My Name Is Rowan: The Complete Rowan Slone Trilogy

by Tracy Hewitt Meyer

  “But I have bigger problems than that. First of all, how to get to school, to work…back home.”

  “Can you get a rental?”

  “I’ll have to see if Gran can sign for it. I’m not old enough, I don’t think.”

  “I’ll go with you this afternoon. We’ll get the details. If needed, I can sign for it. You have to have a car.”

  “Okay.” That was one problem solved. “I really appreciate that.”

  I returned the cup of tea to the kitchen and waited for her by the door. If I were a juggler, I would’ve dropped my balls by now. But, if I were a juggler, it wouldn’t be balls I was juggling. It would be knives, sharp and deadly, with one mistake costing me or someone I loved something too dear to fathom. Yes, that was how I felt and I wasn’t sure there was any way to change things other than, for starters, Jess coming home. And since it had been days since she’d left, that possibility seemed further and further away.

  SHANE DIDN’T come to campus after all. He left a text that he was tired and skipping classes today. Disappointment pricked at my guilty conscience but relief was also there, looming as large as a giant from a child’s fairy tale.

  Tanya let me off at the campus entrance. She’d pick me up this afternoon and then take me to rent a car. I didn’t know what I’d do without her and Gran’s help. Gratitude swelled inside me as I started off toward my first class.

  It was a small campus so it only took five minutes to get to the water fountain. From there I could get to any building I needed within a short walk. My mind conjured images of Trina by the fountain, clad in a long skirt and roomy tunic. Then the images shifted to the day I skipped English Lit and she was waiting there by the tree. The blank look in her eyes still haunted me.

  I needed to push those thoughts aside because I couldn’t deal with her today. My proverbial plate was already overflowing. Only, she was there in the distance, standing beside a bench outside the biology department. I didn’t see the creepy man, but my guard flew up anyway.

  “Rowan?” She took a tentative step toward me. Her hands wrung together before settling in front of her stomach. It was a peaceful position except for the look in her eyes and the distinct shaking of her fingers.

  I stopped in front of her and dropped my backpack to the ground. “What are you doing here?”

  “Just checking on you.” Her blue eyes darted around.

  “Why would you need to check on me?”

  She forced a laugh.

  “Are you okay?” I studied her face. Her skin was pale, eyes sunken yet overly bright at the same time.

  “Uh-huh.” She licked her lips. “I have Jesus, and he takes care of my problems.”

  I narrowed my eyes at her. “Don’t pull that bullshit on me.”

  “What do you mean?” Her voice was barely audible.

  “Spill it. What’s going on?”

  Her eyes flicked nervously back and forth. “He wants me to marry him.”

  “Who?” My muscles tightened as revulsion crawled over my skin like a million centipedes. I was pretty sure who she was referring to, but I asked anyway. “That creepy guy?”

  She nodded.

  “Tell him no.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay? Trina, seriously, you’re not even eighteen. You can’t get married.”

  “He said we can.” She picked at an already raw cuticle.

  “That’s ridiculous. He can’t make you marry him.” My fingers itched to reach out and slap her across the face, force her to see reason.

  She was lost in silence too long for my comfort. Class would be starting any minute.

  “Trina, I have to get to class.” Much to my surprise, I realized I didn’t want to leave her. She had never seemed more vulnerable, and I felt myself wanting to protect her. Protect this girl who had caused so much damage to my life.

  But, in the end, she was still my little sister. That counted for something, right?

  “Meet me after class. We can go talk to Gran. She should be able to help.”

  “She’s been up all night with Jacob.”

  My heart plummeted. That was my worst fear. If he made her life miserable, there was no way she would be able to keep helping me.

  The thought left me breathless, and I started gasping for air.

  “Rowan?” Trina reached out a hand but didn’t lay it on my arm. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded, but doubled over to try and catch my breath. “I’m fine.” I rested my hands on my knees.

