Letters to Lincoln

by Tracie Podger

  “This is a beautiful kitchen,” I said.

  “Miller designed it, made and fitted it as well. He’s a very talented man. So sit and tell me what you know.”

  She made the tea and I told her all I knew.

  “And they didn’t let you see him? My, that’s not nice, or very Christian, either. I think I’d be mightily pissed off at that,” she said, startling me with her curse word.

  “It’s family only at the moment.”

  “Semantics. That boy is in love with you, they know that.”

  “I don’t know about that,” I said.

  “Dani, I’ve seen the way he looks at you, how often he speaks about you. I only had to mention that you’d returned, and that you were thinking of the converting the barn, for him to ask me to recommend him. Not that I wouldn’t have, of course. He’s a fantastic builder and he’ll do an amazing job.”

  “I’m very fond of him, too. I have to say, I am a little hurt but I understand they probably have way more on their mind than to worry about me.”

  Colette huffed and waved a hand to dismiss my words. “They should have let you see him, period. He was always a little shit.”

  “Who was?”

  “Daniel. I’m surprised he got made the vicar of this parish after his history.”

  I frowned. “What history?”

  “Oh, I bet he didn’t tell you. And of course, it’s rumour, but…”

  “But what?”

  Colette sighed and delayed answering by taking a sip of her tea.

  “Did you know that Miller was convicted of stealing cars and selling them? Daniel was, sort of, involved in that.”

  “What?”

  “From what I know, Miller took the fall because Daniel was training to be a vicar, or whatever they call it.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Daniel had a friend, one of the gang that Miller got involved in. Miller only got involved because of Daniel.”

  “But how was Daniel involved in stealing cars?”

  “Daniel allowed his friend to hide a car at his dad’s house. Now, whether Daniel truly knew what was going on is questionable, however, he definitely knew the guy was a wrong ‘un. Maybe he thought he was doing good, I don’t know. Miller drove home drunk and in another stolen car. I think Lincoln had come to the end of his tether; he called the police. When they came, they arrested Miller and also found the hidden stolen car. Lincoln told them he thought that belonged to Daniel. The police arrested Daniel for, what’s it called...?”

  “Aiding and abetting?”

  “Yes, I think so. Anyway, Miller stepped up, he was already arrested, and said that he’d put the car there. He confessed to stealing it and was about to sell it. I think that might have been his final nail in his proverbial coffin.”

  “Wow, Miller didn’t tell me anything like that.”

  “I don’t suppose he did. My assumption is, not once did Daniel acknowledge what Miller did. In fact, he publically criticised him, distanced himself when Miller went to prison. That is where their problem stems from.”

  “I didn’t know any of that. So Daniel presents himself as the good guy all the time, when in fact, he might have been on the fringes of the same criminal activity Miller was involved in.”

  Colette slowly nodded her head. “I imagine Daniel thought he’d be able to save souls and all that rubbish, despite not being an actual vicar at the time.”

  Dad had been right, Colette seemed to be the font of all knowledge.

  “I need to get back, thank you for the tea,” I said, pulling my coat from the back of the chair and putting it back on.

  I walked slowly back to the house, digesting what she’d said. I couldn’t remember exactly what Miller had said as to why he’d been in prison, but I knew there had been no mention of Daniel.

  “Hi, you’ve been gone a while,” Dad said, when I walked into the house.

  “I had a cup of tea with Colette. I never know whether to call her by her first name or Mrs. Hampton,” I said with a laugh.

  “I think she answers to anything nowadays.”

  “Anyway, she told me something interesting.” I repeated what I’d learned.

  “Interesting, I certainly never knew that. I don’t know if honourable would be the right word, but what he did, to save his brother’s humiliation and possible loss of his career certainly warrants some respect. More so from Daniel.”

  “I thought so, too. Most of the time when he talks about Miller, it’s with fondness, but just every now and again he’ll say something that has my hackles up. I’m not sure that sometimes I get to see the real Daniel, or the Daniel that’s doing public service. Does that make sense?”

  “It does. So what are you going to do with that knowledge?”

  “Nothing, I guess. But it just gives me a better understanding of why they don’t get on.”

  I picked up my mobile to check for the umpteenth time. There was no reply from Daniel.

  “Do you want to do anything tonight?” I asked Dad.

  “Get drunk and pray the new year will be better for you than the past one?”

  I laughed. “Drunk? I don’t think so. But I will pray with you for a better new year.”

  As the day wore on, I became more despondent and desperate for news.

  “Do you mind if I pop out for a little while?” Dad asked.

  I assumed he wanted to spend a little time with Colette. I smiled at him. “Of course, you don’t need my permission.”

  Dad left and I settled on the sofa. I tried to read a book, but the words just didn’t hold my attention. I tried to listen to music but it was just wailing and made me feel very old. I did some housework, but I drew the line at ironing the pile of clothes that was growing.

  I didn’t know how much time had passed, but eventually, I heard my mobile ring. I panicked, not remembering where I’d left it. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed it from the counter.

  “Hello?”

