I scowl. "I just want him gone. For the greater good."
"Then you know what you have to do." He pauses. "Poor Joanna. Superheroes just keep breaking your heart, don't they? Will you never learn?"
"Fuck off, Ryder." I end the call. "Asshole." Now it's said aloud it's really a tangible possibility, one I've barely given a second thought. Now…
I stare at the black screen with a grimace. Shit. I can't do it. I can't out him. It'll destroy him. No question. His medical career, his entire fucking life will vanish. The press will hound him. Any villain he every fought will come after him. People will loathe him, spit on him for his brother's sins. Hell, the Feds can even arrest and sue him for billions in property damage. A few store owners did with Justin, going after Pendergast Industries. Our lawyers are still sorting it out. I can't do it. Even evil Joanna isn't that cruel.
Well, I'm not doing it today, that's for damn sure. I rise from the chair and go upstairs to change. I'm late to honor the saint who brought Jem into my life after I just chatted with her murderer. Life is so fucking ridiculous sometimes. It makes you want to cry.
*
At least I did this right. I can leave this planet with absolute certainty I did one pure, good thing for this miserable world. The Dr. Rebecca Thornton Pediatric Recovery Wing is as perfect as its namesake. All the bedrooms, the kitchen, the living room, even the nurse's station turned out better than I envisioned. There's even a stocked fridge. It's homier than my own home.
As with the opening of all new wings, there must be a ribbon cutting ceremony attended by various contributors, the hospital board and chronicled by the press where we congratulate ourselves on being so selfless and charitable. Danforth Mills stands beside me in the kitchen with the rest of the board and selected families already milling around the living room. In the next room, on the other side of the red ribbon, are a handful of reporters and doctors and nurses who have come to see the show. Shannon, who really deserves the credit for this project, stands off in the corner working her Blackberry as always. Thank God Jem isn't here. Just get through the speech, and get the fuck out of here, Jo.
"Good turnout," Danforth says.
"I suppose." No rest for the wicked. I raise my voice so the whole room can hear, saying "Did you look over the reports I sent you?"
"Which one? The one about the aneurysms where Dr. Ambrose was one of ten doctors on the project? Or the one from the society pages about his inappropriate behavior with staff, which as far as I know has no substantiation? I checked, there hasn't been a single complaint against him in his entire work history."
"People are probably too afraid to make an official complaint against your newest golden boy. Wouldn't be the first time."
Danforth rolls his brown eyes. "Where is this coming from, Joanna? A few weeks ago you were gung ho about adding him to staff, now you can't wait to pillory the man."
"Everyone makes mistakes. But when we do, they must be corrected. Dr. Ambrose is definitely one of those mistakes. He needs to go before the entire hospital is dragged through the mud behind him. You just need to trust me on this, alright?"
"Absolutely not. Short of the man embezzling from the hospital or murdering someone, he stays. His drug will earn billions." He leans in and hisses in a low voice, "You do realize all this muckraking you've been doing is only making yourself look bad and tarnishing the reputation of the hospital."
"I'm not a moron, Dan," I say through gritted teeth. "I know that. You think I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't necessary? Him being here puts us all in danger." I glance around the room at the staring others, meeting a few eyes. "He needs to go."
"Then give us something better than gossip and an old report," Danforth says.
"I--" The words won't come out, and my mouth snaps shut. I gaze around the room again at the concerned yet titillated board members. Not a one is on my side. They all think I'm crazy. Let them as long as this story makes the rounds around town tonight. "I will. But not today. Today's about this wing. But when I do, you're all going to wish you'd fired his ass sooner." I snatch up the big scissors from the counter. "Let's get this over with." I step toward the door, stop to plaster a smile on my face and lead the procession out.
The audience perks up when we walk out, but my smile falters when I spot my glowering speckled new enemy by the entrance. He seems none too pleased to see me. I meet his eyes and match his glare for a moment before flipping my frown upside down for the crowd. I stop in front of the ribbon and keep my gaze focused on the reporters. When everyone's in position behind me, I start. "Thank you all for coming today to the opening of the Dr. Rebecca Thornton Pediatric Recovery Wing. I'll keep this short as I'm sure the children and their families are itching to settle into to their state-of-the-art home away from home.