  A warm, gentle hand found its way to my shoulder and brought me back to the moment, and the person standing in front of me. This was Trina. My sister. And she was in trouble.

  “Have you talked with Dr. Schweitzer?” I forced my mind to focus. There was so much going on, finding a direction for my thoughts wasn’t easy. But I needed to. For Trina. And also for myself. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if she was in real trouble, and I didn’t help her—no matter what the past held. “She might be able to help.”

  I couldn’t believe I was touting the benefits of a therapist, but at this point, I found the idea of speaking with her not so ridiculous.

  Trina shook her head.

  “Is this guy hurting you?”

  When her eyes moved from the ground toward the distant horizon, I knew the answer without her saying it.

  “Trina!” I tried to force my voice to be quiet and calm, but the thought of that guy hurting my sister sent sparks of fire roaring through me.

  “Stay here.” I marched her the few steps to the bench. “I have to get to class. Then we can call someone.”

  Trina didn’t answer, her eyes remained focused on the distant peaks.

  “Trina?” It was my turn to touch her, and I rested my palm on her arm.

  Finally, she nodded. I wasn’t sure if she’d still be there when I got out of class, but I had to go. I had to keep some things normal and attending class was one of the only normal things I had going for me right now.

  During class I tweaked the outline for my English Lit paper. If I had a solid outline, I would be able to write it tonight. Tomorrow I had English Lit again, and I had to turn in the assignment. It was hanging over my head like a black cloud, threatening and dark. I had written dozens of papers in high school, but this was my first college paper. I would bring Jacob home, put him to bed, and spend all night working on it. I didn’t want to ask for a time extension unless I really had to.

  I was surprised to see Trina sitting on the wall around the water fountain when I walked out of class. Her feet were crossed at the ankle, her hands demurely in her lap. Her head was turned, and she was staring over her shoulder into the fountain. Soon, the school would turn it off for the winter.

  “Trina?”

  Her gaze shot up to meet mine, then it darted around again. She stood.

  “Let’s go talk to Gran.” I reached out a hand.

  She shook her head so vehemently it had to jostle her brain.

  “Why not?” I demanded.

  She kept shaking her head like she was in a trance. I pulled out Dr. Schweitzer’s phone number, instead. But before I could dial it, Trina started to whimper.

  “Sister Trina.”

  My head whipped around to find the guy stalking toward us, his gait slower than the intensity of his posture would indicate.

  Trina’s head fell into a bow as he approached.

  He stopped a few feet from us, feet firmly planted wide. His hands were held clasped in front of him, much the same way Trina had been standing earlier. The three of us were equal distance from the other, but I could feel the pull between Trina and this man. It was so strong it made my throat burn with acid.

  “It is time to leave.” His statement was far simpler than the implications that lingered behind the words.

  Trina nodded.

  I clutched her arm. “No. Trina, you don’t have to go with this man.”

  She stared at the concrete.

  “Come with me.” I leaned into her and
tried to speak as strongly, yet as quietly, as I could. “Jess isn’t home. You can stay with me. Or I’ll take you home to Gran.”

  “Sister Trina, it’s time to go. We have service in half an hour and you are needed.”

  Trina nodded and stepped toward him.

  “No!” I tightened my grasp. “Don’t go with him!”

  “You are not her parent. You are not in charge of her.”

  “She’s not even eighteen you sick son-of-a-bitch. I’ll call the police if you don’t leave her alone.”

  “You have no part of your sister’s life now. You have abandoned her. I have not.”

  “Trina, stop this. It’s insane!”

  The man put a hand on her other arm. If we each pulled we would’ve yanked her apart like a paper doll.

  “Sister Trina, now.”

  Trina eased out of my grasp and followed the man as he walked away.

  “Trina! Wait!”

  The man leaned into her ear then, with a shove, made her turn back toward me.

  “I’m fine, Rowan. This is what I want. I finally have the family I want.”

  My hands began to shake. She never met my gaze and before I could get a handle on my emotions, my thoughts, they were gone.

