A Night without Stars

by Sabrina Albis

  “Whoa, she’s like an animal!” Nathaniel said, his eyes bulging from their sockets. “She doesn’t waste any time does she?”

  Autumn didn’t say anything. She could feel the tears building up, ready to crescendo at any moment. She mumbled some excuse about needing air, and then she ran. She didn’t care where she went, as long as it wasn’t here.

  16

  Autumn stood outside the gym, shivering in her white gown, the nights chill overcoming her. Her bare shoulders exposed to the icy air, she wished she had brought along a sweater. She knew she would have to go back inside eventually or risk freezing to death. Still, she wasn’t ready to face anyone.

  Not yet, not now.

  She stared at the clouds, now perfectly parted to show off a glimmering moon set against a cobalt sky. She heard the muffled sound of music behind the doors, an owl hooting in the distance. She focused on these external things, hoping to avoid the feelings that raged war inside her.

  The shame and the jealousy, dueled in her heart.

  She blinked back the tears that threatened to spill over, but they didn’t subside. They wanted to escape, and she let them.

  As she sobbed, she imagined going inside and telling Mandy, Rick was hers.

  Not so long ago she told Nathaniel she couldn’t be claimed; now here she was, trying to do just that to Rick.

  Rick was her best friend, her sanctuary for so long. She wasn’t ready to give him up just yet.

  The truth was this possessiveness wasn’t new. If Rick even mentioned a girl in passing, she unleashed twenty questions.

  To Rick, she was just being protective, but in her deepest heart she knew that wasn’t the case.

  The thought of some strange girl kissing the guy she had known her whole life, made her crazy.

  She was jealous.

  In some part of her mind, she had assumed her and Rick would end up together one day.

  It was obvious she had never come to terms with her feelings for Rick. It was like the kiss they had shared tonight, opened a new page in their storybook. Then Mandy kissed him, effectively tearing that page out.

  Images flashed in her mind, and she let her guard down, allowing the memories unfurl.

  She and Rick were swaying back and forth on the swings in his backyard.

  They were young and acting silly and rash by trying to use the swings to “fly.”

  “I can go higher!” Autumn said, giggling as the swing dipped to and fro. It made her stomach dance and flutter.

  Rick looked up at her, with his big, blue eyes, even then, filled with adoration.

  “I love you Autumn!” he announced as they swung together, in unison. “You are the only girl who doesn’t give me cooties!”

  Autumn looked back at Rick, smiling gleefully.

  “I love you too Ricky!” she replied without a second thought. “You’re my best friend!”

  Another memory quickly went through her mind.

  Autumn sent Rick a scanned image of her grade nine class photo.

  Her long, dark hair framed her round face, and her green eyes were traced with thick black eyeliner. An attempt to look like some celebrity she idolized, no doubt.

  “I look awful but it’s the only recent photo I have,” Autumn had said, feeling self-conscious. To her eyes, she looked awkward, boring and average.

  “Are you blind?” Rick had asked her indignantly. “You are so beautiful Autumn. You would be the hottest girl at my school if you were here.”

  Upon hearing this, Autumn felt so delighted, that she wanted to leap up and dance.

  Surely, that had been the first indication that his opinion meant something more to her.

  She wanted Rick to desire her, to think she was pretty. Even then, she wanted him to want her.

  The more she poured over her memories, the more she realized what she had already known deep inside her.

  She had feelings for Rick.

  Shoulders trembling, she sobbed, her tears like a catharsis.

  Mandy had every right to kiss Rick. They were on a date, a date that Autumn had insisted on and set up. She was a terrible, selfish person.

  Realizing this made her sob even harder.

  “Aut,” she heard Rick’s familiar voice from beside her.

  She felt the urge to run away, but instead she bravely turned, facing him.

  As soon as she saw his face, his blue eyes, his curls, his smile, she melted.

  Any hesitations she had were falling to the wayside along with any strength. She had to resist him.

  “Why are you crying?” he moved closer to her, brushing the tears from her face.

  Autumn shivered as a cool gust of wind touched her already-frozen shoulders.

