My Name Is Rowan: The Complete Rowan Slone Trilogy

by Tracy Hewitt Meyer

  I nodded, neither of us blinking. Then he turned away and kicked the tire of his large truck.

  I was still shaking, unable to control it, and Mike pulled me closer. I huddled there…in the place I felt most safe—right next to his heart.

  “HOW DID you know I was here?” I asked. Mike’s arms were still around me. The shaking had lessened, and I had just finished talking with the police. They gave me a ticket for failure to stop at a stoplight and called for a tow truck. The paramedics wanted me to go to the hospital, but I said I would come later if my head still hurt. I didn’t hit it on anything. Maybe it was whiplash. Remarkably, there seemed to be no other wounds.

  Mike and I stood off to the side of the road watching an officer direct traffic around my broken car, which was still sitting in the middle of the intersection.

  “I was…” He paused like he was embarrassed to continue. “On my way to see if I could catch you on campus. I was just down the road when I heard the…” Mike shuddered. “…crash.”

  The driver of the logging truck shook the hand of an officer and walked toward me.

  “You okay?” he asked. It sounded more like a demand than a question.

  “I’m fine.” My voice wavered. “Are you okay?”

  “Fine. It’s going to take more than that to hurt me.” He didn’t smile as he spoke, rather his face seemed to be permanently set in a scowl.

  “I’m so sorry.” I watched his face to see if he believed me, if his expression would change into one of suspicion or one of forgiveness. It did neither. In fact, his expression didn’t change at all.

  “Look.” He rubbed the white hair on his chin. “I have a granddaughter about your age. I don’t know what you were doing blowing through that red light, but no harm was done. This time. Pay more attention. Be more careful. There’s nowhere that is that important to get to.”

  To get to…Gran! “Oh my God, Mike, I have to call Gran. I was supposed to be there—”

  “I called her already. She’s on her way.”

  I nodded, guilt washing over me like a tidal wave. I ran that red light to try and get to her fast enough so she could make her appointment. A quick glance at my watch told me that she’d already missed it. I felt terrible.

  Terrible.

  The headache I felt was nothing compared to the remorse in my heart.

  “That your grandmother you’re talking about?” the man asked.

  “Yes.” Shame washed over me.

  “Is that where you were going? To help her with something?”

  Never had I felt so beaten down as I did at this very moment.

  I nodded.

  “Well, I’m sure your grandmother will understand. Nothing is as important as your life. Keep that in mind.”

  I nodded again. “Yes, sir. I’ll remember that.”

  His eyes locked on mine for one more minute. No more words were said as we watched each other. Finally, he turned and walked away. And that was that.

  Five minutes later Gran arrived. I could tell she wanted to run to me, but Jacob was in the back seat of her car, and she was struggling to pull out his car seat. Mike jogged over to help, though he couldn’t figure out the contraption either. Finally, I walked over and unbuckled the baby, hoisting him onto my hip. It was so automatic now, carrying Jacob, that it felt natural. And that was scary.

  AGAINST HER forceful protest, Gran drove me to work.

  “You need to go to the hospital.” She pulled the car into a parking space.

  “No, I don’t.” I pushed open the door but didn’t get out. Things needed to be said. But yet, what was there to say?

  Jacob was asleep in the back seat so she dropped her voice to a whisper and continued, “Rowan, I’ll take the baby this evening, tonight, and all night. Whatever is going on—and I suspect there is more to this Jess story than you’re telling—you need to get to school and work. I’ll reschedule my appointments and try to free up my time.” Her eyes were on my face, watching me. I squirmed in the seat. “When do you expect Jess back?”

  If I owed Gran anything right now, I owed her the truth. “I don’t know.” The three words sounded like firecrackers in the tight space of the car.

  “You don’t know?”

  I shook my head and looked out the side window.

  “Where is she?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You have her baby, and you don’t know where she is?”

  I didn’t answer.

  “What if you have to get in touch with her?”

  I shrugged, my cheeks reddening like I was a naughty toddler rather that a responsible adult.