  TANYA PULLED up at the entrance right on time. I knew she had to leave high school early to get me, and the campus was far out of her way, but when I offered to buy her dinner as a thank you, she waved a hand in the air and told me not to be silly.

  As we drove down the mountain, I told her about the meeting with Trina. “The guy is scary, Tanya. Can’t we do anything?

  “She said he wants to marry her? That’s impossible without her guardian’s permission, and I’m sure your mom or your Gran would never consent to something like that.”

  “But what if he has her brainwashed and it’s just some religious ceremony? He convinces her they are man and wife?” I shivered at the thought of what type of physical relationship that meant. Not my baby sister. It was almost too much to conceive.

  “Let’s talk to your Gran tonight. We need to keep her home. Maybe even from school until we get this settled. I’m not sure how he’s getting in touch with her. Are you?”

  “I don’t know anything. She just keeps showing up at the campus. And it seems that right after she shows up, he shows up. It’s almost like he’s following her.”

  “This is so wrong,” Tanya breathed, pulling into the car rental parking lot.

  “Tell me about it. I mean, she’s done some major damage in my life. But this? I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.”

  “Me neither.” She turned off the engine. “Let’s get you a rental, and we’ll figure something out. I can call the police. Let me think about it, and we’ll go from there.”

  I followed her inside the small building, my mind in overdrive. Someone needed to intervene with Trina and fast. Was it possible she would marry this guy? I shuddered at the thought. How could she ever want to become involved with a man like that? Even looking at him made my skin crawl. Was she that desperate for a family? Sadly, the answer was probably yes. And part of me understood that desperation all too well. A cold caress moved across my skin, and I shivered.

  But I had other things to worry about and thirty minutes later we left the rental agency.

  “I’m going back to school to work on this Trina thing,” Tanya said. “I’ll call you when I decide what the next step is.”

  “Thank you.” I was surprised at the emotion I was feeling. This was my sister. I closed my eyes. Yes, this was my sister. I prayed Tanya would figure something out.

  I slid into the four-door sedan rental car and headed toward the animal shelter. In no time I pulled into the parking lot. I took a few deep breaths to try and focus on work. When I walked in, Janie was standing at the counter talking to a woman who came in last week, interested in adopting two of Miss Penny’s kittens when they were old enough.

  After a quick wave toward Janie, I went into the back. Halfway to the dog room, my phone rang.

  “Rowan? It’s Gran.”

  “Hey, Gran. I was going to call you. I just got to work. Is Jacob okay?”

  “Not really, honey. He feels warm to me again. I’m not sure these antibiotics are working. I think he needs to go back to the doctor.”

  My head fell forward. “I’ll take him to the doctor tonight after work.”

  “Okay. I think that’s a good idea. To save you time, I’ll drop him off at the shelter at closing time.”

  “Thanks. Oh, and I saw Trina today,” I blurted, not sure how to broach the subject.

  “You did? Where? She came home last night after I was already in bed and left early this morning. She isn’t answering her cell.”

  “She was with that man again. Gran, she said something about them getting married.”

  The line fell quiet.

  “Gran? Did you hear me?”

  “I’ll call the therapist. Maybe she can give me some guidance. And the police.”

  “I think that’s a good idea. Tanya also knows about it and is in her office now trying to figure things out.”

  Jacob started crying in the background. “Rowan, I need to get Jacob. Can you call Dr. Schweitzer for me? We need to figure out how to get her away from this group.”

  I didn’t want to talk to this therapist. But I also didn’t want to wake up tomorrow and have my sister lost to this group of lunatics.

  “I’ll try.”

  “Rowan, please.” The pleading in Gran’s voice tugged at my heart.

  “Okay. I’ll call her.”

  “Thanks, honey.” She hung up the phone.

  I walked into the dog room and started down the row of cages, changing water and filling bowls for our small number of inhabitants, giving head rubs and chin scratches. All the while I was trying to figure out what to say to the therapist. I didn’t want to become one of her patients. I wanted to get help for Trina.