  “Dani, it’s Lincoln. I’m sorry not to have been in touch. We sort of got caught up with…well, you know. Anyway, Miller is doing great, he’s conscious and is asking to see you. They moved him to Ward J today, it’s right off ICU, so how about you come and visit him?”

  “Oh, God, I’ve been so worried. Thank you, I’ll do that.”

  “No, I’m sorry. We should have thought about you and we didn’t. I didn’t know about your…friendship. Daniel didn’t mention it at all.”

  “There’s a lot, Lincoln, that Daniel hasn’t mentioned, I’m sure. I’ll pop in to see Miller straight away. Will you be there?”

  “No, and neither will Daniel. I think you could do with some alone time with Miller.”

  “I appreciate that, thank you. I’ll call you as soon as I leave and let you know how he is. I’m sure I’m able to capture your number from this call.”

  “I’d appreciate that. I’ll say goodbye now.”

  After saying goodbye myself, I laid the phone down. My interpretation of that call was that Daniel seemed to have deliberately decided to keep me out of the loop, and I wondered why. Maybe Miller had said something to his dad and that was why I’d received that call. Whatever the reason, I was just pleased to be informed of his progress.

  I rushed upstairs to change and brush my hair.

  “Balls,” I said aloud. Dad had the car.

  Was it fair of me to call and ask if he could come back? Trying to get a taxi was out of the question; I doubted there were any taxis within ten miles of the village as it was New Year’s Eve. As for public transport? That was non-existent. My heart stopped for a second when I heard a car pull onto the drive. I rushed downstairs and to the front door. A second car, my Dad’s, pulled on behind a small red car.

  “Dad?” I said, as I watched him get out and thank the driver of the red car who then walked away.

  “I thought you’d need your own set of wheels, and this lady is a little too precious to be driving through hedges.”

  “What? You got
me a car?”

  “Well, technically you’ve got yourself a car. I made the assumption that you’d pay the garage. It’s cheap, reliable, and will bounce off anything you care to drive into,” he said with a laugh. “Now, I understand you have somewhere to be?”

  I frowned at him. “How did you know that?”

  “Because I just reminded Lincoln Copeland of a few of the things you’ve done to find his son, of the fact you two are more than friends, and how shitty it was to keep you out of the loop.”

  “Dad, you didn’t!”

  “I bloody well did. Now, get your purse, or whatever you call them nowadays and get going. I’m having dinner with Colette and I need to get freshened up.”

  Dad strode into the house, depositing the car keys in my hand. “Oh, I’ve insured it,” he added.

  “I’ll pay for a respray,” I called out after him.

  “Nothing that a good polish hasn’t solved. I guess I need to get Miller to erect a garage. You tell him he has an extra job when he’s ready, so he better get back on his feet super quick.”

  I grabbed my bag and left the house. The car took a little while to get used to, and I found myself grinding through the gears on occasion. It was small, nippy, and I loved it. My little red Citroen would do me wonders for getting around.

  I parked at the hospital and nerves hit me. I felt my palms become clammy and my heart rate increase a little as I walked towards the ward. I checked in with the nurse and she pointed to a door along the corridor. Miller had his own room. I guessed this was the place they put the patients that had recently come off the critical list. I looked through the glass panel in the door before I opened it. Miller had his eyes closed. I gently opened it and crept in. I sat in the chair beside the bed and picked up his hand in mine.

  He slowly turned his head towards me and opened his eyes. I smiled at him. It was hard for him to smile back; his lips were bruised and cracked.

  “Hey,” he said, his voice a little croaky.

  “Hi. How are you feeling?” I asked.

  “Awful, sort of like I slept in an icy cold waterfall in the middle of winter without a jacket.”

  I chuckled; he winced as he tried to.

  “Are you in pain?”

  “Only my throat. I understand they shoved some tube down it. I don’t think they were particularly gentle when they took it out. Can you help me up?”

  I raised the back of his bed slightly and then picked up a glass of water for him. He took it and it was then that I noticed his other arm was in plaster. I guess he’d had it under the sheet at first.

  Miller took a sip from the glass before holding it out for me. I replaced it on the cabinet. He sighed and also took hold of my hand again.

  “What happened, Miller?” I asked.

  “Well, I wasn’t drunk, fuck knows where Daniel got that from. I’ve had the lecture from the police about wasting their time with my drunken antics.”

  “Lecture?”

  “It sure felt like it. Anyway, I’ve sailed in weather like that night before, and I knew I was going to be quick. I wanted just to get around to the cove, where they found me and…”

  “To let her go, I know. You told me in a text.”

  “Yes. To let her go. I moored up the boat, climbed onto the rock, and then fell. I broke my arm and it hurt like anything. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sail back with a broken arm so decided to wait it out. The weather got worse and then the boat broke loose. I was sort of fucked. I remembered the cave behind the falls and thought I’d be dry there and could wait until the following day when the tide went out. I got it wrong. I didn’t realise just how wet I was, and how cold it was. I was of perfectly sound mind, Dani. I just made a wrong call. I should have sailed straight back.”

  “Are you sure you were of sound mind, Miller?”

  He shrugged his shoulders a little.

  “I mean, wouldn’t it have been better to have waited? You gave me such a fright with that text.”

