CUL-DE-SAC (On The Edge Book 1)

by YILDIRIM, M. E.

  Did he realize that as well? She wondered, but kept her mouth shut, afraid to hear his answer, not wanting to spoil the right here and right now by arguing.

  “No,” she said finally, knowing that if it was a problem it was hers alone and she would have to deal with it.

  “What’s the matter, Cat? Realizing just now that I am not one of the average snotty guys you are used to being around?” Xan smirked and her head whipped to the left.

  “I don’t know what put you on the edge tonight, but I told you once already–I am not going to be your whipping boy. Do you regret inviting me into your world?” She wanted to know and he swore a blue streak that caused her to flinch.

  Xan knew he was being a dick, but the knowledge he was in the wrong only managed to piss him off further instead of cooling his temper down.

  He expected Catalina to be shocked about the poker tournament. To be taken aback by the fact the illegal side was a distance just beyond reach, closely entwined with the everyday life of Santa Monica that she was a part of herself.

  He thought that realizing the bodyguard was packing heat would at least give her pause, but neither happened. She remained her unruffled self, which for some reason only widened this abyss between them in his eyes.

  There was no fault of hers in any of it.

  On the contrary, he should be glad she wasn’t one of those weak women needing a man to validate their self of worth, a man’s strong hand to guide her through life. Someone like his mother, no matter how misplaced her needs or wants were.

  Then why did he feel disappointed when Catalina didn’t try to lean onto him after he had spent his entire life avoiding the very situation like a plague?

  She was fucking with his mind for being so different from anyone else he knew, and it very well wasn’t something he wanted to share with her, he thought and clenched his hands on the steering wheel.

  “It has nothing to do with you,” he said, and the tone of his voice suggested she better drop the subject, but even in this she wasn’t acting as he expected her to.

  “I beg to differ. You are snapping at me after all and I would like to learn the reason for it,” Cat argued in that cultured way of hers that sounded so uppity in his ears.

  “Tristan liked you,” he said instead of addressing her words and she sighed.

  “I am likable.”

  “Never met a woman who wasn’t.” Obvious bullshit but he was spoiling for a fight.

  “It was a long day, I think we should call it a night,” she said, determined not to pick up the gauntlet he kept throwing at her.

  “That’s it?” Xan stopped the car with a screech that fit his volatile mood.

  Catalina’s calmness didn’t.

  It was feeding his ire like gasoline on a fire.

  Did he really think she was going to invite him over now? Cat wondered, incredulous.

  She had no idea what was happening, but she was tired of walking on eggshells as far as his mood went.

  “Yes, thank you for tonight, Xan.” Politeness was her weapon and shield as long as it remained unfaltering.

  “Cat…” He started, pondering how to muddle his way through the mess he turned a perfectly fine day and a promising night into.

  “Goodnight Alex,” she said and stepped out of his car.

  This time it was disappointment and unease accompanying her to the door instead of him.

  ***

  She couldn’t sleep that night, turning and tossing in the big bed that felt unfamiliar as if it didn’t belong to her at all.

  Catalina tried to understand at which moment their night went awry and couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment, wondering if anything had happened when she was in the powder room with Bambi.

  She understood that fight lay in Xan’s nature but she was unused to confrontations, or a more adequate statement would be that she had been taught to avoid them and aspired to find a better way to end any kind of skirmish.

  Even if she chose otherwise, she would need to know what the clash was all about.

  She believed him when he said it had nothing to do with her because she had a feeling whatever Xan was attempting to fight was of a very private nature.

  He didn’t care or maybe didn’t know she would be there for him, if he only wanted to talk whatever the issue through, but she could never accept his picking up at her just because she happened to be close by when his bad mood struck him.

  It was disrespectful to say the least, Cat thought, and when the first rays of light prodded at the fading night, she was ready to tell him exactly that and then some more.

  Giving up didn’t lay in Xan’s nature, but it was also a quite foreign concept to Catalina.

  She had spent years under Florence’s ruthless and unforgiving guardianship and it was drilled into her that failure was not the way of the Bennetts. Every lesson she had ever received was about being absolutely the best, no matter what the area of expertise was supposed to be.

  Giving one hundred percent was for average people; Catalina was meant to give one hundred and ten to ensure her success.

  The remaining hours of the night floated around her with an ease and laziness that were lacking within her as she sat on her deckchair. Waves were lapping at the shore insistently and she wished the peace of the night could prevail, but the sun was already rising and catching up with her much faster than she wanted it to.

  Catalina gazed up at the horizon thinking how small she seemed in the big scheme of things, with her life temporarily left on hold before she would pick it up at the exact moment she pushed “pause” on it a few hours ago.

  But there was something about the ocean that always made her believe when she thought there was no more trust left in her to give.

  She took a shower and although the light was perfect and her fingers were itching and urging her to reach for a camera, she didn’t answer the call for the first time since forever, heading toward her car instead.

  She drove to the nearest Starbucks where baristas were always nice and friendly, and opened up her mouth to place an order when a sudden thought gave her pause.