  Gran let out a loud puff of air. Her jaw clenched and unclenched while her lips pressed closed. After several minutes, I put my foot on the pavement. “I need to go. I’m late enough as it is.”

  “Sweetheart, I’m going to help. Leave Jacob with me. Give me your key or tell Ms. Johnson to let me in and I’ll grab the things he needs.”

  “He cries a lot, Gran. He has pneumonia, and you won’t get any sleep. You can’t keep him.”

  She pinched my chin between her fingers, not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to keep my attention. “I don’t have to get a good night’s sleep so I can make it through college and work. I’ll be fine.”

  I nodded. I really did need to sleep. “Okay,” I managed finally. “But I’ll come get him tomorrow morning.” I didn’t mention that tomorrow I had class and work, too. One day at a time. And the thought of getting to sleep all night brought the only slither of solace I hadn’t felt in days.

  “Tanya has a key,” I said. “I’ll text her to expect you. She can even go up and help you get his things. She’ll know where everything is.”

  I slid out of the car and shut the door as quietly as I could. The last thing I wanted to do was wake Jacob up. This might be the only moment of reprieve Gran would get all day…and night.

  She waved then pulled out of the parking lot. I watched the car until it disappeared from sight. Thank God for my Gran. I hadn’t felt that way in a long time, but I was so consumed with gratitude at that moment it took my breath away.

  I STRETCHED my neck before going into the shelter, trying to prevent the muscles from tightening. By the sharp pain as I twisted, though, I feared it was too late.

  “How was your day, Rowan?” Janie glanced at me over her shoulder. Her overalls were slouching down her backside making it look like she’d lost some weight. Maybe she was trying to get into shape before the wedding.

  An ugly laugh burst out of my mouth.

  Her brows rose. “Was that a funny laugh or an I’ve had a terrible day laugh?

  I stretched my neck again, understanding why the paramedics tried to force me into the back of their ambulance. Fortunately for me, I was an adult and they couldn’t make me do anything. “The latter. Definitely the latter.”

  Janie laid a Post-it note on the counter then walked toward me. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No.” I sighed. “Thanks, though.”

  Her lips pulled into a thin smile as she studied me. “I’m sorry you’re not having a good day. You look pale.” A flash of motherly-like concern shot across her face and though unnecessary, it was much appreciated. “Do you need to go home? Take the evening off?” She swept a hand through the air looking around at the empty waiting room. “It’s not like we’re busy.”

  I chewed the edge of my lip. I didn’t want to start crying and come across as a blubbering drama queen.

  “There has been a lot going on.” I fought to control the emotion in my voice.

  “Like what?” She walked over to a section of the room where five plastic chairs sat. She patted one and raised her brows. “Come sit.”

  I walked over, stretching my neck again. My head was starting to hurt, and I wanted nothing more than to go to bed. Now. And sleep for a week.

  “I have to take care of Jacob for a while, and I’m having trouble finding childcare while I’m at school and work.”


  “Is everything okay with Jess?”

  I picked at the edge of the chair’s armrest. “Yes. And no. I mean, she’s been stressed lately and needed some time away.”

  Janie nodded. “It can’t be easy to be a mom at such a young age.”

  I shook my head.

  “Do you need to bring him to work with you?”

  A lump swelled in my throat as I nodded.

  “Okay.”

  My eyes shot up. “Okay?”

  “Okay. I love the little guy. And I know Angel does, too. We will help.”

  My mouth fell open as a flood of relief stronger than gale-force winds washed over me. “Are you serious?”

  “Sure. Bring him here when you have to. And Angel and I would love to help out. We love babies, especially that little fella.” She smiled. “Maybe we’ll even dress him up in a suit and put him in the wedding.”

  I couldn’t help but smile, too even though my gaze was clouded with moisture. “Thank you so much. I promise I’ll try not to bring him more than I have to.”

  “No worries.” She brushed off the front of her overalls. “He’s more than welcome anytime. Is that the only thing you were worried about?”

