CUL-DE-SAC (On The Edge Book 1)

by YILDIRIM, M. E.

  “He would definitely agree with you,” Xan said.

  She couldn’t even imagine how close she was to the truth about Tristan, he thought.

  “Has Alexander ever doubted his father’s… paternity?” She wanted to know.

  “Alexander liked to think his father wasn’t really his parent at all, because the hate he inspired in him didn’t make sense to him. Still doesn’t.”

  Of course it didn’t, she thought, how could it?

  “Some people are full of hate directed at themselves without even realizing it. So they strike at others because they can’t handle their own emotions. They choose an easier out and target especially those who can’t fight back.” Cat said. “Yet Alexander survived.”

  “Alexander ran away when he was around twelve years old and he was on his own since then. Sometimes I think he died there so Xan could take his place.”

  “He was just a child.” Both were, she thought but didn’t say it out loud.

  “I don’t think he had ever been one,” he told her.

  “Has he ever seen either one of his parents again?”

  “He… kept tabs on them. Robert Thorpe was arrested several times for different kind of crimes I am sure he committed. His rap sheet is pretty impressive. And Nina Thorpe was left on her own.” He shrugged as if it didn’t matter.

  She could only imagine how much he left out, but the images plaguing her mind now were more than enough to paint the whole picture.

  “You thought I wouldn’t understand, Xan?” Cat asked quietly. “Or that it would make me look at you differently?”

  “It’s usually one or the other,” he smirked.

  “A few slaps across the face I received from my grandmother can’t even compare to what you went through but…”

  “There is no but, Cat!” He snapped, jumping to his feet and cutting her off. “You believe in getting help from the system, the same I tried to stay away from my whole life. You think charity makes a change and I know it really doesn’t unless you count making those who participate in it feel better about themselves. Our lives are worlds apart!”

  “Yet our paths have crossed Xan,” she reminded him and got up as well.

  She took a step forward and stopped in front of him.

  “I don’t want to hurt you, Catalina, but look what I already did to you.” He sighed and raised his hand to her cheek.

  She leaned into the touch as if she couldn’t comprehend the filthiness he came from, which clung to his skin and was threatening to soil her now as well.

  Cat went to her toes not taking her eyes off him and laid her lips on his. Her fingers shook slightly but there was no doubt in her when she opened a button of his shirt and then another.

  Xan’s body stilled under her touch and he leaned back to look at her.

  “I just want to make sure your decision has nothing to do with you feeling sorry for me,” he said, and she wanted to answer but the seriousness of his expression ensured her he might not believe her words anyway.

  “It has to do with the fact I waited long enough to see your tattoos up close and personal. Now strip,” she demanded, deciding to trust her instinct and was relieved when he uttered an involuntary chuckle.

  CHAPTER 31

  Tenderness had never been a part of Xan’s education and he regretted it now because Catalina surely deserved someone capable of gentleness.

  “You have no idea how long I’ve waited for you to tell me that,” he murmured and covered her hands with his own, feeling lighter than he thought possible.

  Especially after reliving the hated memory of his past.

  He knew it was all her doing; she was giving him what the ocean was offering to her–perspective. She was causing things to fade away, not until they disappeared completely but where they were becoming bearable.

  He shook his head, pushing strange thoughts aside, not wanting to miss out anything from this moment with her.

  His shirt was unbuttoned in no time and he let it drop to the ground. Xan sucked in a breath when Cat’s hands rose to his chest and moved in a sensuous way over it.

  His muscles tensed when her fingers stopped on one of his scars and then moved onto another.

  Her head snapped up and her expressive eyes widened, comprehension dawning in them.

  He wasn’t vain, but he would have preferred to ascribe her reaction to the way his muscles were rippling and being impressed by the tattoos she said she wanted to see.

  But he knew better and gritted his teeth.

  “Oh, Xan,” she whispered, and his throat tightened with an emotion dangerously close to shame.

  He bent down and reached for his shirt, wanting to put it back on, but she gripped the piece of clothing and tugged at it angrily.

  “Don’t. No more hiding.” She wanted to rage and cry when she understood that the tattoos she was admiring before were not so much about what they depicted, but his way of covering his scars.

  Perhaps she would have taken them as mementos of the battles he fought, but now she knew they were weaving much more horrible and painful tale about his childhood.

  How much abuse could a person suffer and not break? She wondered while her heart started to shed the tears she didn’t allow her eyes to show.

  Xan let the shirt drop to the floor again, clenching his fists when she moved around him and he felt a feathery glide of her fingers on his back now. Her touch was barely there as if she was afraid of causing him pain.

  His muscles locked when her lips followed and he had to close his eyes as she kissed his childhood old scars.

  What was she trying to do to him? Xan asked himself but didn’t dare question her, just as he didn’t have the courage to stop her ministrations.

  He hissed out a breath when she wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, pressing her soft breasts into his rigidly tensed back. He couldn’t take it any longer and he tugged her in front of him again. She gasped and smiled when he curved his arm beneath her knees and lifted her until he was cradling her in his arms.

