CUL-DE-SAC (On The Edge Book 1)

by YILDIRIM, M. E.

  But he was already unbuttoning her shirt and pulling her jeans down her legs, making her toe off her shoes, leaving her clad only in panties while he was still fully dressed. His head bent and he kissed her without the bite of teeth this time but with no less heat than before, still demanding more from her.

  And she gave him more; she gave all that she was because he didn’t leave her any other option than to accept all that he was introducing to her with his expert touch.

  She gripped his shoulders as he unzipped the fly of his jeans and lifted her up by the thighs.

  The thin material of her underwear snapped after he gave it a strong yank.

  He thrust into the snug, wet heat of her in a single hard push, not taking his eyes off of her and they both shuddered when her lips parted on a voiceless sob.

  Xan felt her nails digging into the skin of his back and he allowed his hands to run all over her body before he placed them on her hips, immobilizing them when he started to move within her.

  Even when the orgasm hit her and she clenched around him with a sharp cry, Xan kept going, mercilessly pushing her body toward another peak.

  He didn’t stop until her head fell down onto his shoulder and he felt her tears on his sweat-slicked skin. Only then did he allow himself the luxury of surrendering himself to the razor sharp edge of pleasure.

  His last thought was that he unleashed something that overmastered them both.

  ***

  Catalina’s eyelids were too heavy to pry open and she decided the effort it would take was simply not worth it. She wouldn’t be surprised if she lost sight altogether at some point either.

  “Cat,” Xan’s voice sounded harsh and hoarse at the same time and made her realize she was still wrapped around him.

  His chest was somehow naked although she couldn’t say when exactly he got rid of his T-shirt. Where the rough material of his jeans was like an additional erotic sensation before, it felt abrasive against the oversensitive inner faces of her thighs now. Her face was buried in his neck and she could feel his pulse slowly losing its wild gallop.

  She wanted to stay just like that for one more minute or maybe the whole night. But he shifted, slowly jolting her and she moaned.

  “Catalina. Look at me, hon,” he demanded, and this time she heard a note of worry entering his voice, which made her raise her head and do as he asked of her.

  “Did I hurt you?” Xan wanted to know.

  He had lost his goddamned mind the moment he touched her and was much rougher than he intended to be. Her tears were a blow, making him feel like the world’s most selfish son of a bitch.

  “Hurt?” She repeated, frowning as if she had never encountered the word before.

  Her body was still throbbing and she ached all over, but what did he expect? She wondered.

  “No.”

  “Then why are you crying?” Xan’s finger caught a tear hanging on her eyelashes.

  She cried? Catalina blinked trying to comprehend recent events, translate them into an understandable form. Yet her mind was unable to grasp what he did with her body.

  “I don’t think I could survive one more training session of yours,” she muttered, and he chuckled, relaxing instantly.

  “Come on, let me take care of you.” He kissed her forehead.

  “I thought you just did,” she mumbled and he chuckled again.

  “Keep that up, you are good for my ego.” His hands were delicate when he cradled her in his arms, carrying her inside the apartment.

  “You are such a male,” she sighed.

  “And I just proved it beyond any doubt.” He smirked and hissed when she sunk her teeth in his arm. “You are inviting more you can handle at the moment, Kitten,” he warned, and felt her smiling which made him smile in return.

  It took him a moment to realize he felt carefree with her, and it was the most unexpected realization because the sensation was another stranger to him. He had never been allowed to be laid back, not even as a child–maybe especially not as a child.

  He was resting while with Catalina, when he was not thinking of all the ways in which he could undress her and have his wicked way with her that is, he thought with a smile.

  Oh yeah, and she was constantly inspiring him to smile.

  Perhaps he would have been worried if he had not felt so good about all of it at this moment.

  “I like your place,” she said after the short shower they took.

  The ends of the gray shirt she borrowed from him were kissing her upper thighs while she moved with an intimacy that echoed the one they’d shared not so long ago.

  “It’s nothing compared to yours,” he shrugged.

  “It’s worlds apart from the room in the club. The same one you tried to convince me you are living in, remember?” She smiled sweetly and he laughed.

  His apartment wasn’t as spacious as her house was but the apparent simplicity of it spoke about the complexity of the man himself, Catalina thought. Everything had its place and was about functionality, devoid of embellishment, sending a loud and clear message it belonged to someone who didn’t care about externals.

  How at odds with what her life was all about, no matter her constant fight to change it.

  They were both products of their upbringing, even though something completely different hid behind the meaning of it.

  “Kelton told me you saved his life,” Cat said, wandering about his apartment.

  He could feel her need to explore more, but her propriety kept her from it. The only thing she wasn’t able to stop herself from touching were a few books he had managed to salvage from his childhood with their dog-eared pages.

  “Kel proved to be surprisingly chatty,” Xan commented.

  “Not nearly enough,” she muttered absentmindedly because her heart clenched when she spotted the books.

  They were not priceless first editions but ordinary timeworn stories suitable for the child he once was, no matter that his father did all in his power to rob him of it.

