It just won't end. It never ends.
Hours. I've been running for hours. It's the same. It all looks the same. My ankles feel like they're made of glass and about to shatter. Keep going, just keep going. He won't stop. I won't stop. I just need to reach Jem. He'll be there. Just please let it end. I've run long enough. I'm so tired. It needs to end. He'll get me. I've worked too hard for the bastard to get me now. It isn't fair. All I want is to get to the center. To him. I've earned it.
"Joanna!" I'm close. He's so close now. And I see it! The light amid the darkness. The center. If I had breath to whimper, I would. "Joanna!"
It ends.
I've found it. The center. It's glorious. So vast compared to what came before. The lights on the ground make the snow almost twinkle like fine diamonds. A winter wonderland. "Jem?" I ask with a grin. But he's not here. No one's here. No. No. He has to be here. I sprint all around the circle, checking every shadow, but he's gone. It was all a trick. He was never here. NO!
"Joanna," Jem whispers behind me as light as the wind.
I twirl around, but my smile becomes a silent scream. Justin, my phantom, stands a foot away as he was in my last memory. Caked in blood, skin blistering with pus from acid, missing a hand, face bruised and pulpy from the beating Alkaline gave him. But his eyes are what fill me with unspeakable terror. As cold as this night. No one has stared at me with this much ire, this much scorn in my life. That I'm substandard. Inhuman. Despicable. Then I blink, and it's Jem in the same horrific state, a shell of a man drowning in spite. I blink again. He's gone. They're both gone. And I'm all alone in the cold wasteland.
Tears still stream down from my eyes when I wake, the sobs wracking my body as I curl into a ball. But it takes a moment for me to realize someone's holding me, shushing me while he pets my hair. I cling to him tighter. I open my eyes and through the tears see Jem in full costume except for the cowl. He's perched on the edge of the bed, cradling me in his lap as if I were a child. "Don't cry," he whispers. "Why are you crying?"
"You weren't there. Then you hated me," I whimper.
"I'm right here." He hugs me tighter. "I'm right here. It was just a nightmare."
I force myself to calm down, each stroke of my hair wiping the misery to a manageable level. It was a dream. Just a dream. "I didn't think you were coming."
"Neither did I," he says. He stops stroking my hair. "Here."
I pull away to find him holding out a handkerchief. "Thank you." My great seduction scene is ruined. I'm about as sexy as a hundred-year-old man in a Speedo right now. Oh, God I'm all snotty, and I'm sure splotchy. I blow my nose. "I swear I was a stone cold fox a few hours ago." He watches with a smile, and when I'm empty, I smile back. "We never get anything right, do we?"
"I don't know." He meets my eyes, and his smile grows. "I think we manage the important things."
My smile matches his. "Such as?"
"Respect. Friendship. Acceptance."
"Is that enough?" I ask.
"Absolutely not."
He grabs the back of my neck and brings my lips to his. Even in my less than pristine physical condition and emotional vomiting, he still wants me. And God knows I want him. In this moment, I want him more than I've ever wanted a man before. Even Justin. Yet that fear from before whacks into me with the force of a car crash. For a split second, I have the urge to push him away, but fight it back with equal force. I'm not letting anyone sabotage this, especially not me.
When I imagined this, and I've lost track of how many times I've played this potential scene over in my head, I was the aggressor. He was the virginal, blushing flower who only ever slept with one woman years and years ago. This astounding man continues to surprise me. He literally rips off my shirt, buttons flying everywhere. My pants and underwear receive similar consideration. He has me at a disadvantage. I haven't a clue how to remove his uniform. All my groping and nary a zipper is found. He takes care of that too. There's a secret zipper around the waist, a fact I'll file away for next time. He's not shy, that's for sure. He stands naked for a moment, allowing me to snap a mental picture. He may appear skinny and weak while dressed, but without clothes he's chiseled and powerful looking, like a wild cat. He pounces like one too.
