The Hawks_A Novel

by SD Hendrickson

  My thoughts shifted back to Tyson. I wanted to tell him there was no reason to be embarrassed. We would figure it out. I would help him get his GED. And get his truck back. But all of those things would require money and for me to stay here just a little longer.

  The ballroom doors opened once again. I tensed, expecting it to be my boss, but another Hawthorn came inside the room instead. Javier wore a crisp black suit and a burgundy tie.

  I stood there clutching a dusty tarp. Dark smudges were all over my cream-colored dress. I should have changed clothes, but I just didn’t have the energy to go back to my room. And now I was just dirty and damaged, staring at this perfect man.

  His smile was breathtakingly handsome and his presence the first comforting thing I’d seen all morning. My resolve crashed. Those final pieces unraveling by the second, replaced by my need for him.

  “Are you okay?” His voice filled with concern as he approached me.

  I shook my head. “No. Not really.”

  “I’m sorry.” His arms circled around me from behind, pulling me back against his chest. I dropped the old furniture tarp on the floor and relaxed into his embrace as the scent of Tom Ford cologne filled my nose.

  “She might return,” I whispered.

  “I don’t believe so. She’s on the phone yelling at my uncle right now.”

  A sarcastic scoff echoed in my throat. “Nice to know I’m not the only person she’s terrorizing this early in the morning.”

  “What did my grandmother say to you?”

  “It’s fine. Nothing unusual, I guess. I’m just tired. Last night was really bad.”

  He kissed my cheek. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “I don’t know.” I let out a deep breath. “They committed my mother to the mental health ward. She cut herself up with a knife.”

  “I’m so sorry.” Javier held me a little tighter, his hand moving over my stomach. “You shouldn’t be working today.”

  “Well, it’s not like I can do anything about the situation now. But some of my family . . .” I winced on the term I used for Jeremiah Cole. “They think . . . maybe if I’d been at the house, things would’ve been different.”

  “It is not your fault, Sarina. Don’t let someone blame you. Even if you had been in the same room, it doesn’t mean you could have stopped it from happening.”

  A tear fell from my eye, rolling in a thick, wet clump down my cheek. I needed to hear those words more than anything. The blame had been cast on me last night and it hurt. It made everything so much worse.

  The sobs came without a sound and my shoulders shook with each breath.

  “I’m sorry, Sarina.” His arms tightened. One around my waist. The other wrapped over my breasts with the palm of his hand resting against my neck. “It’s okay. Let go for just a minute. I’ve got you.”

  That’s all it took for me to fall apart. Tears ran down my cheeks. Agony racked through my chest. My knees wobbled as I gave into fear and desperation and loss. My body threatened to collapse into a puddle on the floor, but Javier held me in the middle of the ballroom.

  As the pain eventually eased in my heart, I closed my eyes. It felt good to be wrapped in his arms. To hear the calming sound of his voice. Right now. This moment. The best I’d felt in twenty-four hours. Given to me by a man who always seemed to make the sun shine in my world. Who always made me feel like I wasn’t totally screwing up my life.

  I was wrinkling his suit, getting his sleeve dirty with my falling tears. But I guess that didn’t matter. Or at least he didn’t care. I eventually pulled myself together and sniffled one last time. Turning around, I looked up into his vibrant brown eyes while I knew mine were full of dark circles and stained with tears.

  He kissed me on the lips. “I know you’re sad. But seeing you makes my morning good. I wish it was good for you too, hermosa.”

  “You’ve seen me covered in that hellish rash. And now like this. Yet you always look so perfect.” My hands ran over the front lapel of his jacket. “It’s not really fair.”

  “You’re human, Sarina. And so am I. We all break at some point. But we help put each other back together so that we no longer hurt.”

  “Yes.” I nodded. “That’s true. You always seem to understand. You’re very good at putting me back together. And making me feel better. I want to be able to do the same for you.”

