with smiling faces of whom she assumes are his family. A mixture of sadness, and a little jealousy for something she didn’t have, fills her for a moment as she stares at the faces smiling and laughing in the various candid shots spread throughout the room. The brief feelings of sadness and jealousy are gone when she looks at Kas. It makes her happy to know that he has the kind of people in his life that look so loving in their 4 x 6 renderings. She wouldn’t want for anyone, especially him, to experience the loneliness and sorrow of her childhood, where laughter and hugs existed only as ghosts from the memories that once echoed through the halls of the house where she merely resided. The place she lived was made to never, ever feel at home, not after her mother was gone.

  Kas shows Raina the room she will sleep in while she is there, and she is grateful that it has its own full bath, which she is desperate to try right now. She shyly glances over the room, immediately liking the charm of the built-in bookshelves and the warmth of the soft butter walls contrasting nicely with the dark wood floor. The bed takes up a large portion of the room and looks so inviting with the plush comforter and big fluffy pillows.

  Kas follows her gaze and shrugs, “My cousin decorated this room. She said something ridiculous like a bed is naked without decorative pillows.”

  Just hearing the word ‘naked’ come from his lips sends a delicious shiver up Raina’s spine, and now she knows the blow to her head has done serious damage to her senses. She has never before wanted a man’s touch, needed a man’s touch, as badly as her body is telling her she needs to feel Kas’ hands on her. She has been terrified of a man’s touch for years, especially an intimate one. She kept herself away from the whole dating scene until a few months ago, due to sheer terror at what a man’s hands can and have done to her. Chris was the first man that she ever dated. He was the first man that she ever allowed to kiss her.

  The new feelings surging through her body when Kas is near are just as bewildering to her as they are frighteningly delicious. Like a moth drawn to a flame, Raina glances at Kas and down his broad shoulders to his tight black shirt that shows a hint of the muscles that bulge underneath. Her gaze skirts down to another bulge tucked into tight, faded jeans, and she feels her pulse quicken and her face flame. She glimpses Kas’ large, strong hands as she turns away in embarrassment. She knows the size and strength of his hands can cause her serious pain, but it’s the fantasies of pleasure they can give her that occupy her mind at the moment. She shakes her head, demanding herself to focus, to stop having these thoughts that are only going to leave her in heartbreak.

  Kas sees a flint of emotion in Raina’s eyes before it’s so quickly gone again, and he turns towards her, concerned, “Are you alright?”

  Raina flushes again and whispers, “I’m fine.” She clears her throat and hopes her voice sounds stronger than she currently feels, “I would like to take a shower, if that’s okay.”

  Kas studies her for a moment, wondering if she should be left alone but knowing that she would feel better after washing up. He walks across the room and takes a towel out of a whitewashed and antiquated built-in cabinet. “The towels are in there, you don’t have to ask permission for anything in this house while you are here. If you want or need something, take it, or just ask, and I will get it for you,” he offers. He starts to leave the room then stops, “Are you okay to take a shower? I mean, do you need...um...will you be okay? I can run you a bath before I go if you think that would be easier.”

  Raina feels herself melting again at his kindness, “I’ll be fine, thank you.”

  Kas nods his head despite his indecision of whether or not she is well enough to shower on her own. “You can find whatever you need in the cabinet next to the shower. I keep a lot of disposables in
there when family comes, use whatever you need. Just yell if you need me...anything...just yell if you need anything,” he spits out hastily before leaving, closing the door behind him, all the while swearing under his breath.

  Raina hugs the towel to her chest as she glances around the room again, How am I ever going to survive being in the same house with him when I can barely be around him without spontaneously combusting?

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Raina opens the bag Chase used to pack her clothes. A fresh wave of embarrassment consumes her as the image of Chase going through her underwear drawer to get her essentials flitters through her mind. Kas had tried to tell her that it didn’t matter, he’s a doctor. Both she and an equally embarrassed Chase fussed in unison, “Not that kind of doctor.”

  Raina carefully slips out of the sweat suit the hospital had provided since her clothes were taken for evidence and lays them on the edge of the bed. She grabs the towel and heads towards the bathroom, practically panting for the hot water and soap to wash the grime of the past couple of days off of her. She grabs a disposable razor from the antiquated cabinet that matches the one in the bedroom, with the exception of this one being a light sky blue that compliments the smoky gray walls.

  Raina turns the shower on as hot as she can stand and steps in, cringing when the water first runs over her wounds and abrasions. She lets the water run over her head, and despite the heat of the water, she can’t stop her body from trembling when her mind replays Chris’ brutality and attempt to rape her. She leans against the shower wall for support when her memories take a vicious turn to four years ago, to when she was standing in another shower, the almost scalding water washing away the grime and sin from when Brian did.

  The rush of the memory resurfacing is too much, and her knees buckle. Catching herself, a gasp of searing pain escapes her lips from her protesting ribs. She gingerly stands back up and presses her hands against the shower wall as the hot water steams all around her. She forces the memories back behind the wall that she has painstakingly built to protect herself from those dark memories.