CUL-DE-SAC (On The Edge Book 1)

by YILDIRIM, M. E.

  Nothing remained… unless someone looked deep into his eyes and saw this unspoken something hidden in their green depths, she thought.

  His body was covered by a fine dark, perfectly fitting suit, making him look absolutely right for the place and occasion although he still didn’t seem… tamed, she decided.

  His devil-may-care attitude seemed only temporarily buried under the veneer of civilization.

  She didn’t think she was ever going to see him again, prayed she wouldn’t, in fact. Especially tonight when the exhibition meant so much to her and she was afraid that was why he came here.

  Yet here he stood before her now, making her feel at a great disadvantage even on what she considered to be her territory. His hooded gaze was on her, giving her a slow perusal until she could feel her exposed skin starting to burn again.

  There was something about this look she couldn’t ignore and some utterly feminine part of her was responding to it on a level that was making her highly uncomfortable… which she suspected to be his intention again.

  “I will never concede to that, Doll.” He smirked not taking his eyes off her.

  “My name is Catalina… as you already know. But I prefer Cat,” she informed him gritting her teeth.

  The impersonality of the nickname was aggravating as if he couldn’t be bothered with remembering names… or as if every woman was exactly the same to him.

  “Cat… you are surely as curious as one.” Xan didn’t think there was anything he could enjoy about tonight but he surely found some kind of satisfaction in razzing her, he thought.

  “You didn’t answer my initial question,” Cat noticed after a moment of silence when he just kept looking at her.

  She wanted to wrap her arms protectively around herself but remembered at the last moment she still held a glass of champagne in her hand. Her fingers trembled slightly and clenched around the fragile glass now as if she tried to ground herself no matter how small the gesture.

  “You and I… we have an unfinished business.”

  “Meaning?” She raised her brow slightly trying to act the only way she knew how, by being cool and unaffected, but his words sounded ominous, like a confirmation that he didn’t have good intentions.

  “I wanted to give you this.”

  Catalina blinked and looked at the small bag he was holding wondering how was it possible she hadn’t seen it so far. She blamed him because his presence absorbed her so much she didn’t notice anything or anyone else. She looked up again trying to make sense of his words.

  “What is it?” She took the gift bag from his hands as one might a bomb.

  “Open it and see for yourself.” He suggested.

  Cat loved gifts of every kind, perhaps even more so because she rarely got any. She unwrapped it carefully, having not even the slightest idea what it could be and why was he offering her anything in the first place.

  She held her breath as soon as the answer came into view.

  “Why?” Catalina was confused because so far he had never acted the way she expected of him.

  Nikon Df was a very nice camera with its retro design. It was small and light to carry everywhere and technically advanced enough to satisfy a professional photographer.

  She looked at the male who confused her more than anybody else in her life, searching for an answer in the green of his eyes. She had exactly zero experience with someone like Xan and she instinctively felt that the usual rules wouldn’t do in this case at all. It meant she was left on her own, nearly crippled in the face of her shortcomings.

  “I thought it self-explanatory. I destroyed something that mattered to you.” He shrugged feeling uncomfortable now.

  He wanted her to just accept the damn thing and be done with it, not to grill him over his reasons for it.

  “It’s beautiful. Thank you,” Cat said carefully, surprised by his words.

  She knew that most people would just assume she could buy a new one and they would never think more of it. Especially someone like him, who seemed to care only about how things could affect him and didn’t mind using other people’s weaknesses to his advantage.

  She considered him the most pitiless person she had ever come across, yet he understood the camera had much higher value to her than the financial one.

  It just didn’t make any sense whatsoever.

  She was appalled by his earlier actions, by his senseless act of destruction, even frightened of him on some visceral level. But now… Now Catalina didn't know what to think of him, because his behavior was likely the most unexpected gift she had ever received.

  Yes, she was still mourning the loss of what her camera represented to her, but when she looked into his eyes, something inside of her she was unaware of being tightly clenched thawed a bit with a sharp sensation accompanying it.

  “Don’t. I still think you made a huge mistake but I am sorry for the way I… acted. I could have handled things better,” Xan admitted, wanting to get out of there more than anything.

  He didn’t do apology well, not having much experience with it. Accepting his wrongdoing was not any easier since he was raised in belief that mistakes always belonged to others.

  His father was the kind of a person who had never under any circumstances taken fault upon his own shoulders, blaming everyone else instead. Xan didn’t often think he was mistaken himself, but when he did he always acknowledged every time, no matter how much it sucked.

  He was sure a woman like her was used to gifts of every kind, so he assumed her cautiousness had more to do with him personally than anything else.

  It made sense, he supposed, and was still not sure about the motives behind his actions… or perhaps too aware of them, if he was being honest with himself. They were the same that pushed him to search for a camera in the first place and then look for Catalina so he could give it to her.

  When Xan was a boy he secretly collected cards with baseball players. Secretly, because he knew if his father found them he would destroy them just for the joy of crushing yet another hope of the child that should have none.