  “Don’t worry. You make me feel many things,” he reassured before his lips pressed to mine. Crying then kissing wasn’t exactly romantic, but that didn’t stop him. Our mouths moved together, and I breathed in his scent. With my eyes closed, I only felt him. Nothing else. He gave my tired mind serenity.

  Until the sound of a phone ringing invaded my happy moment. I felt the vibrations somewhere next to my breast. Javier stuck a hand beneath his suit jacket and pulled out his phone. His eyes flashed something I couldn’t read.

  “I’m sorry. I need to take this. It’s my father.” He let go of me and walked a few steps away to answer the call. “Hello?”

  I groaned inwardly, wishing I could have kept him just a few minutes longer. The weight rested lighter on my shoulders now, but the exhaustion still remained strong. Maybe I could take a nap soon. Find some chair in a corner, hidden away from Mrs. Hawthorn. Thirty minutes could be a lifesaver. But I still needed to go see Tyson. That alone made my shoulders sag even deeper.

  “I haven’t forgotten,” Javier spoke sharply. He rubbed a hand over his forehead in frustration as his body grew tense. “You know I feel the same way.”

  The exclamation made me curious. I knew Drew Hawthorn spoke on the other end of the phone. The infamous prodigal son of my boss. I wondered what they were discussing. Javier pursed his lips together for a moment, standing rigid in his expensive suit. He seemed more like a Hawthorn in that pose. But despite that reality, his face still resembled his mother, making the man a lethal combination of beauty and old money.

  “I promise,” he said. “I’m working on moving the timeline up. And I won’t change my mind this time.”

  His eyes shifted over to where I stood a few feet away. I swore his face winced as he remembered my presence in the room. His father’s voice drifted in strong bursts through the phone. Javier tightened his jaw, but he responded in Spanish this time, leaving me in the dark on the remaining conversation. The call finally ended a few minutes later, and he tucked the phone back into his jacket.

  “Is everything okay?” I asked.

  The wide smile returned as Javier walked toward me. “Everything is fine.”

  “Are you—”

  His mouth shut off my words with an intense kiss. Lips inviting more than comfort. He pulled me closer. Hands running over my body. This time he had something else in mind besides just holding me. I didn’t know what suddenly flipped the switch with him. But I didn’t care. The ache of needing him blinded everything else in my thoughts. My fatigue just made the physical desire more desperate. I sighed, which sounded like a moan as he touched me.

  But I knew better. Not with Delsey Hawthorn on the perpetual warpath this morning. Her cold eyes flashed in my thoughts, dosing the burn inside of me.

  “We can’t . . . she’ll come back,” I whispered. “And you need to go to work.”

  “I know.” Javier stilled as he let out a deep breath of resignation. “You’re right.”

  I kissed him one last time. “Tonight. Quédate conmigo esta noche.”

  “Sí. I will stay with you tonight.” He smiled. “And you’re getting better with your words. I need to teach you more.”

  “You can teach me tonight.” I laughed, straightening his tie, and then I leaned in close to his ear and whispered, “You can teach me anything you want.”

  Late Summer

  WHEN I ARRIVED AT MY grandparents’ house, I couldn’t find my brother. I called his phone twice, but Ty didn’t answer. Anxiety burned low in my stomach. My headache manifested into deep knots in my neck.

  I still wanted to yell at him. But at the
same time, I needed to think about what to really say when I finally did track him down. Chastising Tyson would accomplish nothing but push him farther away.

  Sitting down on the white-and-gold-flowered couch, I leaned back in the well-worn cushions. My thoughts drifted. Ty needed help. I didn’t know exactly what kind of help. But obviously, more than I’d realized last night. Maybe more than even Cole knew too. I wondered if he was aware that Tyson didn’t graduate with him. That he walked across the stage and pretended for everyone.

  My eyes grew heavy and I leaned against the little side pillow with gold fringe. And why didn’t he get his diploma? I bet he failed Trigonometry. That class almost kicked my butt too. Or maybe he didn’t turn in some term paper in English. He always hated writing those.

