The Crossroad

by Beverly Lewis

  Ever so eager for more of God’s Word, Rachel sat with Lavina near the front of the meetinghouse, on the side with the women. She felt that her spirit might soar, might need to be brought back down to her body, hearing the things the minister was teaching. Spiritual defense—how to put on the armor of God, as found in Ephesians 6, and how to enter into God’s protection—something she wished she’d known and understood long before the accident that took Jacob’s and young Aaron’s lives. Oh, if only her heart had searched for God’s provisions back then. So much might’ve been different had she known to commit herself to the rock of ages, the mighty fortress, and her shelter in time of trouble.

  All the way back to Beechdale Road she chattered to Lavina. “I believe the Lord’s gonna let me see again,” she declared.

  “Well, God bless ya, Rachel.”

  “Oh, He has … He already has.”

  Lavina was quiet again, while Rachel babbled on. She reached her hand out of the buggy, hoping to catch a few flakes. That’s when Lavina made the remark that a certain widower “was at service tonight.”

  “Who wouldja be talkin’ about?”

  “John Lapp from Paradise Township. Ya heard o’ him?”

  “No, and I don’t much care,” she replied, guarding her words.

  “Well, just so ya know, he was lookin’ you over real careful-like.”

  “How’d he know who I was?”

  “S’pose the word’s got out, Rachel.”

  “What on earth does that mean?”

  “You put away your mournin’ clothes, now didn’tcha?”

  “Doesn’t mean I’m lookin’ to remarry, though. Just ready to move ahead with my life some.”

  “You’re awful young to be deciding such a thing … ’bout not remarryin’. Maybe you should be praying ’bout that.”

  “What would this John Lapp want with a blind woman?” she asked, wondering aloud.

  “Now, Rachel, you oughta know better’n to say such a thing. You’d make any man a fine wife.”

  Rachel felt terribly uneasy. What was all this talk going on behind her back? She didn’t want to know, not really. Still it was unnerving, hearing that someone was looking her over in terms of marryin’ potential. She wasn’t a sixteen-year-old Maedel—maiden—anymore. The whole idea of being eyed that way … ach, it just didn’t set well. “You don’t s’pose he’ll come callin’, do you?”

  Lavina was slower to respond than usual. “I … would hafta say that’s what he already done … tonight in church, so to speak.”

  She didn’t quite know what to say to that. “He came to church to look at a woman? Why, that sounds downright sacrilegious, if you ask me.”

  “Maybe so.”

  “Well, it is,” Rachel insisted, marveling at her own courage to speak her mind. And feelin’ the better for it.

  ’Twasn’t all that late when Rachel came in the front door. Even still, Mam was waiting up. “Glad to see ya home in one piece.”

  She accepted Mam’s hug and gave her a peck on the cheek. “Honestly, I don’t know when I’ve learned so much,” she managed to say, trying not to think about the audacity of widower Lapp.

  “How was the meetin’?” Mam asked, the weight of the question hanging in the air.

  “Can I tell you in the mornin’?” Rachel asked, feeling her way to the stairs. “All’s I know is I’m ever so heart-hungry for the things of God.”

  “Speaking of which, I forgot to give you a tape mailer. It came today.”

  “From Esther, prob’ly.”

  “Well, no, I believe it’s from some reverend out in Ohio somewheres.”

  Rachel was overjoyed to hear it! Esther’s pastor had sent along yet another sermon. She thought about staying up till midnight to listen to it. Jah, she just might do that. It would certainly be worth the weariness come morning.

  Nine

  Not only did Rachel listen to the taped sermon, she played it twice before retiring for the night. And the next afternoon, another tape arrived. This one from Esther herself.

  Rachel squeezed time out of her busy day—cleaning, baking bread, and washing clothes—in order to hear snatches of it. Yet she was more than eager to do so, for it seemed that Esther did know something of the strange nature of Gabe’s death.

  I’ve just been made privy to some shocking information, her cousin’s words came strong and clear. Rachel was relieved that Esther had seen fit to position the highly personal information in the middle of the taped message. This way, if ever Mam was to eavesdrop on it, she would not discover what the two women were passing back and forth.