  So Xan kept the collection in his pillowcase wanting to have it close enough, just in case.

  But it proved futile effort on his part.

  Robert Thorpe wasn’t the one who found it. His mother did when she was changing his bedding one day and left it on his nightstand shelf. And that was practically an invitation for the ill intentions of his so-called father.

  It was the last time Xan had tried to collect anything and he remembered very well the immensity of his loss, not adequate to the small collection he had.

  But it wasn’t about its value, it reached further than that.

  That was what the look in Catalina’s eyes reminded him of and probably was the reason why he couldn’t get her out of his mind, trying to replace something that was beyond replaceable.

  “I guess giving a camera to a photographer is like bringing sand to the beach,” Xan said, finding the silence between them awkward in the place where they were surrounded by people who were constantly talking.

  “No, I think there is no such thing as having one too many.” She smiled at him for the first time letting more than cool detachment to seep into her own gaze. “Would you like to see the pictures now?” Cat rarely acted on impulse but decided to do so now.

  He was all but a stranger who yet felt familiar tonight in the sea of all other faces that became one at some point. She wouldn’t be able to recall names and connections, even if her life depended on it, forgetting all as soon as she was moving from one group to another.

  The assessing looks she was getting all night were to be expected, but they made her feel vulnerable. It was surprising, to say the least, to discover that his seemed more inviting. Probably more than she would have found under normal circumstances. Especially after the first impression he made on her… and the second really, she thought.

  “I already saw them, remember?” He chuckled and her fingers twitched, urging her to reach for th
e new camera and try it out immediately… on him.

  She let the softest of sighs to escape her, confused by the strength of her curiosity. Maybe he was right calling her as curious as a cat, she considered. That was the part of her that always caused her to end up in trouble.

  Catalina didn’t think she had in her what it took to face the kind of trouble someone like Xan heralded.

  “How could I forget?” She muttered a bit absentmindedly one more time evoking his amusement.

  The look he sent her suggested they shared some kind of a secret.

  “I don’t know how much of the conversation you’ve heard…”

  “All of it.” He didn’t look embarrassed admitting to eavesdropping.

  “I would like to schedule a session with you,” she told him.

  “A nude one?”

  “Of course not… oh, you were joking.” She felt flustered for allowing him to bait her like that.

  “Was I? But you should have seen your face.” He laughed openly and she knew they started to draw gazes.

  “I was serious though, thought this time I would go around it the right way and ask your permission.” Cat smiled innocently at him.

  “Maybe I wasn’t joking after all either? Why don’t you have dinner with me on Tuesday night and tell me exactly what you mean by that?” Xan raised an eyebrow, all but daring her to decline politely.

  He wanted her to agree but didn’t think she would. He knew he gained an upper hand when he offered her the camera as an olive branch, but just because she accepted it didn’t mean she was going to see past their earlier meetings and forgive his behavior.

  He wouldn’t have.

  For some reason he found her intriguing and he liked puzzles of every kind. He liked to bring pieces together to see the whole picture or… to remove them one by one, stripping bare the underbelly of the matter. In this case he wouldn’t mind if the stripping part were quite literal, he thought with a little quirk to his lips.

  Catalina decided that he kept surprising her tonight, time after time. Denial was on the tip of her tongue and she would have uttered the words, but from the corner of her eye she saw Florence Bennett making her way through the crowd toward the place she stood with Xan.

  She knew her grandmother wouldn’t approve and maybe that was the very thing spurring Cat to do the opposite.

  She looked back at him, trying to decipher something from his eyes and judge the seriousness of his, oh-so-casual, invitation. But they were reflecting her instead of what might be going on inside of his head.

  His attention never wavered from her, but she had the strangest feeling he was well aware of his surroundings, quietly assessing people and all that was taking place around them. It was a very good quality to possess, Cat thought, but it also spoke volumes of the type of life he led.

  Always wary, always watchful.

  She decided she wanted to catch this side of his nature with her camera, see the elusive and try to freeze it in the moment when he wouldn’t be so guarded.

  That did it and she made the final decision.

  “Tuesday sounds good.” She took out one of her business cards and scribbled her cell number on the back. “Call me.”

  “I will.” Xan couldn’t believe she was actually agreeing and decided not to push his luck by giving her a chance to change her mind, but before he could make his exit an older woman stopped next to them, seizing Cat’s arm with a hand adorned by a massive diamond ring. “There you are, Catalina, where have you been hiding the whole evening?” Florence’s voice washed over them snapping the moment between them in half. “Excuse me; there are people Catalina has to meet.” She sent him a dismissive look and he felt challenged to protest just for the hell of it but changed his mind rather opting to leave when he was still holding a winning card.

  He glanced at Catalina’s business card and thought it to be quite literal.

  “See you on Tuesday, Doll.” He told her and watched her being dragged away.

  Xan had no idea who the woman was but the moment she approached them Cat became as stiff as a wooden board, no matter the smile plastered on her face.

  He found it ironic that rich people never cared how rude they were and always believed themselves on top anyway.