  I let out a sigh. I think Tyson hated everything about school. Except for football. He always liked playing defensive tackle. The sleepy darkness closed in around me as I floated in the memories—back to the afternoons when we came home from school and sat on this very couch, fighting over the remote, exchanging chores for television shows.

  “I’ll take your turn mowing the lawn if I can watch Titanic tonight on TV.”

  “That’s a three-hour movie, Sarina. And you’ve seen it like a million times.”

  “And it will take me almost that long on the yard.”

  “That’s because you mow too damn slow. But fine. You got a deal. But I’m only doing the dishes one time for me and Cole to watch Monday Night Football this week.”

  In my hazy thoughts, I remembered the first time I’d met Jeremiah Cole Ramsey. I was in sixth grade. He was in fourth. I marched across the intermediate school playground and punched the kid in the face. I got detention. He got a black eye. The one and only time I’d hit the guy—with the exception of last night.

  I did it for Tyson. Poor gullible Ty. That scraggly, blond-headed brat was terrorizing my brother. He’d told me the night before that some kid named Cole had taken his jelly beans from his lunch box. So I went up to him and said, “This is for Ty, you selfish jerk!”

  In the end, I’d only made Ty mad at me. He said, “Sarina, he was my friend.” And I couldn’t help but think, Are you that dumb? He took your jelly beans and ate them in front of you. But I had to let it go that afternoon when I saw the heartbroken look on his face. Instead, I took my saved-up money and bought two bags at the candy store. One for Ty. And one for his friend.

  It wasn’t long after that day when my father’s truck didn’t come back that terrible night. We moved in with Granddaddy and Grams. And I found out the real identity of my brother’s manipulative friend. Jeremiah Cole Ramsey of the infamous Ramseys. He lived just down the road from of us at that point. He came over every day. Grams packed Cole his own lunch to take home with him. Turns out, the kid stole a little from everyone. That free lunch at school was often the only meal he ate every day.

  Two hours later, I woke to find my brother sitting in the living room. I rubbed my eyes as my thoughts remained in an exhausted fog. “Hey.”

  “Hey, sis.” He looked like hell. Dark circles lined his bloodshot eyes. Dark, thick scruff covered his face. And his clothes were still the ones from last night. The bloodstains looked more like black paint now. And he reeked of alcohol. Shit. He was drunk.

  “Ty, what’s going on? Where have you been?”

  He ran a hand through his messy brown hair. “I just needed to let off some steam. I’ve been over at Ruby’s. I walked home.”

  “I see.” I waited for him to say something else, but my brother fell back against the recliner. “You gonna tell me where your truck is?”

  “It’s uh . . . in some fenced-in lot.”

  “What the hell does that mean?”

  His eyes reflected back like glass. “Had to pawn it.”

  “You can pawn a truck?”

  “You can pawn any shit someone is willing to give you money for.” His temper sparked and he looked away, hands gripping into fists from agitation.

  This wasn’t going very well. But I needed to keep him talking. “Why did you do it?”

  “For the money. Why else do people pawn things, Sarina?”

  I chose to ignore his condescending remark. There were so many other questions I wanted to ask right now—like, why did you lie about graduating from high school? But he wasn’t in any condition for that level of deep conversation. I knew what needed to be done. We could discuss the details later.

  “How much to get it out?”

  “No,” he snapped.

  “Don’t be a dumbass right now. How much?” I reached for my secondhand Louis Vuitton purse sitting on the shag carpet.

  “I don’t want your fuckin’ money. I told you. I can take care of myself.”

  “Yeah, well, you’re doing a bang-up job.” The words came out meaner than I intended, but I couldn’t sit there and argue with Tyson all evening. I pulled out my checkbook and started writing an abstract number. I’d looked up an estimated value of his truck on my phone. This should be enough. Maybe even a little extra if they didn’t give him full value.

  “I’m not taking that, Sarina.”

  “Yes, you are.” I shoved the money in his hand.

  “No!”

  “Yes!”

  He tried to give it back again, but I darted into the kitchen as Grams came in with a sack of groceries. “Tell him to listen to me.”

