When Nothing Is All You've Got

by Kirsty Dallas

  Kingsley had gone down once more, and from the way he rolled around on the ground, he was in a lot of pain. Turning, I managed to get to my hands and knees so I could kneel over the son-of-a-bitch.

  “You motherfucker,” I heard him growl, but it sounded as if his words were coming from somewhere down a long tunnel, little more than a muted echo. “You are nothing but a worthless cunt who hung off my pant leg like a suckling baby.”

  “No,” I forced out through gritted teeth. “I’m the man who did your dirty work because you weren’t man enough to do it yourself.” My hands clenched around his shirt collar, and I leaned in so our noses were almost touching. “Personally, I didn’t give a fuck about those souls I took, I was content to do your dirty work, and that’s my sin to live with. But you tried to take what was mine, and the second you did, you signed your own death warrant.”

  “She was never yours,” he raged.

  “Wrong. I own her just like she owns me. You wanted her to fight for you, but what you didn’t realize is that she fought for them, Regan and Dejohn. You couldn’t even make her fuckin’ scream, but since you tried, I’m goin’ to make sure the devil himself hears you cry.” Raising my fist, I prepared to end the man. I shook with anticipation, the thought of breaking every bone in his body brought forward a blood thirsty smile, which disappeared the moment the cool steel of his gun pressed against the side of my face.

  “Don’t worry, Shadow. I’ll send your whore right along with you, eventually, but she might not be intact after my soldiers have had their fun.”

  The fucking gun went off, again, but something heavy had pushed my side at the same moment, and now I lay flat on my back, my head rolling to the side, only to see a defiant angel standing over Kingsley. I smiled even as I felt blood trickle down the side of my face. The horror in Kingsley’s eyes as Nada snapped the wrist of the hand holding the gun was as glorious as watching a sun rise, and the sound of his high pitched squeal was the sweetest sound I had ever heard.

  Nada’s gaze caught mine, and she gave me a nod, one that said she had this. It was only then that I allowed my eyes to drift closed. I was so tired, and the pain blockers didn’t seem to be working anymore. I just needed a moment to recoup, just a few seconds to allow the darkness to creep in, then I would shake it off and climb to my feet. Soon, we’d be free.

  31

  NADA

  It had taken me a few hazy moments to realize I was lying on the floor of the hydroponics room, and a few foggier heartbeats of time to remember that Shadow and I had been fleeing the Underworld, but we’d been caught. Kingsley had found us, and he had a gun . . . which he’d fired.

  Rolling to my side, I took in the scene before me. Kingsley was screaming in agony on the ground, clutching his knee that was bent at an odd angle. Shadow was slowly moving on his hands and knees towards him. Thick, red blood had his shirt sticking to his side, much like his shoulder. He looked beaten and victorious at the same time. His eyes filled with vengeful wrath as he straddled Kingsley. His words brought a smile to my face. I was his, and he was mine. It took me a moment to rise to my feet, and my first step was with an unsteady sway. My head thundered with pain, but when I glanced up and spotted the gun in Kingsley’s hand, right against Shadow’s temple, reality slammed into me and cleared the haze. I ran forward and grabbed Kingsley’s wrist, tugging the gun away from him while pushing Shadow out of the line of fire. A bullet was fired, but it hit the ceiling somewhere above me. I wasted no time snapping his wrist, and I savored Kingsley’s scream. Glancing at Shadow, I could see how tired he was, how he was struggling to hang on. I gave him a knowing look: I had this. It was my turn to protect him.

  Settling my gaze back on Kinsley’s face, I grimaced at the spittle that sprayed from his lips as he groaned in agony. Without his guns and his soldiers, he was nothing but a weak man. I looked him over and saw a break just below his knee. The fingers on his other hand were bent in a way that was unnatural, indicating more fractures, and his wrist now dangled awkwardly. I knew we didn’t have time to play, his soldiers would come along at any moment, but this man, my father, after what he’d done to Regan, didn’t deserve my mercy.

  I stepped away, allowing his broken wrist to fall which was followed by another pathetic moan.

  “Stand up.” I slid my knife from my holster.

