The Highlander's Woman (The Reckless Rockwoods #3)

by Monica Burns

  “You are no’ like other women, because you are my wife and you are a Rockwood,” he said quietly. “You possess your family’s stubbornness and sometimes foolhardy nature, but above all you are the most courageous person I’ve ever known.”

  Julian extended his hand toward her, and she leapt backward. Her trembling had eased somewhat, but she had no doubt that if he touched her again she would lose complete control of her emotions. Silence hung thick and heavy between them, and Patience blinked the tears from her eyes. Julian was staring at a point past her head and the expression on his ruggedly handsome features had become harsh and unreadable, while his posture was rigid and inflexible.

  “Do you know how many times I’ve wished it had been me trapped in those flames and no’ you, my brave lass.” His throat bobbed, and his mouth drew up taut against the low, roughly uttered statement.

  Patience’s heart skipped a beat as his words hung in the air between them. An image of Percy preventing Julian from leaping through the flames to reach her fluttered through her head. She closed her eyes for a moment. Julian understood her. He knew her family was a stubborn clan. Their bloodline ensured that trait. It was one of the reasons why he’d taunted her so ruthlessly after Caleb and Devin had fallen into the inferno.

  He’d known that if he made her angry enough she would jump across that terrifying gap of flames. Without his taunts she would have died that night. No, not his derisive words, it had been his threat of coming after her that had saved her. She would have done anything to keep him safe. Something she’d failed to do where Caleb or Devin were concerned. Not even her gift had been enough to save them. A draining weariness sank into her pores burrowing deep into her soul.

  “I’m tired, Julian,” she said hoarsely as she turned away from him. “I’ll say good night.”

  “You can no’ run forever, Patience.”

  A wave of panic assaulted her. It rolled over her with an unexpected strength that left her with the sensation of drowning. Why did he feel the need to plague her with the past? All she wanted to do was forget. Deep down a voice mocked her. She would never forget.

  “I’m not running from anything,” she bit out. “Unlike you, I simply don’t feel the need to discuss the past.”

  “It’s time you did discuss it, Patience,” he said firmly. “You’ve hidden from the world for long enough.”

  “I am not hiding from the world,” she exclaimed angrily.

  “Your family disagrees with you.” Julian glared at a point above her head. “Do you no’ remember all the times Percy and the others urged you to come out of that damn room of yours at Melton House?”

  “I wasn’t well—”

  “Tell me why you sent me away, Patience.”

  The harsh command made Patience’s heart stop before it resumed beating at the speed of a runaway train. How could she respond to that? Was she supposed to lie or tell him the truth? Tell him that she believed he’d always been faithful to her? Should she tell him everything?

  “I want an answer, Patience. Why did you send me away?”

  This time his voice echoed with the ferocity of the ancient warriors he descended from. It dislodged a small brick from the wall she’d built between her and the past. Like a piece of a dam, the wall began to crack at its weakest point. Desperately, she fought to push her pain and fear back into the void. As she studied his face, her heart jumped painfully in her chest. She didn’t have the courage to tell him the complete truth. The idea of confessing how terrified she’d been of when he’d seen the extent of her scars appalled her. How could she begin to explain her fear that he would look on her and find her revolting like so many others? He frowned angrily.

  “Tell me,” he ordered, and his voice ripped away the wall holding her emotions at bay. Pain, regret, fear, and grief flooded her senses.

  “Because I didn’t want your pity,” she cried out as her emotions erupted viciously inside her.

  “My pity?” An odd expression darkened Julian’s features.

  “Yes, pity,” she cried out with a fury that shadowed the pain spreading its way through her. “I knew before I even looked in the mirror what a hideous creature I was. How could you feel anything but pity for me?”

  “Do you deem me of such low character that I would have only pity for my wife, Patience MacTavish? The woman I loved?” His voice was clap of thunder in the room. She gasped at his reaction to her words. In the back of her mind she noted he’d spoken in the past tense, and it intensified the sensation of pain from the brittle glass-like shards slicing into her.