  She continued listening, then was moved to tears as the strange story began to unfold.

  Yesterday Levi had the chance, finally, to call his grandfather, your Beachy bishop, Isaac Glick. I just had no idea that Isaac would know one thing ’bout the events surrounding Gabriel Esh’s death. But let me tell you, Isaac shared some terrible frightening things with my husband. I best be careful how I say this, ’cause I sure don’t want to garble the truth. From what Isaac knows, Seth Fisher did put a hex on Gabe Esh! Now, I don’t exactly know what sort of spell it was. All I know is the very next day, Gabe and his friend were driving in a car somewheres, and Gabe’s friend hit a white dove. The friend turned deathly pale … terrified, to say the least. He told Gabe that in the religious circles he was akin to, killing a white dove was an omen, a sign that the person or persons would die unexpectedly, and soon.

  Gabe didn’t know what to make of it, ’cause he, too, had heard of the powerful superstition. In fact, Gabe knew firsthand of people who’d died after an experience like that.

  Oh, Rachel, if only your great-uncle had known to turn his back on such things—if only he’d known what we know now, that those who belong to the Lord can take authority over fears and false beliefs. I don’t honestly know if Gabe feared the superstition and his dread resulted in his untimely death. Only God knows for sure. But fear is such an open door, ’cause when we fear, we’re believin’ the devil, whereas faith is believin’ in what God says. The book of Job, chapter three, verse twenty-five says, “For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me.” It may be that Gabe didn’t understand how fear can open up a believer to front-line attacks from the ol’ enemy. And you know, all that Gabe was doin’ for the Lord—speaking out so strongly against the powwow practices—well, of course the devil was out to silence him.

  Seein’ as how Gabe had followed the Lord so closely, though, it’s hard to understand how a hex of any kind could’ve affected him, really. We know, from some of the teaching we’ve had, that there are ever so many curses folk unknowingly put on each other. Even by things like jealousy, gossip, and rejection.

  Even so, Levi and I both believe Gabe is in heaven with his Lord because of the stand he made. Honestly, we do.

  Rachel brushed tears from her face. Not only was she shocked, but saddened and confused by her cousin’s news. And she found herself wondering yet again why such past wicked activity had been hushed up.

  Something rose up in her, and she felt so strongly that the darkness had to be exposed so that the way, the truth, and the life could flood hearts that had been hardened by tradition and deceived by the devil. This, more than anything, she desired for her people. The spreading of the Light was what she also desired for the old, now ailing bishop, a former powwow doctor in the community. Jah, Seth Fisher needed to hear that the Light has come. That God’s glory had appeared to at least one humble soul amongst the People … a distant relative of Gabe, the young man the bishop had despised enough to curse.

  Yet Rachel truly felt she must be able to see, have her sight restored by the power of God—and not by powwowing—before she could ever approach the Old Order bishop. Why, surely, once her blindness was a thing of the past, the highly revered church leader would hear what she had to say—even if she was a woman. And she feared, in the shape he was in, his time on this earth was fast runnin’ out
.

  She fell to her knees beside her bed, impulsively claiming one healing promise after another found in the Bible. She knew many of the passages by heart, quoting them aloud in her prayer, as she held fast to God’s Word. Deep within she felt a sense of urgency, though she did not think she was demanding anything out of the ordinary from the Lord. No, she was merely acting on the Scripture tapes her father had purchased for her months before.

  “Dear Lord in heaven, I ask that you heal me,” she prayed. “Body, mind, and spirit. I know your Word says, ‘Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.’ Well, I ain’t an elder, and I haven’t had much faith for my healin’ in the past—haven’t much cared to see, really. So I’m here to present my eyesight to you just now, askin’ you to heal me, as you promised. I am willing to go to the elders of our church, to be anointed with oil, if that is your will. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

  She lifted her head and opened her eyes, fully expecting to see clearly. But the room was a shadowy gray, and she was ever so disappointed, wondering if her ongoing condition had now become a permanent blindness, yet not allowing herself to dread that possibility.