  “Fuck you,” he spat.

  “Stand up!” I screamed, lunging down to place the blade at his throat. The fear in his eyes was palpable as I clutched the front of his shirt and all but dragged him to his feet.

  Now, standing before me, bleeding and broken, he looked pitiful. I only wished I could do this in the cage, under the bright lights of the arena, with the inmates watching. While I could see the fear in his body, the coldness remained in his eyes as he stared me down. Glancing around the room, I spotted a length of rope carefully stored on a hook on the far wall.

  “Move back to that wall, slowly.” Dipping to pick up his gun, I kept my target in sight as I forced him to retreat against the wall. His bitter, cold eyes stayed focused on me the entire time.

  “Gimme the gun, baby.” I stilled at Shadow’s voice that came from behind me. “You can’t tie him up and keep a gun on him at the same time. Give it to me.” I lowered the gun and found Shadow’s outstretched hand. “Now, go take care of him. I got your back.”

  Everything in me wanted to pause and check on Shadow. The bleeding needed to be stopped before he lost too much blood. As if sensing the direction of my thoughts, Shadow let out a rasping chuckle.

  “Take care of him then you can play doctor with me all you want, tough girl.”

  This time I didn’t hesitate. I moved forward and quickly wrapped the rope around Kingsley’s wrists. He groaned in pain, and when he tried to fight me, I quickly subdued him with a knee to the balls. Finally, and with some effort, I looped the rope that secured his hands to the hook. Now, he was suspended before me, hanging like a helpless animal at my mercy.

  “I warned you. You remember that, don’t you? I told you I was going to kill you. I told you there wouldn’t be a hole deep enough for you to climb down. I’ve chained you up just like you did Regan, and just like I promised in that dungeon, I’m going to cut your evil black heart from your body.”

  “My soldiers will be here any minute.”

  “No, they won’t. Because they’re out there running around with their tails between their legs, trying to figure out how we were infiltrated and by whom. They are searching for the innocents, but they won’t find any. They’re gone.” Running the knife over his exposed throat, I tapped the blade against his cheek. “You know how I know that? Because I helped the rebels save them. I gave them everything they needed to free the innocents.”

  “You fucking bitch,” he roared.

  I slammed the blade into this side, feeling it slide into his flesh and then deeper into muscle. Closing my eyes, an unfamiliar emotion threatened to consume me. My chest hurt, and my throat pinched tight as I tried to hold back the tears.

  “You were my father,” I whispered. “You were supposed to take care of me.”

  “You’re nothing but the result of lust and NIM,” he gasped out.

  I pulled the knife free and slammed it home again.

  “Why couldn’t you love me?” I cried out, years of pent up rage, confusion, and hurt tipping over my lashes and running down my cheeks.

  “Love is a weakness. I made you strong,” he moaned.

  Leaning back, I took in his face filled with agony, but not one ounce of remorse.

  “I could have lived with what you did to me, but not what you did to Regan.” Lifting the bloody knife, I rested the blade right over his heart. “You never showed me an ounce of mercy, Daddy. You taught me well.” I pushed, leaning in to allow myself the only physical contact I had ever had with my father, our sickening embrace one of death. My forehead rested against his shoulder as he gasped and wrestled to catch his breath. “I wanted to love you so badly, but all you made me feel
was hate. You didn’t win, though, because Dejohn and Regan showed me I could be loved, and then came Shadow, and he showed me how to love in return; he fixed what you broke.” Stepping away, I pulled the knife with me and watched Kingsley’s body slump forward.

  I don’t know how long I stood there watching him die, but his last breath had been long since taken when I finally turned away. Shadow was unconscious, the gun still grasped in his relaxed hand. Kneeling beside him, I gently cupped his cheeks.

  “Wake up, baby. We have to go.” He didn’t stir. “Shadow, come on now, we need to move. I need you to get your lazy ass up and move.” I gave him a gentle shake, but he still didn’t move. “Shadow?” Fear began to creep into my soul, and panic, which I rarely felt, fluttered deep in my chest. “Shadow?”