  She didn’t imagine he took a lot of things when he ran away, but he kept those. What did that say about him?

  Cat blinked rapidly to get rid of the sudden moisture from her eyes.

  “Don’t delude yourself, Kitten, I am no hero material. Whatever I do, I have an ulterior motive.” He smirked and she wondered why he was going to such lengths to present himself as a villain.

  “Like bringing me here, for example?” She turned to look at him with a smile.

  “Of course, and I am not quite done with you yet,” he said with a rapacious gleam in his green eyes, walking to her and enveloping her in his arms.

  But he didn’t try to devour her again, as his words suggested he might, satisfying himself with simply holding her for a change and having her close.

  Talking about Kelton reminded him of the last words the man said to him before their session was done for the day: ‘She is the best thing that could have happened to you; don’t screw it up.’

  He didn’t intend to, but they couldn’t stay away from the outside world forever. Sooner or later it was going to claim its due.

  CHAPTER 34

  Catalina strived to work but no matter how hard she tried to concentrate, the end result was nowhere near what she envisioned it to be.

  She blew out a harsh breath when another attempt went to waste, wondering where her three magical p’s were hiding today. But patience, persistence and precision were nowhere to be seen.

  When the doorbell sounded she was more relieved than annoyed, which showed exactly how much she was not into work today. But then she saw Gabriel’s grim face and knew her enthusiasm for the unexpected break was premature.

  They hadn’t spoken since the memorable day she had taken Xan’s side and given him an alibi for the night Dorian Carrey was attacked, so she wasn’t sure what to expect of him.

  She didn’t want to be forced to choose between a friend and a boyfriend, and hoped to avoid being pushed to the very line of it.

&nbs
p; “Lieutenant,” she said and saw his cheeks hollowing and lips becoming a thin uninviting line.

  “You never welcomed me so formally before… but then I don’t feel much welcomed, so I guess it fits.” His voice sounded harsh, devoid of its usual warmth and charm.

  “I’m sorry, Gabriel. I am taking my frustration out on you,” she sighed and attempted a smile.

  “Problems in paradise?” He smirked and cursed under his breath when she stiffened.

  “My turn to apologize; seems like we have no idea how to behave with one another.”

  “I am sure we can manage, please come in.” She invited him in, feeling bereft and at a loss.

  She might have lost a friend after all, Catalina thought.

  “Can I offer you something to drink?” She asked politely and saw him picking up one of the pictures from Xan’s training session that she left on the kitchen table.

  “Why, Catalina; why him?” He wanted to know, although he had promised himself he wouldn’t ask.

  “I don’t know what kind of an answer you are expecting from me. Why anyone, Gabriel?”

  “Do you even know who he is? He is practically a criminal like his father.”

  “He is nothing like his father,” she protested.

  At least this was an easy part, one thing she could say with a total conviction in her voice.

  “And you know this how? Based on what he had told you!”

  “And your knowledge is based on files which contains facts alone. Facts are not enough to sum up what and who we are, Gabriel–you should know that yourself.”

  “I don’t need a lesson about human nature from you. I know more about it than you,” he snapped, thinking that nothing could divest a person of illusions faster than being law enforcement–a direct line to the most twisted minds and deeds.

  “I don’t need one, either. Now, I am sorry you don’t approve of my relationship with Alexander, but it is none of your business.” She folded her arms, looking at him defiantly.

  “I’ve been your friend for much longer than you know him. I would hate to see you getting hurt.”

  “I appreciate your concern, I really do, but it is not changing anything, Gabriel,” Cat said quietly.

  “Maybe this will.” He threw a manila folder on the table and her stomach clenched when she understood it was filled with police records.

  “Gabriel…”

  “Just read the damn files, Catalina,” he insisted and walked closer to her not taking his eyes off of her.

  She shifted uncomfortably because there was something in his eyes that made her pay attention. The same something she kept avoiding and pretending it didn’t exist.

  But it did.

  She gasped when he gripped her shoulders, piercing her with his eyes.

  “I would have given you everything you wanted,” he said, and the bitter note in his voice didn’t escape her notice.

  She wanted to comfort him, but she felt like she needed to be reassured herself. The problem was that neither one of them was going to get what they wanted.

  “You would have given me everything you thought I wanted and it would only make us both miserable in the process,” Catalina told him and saw his jaw going rigid.

  “What the hell does that mean?” Gabriel demanded, squeezing her arms harder.

  “I don’t want to be a part of the world you would have pulled me into. I want more from life than participating in elegant events and chairing a committee.” She didn’t think he wanted to be a part of it any more than she did, but he wouldn’t have listened to her, especially not now, she thought.

  “And he gives you this ‘more’? Come on!” He smirked incredulously.

  “He doesn’t try to limit me.”

  That was the truth. Xan didn’t think she was too fragile to face the reality of this side of life she was unfamiliar with. He took her to his friend’s gambling game, expected her to be present at his next fight. He didn’t say her photography should focus on portraying pretty flowers and beautiful people.

  He took her the way she was and expected only the same thing from her.