  My mind swirled with thoughts of the wreck, the English Lit paper, Mike, Shane, Trina, so many things that were fighting for my attention, my headspace, my heart.

  I shook my head. “No. That’s about it.”

  She was quiet for just a moment too long, but finally she stood. “Okay. I need to make a phone call. I’m glad we got that settled.” She patted my shoulder and walked away.

  I went into the back to check on Miss Penny, feeling that a rainbow had just bloomed somewhere way up in the sky.

  I WAS in the yard behind the building with an old dog when Janie walked out. “Hey,” I said. “I meant to ask you. How are the wedding plans coming?”

  She pulled off her bifocals and tucked them into a pocket. “Good. Really good, actually. It’s exciting. We’re going dress shopping this weekend in Pittsburgh. I can’t really see myself in a dress, though. Angel wants one of those princess-y dresses that is all white and lace with a long train, whatever that is.”

  “What would you like to wear?” I threw the ball across the yard and the dog took a slow, steady trot to get to it, limping on a disfigured back leg.

  Janie gazed off into the distance, her eyes unfocused. “Ideally, I think I’d like a white pair of overalls.”

  My mouth fell open, and she looked at me. As if on cue, we both burst out laughing.

  “Um, are you serious?” I managed, trying to find out the truth before I decided which words to speak next. On one hand, she was laughing. On the other, the only clothing I’d ever seen her in were overalls, except for a pair of black slacks she wore to my father’s funeral.

  She shrugged, seemingly unbothered by my question. “I am serious, but Angel has already overruled that. I just want to be comfortable. I don’t need it to be the best day of my life. I want it to be low-key and stress-free. I don’t think Angel has that same desire.” She was still smiling so I don’t think this difference was putting a wedge between them. I sure hoped it wasn’t. Seeing the two of them happy together gave me the only slither of faith in love that I felt.

  “I think you should look into it.”

  “Into what? The overalls?”

  “Yeah. I mean, it’s your day. If you can convince Angel, I say go for it.” I caressed the dog’s back before throwing the slimy ball again. “I think it would be pretty awesome. Weddings can be so cookie cutter.”

  “Hmm…” Janie stared into the woods. “Maybe.”

  I smiled at the thought of blaring-white overalls, black patent-leather work boots, and her long graying hair left to flow down her back. It was true—I really did think it would be amazing.

  It felt so good to talk about something positive, something to look forward to, that I threw myself into the wedding planning full-force.

  “What about even having the bridesmaids wear overalls? Some can wear dresses, like Angel, and some overalls, like you?” The dog sniffed my fingers.

  Janie smiled and started to laugh. “Rowan, you’re crazy.” But I could tell she was enjoying the conversation.

  “No, really. You’re so awesome in your overalls and your long hair. I mean, you and Angel are a perfect fit. Celebrate it. It would be really cool!”

  Janie’s smile tightened a little. It was almost imperceptible, but I noted it. “I’m glad to see you so excited.”

  I tempered my smile. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah. Why do you ask?”

  The sudden forced lightness in her voice didn’t fool me. I narrowed my eyes as I hurled the ball all the way to the end of the yard. The dog starting hobbling toward it, his disjointed gait tugging at my heart. He was getting chubby, though, and needed the exercise. Plus, the veterinarian said movement would be good for him.

  “Just seems like something might be bothering you,” I said.

  We studied each other for several moments. She put her hands on her hips. “I’ll share if you share. I know there is more going on than what you’re telling me.”

  A sigh escaped my lips. “Okay. You first. What’s wrong?”

  Janie picked up the ball, grimacing at the slobber that dripped from it. She tossed it up into the air, caught it, grimaced again and threw it across the yard. “Angel wants children.”

  “Children?” I hoped my face and tone didn’t show the shock I felt.

  “Yep. Children.”

  “Um, well, what do you think about that?”

  “For one thing, I wonder if I’m not too old. For another, it would be difficult for us to have a baby. We’d have to find a donor. Or, we’d have to find a child through adoption.”