  After telling Mam the highlights of the church meeting the next morning, Rachel rushed off to her room between chores to pray fervently for her sight. “Dear Lord Jesus, I’m reminding you this day of your many promises to heal. In your Word—in Luke, chapter four—you said that you were sent ‘to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recoverin’ of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised.’ Well, Lord, I’m all of those things, ain’t so? I’m brokenhearted over losin’ Jacob and Aaron, my dear husband and little boy. I’ve been a captive awful long, too, ’cause of fear and bitterness, and I’m blind because I purposely blocked out every memory connected with the accident.” She paused, brushing tears away. “I’m bruised, too, Lord, way deep in my spirit, wounded ’cause of my family’s past sins. I know this from the Ohio pastor’s sermon tapes that Esther has him send. He teaches that ancestral sin brings curses and consequences on a family, whether a person believes in you or not.”

  Just then, it dawned on her why Bishop Fisher’s hex might’ve actually worked on a Christian like Gabe and his friend. She just didn’t know for sure, but she had a perty gut idea that Gabe had had no inkling how to battle such things as the sins of his forefathers. One ancestor, whom Gabe had been named after, was known to be the originator of the powwow doctoring in the whole community.

  The more Rachel thought on it, the more she wondered if that might’ve been the problem—the lack of spiritual warfare. From what she’d learned, generational sins had to be identified, confessed, and renounced in order for curses to be put to death on the cross of Jesus. She knew this only because of Esther’s pastor, out in Ohio, yet she was ever so thankful to God for bringin’ such teaching into her life. If she could just pass it on to her parents, her eleven siblings and their wives and children, and ’specially to Bishop Fisher. She’d hafta keep praying ’bout that, ’cause she needed more courage to speak out to the People. The way Gabe Esh had spoken out so long ago.

  “Mamma’s spendin’ lots of time upstairs,” Annie informed Susanna.

  “Well, now, you know your mam’s busy with her personal correspondence, and all.”

  “Is it Cousin Esther in Ohio … that she’s making tapes to?” Annie’s round face was filled with questions. “Maybe we’re movin’ out there to live with Levi and Esther and their children.”

  “What the world, child? Where’d you get a notion like that?”

  “Mamma and I talked ’bout it once.” The little girl’s words came out a bit lispy, due to her missing front tooth.

  “I’d say that’s just horse feathers.”

  “What do you mean, Mammi Susanna?”

  She knew she’d better come up with something perty gut, or the bright child would catch on. “Well, it’s like this. Your mamma feels right stuck here in Bird-in-Hand, prob’ly, what with her best cousin livin’ in wide-open spaces out there in Holmesville. We always want what we can’t have. That’s just human nature, I’d say.”

  Annie looked at her with those big, innocent blue eyes of hers. “I wanna live on a farm, too, just like Mamma does.”

  “Well, now, if that don’t beat all.” She couldn’t say much more. Truth was, there wasn’t nothin’ better in the whole wide world, far as she was concerned. Nothin’ better’n working the soil of God’s good earth.

  “I think someday we’re gonna end up farmers,” Annie declared.

  “You really do?”

  “Jah, ’cause I have a powerful-strong feeling.”

  Susanna perked up her ears at that. Could it be her granddaughter had some of the family giftings passed down through the generations? Could it be that Annie was next in line—after Rachel, of course. If this was true, she’d just received some mighty gut news indeedy. And so close to Christmas. Wait’ll Benjamin heard ’bout this!

  Rachel began the next day with earnest prayer, not the silent rote prayers she’d been taught. She prayed with her eyes wide open, yet not seeing, waiting for the Lord to bless her with healing. Desiring her sight more than ever, she pleaded that God might grant her “a clear vision in time for Christmas. And what a seelich—blessed gift that would be,” she prayed, once again repeating the promises of God, so determined to receive.

  “I’m willin’ to cross the horrible visions—to remember the accident that took Jacob’s and Aaron’s lives—to get to my sight. Whatever it takes, Lord. I want to see again!”

  When her healing didn’t come just then, Rachel rose, washed, and dressed for the day. She didn’t want to admit it, but she was getting a bit impatient. After all, God didn’t seem to be answerin’ awful fast, especially now that she was wanting her sight, more than eager to see her little Annie-girl.