  “You are shaking Aut, put this on.” Rick took his jacket off, quickly wrapping it around her.

  He rubbed her shoulders as the jacket’s warmth settled against her. It smelt like Rick, like his soap and deodorant.

  “Thanks,” Autumn said, smiling weakly.

  “You’re crying,” Rick said. She felt his eyes on her, but she kept staring at the sky, determined not to look back at him. She feared the tears would come rushing back, along with all the feelings she tried to bury inside her.

  “I was.”

  “Why?”

  Because I’m your best friend, and I’m jealous you were kissing Mandy.

  The words were there, lying in wait, but she couldn’t bring herself to say them aloud.

  “It’s nothing,” Autumn shrugged her shoulders.

  “So you and Mandy looked like you were having fun,” she began nonchalantly. “Seems you guys have more in common then you initially thought huh?”

  She didn’t want to sound bitter or accusatory. Neither Rick nor Mandy really did anything wrong.

  “Aut, come on,” Rick said, shuffling his feet, his jaw tense.

  Was he nervous?

  “I saw you guys kissing,” she confessed as her eyes found the sky again. “That was quite a kiss.”

  Rick smirked slightly. Was he enjoying her jealousy or the memory of the kiss? She couldn’t tell.

  “She kissed me,” Rick confirmed. “I didn’t kiss her back. She wanted to make Nathaniel jealous. I pulled away but apparently,” he touched her hand. “The damage was already done. Nathaniel said you stormed off. He was going to follow you, but I insisted I should do it.”

  She felt relief sweeping over her, as she looked at him.

  Rick’s eyes burnt into hers. The air was heavy with anticipation, like it was before their last kiss. She wondered if Rick felt it too.

  “Ah so you were the pawn?” Autumn said, trying to lighten the mood. “The catalyst for Nathaniel’s jealousy.”

  Rick nodded. “I never agreed to be, but yes, I guess I was.”

  “Was it everything you thought it would be?” Autumn asked, her voice barely a whisper. “The kiss I mean?”

  “It meant nothing. Unlike our kiss,” he paused, pulling her close to him so their faces were mere inches apart.

  “Nothing can top that kiss. It was epic.”

  Autumn touched Rick’s hair, finally exhaling. She hadn’t realized it, but she had been holding her breath.

  “Do you remember when we were young, how I used to play with your curls all the time?” Autumn said pensively. “I would run my fingers through them, twisting them in my hands.”

  The music in the gym faded even further into the distance, and it felt like everyone else was miles away. Autumn’s heart raced, pounding rapidly in her chest as her lips longed to touch Rick’s.

  “I remember,” Rick whispered. He touched her face with his fingers, tracing her jawline down to her neck. She sighed gently.

  “Aut,” he murmured. “You look so beautiful.”

  She tilted her head up, and her lips brushe
d against his tentatively. She felt like her breath was being pulled from her. They didn’t kiss yet, both wondering if they should take the step that would change everything forever. Autumn could see the line drawn in the sand. She had stayed behind it for so long, but she couldn’t anymore.

  They were both crossing that line tonight. There was no turning back now.

  Without words, they plunged into each other, kissing passionately. They were lost in each other, embracing so tightly and so longingly, like they couldn’t get close enough.

  The kiss quickly morphed from slow and tender into wild and ravenous and when they finally pulled away, they were both breathless.

  They stared at each other, wild-eyed and gasping.

  If there was ever any fear, that they might lack chemistry, this sealed the deal. They had it in spades.

  Autumn opened her mouth to speak, but she saw someone coming.

  The figure moved from the gym doors and into the light.

  It was the guidance consoler, Mr. Garrison.

  Rick didn’t seem to notice him, and he leaned in for another kiss.

  “Rick, we have company,” Autumn whispered and Rick spun around.

  Both stared at the consoler, unsure of what to say or do.

  “Oh please. Don’t stop on my behalf,” Mr. Garrison said, taking a bite of a shiny red apple. “That was quite a kiss. Cinematic, really.” He grinned.