  “No, that’s not what I meant.” She took a step toward him then stopped as disgust slashed across his face.

  “Do no’ mock me, my lady,” he snarled. “What else could you have meant?”

  “The woman I was died in that fire. The creature I’ve become is reviled,” she said coldly. “I couldn’t bear having you look at me with…with disgust.”

  “If I were concerned solely with my wife’s appearance, I would no’ have spent two weeks at her bedside or waited six months for her to send for me, which she never did.” His voice was icy with contempt as a thunderous cloud of dark anger settled on his face. “You are a hypocrite, my lady. You would no’ allow me the chance to prove myself to you, and yet the minute you learned of my affliction you raced back to Crianlarich. For what—to act as my nurse? Would you have come here if I could see?”

  Patience stared at him in horror. Was that why she’d come back to Crianlarich? Was it simply because she knew Julian wouldn’t be able to see the terrible scars on her body. He’d asked a fair question, and in the back of her head she didn’t like her answer.

  “Answer me, damn you,” he roared, and the violence in his command made her flinch.

  “No,” she whispered.

  “No what?” he snarled.

  “No, I wouldn’t have come back to Crianlarich,” she said clearly as her heart pounded painfully in her chest.

  “I think that’s the first honest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

  “That’s not true,” she gasped.

  “Get out, Patience,” he said in a voice devoid of emotion. Although he was pale, his face was an implacable mask of scorn.

  “Please, Julian, I didn’t—”

  “Now, Patience.” The emphatic command dared her to disobey. Frozen where she stood, Patience realized her attempt to make Julian fall in love with her again was dying a painful death.

  “Julian, please. Let me—”

  “Get out, Patience,” he roared.

  The fury in his voice made her recoil from him. Her heart breaking, she turned and slowly walked away leaving him standing in the center of the room. A few seconds later, she closed the door between their rooms. Tears streaming down her cheeks, Patience undressed slowly in the dark. She’d made a terrible mistake sending him away.

  For six months, he’d been at Melton House every day asking to see her. She’d been so wrapped up in her own pain she’d failed to see that only a man in love would have been so relentless in his determination to see her. She wiped tears off her face. She’d misjudged him terribly. The silent admission left her feeling as though someone had cut her heart out of chest and left her bleeding.

  She’d been such a fool, and now everything she’d done to win Julian’s heart back since she’d returned to Crianlarich had gone down in flames. All her efforts had fallen by the wayside with her complete lack of understanding as to the kind of man her husband was.

  As she slipped beneath the bedcovers, she tried to form a plan for correcting the terrible damage she’d done tonight. For a long time, her chaotic thoughts made her toss and turn restlessly. When her eyes finally drifted closed, it was with the knowledge that she’d failed to come up with a way to make Julian understand how wrong she’d been.

  Chapter 14

  * * *

  Coughing violently, Patience scrambled out of bed. The floor beneath her bare feet was hot, and she raced to her bedroom door. Thick sm
oke filled the corridor, and fear held her frozen where she stood. Her mouth moved as she tried to cry out a warning. When the sound finally rolled out of her it was a piercing cry.

  “Fire,” she screamed. “Fire.”

  Panic and terror propelled her forward. The screams of her sisters echoed in the hall followed by shouts of alarm from her brothers. Caleb. She raced to the door next to hers, pounding on it before flinging it open.

  “Caleb,” she cried out. “The house is on fire. We have to get the children out.”

  A loud oath sounded in the room. Satisfied her brother was awake, she ran back out into the hall. Behind her, she heard her brother call her name. Patience ignored his command to stop. Her feet pounded against the increasingly hot floor as she raced toward the nursery. As she reached the rooms where the children slept, she threw the door open, barely noting the noise it made as it hit the wall.

  “Nanny Smythe,” she cried out. The nurse emerged from one of the rooms with her night cap askew, a look of amazement on her face. Patience headed toward Braxton’s bedroom. “Get Greer and the others up out of bed. The house is on fire. We need to get the children out now.”