  My mind raced for appropriate, comforting, encouraging words but this topic was so far out of my realm of knowledge, I found myself confessing, “I don’t know what to say to that.”

  At my words, Janie burst out laughing. “It’s okay. I don’t know what to say to it either.”

  “You two would be amazing parents.”

  She nodded. I could see the uncertainty behind her eyes. Before I could make my mind form something else to say, she turned the tables on me. “Your turn. Spill it.”

  I felt my back curve under the weight of her concern, my irresponsibility, my inability to keep it all together. A deep inhale, followed by a deep exhale helped me shape my words. “There have been a few things going on.”

  I didn’t hear her move and was surprised to find her standing right beside me. It wasn’t until her large hand fell on my shoulder that I knew how close she was. The dog lumbered up and lay down at our feet, panting.

  “Rowan, I like to think of us as more than co-workers. I like to think of us as friends. If there is something going on, I would like to know.”

  As much as I wanted to believe her, that I could spill all the things going wrong and she wouldn’t judge me, my life, my friends, she was still my boss. She was still the one in charge of promotions, raises, hours, etc. If I were ever let go from this position, I wouldn’t be able to continue college. There wouldn’t be another job that would pay me what she did and allowed me the flexible hours.

  I slapped a tempered smile on my face and turned. “Jacob hasn’t been sleeping well and now has pneumonia. I’ve been helping Jess while she’s out of town and it’s been hard to do it all. But it’s fine. Really.”

  She slid her bifocals back onto her nose and stared at me, like she could tell I was keeping something from her. I put a hand on her arm. “Thank you. I really appreciate it, but everything is fine.”

  I walked back inside, letting the lie hang in the air of the dog yard, like a foul stench.

  ANGEL STOPPED by to take Janie out to dinner and to visit a dress shop nearby. I don’t know if Angel noticed Janie cringe at the mention of dresses, but I did and smiled at her in encouragement. She winked back at me and they left, leaving the shelter cast in silence—a
sound that felt like it hadn’t been heard in months; a sound I very much savored.

  My neck muscles were tight, and my head hurt something fierce. If it still bothered me tomorrow, I’d have to go to the doctor, although the thought of medical bills made my head pound with a ferocity unrelated to the car accident. I massaged my temples then my shoulders. What I wouldn’t give for someone to massage them for me, and I thought about calling Shane. Then I realized, with surprise, I didn’t feel like it. I had the apartment to myself tonight and all I wanted to do was go to bed.

  So when my phone rang, and I saw that it was Shane, an eruption of guilt shot through me. One ring. Two. Three. One more and it would go to voicemail. I felt like I hadn’t talked to him in days; he didn’t even know about the car wreck. There was no doubt he would nurse me back to health, but I would just tell him tomorrow.

  I searched my bag for ibuprofen and found none. The two the medics gave me were wearing off and if I were going to get that coveted sleep, I needed more. I looked around the animal shelter, down the quiet hall where the sparse number of animals were probably sleeping. I looked out the front door to the deserted parking lot. We had so few customers during any given day, I doubted we’d have anyone stopping in to adopt an animal at seven in the evening.

  I made a decision to close early. Janie and Angel wouldn’t be back tonight. I’d feed the animals now, fill their water bowls, and then lock up the place. If I played my cards right, I could stop by the grocery store for a few things, including painkillers, and be home by eight. This meant closing the shelter two hours early, but no one would notice. And the thought of climbing into bed by nine and having a full night’s rest was too tempting to resist.

  The only problem was I didn’t have a car.

  I pulled out my phone to listen to Shane’s voicemail:

  Hey, Rowan. I’m heading down to North Carolina for a last-minute gig. I just wanted you to know in case you called, and I didn’t answer. Let’s get together tomorrow. Later, baby.

  Gran would be busy with Jacob, trying to get him bathed and in bed. I wouldn’t call her except as a last resort. Tanya was my next option and my heart started to beat faster as I listened to the phone ring. I was stuck here if she didn’t answer. How would I get home? Much less to the store for that ibuprofen that was becoming more vital every minute that passed.