The world falls away as it always seems to do whenever we're together. There's nothing but him. The feel of him. The taste of him. His smell. And those eyes. I've never gazed into a man's eyes as he moved inside me. Every time I close my eyes, he caresses the eyelids, and I open them again. It's beyond intimate but makes this already blissful experience so much better. He seems instinctively to know where to touch, where to nibble, when to change rhythm. We just fit. And when we bring each other to nirvana, I have never felt so close to another being before. Like we're one. And this one, I'm never letting go. I'll die first.
We lie together on the small bed with my head resting on his chest and a dopey smile on my face. "Now, aren't you glad you came?" His grin changes and I realize what I actually just said. He chuckles, and a second later I join in. "Shut up. You know what I mean. Lord, you get laid once and all of a sudden your mind needs a good scrubbing."
"I've always had a filthy mind. I just hide the fact better than most."
"Oh huh, yeah. Just keep telling yourself that."
"What does that mean?"
"Let's just say on more than one occasion I've caught you undressing me with your eyes. I was just too much of a lady to say anything."
"You are one to talk, Miss Fallon. The night we met, you were all but licking your chops while we talked. I feared for my virtue."
"Yeah, it took a lot of willpower for me not to drag you upstairs to a hotel room and have my way with you."
"I wish I had known that. When you vanished, I thought I'd done something wrong. I flagellated myself over it for months."
"I'm sorry." I bite my lower lip and smile mischievously as I move up closer to his mouth. "I'm sure there are multiple ways you can think of for me to make up for it. In multiple positions." I give him a smooch before resuming my position right over his heart. "Just give me a few minutes to recover. Not all of us have super-stamina."
"Oh. Shame. Guess I'll have to end things then. No other choice that I can see." I playfully nibble his chest in retaliation. "Ow!"
We both chuckle for a few seconds before growing quiet. "I am sorry, you know. About that night. About how I've handled a lot of stuff."
"As am I. But…my view is that whatever has gotten us to this point, this moment, is fine. It was necessary. It's forgiven. Because without it, we wouldn't have this."
"When you put it that way…" We grin again. Mine drops first. "But seriously, why did you decide to come tonight? The few times we almost reached this moment, you put the brakes on. I know you thought it was for my own good, but still."
"You can be incredibly persuasive when you want to be." He smiles, but I don't. I want a real answer. "'All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men to do nothing.'" My eyes narrow in confusion. "He does not get to win, Joanna. He does not get to dictate my life anymore. I refuse him that power over me. And as I was flying around the city tonight, blindly searching for him, I realized how idiotic I was being. How there was this brilliant, sexy, astounding woman waiting. For me. A woman who I wanted to be with more than anything in this universe. And if it only allows us tonight or a million tonights, I don't want to waste a second of the gift it finally bestowed upon me."
"Good answer." It earns him another kiss. I will never get sick of his lips caressing mine, I know that now. I do break our seal first. "But since I'm a greedy bitch, I'm gonna hold you to the million tonights. One just ain't gonna cut it." There but for the grace of God.
"We are in full agreement there."
I wasn't wrong about superhero stamina. It is a wondrous thing. The galley, the deck, the shower are all put to very, very good use. It'll be a miracle if I can walk tomorrow. And when we finally wear each other out, I drift to sleep with his naked body pressed
against mine and his arms around me.
I dream of a million more nights. For once, may my dreams come true.
*
His absence in our bed stirs me from pleasant dreams. The warmth has vanished, and once again I'm left in the cold. My eyes flutter open. He isn't beside me. He's gone. I immediately jerk upright with a gasp, but my panic subsides when I see him across the room putting on his pants. He pivots around. "Are you alright?"
"What? Yeah," I lie. I smile to reassure him and lay back down. "Fine. What time is it?"
"Almost dawn. I need to get going. I disappeared down a sewer, I have to be seen coming out."
"So, you literally crawled through shit to get to me."
"More like flew over, but yes."
"That is both disgusting and romantic at the same time. Quite difficult to pull off, Dr. Ambrose. Kudos." He smirks before continuing to dress. My smile drops. "I don't want you to go."
"Believe me. I don't want to go," he says, sounding exhausted.