"Dr. Rebecca Thornton, for whom this wing is dedicated to, graced this hospital for far too short a time before her life was cut unnecessarily short by violence. Most of you didn't know her, didn't…know her heart." I glance at Jem whose eyes are glued to the floor. "It was the fullest of anyone's I have ever met. Full of her friends, her family, her patients. She and Justin Pendergast had that in common. And this wing is the physical manifestation of that fact. They wanted to heal the world one person at a time, and though they are not here in body, I am positive they are in spirit. And with every child whose both body and soul are renewed within these walls, may they and what they stood for live on. Strength. Compassion." I stop speaking and Jem stares up. My hard eyes bore into his. "And above all, doing the right thing even when it hurts." I look back at the cameras and hold up the scissors. "To Dr. Rebecca Thornton, Justin Pendergast, Daisy Thornton, Marnie Beesley, and anyone else whose life has been touched by darkness. May this wing tip the scales in favor of the light." I snip the ribbon. Everyone claps. I'm getting better at this speech thing.
I pose for photos with board members and patients, but my mind is elsewhere. I watch as Jem examines the painting he knocked down the second time we met. He was so bumbling and nervous, I almost OD'd on cuteness. The memory brings a small smile to my face. Feels like we've had a lifetime since then. He must feel me staring because he peers my way. I wipe the smile off my face and return my attention to the reporter.
Just as Danforth and I finish with this sound bite, Jem makes his move. "Excuse me, Mr. Mills," he says to Danforth, "may I please borrow Miss Fallon?"
"Ms. Fallon," I correct.
"Ms. Fallon," he says, matching my nasty tone. "Excuse us." He gestures toward the back. I follow him toward the nurse's station where there are fewer people but still some. This upcoming performance piece would be pointless without an audience. "You have to stop this," he begins.
"Stop what? I have no idea what you're talking about."
"This war you've decided to wage against me. Spreading rumors about my love life? Petitioning the board to fire me? Bringing the FDA in? They could force me to abandon my drug trial. My work could potentially help millions of people."
"Mine too," I parry.
He's silent for a moment to swallow his anger. "Going after my work is low."
"I'll go as low as necessary, buddy. I've waded through shit before, and I'm not afraid to get dirty again. But this can all stop, Dr. Ambrose. You know my condition. You can easily do your work, in peace, back in Independence or Pacific City or even a deserted island. You can save your millions there, just not here. Not in my town. We don't want you here."
"No, you don't want me here," he says, lowering his voice.
"Well, I think the current polls and general animosity around town supports my view more than yours," I counter with a smug grin.
"Yes, I suppose you should be congratulated for spreading your hate so far and wide in such a short time. How much did it cost? A million? Two? Your soul?"
"If it gets you gone, it's worth every fucking penny," I sneer. "You claim to have the city's best interest at heart. If that were true, you would have packed your bags the second he showed up. You didn
't. People died."
"You're not seeing the bigger picture, Joanna. You--"
"No, you're not. Just. Leave."
"No," he says, hard as titanium.
I fold my arms across my chest. "No?"
"I am not going anywhere. I'm close to finding him," he says, lowering his voice even further. "If I leave, I'll have to start all over. Can't you see that?"
"All I see is half the hospital without windows," I say quieter. "I see people missing limbs with burns covering half their bodies when they were brought to the hospital after the bombing. I see, and smell, Brendan's corpse as it smoldered in my driveway. I see your brother holding a gun on me then injecting me with God knows what. It's on you. That's all on you. So just leave. Or I am not responsible for what I do next."
"Meaning?" He actually seems shocked and horrified as he studies my hard face. "You wouldn't."