  I dialed the number.

  “Dr. Schweitzer speaking.”

  “Um, hi. It’s Rowan Slone.”

  “Rowan. I’m so glad you called.”

  “I have a problem.” And with that, I handed Trina’s story to the doctor. I gave her Tanya’s phone number, confirmed she already had Gran’s, and then gave her Trina’s cell number though I doubted this cult let her have her phone. I did so in clipped, matter-of-fact words that left no opening for more interaction.

  We were on the phone for ten minutes. It felt good to release this burden onto someone else’s shoulders; someone capable and with authority. I was surprised how much better I felt after talking with her. That didn’t mean I wanted to become her client, but it did turn the knob on that door.

  GRAN WALKED through the glass doors holding Jacob on one hip with the diaper bag, overflowing with diapers, changes of clothes, bottles and food slung across one shoulder. She looked strained, exhausted.

  “He didn’t sleep last night?” I hurried over and pulled Jacob to my chest and cradled him with my arm as I felt his head with my free hand.

  “No. He just doesn’t feel good, honey. He needs to see a doctor.”

  “I know,” I sighed. “I’ll do it tonight.” I looked at the clock.

  “Do you want me to come with you?” The circles beneath her eyes belied the enthusiasm she was obviously forcing into her voice. I doubted she slept at all last night. “I can take him again tomorrow if that’s helpful,” she continued.

  Jacob fell asleep on my chest, his head tucked under my chin. I could feel the warmth emanating off his body even through my cotton shirt.

  “Did you give him any fever reducer today?” I frowned.

  “I did. He’s due for another dose in three hours. It doesn’t feel like it’s really helped, though.”

  “I’ll take him to urgent care as soon as I get off work.”

  Gran kissed my cheek and said a few more things about her schedule, then left.

  Jacob slept on my shoulder, barely moving as I went into the cat room. After my
arm grew tired, I gave up trying to hold him. I laid him down in his car seat. To my surprise, he stayed asleep. I watched him, panic starting like a tiny seedling somewhere deep in my brain but quickly sprouting into full-blown terror.

  He was listless. I tried to say his name. I pushed against his shoulder. Flopped his hands up and down. He was breathing, but it sounded raspy and shallow when I laid my ear against his chest. His face was pale, ghost-like.

  “Janie!” I screamed.

  She darted into the room. “What is it, Rowan?”

  “Call 911!”

  It only took her a split second to glance between me and Jacob before she ran out of the room.

  My entire world spun right out of control, and I knew it would never, ever be the same again.

  I’M SURE I screamed. Or yelled. Or made some sort of bloodcurdling sound that one makes when they find an unresponsive child. And in that scream came a torrential flooding downpour of memories that left me shaking too bad to lift Jacob into my arms.

  Time passed. Time didn’t pass. Somehow my mind left my body. Someone jumped onto the phone. Someone grabbed at my shoulders to push me back. Someone cradled Jacob. Or Aidan. Or whatever dying child was lying there before me.

  Aidan.

  Jacob.

  Aidan.

  Jacob.

  Once I stopped screaming, I fell into my own sort of coma-like state where the world moved on around me, but I wasn’t moving with it. In the blink of an eye, I was thrown back into my past. Or my past caught up to me. Or I was the one person in the world who meant a death-sentence to any baby in my care.

  BY THE time we arrived at the hospital Jacob was not only awake, he was crying—hard. Janie slammed on the brakes in a parking space in front of the entrance. Somehow I made it out of the car with Jacob’s wails sending my feet sprinting into the building, barely aware of the weight of his tiny body in the heavy car seat.

  I slid to a stop at the check-in counter. “We need help. We just called 911.” I shoved my hair out of my eyes. “They said to come here. We’re here. Please.”

  “What’s the problem, Miss?” She had to project her voice over the problem that was screaming by my feet.