I sit up again, holding the sheet to my chest. "Then don't," I blurt out, shocking even myself. "Let's just…sail. We'll dock upstate in Cumberland, withdraw a shitload of money, buy a new boat with cash, and just go. Disappear. We'll figure out a way to get new identities and start over in New Zealand or somewhere."
"See you put some thought into it."
"Had to do something while I was waiting last night. People without our massive resources do it every day. They just opt out. Vanish and start fresh. Why not us?"
Jem's face falls as he realizes I'm serious. "Joanna…" He lowers himself beside me on the bed. "That is the last resort. We both have people who rely on us. A lot of people. We'd never be able to return. Never. We'd spend our lives constantly glimpsing over our shoulders. And Jordan could very well level the whole city to get us back, if he doesn't find us, which would most likely happen. He has contacts in every city in every country in the world."
"Put some thought into it, huh?"
"I'd be a fool not to. I guarantee you almost every person in my situation has protocols in place should they need to disappear. Even going as far as…faking their death," he says with a quick smile. "In our case, that line has not yet been crossed."
"And if it is?" I ask with a rock in my stomach. "I've thrown everything but the kitchen sink at you, and he still hasn't crawled out. We're down to the last move Jem, and I can't…" I cover my mouth as I swallow the fear and sadness down, "I cannot be the one to destroy you. I can't. And if I out you, it will. Without question. Your career? Gone. Your anonymity? Vanished. Us? How…?" I cover my face with my hands, I guess in an attempt to hide from the situation I've created.
"Hey, hey," Jem says as he peels my hands away. "Look at me." I meet his tender eyes. "I knew what I was agreeing to with this plan. The cost. You laid it out clearly. This is still our last, best hope at apprehending Jordan. I still believe that. We simply have to keep pushing, to the edge if needed. And if that means you revealing everything, then you do it." He squeezes my hands. Hard. "You do it. You do it without hesitation. I will not blame you for what happens. I will not hate you. I could never hate you." He cups my cheek in his bare hand. "I love you."
Those last three words wallop me as if another bomb just went off. My eyes grow double their normal size. "Did-Did you just say what I think you just said?" I ask desperately. "Bec-Because if you just told me you love me, and you don't mean it, you have exactly five seconds to take it back or I will kick your ass, I swear to fucking God I will."
"I'm not taking it back," he says, just as desperately. "I mean it. Every syllable. I love you. I think I've loved you since the first time you smiled at me the night we met. That smile and every one since has brightened my world more than a million suns combined. I think…no, I know I agreed to move here for you. I couldn't get you out of my thoughts, I couldn't. And all the time we've spent together, every single solitary moment it has been the happiest time of my life. Really. You are the first thing I think of in the morning, the last at night, and when I'm not near you, I literally ache for you. I love your strength, your loyalty, your tenacity, the way you kiss, the way you move, even the way your eyes narrow right before you're about to rip someone to shreds. I love you." I'm too stunned to move or even blink. Too much. This is too much to deal with today. "Please. Say something."
It takes me a few seconds to find my voice, but I shrilly croak out, "Now? You tell me this now? Today? When-When I have to ruin your life? Jesus fucking Christ, Jem!" I wrap the sheet around my naked body and leap out of bed on the opposite side of the bed from him.
He rises. "I-I-I'm sorry?"
"What? Why the fuck are you apologizing? I-I'm the one acting like a crazy person right now!" I start pacing like one too.
"Okay, I'm not sorry? I-I-I don't know what you want me to say right now. This-This is not how I envisioned you'd react."
"Me neither!" I say, still pacing. "I have no idea why I'm acting like this! None! The man I love just told me he loves me back, and I have a nervous breakdown in front of him! Yeah, not exactly how you picture the moment when fantasizing about it."
"Wait. You-You love me too?" he asks with a dopey smile.
I stop pacing. Holy shit, I did say that, didn't I? I take a second to verify with my brain, heart, and soul that I meant it. Fuck me. I did. I love him. My wide to the point of pain eyes meet his. "I do. I love you. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Oh, my God. Oh, fuck. I'm sorry."
"You're sorry you love me?"