  “Nada, what yuh doin’ here, girl?” Dejohn’s familiar voice came from somewhere behind me, but I ignored him as I scrambled to find a pulse on Shadow. “Yuh have to git movin’. De rebels a’ still ’bout, an’ Kingsley’s men are everywhere.”

  “Dejohn, I can’t find a pulse. You have to do something.” Dejohn sunk to his knees on the opposite side of Shadow’s body, his eyes on my father’s lifeless corpse hanging behind us. “Dejohn! Fix this!”

  His gaze quickly returned to Shadow, and he reached out to find a pulse. Shaking his head, cloudy eyes full of sadness found mine.

  “’Is heart don’t beat. ’Im is gone. I’m sorry, Nada.”

  “No, no, no, check again!” I scrambled once more to find his pulse, my fingers pressing against his warm neck.

  “Stop, Nada, nuh more. He is gone. Now yuh have to be gone, too. ’Im would want yuh safe.”

  The compassion in his eyes was too much. My heart ripped in two with a deep resounding tear that would never heal, my throat stung with pain, and tears slipped down my cheeks.

  “I need him.”

  “An ’im needs to rest in peace, which ’im cannot do if yuh not safe.”

  Yelling and heavy boots stomping the ground somewhere close by kicked my heartbeat up a notch.

  “You have to come with me. Please, Dejohn, I can’t do this on my own.”

  He shook his head vehemently. “Mi take care of ’im,” he glanced to Shadow, then to my father behind me, “an’ de mess. Dere are still more to get out of de Underworld, an’ more will come. Who will take care of de new innocents?” Reality hit me hard; this wasn’t the end. The Underworld’s king might be gone, but the Underworld wasn’t going anywhere. “Yuh have to run, Nada.”

  Dejohn’s eyes filled with panic as the footsteps drew closer. I pressed my lips to his cheek, before quickly pulling away. Bending down, I pressed another kiss on Shadow’s cold lips.

  “I’ll never forgive you for leaving me and taking my heart with you,” I whispered.

  Standing up and walking away was the hardest thing I had ever done, but Dejohn was right. My fight was over. My body was tired, and my heart would never be the same again. Shadow had seen me get this far, and I wouldn’t disappoint him by failing now. Slipping deeper into the Underworld, I found the heavy steel grill that had been loosened enough for me to pry open. Slithering down into the darkness of that opening, I came to stand in ankle deep water, pausing only a moment as I gathered my thoughts and pictured the map that led out of the prison. With tears still fresh on my face, I stood a little taller and walked away.

  I don’t know how long I crawled through the dark, murky pipes. I know I slept, though fitful, and I know by the time a glowing light led me forward my body had been pushed to its limit.

  The light grew so bright I had to close my eyes as they wept at the overwhelming sensation. Crawling through the stone pipe, the slush under my hands slowly disappeared, and finally my palms hit something unfamiliar. The ground under my hands was no longer smooth, it was rough, and as I moved further forward it became soft. A heat on my back seeped into my leathers and ignited my skin, and finally, I lay down and succumbed to the darkness that had threatened to steal me away.

  *

  A cool breeze blew a lock of hair over my forehead, tickling me into consciousness once more. An unusual, soft, rustling sound played around me, and I gathered the courage to open my eyes. The light was dim, but there was still enough to make out my surroundings. The concrete pipe I had crawled out of sat before me, and in every other direction was grass, tall and swaying in the breeze. I sat up slowly, taking in the sight as wonder filled my abused, aching body. I was outside. I was in the above world. Glancing up, I took in the endless sky, a myriad of pink and orange. Sunset—the word whispered through my thoughts, something I had read about once. It was just as magnificent as the words I had read claimed it to be. A flash of color caught my eye, and I flinched away from the creature that settled onto a blade of grass at my side. With a spindly form, two strikingly delicate wings filled either side of its body. Both were colored a bright orange, as intense as the setting sun, and surrounded by black markings which looked bold and beautiful against the vivid color. Butterfly—something else I had once read about. The real thing was far more astonishing then any picture in a book. It looked so fragile yet daring in its stunning colors. With only a little hesitation, I reached out a hand, still wrapped in a bloody bandage, and tried to touch a wing, the smooth surface so appealing to my tactile nature. The creature suddenly took flight, it’s tiny, vibrant wings beating hard and fast as they took the butterfly high into the air, away from my unwanted touch. Freedom, I pondered in awe as the tiny creature disappeared from sight. On shaky legs, I stood and took in the field I was enveloped within; the knee-high straw surrounding me swayed gently with the breeze. I was free . . . I had escaped my prison, and I was now free to fly just like the butterfly. The losses I had suffered were still fresh in my heart as I turned in a slow circle. My gaze finally returned to the setting sun, and I watched it dip below the mountains in the far off distance with a single tear slipping down my cheek. While my soul was free, I feared my heart would never escape the chains of loss.