  Wanting something so much; why, it was gettin’ to be right unbearable. After all, when she’d willed herself to block out the images of the accident, refusing to see, her vision had begun to dim within just a short time. She just didn’t understand why the Lord would delay His perfect plan for her life now that she wanted to be whole. Why?

  It was as she made her and Annie’s beds that the sharp shooting pain began. The needlelike sensations felt horrible, seeming to pierce her skull. The turmoil and horrendous ordeal of the past two years came flooding back with the pain. Oh, she never wanted to go through any of that ever again.

  Cupping both hands around her head, she gasped, the agony nearly taking her breath away. “No … no, not this way, Lord. Please, not this way.”

  When Susanna wandered upstairs to redd up, she heard what she thought was moaning coming from the far northwest corner bedroom—Rachel’s and Annie’s room. “Was is letz?—What’s wrong?” she mumbled, making her way down the hallway.

  Standing at the door, she listened. Sure enough, it was Rachel, whimpering. She tapped on the door, anxious for a reply. “Are ya all right, Daughter?”

  “Come in, Mam.”

  She opened the door to find Rachel lying on the bed, fully dressed. “What’sa matter?”

  Rachel’s hands were pressed to her temples, and she was writhing in pain. “It’s my head … I can’t stand this pain.”

  “Well, forevermore,” she whispered. “Will an aspirin help, do ya think?”

  “No … no, not pills.” She sighed. Dare she mention Blue Johnny just now?

  “Not powwow doctors, either, Mam. Please don’t even think of it.”

  Susanna shook her head in wonderment. There Rachel went again, saying her thoughts aloud, almost before she thought ’em. How she did it, Susanna did not know, but it was a sign of a true gift. That was for sure and for certain. “Do you want me to call a medical doctor, then?”

  Rachel didn’t answer right away but continued rocking back and forth as if she were being tortured. At last, she said, “I wish you would c
all Esther … ask her and Levi to pray.”

  “Clear out there to Ohio? Well, you must be crazy to ask such a thing. Do you have any idea how expensive that could be?”

  “Cheaper than goin’ to a hospital doctor,” Rachel said, surprising Susanna at her spunk.

  “Well, now, ain’t you nervy today … pain ’n all?”

  “Mamma, please forgive me. I didn’t mean it in a bad way.”

  Susanna thought on that. “However you meant it don’t matter none. Truth is, I’m a-thinkin’ it’s long overdue for you to settle things with Blue Johnny. Once and for all.”

  “But, Mam—”

  “Nothin’ doing. You listen to me, Daughter. He’s got the power to heal—sight, too. What in all the world do you think you’re doin’ refusin’ him?” Susanna thought she might burst apart if she stayed in the room another second. So she bolted, leaving Rachel weeping great heaving sobs.

  Lord’a mercy, was her daughter goin’ backward, starting her mournin’ time all over again? The thought of such a thing worried her sick. Never again did she want to go through the past two years, ’specially the first fifteen months or so. Rachel’s grief had been like no widow’s woe she’d ever known.

  “I declare, I don’t know what to do ’bout her,” she muttered to herself as she hurried downstairs, only to bump into Annie, who looked right surprised to see Mammi mumblin’ a mouthful of angry words.

  “What’s wrong?” the child asked.

  “Your mamma’s sick just now.”

  “I’ll go up and help her.”

  “No … no … no, you best stay down here. Help me make a nice big lunch.”

  Annie’s eyes glistened. “But how can I eat if Mamma’s sick? I could never do it, Mammi Susanna. I just couldn’t.”

  The way the child was carryin’ on, you’da thought Rachel was dyin’ or something. Then it struck her, hard as anything ever had. She knew what to do. “Jah, maybe you should go on up and comfort your mamma, Annie. Just lie down next to her and place your hand on her forehead and say these words three times, ‘Tame thou flesh and bone, Mamma dear.’ Then make three crosses with your thumb on her forehead, and let’s see if you can’t cure that ol’ headache.”