  She had no idea in which direction Xan’s preferences went and how he took his coffee.

  What did she really know about the man she was about to invite to her bed last night?

  Whom she wanted to be her first lover?

  Her cheeks heated up when the truth slammed into her with its whole brutality.

  She knew he liked her hair left unbound and appreciated short dresses and high heels, but the same could be said about any other man really.

  Finally she just sighed and ordered black coffee, following either her instinct or maybe her common sense, because he simply didn’t seem like the type that softened his drink with milk or sugar.

  When she took a seat in her Mercedes CLC 220 Coupé a few minutes later, Santa Monica seemed fully awake and ready to face another sunny day.

  The drive to Cul-de-sac was short and felt entirely different when she was covering the distance in the daylight instead of under the elusive protection of the night.

  She now knew where the backdoor was, and the direct passageway leading straight to Xan’s place. Each time she thought about him living in that dark room, her stomach clenched painfully and she wondered how someone who could afford to pay for yesterday’s shopping didn’t find a more accommodating place for himself than this.

  She stepped inside and let raised voices lead her to the right door. Cat frowned, wondering who was bold or stupid enough to provoke Xan’s anger so early in the morning, but it surely didn’t bode well for her plans either.

  She was about to turn around and wait for a better opportunity to come when another voice made her stop dead in her tracks.

  It couldn’t be, she thought.

  Yet she would have recognized the voice of the Lieutenant of the Santa Monica Police Department anywhere. She couldn’t imagine that a social visit alone had brought him to Xan’s door at an early hour of the morning, and drea
d settled in the pit of her stomach.

  She knocked decisively at the door and it wasn’t Xan who opened it for her, but Gabriel Mercer indeed. His eyes widened when he saw her and then his gaze narrowed at her.

  “What the hell are you doing here, Catalina?” He demanded.

  “Funny Gabriel, I was about to ask you the very same question.” She smiled at him as if she failed to sense the dark scowl falling over his handsome features.

  CHAPTER 27

  Xan pressed the pads of his fingers over his eyelids, thinking that the morning couldn’t possibly be a bigger clusterfuck than it already was, while the face of his wristwatch showed barely seven a.m.

  He had been in a pissy mood since last night, which didn’t go exactly as planned due to his own behavior. He had no idea what it was in him that was constantly making him sabotage himself. He would love to blame it all on Rob Thorpe’s screwed-up genes, but he was afraid this time it was all on him.

  He went to his apartment after Catalina left him, and rightly so, but the four walls of the only home he had ever had kept pressing on him until he had to walk out before he could wreak havoc there as well.

  He drove for an hour or two, but it never really had a soothing effect on him and speed alone was not enough to take his edge off.

  Xan wanted to go back to Cat, to apologize, but waking her up just for that didn’t seem like a reason good enough, so he ended up in the club again, although it was the last place he wanted to be in.

  However, he decided to utilize the sleepless hours efficiently and put the club’s gym to good use.

  He barely stepped out from under the spray of the shower when the police banged at the door of Cul-de-sac and the bouncer brought them straight to him.

  Xan had a few run-ins with police so far, but nothing serious enough since he stopped being a teenager and shit could easily get out of control and end up in his file.

  Now this… this was serious, he thought.

  No matter how disturbing the Lieutenant’s presence and news he carried was, it didn’t make him flinch as much as Catalina’s presence did.

  “I’ve asked you a question, Catalina.” The policeman kept looking at her expectantly and as much as Xan wanted to learn the answer himself, he didn’t like the man’s tone and attitude.

  He stepped between them, not even surprised she seemed to know the law enforcer. At this point, he would have been more surprised if there was someone she didn’t know, he thought.

  “It’s not a good time, Cat,” Xan said, but she walked past him and placed two cups of coffee on the table, acting as if she didn’t notice the tension filling the room.

  She brought him coffee, he thought, after he acted like an ass and she had every right to be mad at him.

  She folded her arms and looked at Xan for the first time since she walked in, but then her gaze slid to the other man.

  Catalina saw the exact moment in which Gabriel’s speculative look changed and understanding dawned on him. An understanding that turned his warm blue eyes into shards of ice, and his nostrils flared with fury.

  “Well, this is unexpected,” he muttered.

  “Could someone please tell me what is going on here?” She asked politely, forcing herself to stay still instead of wrapping her arms around herself because her friend’s gaze was anything but friendly now.

  “I was just asking Mr. Thorpe here where he spent last night.” Gabriel raised an eyebrow gazing at Xan. “Dorian Carrey was attacked and severely injured. We received an anonymous tip that Mr. Thorpe could hardly be considered his biggest fan.”

  “I see. And did the victim point at Alex as the perpetrator?” Cat asked, wondering why the name sounded familiar.

  “No.”

  “So all you have is an anonymous tip which sounds to me like it was delivered by someone who is not the biggest fan of Alexander Thorpe. Come on, Gabriel.”

  “Dorian Carrey is a known member of an illegal underground fight club. Rumor has it Mr. Thorpe is no stranger to this kind of sport himself.”