  “Listen to your sister, Tyson. She’s older than you.” It was a phrase we both had heard a hundred times over the years. I think it pissed him off really good today.

  His face got red, but it spoke of guilt instead of anger. We stared at each other for several seconds until Grams spoke again. “Y’all gonna make me carry everything in from the car?”

  Ty gritted his jaw and tucked the check into the pocket of his jeans. “Sorry, Grams. I’ll go get the rest of the groceries.”

  “Let your sister. You need to take a shower and stop stinkin’ up my kitchen.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  I let out a deep breath and went toward the door. I didn’t mind giving my brother the money. I would have given it to him weeks ago instead of pawning his truck. But I guess this was a pride thing.

  We didn’t speak much to each other the rest of my visit. Only simple sentences in front of our grandparents. They knew he was drunk, which normally would be unacceptable at the dinner table. But they let it slide given the circumstances of yesterday.

  I’d stayed much longer than anticipated, but Grams wanted to make sure I had a proper meal. And now I had hours of work I needed to accomplish before I crawled into bed.

  Before leaving, I hugged everyone goodbye—including a reluctant Tyson who muttered, “I’m paying you back.”

  “That’s fine. I’m in no hurry. Okay. I love you, Ty.” I swallowed hard. “You know that, right? You can always talk to me.”

  He nodded, casting his eyes to the floor. “I know.”

  So many questions for another day. I eventually left my grandparents’ house with a heavy heart and a container of brownies. But I didn’t immediately return to the Hawthorn estate. Instead, I made another stop just down the road. Someone had to push my brother. Someone had to watch out for him. And it wasn’t going to be Granddaddy or Grams. And I simply couldn’t handle this on my own. At least not the next few weeks. I had a job to do. The money was critical now since I’d just emptied my savings account.

  I hated pulling up in front of his trailer. In some ways, it felt like the rock bottom of the last twenty-four hours. But I knew this was the only way to get things back in the right direction with my family.

  Knocking loudly, I figgeted around, waiting for Cole to answer. The door swung open. His blue pearl-snap shirt was rolled up on the cuffs and half open down to the middle of his chest. Surprise flashed in his gray eyes as he caught sight of me on his porch. His lips turned into a stupid grin.

  “Don’t get too excited. This doesn’t mean shit between us. But I do have a peace offering.” I handed hi
m the container of brownies.

  “Food from Grams. You must mean business.” He motioned with his head. “You wanna come inside?”

  I laughed dryly. “Uh, no.”

  “All right then. So why are you here?”

  “I talked to Ty. And I gave him the money.”

  Cole stared at me for a moment. “Just like that?”

  “Yes. But . . .” I paused, feeling my shoulders tense. I hated this part. “I need something from you.”

  “Of course you do. Typical Sarina. Comes in and throws money around, then rides off on her high horse into the sunset.”

  “Don’t be a jackass right now,” I snapped. “Can you please just be normal for like five minutes?”

  “Normal is overrated. Besides, you’d miss my charm.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Being an asshole is not something I would advertise as charming.”

  “Fine.” He smirked. “Let’s go back to what you need from me.”

  “First. I am not quitting my job. At least not right now. And if I do, that will be my decision. End of discussion on that. I’m staying for myself. But I’m also doing it for my family. I just gave Ty all my savings. So I need you to take him to get his truck out of that lot tomorrow.”

  “Okay, but—”

  “I’m not finished.” I pointed a finger at his chest. “I helped. And I would have helped sooner if someone had just told me. Maybe this isn’t your version of me helping. But I have not abandoned them. I’m still here!”

  I paused, trying to regain composure, and lowered my voice a few decibels. “But if you care about my family . . . if Ty really is your brother, then don’t let him do this again. And don’t keep me in the dark. That’s not helping, either.”

  “That’s bullshit.” He glared. “You would have never taken my phone call.”

  I nodded, sucking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “You’re right. But I will in the future. Under one condition. You can only call if there’s an actual problem. No other reason. And I will promise to answer.”