  Autumn looked at him suspiciously. She assumed she was about to get reprimanded.

  “Rick and I were just, talking,” Autumn mumbled, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

  “Don’t tell him my name,” Rick whispered loudly. “He was standing in the shadows watching us kiss. The dude is creepy.”

  “I already know you, Autumn,” Mr. Garrison said, taking another bite of his apple while leaning against the wall. “I am her guidance consoler. We just haven’t formally met yet.”

  He reached out his hand. “Mr. Garrison.”

  “Autumn Kingston,” she shook it, starting to relax a little.

  “And you must be Rick Jacobs.”

  Rick nodded. “You know me too?”

  “Of course! I’m your consoler too.”

  “Oh I see,” Rick shook his hand hesitantly.

  “Sorry to interrupt,” Mr. Garrison said. “The gym was getting stuffy. All that teenage angst is quite overwhelming. Underage drinking and fights on the dance floor. I signed up for an easy night, too much to ask for apparently.”

  Autumn and Rick exchanged confused looks. Most teachers didn’t talk to students like they were actual human beings. Mr. Garrison didn’t speak to them like they were aliens. He was actually conversing with them.

  Maybe this was why Ben called him the cool guidance consoler?

  “Again sorry,” Mr. Garrison said sincerely. “I’ll leave you guys to get back to your moment, although I think I may have ruined it.”

  Then he smiled at them. “Oh and both of you, please come by my office next week for your mandatory introduction meeting. The more people come to my office, the less I have to hide in the shadows and spy on them,” he said, grinning at Rick. Then he took another bite of his apple and headed back into the gym.

  Rick waited until the guidance consoler was absolutely out of earshot before he turned to Autumn, looking utterly traumatized.

  “Now that guy is weird. And what was with the apple? He’s like a cartoon villain.”

  Autumn, overcome with the urge to kiss Rick, pulled him towards her by his tie, and they went back to kissing, picking up where they left off.

  They had been making out for about ten minutes, when they heard voices from behind them.

  Rick and Autumn parted to see Nathaniel and Mandy, standing in the doorway, mouths agape and eyes wide with shock.

  “Oh my God!” Mandy’s brown eyes were like saucers as her hand covered her mouth.

  “Way to go Aut!” Mandy smirked, obviously unruffled.

  Nathaniel, on the other hand, went from shocked to livid, in the blink of an eye.

  His face scarlet and his fists clenched, Nathaniel moved towards Rick.

  “I’m so sorry dude,” Rick began, backing away from his angry friend.

  “Is there anyone here that you aren’t going to kiss tonight?” Nathaniel snapped.

  “Autumn, I didn’t realize you had feelings for Rick,” Mandy said.

  “Rick! Her best friend! Why would anyone assume that she had feelings for her best friend?” Nathaniel shouted. “All that talk of Rick and you being just friends, was clearly bullshit huh Autumn?”

  Autumn had never seen Nathaniel so angry. When Eric kissed her, he pouted, but he didn’t get this agitated.

  She tried to imagine what he was feeling, and the sad part was she could, easily. He felt betrayed by Rick, his best friend. He felt like he had been stabbed in the back.

  Autumn remembered the feeling well. Nikki had twisted the knife so deeply into her back that she thought she would never recover.

  Nothing hurt worse than betrayal. Sometimes, even physical pain couldn’t trump emotional anguish. It stung like a salted wound.

  “Nate, calm down. It isn’t her fault,” Rick said, squaring his shoulders defensively. He was getting pissed now, and Autumn didn’t want to see these two friends fighting over her.

  Nathaniel narrowed his eyes menacingly.

  “Damn right it isn’t her fault!” Nathaniel roared back. “This is all you buddy!”

  “Nathaniel,” Autumn began but he shot her a deadly look. “Don’t bother Autumn.”

  Then he turned back to Rick, his jaw tense.

  “You betrayed me Rick!” he thundered. “This whole time you wanted Autumn. After I told you how much I liked her and wanted her to be my hot, sexy girlfriend!”