  “I guess so, and okay, maybe I wasn’t of sound mind. Maybe I was feeling like shit because I’d made a mistake. Perhaps I was consumed with guilt and sadness because I thought I might have lost you, as dramatic as that sounds. And no, you weren’t to blame, it was all me. I chose to do what I did, I just didn’t think it through before I actually did it.”

  “Well, none of it matters now. You’re safe, and I’m so bloody thankful.”

  He smiled at me and my heart skipped a beat. I raised my hand and brushed away an unruly curl that threatened to sneak into one eye.

  “Dad bought me a car, well, technically I’ve bought it; I just haven’t paid for it yet. Anyway, he said to tell you he needs a garage built and would you hurry up and get back on your feet.”

  Miller laughed and the sound was medicine to my battered heart.

  “My dad took a call from your dad earlier. I think there were words said. I guess Daniel hasn’t been as honest as he should have been, but then…”

  “That’s nothing new? I know about the stolen car thing. I was hurt that he seemed to keep me away from you and I don’t know why.”

  “Daniel doesn’t like me getting close to anyone, scared I might tell them the truth. Not that it’s much of a secret. How did you know?”

  “Mrs. Hampton, Colette as I’m allowed to call her.”

  “Ah, she should have been a detective, or a barrister. She’s certainly my champion and guardian.”

  “When will you be able to come home?” I asked.

  “A couple of days, I think. They warmed up my cold heart, I expect to be a completely different person,” he joked.

  “I don’t want you to be a different person. I want you to be the Miller that kissed me. I wrote a letter, my last letter to Lincoln. You should read it sometime.”

  “I’ll have my courier deliver it first thing in the morning.”

  “Your courier?”

  “Colette, my champion. Trust me, there isn’t anything that woman doesn’t know. She saw me picking up a letter from the box one day. She asked me who it was from. I didn’t tell her, of course. The following day, or it might have been a couple of days later, I drove to the shop and there she was with a purple envelope in her hand. I called her a nosy cow, but it worked well.”

  “No way. I’m surprised she didn’t say anything to me, she’s such a gossip.”

  “She’s a great keeper of secrets also.”

  “She’s a good friend to you, isn’t she?”

  “Yes, she always has been. She was my mother’s friend, and I guess she took over looking after me until I didn't want to be looked after any more. Trust me, I pay for that looking after. I think I’ve practically rebuilt her house at my own cost!”

  I smiled at him.

  “Can I ask you something? Something that might make you want to run for the hills?”

  “I’m not sure I’ll be running anywhere, and if I’m going to be scared of what you want to ask, should you?”

  He hadn’t quite got the words I’d used right but then, I couldn’t remember them exactly either.

  “Kiss me?” I asked.

  “With pleasure.”

  Miller reached out with his hand and slid his palm across my cheek. He pulled me towards him. His kiss was gentle, tender, yet held the same passion as before. I felt a tear run down my skin. I felt his rough lips on mine and I tasted the blood as they cracked slightly. When he pulled away, he smiled.

  “That was everything, and more,” he whispered.

  “How bad is it for me to tell you, I’d love to climb in that bed with you right now?”

  “Very bad, so bad that I want you to. Not sure what Nurse Happy might have to say about it though. But, do it. Lay with me, Dani.”

  Miller shuffled over and I slid on the bed beside him. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and held me close. I placed my hand on his chest and my head on his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head.

  “I was so scared,” I whispered.

  “I can imag
ine. I’m sorry for scaring you. I tried to call but holding the damn thing with one hand and dialling wasn’t in my skill set. I dropped the phone into the sea.”

  “Who is Nurse Happy?” I asked.

  He didn’t need to answer. A nurse bustled into the room and ordered me off the bed. She gave me a lecture about germs or something. Miller laughed and I stood and smiled, nodded my head when appropriate, and then apologised. She bustled out again.

  “I better go. I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you,” I said.

  I leant down and kissed Miller again.

  “Happy New Year,” I whispered.

  “It’s going to be,” he replied.

  It was a further week before Miller was released, and I waited at his house while Daniel brought him home. I’d visited Miller every day and avoided Daniel as much as I could.

  “There’s my girl,” I heard, as Miller climbed from the car, I smiled the broadest smile I think I had in years.

  I walked forwards and was engulfed in his embrace.

  “Thanks, Daniel. We’ve got it from here. I’ll call you later,” Miller said.

  I walked with Miller into his house while Daniel drove away.

  “Is he pissed off at me?” I asked.

  “Who cares? I have a list of instructions from the hospital. I’m to take it easy for a few more days. I intend to break every one of those instructions. Do me a favour. Grab a couple of blankets and drive us to the cottage?”

  I cocked my head. “Should you? I think you ought to rest for a while.”

  “Please? There’s something I need to do.”

  “Okay, but we won’t be out long, will we?”

  “Just grab a couple of blankets, maybe a pillow or two. You’ll find them in the bottom of the wardrobe.”

  I left him standing in the hallway and collected what he needed.

  “Now we go to the cottage.”

  “You can’t walk that far,” I said.

  “Dani, I was rather cold, I got warmed up. I only have a broken arm, and I’m not disabled. It’s important to me.”