"As I said, I'm not responsible for what I'll have to do next." Great exit line. After raising an eyebrow, I step away. His hand clamps around my wrist, stopping me. I spin around and jerk my hand away. "Do not touch me or I'll have you arrested for battery," I say loudly.
"Stop it. Just stop this. You're acting like a lunatic."
"And now we can add slander to your list of crimes!"
"Will you listen to yourself? Do you know what will happen if you do what you're threatening to?" he asks in a low whisper. "Forget about what it will do to my life, what about Lexie? It will spill over to her."
"It already has. That one's on you too."
"You cannot do this," he whispers desperately. "It will destroy everything. All I've accomplished. Do you really hate me that much?"
"I don't hate you. I feel nothing for you," I say through gritted teeth.
He's silent for a second, then says, "That's because you have no soul," he states as a fact. "Dress it up anyway you like Joanna, but what this comes down to is the fact that I don't want you. And from what I've experienced, I'm not surprised that no one ever has. And they never will. There is something twisted, something wrong inside you. At least Jordan admits his exists. You hide yours, dress it up as doing the right thing. If Justin could see you now, he'd be as disgusted with you as I am. Or maybe he did see it, and that's why he could never return your love. He saw how pathetic you really are."
I'm brimming with such hate and hurt it has to come out. Really I just want him to shut the fuck up. With all my might, I slap his face. The room goes quiet except for my heavy breathing. Jem looks as shocked as everyone else in the room, myself included. "Fuck you, cocksucker." And for good measure, I slap him again. "Fuck you."
Still breathing heavily and shaking with unharnessed emotion, I stalk out of the room, past my staring and whispering audience, then out of the wing with what little dignity I can muster. Shannon rushes over to me, but I hold up my hand to stop her. I need to be alone for a few minutes. Away from prying eyes and ears. I all but punch the two elevator buttons. The one going up opens first. Perfect.
When the doors open onto the roof, a gust of wind knocks me back a little. I still walk out. The cold air is bracing, stinging against my exposed skin. I'm past caring. I take large buckets full as I pace around the roof. Tears stream from my eyes, and I swipe them away. I can't keep this up. We're going to end up saying or doing something that will truly be unforgivable. I'm losing it. We--
Out of the corner of my eye, I spy the stairwell door open. Jem steps out with his shirt open, revealing his costume and a pained expression matching my own. He was running away too. Flying away all alone until he could face the world. After a moment his gaze whips in my direction, the misery weighing down his long face all the way to the river thirty stories below.
"I'm sorry," he whispers, near tears. "I'm so sorry I said those things. I--"
I sprint toward him, stopping those words with a kiss. No hesitation this time. He kisses me with the same fervor. I always thought those women who claimed they almost swooned when they kissed a man were full of shit. Being overly dramatic. They're not. If he wasn't holding me and I him, I'm pretty sure I'd be on the ground. I could kiss this man until Armageddon. He breaks away, resting his forehead on mine and tracing circles on my cheeks with his thumbs. "This is hell," he whispers. "I'm so sorry."
"It was my plan. We knew what we were getting into. I just didn't think it would be so fucking hard." I put my hands over his. "I miss you so much. I hate this. I hate it. You don't deserve this. Hell, I don't even know if it's working. What if I'm ruining your life for nothing? It's a stupid plan. What--"
"Hey," he whispers before kissing me again. God, he tastes delicious. "Stop. Just stop. It will work. It will. And then he'll be gone. He'll never bother us again. He'll be gone."
"I can't go back to that house. I can't keep this up much longer, I can't. I feel him watching me, like he's right in the room. Waiting for me to slip up. Give it all away."
"Then don't. Go for a drive, get a hotel room. Go out on the boat. Take a break. After what just happened, it would make sense if you did."
"Makes sense you would too," I point out.
"I don't think that--"
I meet his eyes. "One night. Just one fucking night before the shit really hits the fan. God knows we've earned it. Hell, God knows I need it. We need it. We've never had a proper date."
He smiles. "You want to go on a date? Now?"