  Mandy grunted, looking disgusted. “Oh, brother.”

  Nathaniel jabbed a finger into Rick’s chest.

  “I had this whole night planned out, and then you prance in and steal my kiss and my glory? I can’t believe you man. You really are conniving you know that?”

  Mandy leaned into Autumn, whispering. “Does he even know what conniving means or was that a lucky guess?”

  Rick sighed deeply, looking beaten.

  “I didn’t plan this dude,” he said. “It just happened.”

  “How do you just happen to make out with my date?” Nathaniel asked indignantly.

  “Dude, I didn’t know I liked her,” Rick said earnestly. “I mean, I knew I liked her as a friend, but I just realized tonight, that she has been the one all along.”

  Mandy looked at Autumn, a smile spreading across her face.

  “Wow. He has got it bad for you girl.”

  “I know but they need to work this out,” Autumn said quietly. “I don’t want them to stop being friends over this.”

  Nathaniel and Rick stood face to face, neither one speaking. Finally, Rick looked at Nathaniel, his eyes filled with sincerity.

  “Haven’t you ever thought you were just friends with a girl, but then you realized you wanted to be with her?”

  Nathaniel looked up at the cobalt sky, like he was debating.

  “Yeah. That happened to me once with a friend of my brothers. Her name was Ashley,” he said.

  “Ashley?” Mandy grumbled into Autumn’s ear. “I have always hated that name.”

  “I thought we were just friends but then one night we went camping alone without Conrad, and we kissed,” Nathaniel admitted. “It was pretty awesome.”

  Autumn looked at Mandy, who was fuming. “I bet Ashley slobbered.”

  Rick nodded his head excitedly. “See dude! And that’s exactly what happened with me and Aut!”

  Nathaniel sighed, looking from Rick to Autumn. “I know you guys didn’t plan this, but it still stings pretty harshly.”

  “So
rry dude,” Rick said, while patting Nathaniel’s shoulder. “I wasn’t trying to steal your girl.”

  Autumn felt her heart wrench for Nate. She could imagine the night he had planned. Dancing and flirting, topped with the inevitable goodnight kiss on the front porch. Despite his loud mouth, Nathaniel had always been kind to Autumn. She had moved to Whitan only knowing The Jacobs and Nathaniel had welcomed her with open arms.

  “Nathaniel, I’m sorry I ruined tonight,” Autumn said, her eyes meeting his. “I was your date. I shouldn’t have run out on you.”

  Nathaniel shrugged, kicking a stray pebble across the pavement.

  “You did say we were coming here as friends, so I can’t be too mad. Why did you run out of the gym?”

  “I saw them kissing.” Autumn pointed at Mandy and Rick.

  “Oh that wasn’t a real kiss!” Mandy’s cheeks went pink.

  “It was too!” Nathaniel said, looking at Mandy in disbelief. “I saw it! You went at Rick like a cat in heat!” He paused, frowning. “So basically everyone here got a kiss tonight, but me?”

  Rick, Autumn and Mandy exchanged awkward looks, and then nodded at Nathaniel.

  “Looks like it,” Mandy said matter-of-factly. “Do you feel left out Nate?”

  “Yes! Actually, I do,” Nathaniel said, stomping his foot theatrically. “I will not leave this dance until my lips have been kissed by a girl!”

  And that was the push Mandy had been waiting for. She walked up to Nathaniel, stood on her tiptoes, grabbed his ginger hair and pulled him towards her, into a deep, passionate kiss.

  Autumn watched her two friends shared a rather long kiss before Mandy pulled away, looking up at Nathaniel smirking.

  “There you go big boy. Now you are part of the club.”

  Nathaniel looked back at her, his face flushed. “For a tiny chick you sure can kiss.”

  Mandy shrugged, trying to hide her delight. “Good things come in small packages, so they say.”

  “So am I forgiven?” Rick asked, taking full advantage of Nathaniel’s blissful state.

  Nathaniel hesitated for a moment before his lips spread into his familiar, bright smile. He reached his hand out to Rick, and they engaged in their traditional hand shake.