  32

  SHADOW

  I drew in a deep breath and allowed myself to feel the sunshine lick my skin. This was the same place I always visited in my dreams; this was my only place of safety. This was my freedom. The trees that towered over my head tried to block the valiant sun, but it was futile. The big ball of fire speared through the leaves and touched the forest floor. Stretching out my arm, I watched the light dance across my skin before the wind blew the leaves, blocking the sun’s path once more. My lungs were filled with the fresh scent of pine and earth, and my eyes fluttered closed as I reveled in the happy memories that all these sensations flooded me with. As a child, my family vacationed here every summer; it was a boy’s dream come true. My younger brother and I would spend long days out in the forest, setting traps with our father, hunting, fishing, enjoying the freedom with a carefree bliss that only the young and innocent could truly embrace. The stream that kept our well full was running with a noisy trickle to my right. It was only thirteen feet wide at most this time of year, but come spring, when the ice thawed, it would fill further until it was a raging torrent, spearing down the side of the mountain and into the wide river basins below.

  Stepping over a fallen tree, I moved on, the urge to move quickly pressing at me. Finally, the thick tree trunks that surrounded me grew sparse, until eventually clearing, and there, amongst the looming forest, sat a cabin, my family’s hunting cabin. A massive oak with a tire swing still attached to one thick branch sat off to one side. The front porch was wide and clutter free, a single chair sitting to one side of the front door. The windows were no longer boarded up, and it looked just as empty as I remembered on my last visit here. We had come to pay our respect to Luke, my brother, who had died only a handful of months prior. Dad nailed the boards over the windows and locked the front door shut before we hiked the familiar trail to the dirt road that led back to civilization. Leaving then had been painful, coming back was like being reborn.

  Stepping up the worn steps, I was
careful to move around some dry rot before placing both feet on the sturdy porch. When the front door swung open and the barrel of a gun greeted me, I smiled.

  “Get off my property, or I’ll shoot you,” came a fierce, feminine voice. A voice I often heard in my dreams. I missed that voice so much.

  “Your property?” I chuckled. “This house and land belongs to the McLeay family, and, baby, you look damn sexy holding my shotgun.”

  She faltered, the barrel of the gun dipping slightly as she stepped out of the darkness of the cabin to see me better.

  “Shadow?” she whispered.

  “Yeah, it’s me, sweetheart, and you should call me Moses.”

  The gun lowered further, and she stepped completely out onto the porch. My gaze lingered on those shocking dark eyes and those beautiful full lips. Her hair had grown out a bit, now reaching her shoulders. Her skin had deepened to a glowing bronze. Her figure had developed curves, which I truly appreciated; she looked fucking amazing. It wasn’t until my gaze dipped below the swell of those gorgeous breasts that the air left my lungs in an audible whoosh. Her stomach was distended, pulling the light blue shirt she wore tight.

  “Fuck. Me,” I swore, my eyes glued to her midsection. “I knocked you up?”

  “Shadow?” she repeated, her eyes filling with tears.

  “I damn well better have knocked you up. You got a man in there? I swear I’ll kill him, baby.” Irrational, possessive thoughts made my brain short-circuit. The thought of another man shacking up and playing house with my woman flew me into a rage.

  “I’m alone,” she said with wide, shocked eyes. “I’m yours. It’s yours.” There was a hiccup on the end of her words that hurt my heart and immediately calmed me. “Is it really you?”