  “Let’s take it to the bedroom, Kitten, unless you want to offer your neighbors an eyeful.”

  Catalina opened up her mouth to direct him but he faultlessly found the way on his own, and she remembered he came close enough that night when she was patching up his hand.

  Who would have thought they had ended up together after those tempestuous first meetings? She was too much intrigued by him even then, she admitted, but she didn’t think she was brave enough to face him and her own desires.

  “No thinking allowed tonight, Catalina,” he told her as if reading her mind when they entered her bedroom.

  He slid her down the length of his body until her feet touched the ground and chuckled when she blushed in response to the hot imprint of the erection he wouldn’t be able to hide even if he wanted to.

  “This is how much I want you, Kitten,” he told her, taking her hand in his and guiding it to the fly of his jeans.

  He groaned when she gave him a little squeeze.

  “Don’t tease, Catalina,” he warned, picking her up again just to unceremoniously throw her on the big bed.

  “Hey!” She protested and tried to right herself but a moment later, he was on her, straddling her and manacling her arms above her head.

  She bucked once, twice, but her efforts were futile.

  “I can’t win with someone who knows all the dirty tricks,” she protested, and the pouting note in her voice made him lean down and nip playfully at her bottom lip.

  His mouth wandered lower and he licked her neck in the place where the throbbing of her pulse was the most detectable.

  “Don’t be afraid, I won’t harm you,” he promised, but she shook her head.

  “I know you won’t. I trust you, Alex,” she looked him in the eye and he was lost.

  He let go of her hands and felt them on his chest again, sliding down just to stop at the top button of his jeans. He didn’t stop her, curious how far she would go even though the sight
of those delicate fingers, their soft touch so close to his aching cock, was more torture than pleasure.

  She glanced up at him, catching his gaze and hesitated.

  “Don’t stop when it was just getting interesting, Catalina.” He smirked purposefully, daring her to continue, and her lips curved slightly in a smile his brain could only translate as wicked.

  “Maybe I changed my mind?”

  “Don’t even joke like that.” He was sure that pulling back this time would kill him.

  She laughed, but the sound cut short when he reached for the edges of her T-shirt and pulled it off over the top of her head. His mouth dried up at the sight of purple lace covering her breasts. They were moving temptingly, invitingly with her every breath.

  “You better take it off; it would be shame to destroy it,” he told her seriously and watched her unhooking her bra and peeling it off her delectable body.

  Fuck, she was perfect, he thought, devouring her with his eyes. The surprisingly lush weight of her breasts against the delicately tanned and slight built of her body, the darker tone of her nipples urging him to bend his head and circle them with his tongue, one after another.

  Catalina moaned and her body arched toward him, so he continued his slow exploration, learning her shape and taste, getting addicted to both before moving to the flat plane of her abdomen and laving her belly button.

  His fingers made short work of the buttons on her jeans and he was pulling them down along with the miniscule panties matching her discarded and already forgotten bra.

  She tensed but he didn’t give her a chance to protest, nuzzling at the apex of her thighs concealing the moist proof of her desire.

  “Xan!” Cat cried out, feeling ashamed all of a sudden.

  “Don’t. No more hiding,” he told her, and she smiled when she understood he had repeated her earlier words, directing them at her this time.

  “It’s only fair if you take off your jeans,” she said.

  “I can do that,” he agreed, eagerly rising off the bed in a lighting fast move to kick off his shoes and strip off his pants.

  He looked at her lying down on the bed like the personal banquet he had every intention of gorging himself on, but her beautiful blue eyes were fixed on him as if she was reconsidering the wisdom of her decision to invite him to her bed and offer him her body.

  A virgin, he reminded himself.

  “Are you with me, Kitten?” He asked roughly because his erection was pulsating painfully if shamelessly under her transfixed gaze.

  “Yes.” She nodded and he didn’t sense any hesitation in her.

  “Spread your thighs, Cat,” Xan demanded harshly, crawling back onto the bed.

  She blushed furiously but did as he asked and a moment later his hot hand was on her abdomen sliding lower, parting her intimate flesh as if he had done it a dozen times before.

  She gasped, gripping his wrist and he paused, looking up at her.

  “I want to learn you, Cat. Let me.” He wanted it to be a request, yet it turned into another rough order but she didn’t seem to mind his intensity.

  He leaned closer, covering her abdomen with tiny teasing kisses while his strong hands met the insides of her thighs and boldly pushed them apart.

  She didn’t protest this time, didn’t even think about it because the next moment his hot breath whispered over her and her eyelids slid close.

  He wanted to go slow and make her used to his touch, but the moment his fingers found her he couldn’t think about anything other than sinking into her tight sheath.

  His tongue lapped at her intimately and her body arched like a bow.

  “You are beautiful,” he told her when her hands clenched convulsively around the sheet. “But you are not allowed to go without me.” He left her quivering sex, climbing up her body and pulling her leg over his naked hips.

  “Shit,” Xan muttered, realizing he forgot about the Trojan currently burning a hole in the back pocket of his jeans.

  “What?” Catalina blinked at him, trying to absorb and understand all emotions accompanying having him skin to skin.