  Gabriel however, wouldn’t accept her words, wouldn’t welcome her explanation, even if Catalina felt she owed him any.

  “Please let go, you are hurting me.” She said calmly and his hands dropped instantly.

  “I’m sorry, Catalina.”

  “I’m sorry too,” she replied, because she understood he meant more by that and she was regretful as well, just like she told him.

  She felt sad he didn’t like her choice, maybe even feeling betrayed by her, although she had never allowed herself to lead him on. But she hoped one day he would make the right decision for himself, remember this conversation and understand where she was coming from.

  “I care about you and your friendship, Gabriel, but please don’t try to convince me I am making a mistake. It will only hurt us both,” Catalina said calmly, and he was silent for a moment just looking at her as if trying to read those thoughts she didn’t share with him.

  “Just read the file because contrary to what you think, I am your friend and I don’t want to see you suffer. You know where to find me if you need me.” She closed her eyes when he leaned in to kiss her cheek and then walked out of her kitchen and her house.

  But it still felt as if he were leaving her life.

  If working was hard before, it became near impossible now, frustrating Catalina to no end.

  She couldn’t stop thinking about the file burning a hole in her kitchen table. Guilt flooded her when she realized she was contemplating opening and reading it. She didn’t believe there was anything in it capable of changing her mind about Xan.

  He had told her about his father and she didn’t care about every shaming detail of Robert Thorpe’s life because the most shaming part was related to the fact he had failed as a father.

  She didn’t need to know about Xan’s every encounter with the law either, because she was well aware he was not a choir boy and had done his share of bad deeds, if only to keep himself alive during the time he was living on the streets.

  Yet not reading it seemed like she was afraid and was proving that Gabriel had a valid point in bringing the file to her attention.

  Damned if I do, damned if I don’t, Catalina thought and shook her head, giving up and reaching for it. But she dropped it on the floor fast the next moment, when the doorbell rang.

  The thought that it might be Xan overfilled her with shame and dread, so she collected the documents and ran upstairs to put them on her nightstand where they wouldn’t be so… exposed.

  Yet it wasn’t Xan, but Chloé this time, and Catalina thought that apparently today was going to be filled with visits of every kind.

  “I was afraid I was out of luck!” Her friend exclaimed when Cat hugged her and invited her in.

  “No, I am spending the whole day indoors.”

  “I missed you, Kitty-Cat; you’ve been too busy lately and for once I don’t mean work!” Chloé said and watched Cat preparing her favorite mimosa without being asked for it.

  “There is comfort in being known that well,” she commented, pointing at the glass.

  “There is, isn’t there,” Cat smiled a bit absentmindedly.

  “Uh-oh, I know that tone and this face. Spill it, and I don’t mean my drink.”

  “Nothing is going on.” Or maybe too much at once, Catalina thought, but didn’t say it out loud.

  “I’m not buying it, but suit yourself. Speaking of buying… did you choose your dress for Saturday?” Chloé asked.

  “A dress?” Cat tilted her head, looking at her questioningly, and paled when comprehension dawned.

  “Oh. My. God. I can’t believe you forgot!” Chloé blinked as if she saw her for the first time in her life. “Who are you and what have you done with my Kitty-Cat?”

  “I would have remembered about it eventually,” Catalina said in self-defense, but the truth was she wasn’t so sure.

  Being wi
th Xan was not only exhilarating but also time consuming, not leaving much space for anything else, she thought, still unable to comprehend how she could forget about such an important event as this Saturday’s ball. It was one of the biggest social affairs the whole elite talked about for weeks in the aftermath.

  It was Florence Bennett who was going to be honored with the award for the biggest benefactor this year. Most considered it a great privilege and glory to be nominated, but not her grandmother. No, she couldn’t believe she hadn’t received it so far, and year after year was throwing herself into charity with even bigger fervor, taking it as a personal affront when the award passed her by.

  So much for doing it for the right reasons, Cat thought, wondering how it was possible that everyone seemed oblivious to such an obvious truth.

  She hated participating in the event but couldn’t say no, especially not to this one. Belonging to the elite had its price and being related to Florence even higher, she decided.

  “Don’t get me wrong… but is he the right person for you? You’ve changed, Catalina,” Chloé said and Cat only sighed.

  From how many people was she going to hear the same thing in one day?

  “You’ve always told me I work too hard and need a breather; when I get one, you say I’ve changed. Make up your mind, Chloé.” She couldn’t quite keep up the light tone, when everything in her wanted to scream for being constantly pushed to the defensive lines, for being judged.

  “I am happy you are having fun; I just think you could have chosen someone more… suitable.”

  “Dear God! Now you sound just like Florence!” Cat threw her hands in the air, well aware this kind of a frustrated gesture indicated a lack of control and was considered a big, fat no-no.

  “You don’t need to insult me, you know,” Chloé protested. “But do you really think this… whatever this is, can have any kind of future?

  “Why can’t it, Chloé?” Cat wanted to know.

  “Oh… you are in love with him, Kitty-Cat. I didn’t know.” Chloé looked at her as if she admitted to some shaming ailment. “Does he know?”