  “Hearsay and anonymous tips.” She nodded looking up at Xan because she finally understood that Dorian Carrey was the one who sent Dragon to the hospital.

  Xan held her gaze steadily, seemingly relaxed, but she knew it was just a pose. One guaranteed to drive Gabriel more insane because Xan looked like someone who couldn’t care less about any of what they were talking about.

  Was he truly that… indifferent underneath it all?

  Her stomach clenched painfully, but she didn’t let any of her internal turmoil show on the outside.

  “It’s none of your concern, Catalina; you don’t want to be in the middle of it. You have no idea what you are getting yourself into,” Gabriel warned her through clenched teeth.

  “But I do, and I am already in the middle of it because Mr. Thorpe spent the night with me,” she said calmly, well aware what her statement has begun.

  Gabriel looked at her with contempt written all over his handsome face, and she knew it was just the beginning and a matter of time before the news would spread like wildfire and reach her grandmother.

  “Think it through, Catalina; are you ready to put your reputation on the line for someone like him? You know who he is?” Gabriel gripped her forearms as if his will and force alone would be enough for her to understand.

  “Take your hands off her,” Xan told him quietly and pulled Cat closer when the Lieutenant complied.

  She didn’t allow herself the luxury of leaning into him because her knees were shaking so badly she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to stand on her own any longer once she gave in to the weakness.

  “Catalina, damn it! You’ve known me for years. Trust me when I tell you he is not worth it. He is not any better than those thugs who killed your parents!” Gabriel snapped.

  Cat paled and flinched as if he struck her.

  “You son of a bitch!” Xan’s breath hissed out from between his clenched teeth.

  He took a step forward toward the cop, ready to rip him a new one, but Cat laid her hand on his chest, stopping him.

  “Don’t Alex. Please.” She felt his whole body vibrating from the tension, or maybe it was the strain it took for him to listen and hold off his temper.

  Xan looked down at the delicate profile of a woman who confused and surprised the hell out of him.

  The cop’s words were a shock to his system and now he fully comprehended that Kelton was right all along.

  He didn’t bother to learn this woman at all, focused on nothing but getting her flat on her back as soon as possible even though he had told her he wanted to be with her.

  He didn’t mean it, he realized now, not really anyway.

  He acted like a jerk last night, yet here she was, ready to take his side over a long-time friend standing on the right side of the law, when Xan himself had given her nothing but plenty of reasons to doubt him.

  She knew how vicious he was firsthand.

  He had destroyed something close to her heart, something he could never give her back. He had treated her objectively while he knew all along she deserved better; yet here she was.

  Mind-boggling, Xan decided.

  “Take a good look at what you are wrongly protecting here, Catalina,” Gabriel said, not taking his gaze off her.

  “I think you should leave, Lieutenant,” she told him.

  “I’ve my eyes on you,” Gabriel informed Xan and walked off after one more loaded look at Cat.

  “Well, that was not how I imagined this morning to start,” Catalina released a shaky breath after they were alone.

  “Kitten…” Xan started but didn’t know what to address first. “Are you okay?”

  “I think I need to sit down,” she muttered, and chose to plop on the edge of the bed.

  “Look at me, Cat,” he asked quietly, going down on his haunches in front of her. “Why did you do it?” He wanted to know.

  No, he needed to know, to understand, and maybe then things would start to mak
e sense, because in Xan’s world, people didn’t take his side. Didn’t stand tall and proud while lying through their teeth in his name.

  It was unheard of.

  “You mean… why didn’t I leave, telling both of you to go to hell?” She wanted to be precise. “You are welcome by the way.”

  “You are still mad at me,” he commented and it was understandable.

  Even if the very fact was making the rest only more incomprehensible, Xan thought.

  “I came here today to tell you I don’t appreciate you snapping at me whenever you feel like it and I won’t stand for it. But now it doesn’t even matter any longer.”

  “It does. I was fighting with myself the whole night, wanting to go to you and apologize,” he admitted.

  “Fighting, always fighting,” Cat muttered and thumped his chest with her fist.

  “Fighting is in my blood, Catalina,” he shrugged. “Now tell me, why would you lie for me?” Xan demanded.

  She raised her head and looked into his eyes as if considering his question or maybe her answer.

  “Your hand looks almost fine and I imagine it must be still causing you discomfort, but it seems nearly healed. There are no signs you fought recently other than that.”

  “I could have hired someone to do the dirty job for me.” He raised an eyebrow.

  “No, that wouldn’t give you any satisfaction. You are hotheaded, but you can also be cold as ice, I believe. You would have gone after him right away or waited much longer than that.

  “You think you know me so well, don’t you?” He asked but was touched by her belief and trust.

  He was touched by the fact she didn’t hesitate to offer him an alibi and put her reputation on the line while doing it. Finally, by describing him better than he would have done himself, even if it was a hardly flattering description.

  “Tell me I am wrong and that you did it.”

  “You are right to the letter and I didn’t do it. You still didn’t have to lie. I appreciate it, Cat…” He breathed her in because her fresh scent was so at odds with the bleak reality of the place they were in and the subject they were talking about.