  “We need protection, Kitten.” He ran his tongue along the lower curve of her left breast and her hands gripped his biceps this time.

  “It’s okay. I am on a pill.” It took too much effort to focus on conversation when she was losing her train of thought.

  “I’ve never done it without a condom,” he murmured.

  “If you don’t want…”

  “Ah, but I do.” The idea alone made him harder even though he didn’t think it possible.

  His fingers found her again and he rubbed at the entrance to her body. She was small but so slick.

  He couldn’t wait any longer. Xan raised himself on his arms looking down at her.

  “Tell me you want this, you want me,” he demanded, needing to hear the words even though the response of her body couldn’t be mistaken for anything else.

  “I do, Xan,” Cat said and sucked in a breath, feeling him so big and hot stroking into her slowly but insistently.

  His head dropped onto her arm and he closed his eyes because the heat of her was so damn tempting he was afraid he was going to lose control and thrust into her the way he wanted to, hard and deep.

  “Wrap your legs around me, Kitten.” He gritted between his clenched teeth and when she did he pushed all the way in to the hilt.

  Her stunned gasp whispered over his shoulder and his mouth found hers to soothe her.

  “It’s too much,” Cat complained, shuddering.

  “Are you sure?” He paused and closed his teeth over one of her nipples.

  Her body instinctively rocked toward him and he groaned.

  “Careful, it seems to me like it is not enough, Catalina.” He hissed out a breath.

  Hell, he wasn’t a suitable lover for a virgin, because all he wanted was to push into her mindlessly until they were both spent and satisfied.

  He reached down to cup her buttocks and angle her for a deeper penetration which she just told him she was not ready for. But her hips kept rising to meet his and that was his cue. He slid back out slowly just to slide right back in to the hilt.

  This time Catalina didn’t protest and her long moan told him she was keeping up with him. His next strokes were harder and faster and Cat’s mind fogged over.

  His eyes were hot and utterly focused on her, attuned to her every response no matter how slight. He was trying to be gentle with her in spite of the desire running rampant through his body.

  She raised her hand, touching his jaw soothingly because it was clenched so hard she thought his teeth must ache.

  Yet the thought fractured and she couldn’t concentrate enough when his thrust gained in strength and he was taking her like nothing mattered but chasing something that kept eluding her.

  When the ecstasy finally caught up with her, Catalina’s back bowed and a scream was torn from her throat. She broke to pieces but Xan’s strong arms were there to ride the storm out with her, bring her down to safety and make her whole once more.

  CHAPTER 32

  Catalina woke up, not even surprised she was alone in her big bed.

  Disappointed? Maybe, but still not really surprised.

  Xan didn’t seem like the kind of a man who would stay with a woman all night long after passion subsided just to serve her breakfast in bed in the morning.

  She nearly snorted out loud at the idea because she couldn’t imagine a less likely scenario than this one.

  Cat was a romantic at heart so it was astonishing how at peace she was with his non-sentimental behavior. She congratulated herself on what she considered a mature attitude on her part.

  She didn’t hurry with her shower, allowing herself extra time today that was supposed to help her collect her thoughts. But apparently her mind had other ideas, feeling fine with venturing from place to place.

  One glance at the terrace told her Xan had collected the plates and transferred them to the kitchen. It was as
if the previous evening and night hadn’t happened at all and he had never been there, even though the soreness of her body told a different story altogether, Cat thought blushing slightly.

  And just like that she lost the silent battle with herself, permitting the heated images to sprout from her memory and come to life again.

  She jumped up slightly when the front door opened and closed shut, but there was no time for fear because Xan came into her view balancing two coffees in one hand and a paper bag with the logo of the pancake house around the corner in the other.

  He threw the keys on the table while his gaze roved over her from top to bottom, making her realize she had nothing on except a thin negligee.

  “Morning, Kitten.”

  He was wearing fresh clothes, which made her think he must have woken up really early to go to his place to change and come back with breakfast.

  “Good morning,” she muttered.

  Yes, Catalina might have been a bit disappointed he was not there when she woke up, but now she realized some part of her was relieved as well. Because all of a sudden it became perfectly clear she had no idea what to say to him or how to behave.

  She was used to being around people, and conversations were always what Cat was good at. It had been her daily routine from the moment she had learned how to speak properly.

  Yet now she was tongue-tied, feeling self-conscious while facing her lover.

  Lover, she repeated inwardly. Catalina Bennett had a lover.

  The thought thrilled her and when he unhurriedly walked closer to her, she said the first thing that came to her mind, “I thought you left.”

  “I did. Now I’m back with breakfast. Was it a mistake?” He raised one eyebrow, looking arrogant as ever.

  She glanced at the coffee and paper bag he placed on the table next to the carelessly thrown keys. It wasn’t close to the romantic notion of breakfast in bed, but Cat realized she wouldn’t change the reality even if she could.

  “No, I’m glad.” She smiled at him.

  “Why don’t you show me how much?” He murmured leaning over and kissing her like he had every right to touch her as he pleased.