"We'd just have to be careful. I take the boat out, I text you the coordinates. I had Dobbs check The Athena. It's clean of bugs. And he really can't track you if you're flying around. So fly to me. One night. Who knows when we'll get another chance? Really." I pause. "One night, just one night where I'm just Joanna and you're just Jem, and there's nothing and no one in this world but us." I kiss him again. "Please."
It's a gamble in a lot of ways, but I don't care. Jordan could kill me tomorrow. We have such a small window, I sure as hell want to take advantage of it. He can give us just one night, damn it.
Jem kisses me this time. "I should go. You too."
He moves away and once again won't look at me. He turns around and starts shedding his clothes. "Jem?" I call to him. He turns back around. "We deserve happiness. We deserve each other. We've earned each other." I smile. "I'll be here. Waiting for you to realize that. Just try not to keep me waiting too long." My smile grows before I walk to the stairwell door. When the door closes, I let out a sigh. "Dear God, please let me win this one. Please?"
Guess I'll get my answer tonight.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
One Night
Jesus Christ, I'm more nervous about having sex now than I was when I lost my virginity a million years ago. The Athena only has a small bathroom so performing a full body beauty ritual proves difficult. Shaving, showering, dealing with my crazy hair, it takes forever. The one good thing about celibacy is you don't have to waste hours on this bullshit. I do look damn good though, and it gets me in the right mindset, which used to be the alcohol's job.
I can count on one hand how many men I've slept with sober. Even with Harry once or twice I was blotto. Hell, I barely remember the last time I had sex, except I hated every second of it. Two drunks in a seedy hotel fumbling around. I can't even call up his face from memory. I never did get his name. Sex was always just something that ended up happening, and in the end mattered very little to me. Just some fun. I'm too fucking nervous for this to be "just fun." A tiny part of me hopes he doesn't show. As time draws on, I fear I may get that wish. I texted him two hours ago with the coordinates but no text back and no Jem.
After an hour and a half, I give up pacing the deck, staring up at the stars, hoping to catch sight of him as he approached. I go below deck to the stateroom and lie down. It does feel good to know no one's watching me. Even if he doesn't arrive, I will do my damndest to enjoy this. The eye of the storm. On the drive to the dock, I phoned Dobbs and told him I was taking the boat out. I also called V at the paper saying I wanted to give her an important story. Hope I don't have to keep that appointment. I d
o try to fight it, but with the rocking of the boat, I give into the Sandman.
It's cold, so cold the snow swirls around me in a vortex as the wind howls in agony. In a millisecond, I'm chilled to the bone and not only from the Arctic weather. I sense his eyes on me. When I spin around, all I see is darkness. "Joanna!" I hear Jem call me from inside the frost crystallized labyrinth. Oh. So that's where I am. I recognize it now. I pull my bullet resistant coat Justice gave me around tighter and step inside the midnight black maze without hesitation. I'd step into a volcano if he needed me too.
Twist, turn, Twist, turn. It has more avenues than I remember. The moment I move down one, another maneuvers me even deeper. Twist, turn. Twist, turn. Minutes that feel like hours pass as I make what feels like a hundred course changes. And the walls. With every step, they grow tighter and taller until I can barely see the top. After what must be half a chilling hour, I must stop my pilgrimage or my knees will buckle. This is pointless. I'm getting nowhere.
But he's getting closer.
The bastard's mimicked my footsteps so I can't hear him, but I know he's there. Stalking me. Waiting for me to fall. To crumble. I hear him breathing around the corner. In, out, in, out like a pervert on the other end of a phone. Me, his prey, remains still, holding the air in my lungs. He knows I know. A second later, I hear the crackling of snow as he takes a step. Shit. I take off again as fast as I'm capable of into the labyrinth with him only a few feet behind. I want to look back, but I don't dare. Every millisecond counts.
"Joanna!" Jem yells again.
Just make it to the center. He'll save me. Don't give up, never give up, just get to the center. The tears on my face freeze as icicles, and I don't even wipe them away.
The Galilee Falls Trilogy (Book 2): Galilee Rising Page 25