"What? No! Of course not! I'm just…this is a lot. Right now. I'm not used to good things happening to me, and this is a…fucking doozey. I never thought someone as wonderful as you could ever love me, so I'm kind of freaking out right now."
"Sh-Should I leave?"
"No. Yes. Maybe. I-I-I don't want you to, but I-I think I need you to. I kind of don't want you to see me like this. I-I'm kind of worried you'll see sense and fall out of love with me."
"That is never going to happen. Never."
"Let-Let's not, I'd rather not test the theory right now. You need to go away. Sewers, remember? Alibi? Crazy brother? Go. I promise I'll be fine. I will."
"O-Okay." He nods and collects the rest of his clothes from the floor as I slump onto the edge of the bed. He doesn't even put them on, just hustles shirt and shoeless to the door. But at the threshold, he spins back around. "Just-Just for my own edification, if you do out me and I do need to vanish, would you come with me? Leave this city, your life behind? For me?"
Without hesitation, I say, "Hell yes. No question."
That brings a smile to his face and fresh tears to his beautiful eyes. "Then do it. I can take it." His smile grows. "I love you."
My lip begins trembling because I'm about to burst. I wipe away a tear. "I love you too."
"Bye." He walks out of sight.
For a few seconds, I just stare into space, my mind whirling like a cyclone. He loves me. I love him. We're in love. How the fuck did that happen?
Still in a daze, I lie on the bed that still smells of him and curl into the fetal position, closing my eyes. He loves me. He loves me. No bullshit, no lies, no conditions, he loves me. And I love him. This is it. He's it. Why the hell didn't I realize it sooner? Why now? Why today? Because he's right. I have to steer the boat back to Galilee, meet with Veronica, and blow his life to smithereens. Our life.
God, give me strength.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
All In
I hate Jordan Ambrose.
I thought I hated people before. The unknown gunman who killed my father. My drunk, abusive mother. James Ryder. If I pooled together all the hate I had for those three, it still wouldn't come close to how much I despise, abhor, and detest Jordan Ambrose.
He's really going to make me do this. He's really going to let me obliterate the brother he claims to value above everything else. What, he wants more of a show? He wants me to murder his brother with my bare hands? Or maybe I was wrong. Maybe he hasn't been watching us or he saw throu
gh everything and is laughing his ass off. This was a stupid plan. Stupid. This all hinged on me getting into the mind of a psychopath, knowing how he'd react to my every move. But I don't know. I thought I did, but I don't. And my damn hubris is going to be the man I love's downfall. The man I love. Jesus Christ, thinking of him like that is gonna take some getting used to.
Fuck, I hate this. I hate him. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
"Miss Joanna, Miss Lilley is here for your appointment," Dobbs says.
A second later, V steps out onto the patio, all smiles. My unwitting accomplice in the character assassination of a Lord. She's right on time. I called her this morning on the drive from the dock before I lost my nerve, told her I had exclusive information about a certain well respected self-professed Lord and his connection to Emperor Cain, but wouldn't say anymore on the phone. I thought for sure that would do it. He'd hear that and immediately make contact. That buried deep, deep, deep down he actually loved his brother and wouldn't let me do this. Nope. I'm playing chicken with a mass murderer, and neither of us is veering. Pedal to the metal, Jo.
I rise from my deckchair and kiss my cousin's cheek. "Hey. Thanks for coming."
"You look terrible," V says with her usual delicacy.
"Didn't sleep much. Had a hard decision to make."
"Make it?"
"I called you, didn't I? Come inside. Dobbs made some ice tea and scones."
"Good," she says, following me inside. "I haven't had any caffeine in two hours. I'm dragging."
We sit on the couch right in front of the hidden camera, and I slip my cell phone into my pocket. Come on, you bastard. Swerve. Dobbs pours us drinks and hands out scones before leaving. As V chugs her ice tea, I take a moment to center myself. I must remain calm with an undercurrent of righteous rage. I cannot cry. I cannot scream. This is the correct thing to do. A necessary evil. I just wish it wasn't my evil to commit. But I can--
The Galilee Falls Trilogy (Book 2): Galilee Rising Page 26