  Then he shrugged and unhurriedly walked toward the exit and freedom, deciding it was not his concern after all.

  CHAPTER 11

  Catalina was torn.

  Torn between wanting to remind Xan she had a name, a name he kept forgetting to use, satisfying himself with calling her ‘Doll’ instead, which she had come to highly detest already.

  Torn between wanting to apologize for Florence’s behavior although she was convinced her grandmother didn’t even consider how dismissing and offensive she was.

  Torn between asking Xan to stay because despite the fact she didn’t know him, she would have taken his company over the cold discontentment she could see in Florence’s blue eyes now.

  Finally torn between being amused and confused at once after realizing she agreed to have dinner with the man whom she didn’t want to see ever again until earlier tonight.

  But Florence was already pulling her back toward the crowd again, Xan was no longer in her sight and just like that matters were simply taken out of her hands.

  She sighed, deciding to go with inevitable, especially after reminding herself she had promised Jonah she wouldn’t run away from the sole member of her family if she came across her.

  Catalina glanced at Florence from the corner of her eye, noticing the other woman looked as glamorous as usual. She had on a long dress in hues of azure, drawing out the color of her eyes, fitting to the ashen blonde hair she had since Catalina was a little girl.

  Florence’s simple diamond ring and discreet earrings with the same stone drew more attention than another woman’s tons of jewel. At the age of sixty-five, she looked at least a decade younger and it was due to a rigorous diet and her personal merciless trainer.

  “You look magnificent, Grandmother,” Cat told her truthfully.

  She had never been allowed to address her differently than ‘Grandmother’. What didn’t make sense to Catalina when she was a child made perfect sense now–Florence was simply too dignified to be called anything else than that. She wasn’t one of those cookie-baking, fuzzy-feeling-evoking grandmas. She was a cool and unruffled product of society and expected nothing less from Catalina.

  “Thank you, my dear. You look good yourself, although I wouldn’t go with black if I were you. It makes you look too pale, unless of course this dramatic contrast was exactly what you aimed for.”

  “I will take it under consideration the next time. Thank you.” Cat smiled politely pretending she didn’t notice the jab. “What do you think about the exhibition?”

  “You know I prefer more grateful subjects on pictures. I find the topic quite… unfortunate.”

  She waved her hand dismissively, with one gesture disregarding long weeks of Catalina’s hard work.

  Every tiny bit of excitement Catalina might have felt after meeting with Xan evaporated as if never there. As little as two sentences were able to reduce her to someone incompetent and devoid of any trace of taste whatsoever, Cat thought.

  She shouldn’t be surprised after finding herself on the receiving end of similar treatment over the years. Yet there was still a part of her awaiting her grandmother’s approval. A part of her striving to be better though their ideas of this better were nowhere close.

  “The purpose is noble. Money goes to charity and is supposed to help all those people living in the shadow of Santa Monica’s greatness. I know how much you approve of charity, Grandmother.” Catalina told her.

  “There are other ways to achieve the same and so many worthy cases, Catalina.”

  “I realize that, I thought those pictures would have a stronger impact than another ball dance.” She smiled with as much warmth as Florence had.

  “Is aggressiveness really what you are after? I would ho
pe class always prevails. In any case, I don’t like the risks you are undertaking. It has to stop. Gabriel agrees with me.” She pinned Cat to the spot with her sharp gaze.

  “It’s my job and Gabriel should understand that. Would you tell him to stop endangering himself while danger is his occupational hazard?” She wanted to know.

  “Don’t be ridiculous. While I find his work vulgar, it is a necessity and shows his strength. You are just bored, Catalina and searching for something to fill your time. Unfortunately you chose the wrong thing in your childish attempt to prove something.” Florence’s voice was quiet enough but the coldness of her tone and words themselves took Catalina’s breath away.

  “Is this really how little you think of me?” She stopped and Florence was forced to do the same.

  “Don’t make a scene my dear.” The displeased line of her grandmother’s lips was unambiguous but it was yet another grimace Catalina knew intimately, acquainted with it during all the years she spent with her father’s mother.

  “Cat! Spectacular work!” Chloé hugged her, kissing her on the cheek. “You must be very proud of her, Mrs. Bennett.”

  “Catalina knows what I expect of her.” Florence said tentatively. “Excuse me girls, I see an old friend of mine.” She walked away, not waiting for their reaction.

  But the only thing Cat was capable of feeling at the moment was relief, although she knew it was only postponing the inevitable.

  “Thank you.” She looked at Chloé, grateful for the intervention.

  “The temperature between you two increased dangerously and I think your granny’s absolute record could reach around thirty-two degrees, so that was all you. No, it wasn’t visible, but I’ve known you for a while now, Sweetie, remember? And I meant what I said. Great job Cat, and from bits and pieces I’ve managed to eavesdrop, I am not the only one who thinks so. Forget about Florence and enjoy your success!” She demanded.

  ‘Granny’ Catalina thought, nearly choking. If only.

  The concept was so unfathomable to anyone who had ever come in contact with her grandmother it was laughable.