  Not waiting for a response, she hurried into the darkened bedroom. A small fire burned in the hearth, and she could barely see for all the smoke around her. Fear caused tears to roll down her cheeks. She had to get the children out. When they were safe she could save Caleb and Devin.

  Quickly, she hurried to the crib and gently picked Braxton up in her arms. He uttered a soft cry, and she stroked his forehead soothingly. Nanny Smyth was still standing in the middle of the playroom when Patience emerged from Braxton’s room. She glared at the woman with raw fury.

  “Didn’t you hear me,” she cried out. “Look at all the smoke. The house is on fire.”

  “But, my lady—”

  “Get the children. We have to get them out of the house.”

  “Patience.” The gentle sound of Julian calling her name made her turn toward the door. Braxton was beginning to cry loudly, and she kissed his cheek.

  “It’s all right my darling. Julian’s here. He’ll help us.”

  “Give the boy to the nurse, mo leannan,” Julian said softly and with calm reassurance.

  “But she has to save the other children. Aunt Matilda’s room is just down the hall. We have to get her—oh, God, Caleb. She quickly handed Braxton to the nurse and darted past Julian to run out into the corridor. The smoke was even thicker now, and she cried out in terror as a wall of flames shot out of the wall beside her. Staggering to one side she raised her arm in an attempt to keep the fire away from her face. It was a vain attempt as the flames bit deep into her skin.

  Agony speared its way through her, and she screamed as a piece of the wall fell down on her. Despite the pain, she stumbled to her feet. She had to reach Caleb and Devin. She couldn’t let them die a second time. Patience took two steps forward then blinked as the smoke swirled away into nothing. The flames shooting out of the walls vanished along with the searing pain on her face and arm.

  Dazed, she stared down at her arm, which was covered by the sleeve of her nightgown. A tremor rocked her body, and she wrapped her arms about her waist in an effort to keep it from engulfing her. Eyes closed, she saw Caleb’s handsome face as he’d hugged her tight against him just before his death. She hadn’t saved him. She hadn’t saved Devin. Her gift had failed her the one time it had really mattered. A sob escaped her as tears streamed down her face.

  “Oh Patience, do no’ cry,” Muireall’s quiet plea made her stiffen. What was Muireall doing in her room? She opened her eyes and saw the castle’s small staff looking at her with concern.

  “Muireall?” Confused she shook her head as she met her sister-in-law’s troubled gaze.

  “How did I get into the hall?”

  “Patience.” Julian’s quiet voice echoed behind her and she turned around. Concern was furrowed deep in his brow, and his mouth twisted slightly as if he were in pain. How had he gotten to the nursery? Where was his cane? He stretched his hand outward, his sightless gaze directed at a point down the hall. With a quiet sob, she took two quick steps forward into his arms and buried her face into his chest.

  “It will be all right, mo leannan.”

  The quiet words made her tremble as he held her tightly in his arms. Over the top of her head, she heard Julian issuing orders. A second later, he swept her up into his arms. Cradled against him, she gasped in surprised dismay.

  “Julian, put me down, you—”

  “Muireall will be my eyes,” he said gruffly. “You’re trembling so badly I do no’ think you can walk back to your room.”

  “But—”

  “Do no’ argue with me, Patience.” When she didn’t protest any further, he nodded sharply. “Muireall show me the way to my room.”

  Patience was too drained to object, and she pressed her face into his shoulder, taking comfort in the powerful strength of his arms.

  In less than a minute, they were in Julian’s room where he carried her to the bed. Muireall helped Julian nestle Patience under the covers. When his sister was gone, Julian circled the bed to slide beneath the blankets and pulled her into his embrace. Craving the need for physical comfort, Patience snuggled into his side. Julian didn’t say anything. He simply held her close with his chin resting against the top of her head. Exhausted, she closed her eyes feeling safe in the comfort of his arms.

  § § §

  The soft rumble in her ear penetrated Patience’s sleep, and she stirred sleepily. As her eyes fluttered open, she frowned. Where was she? Her gaze swept toward the window where the sunlight brushed the edge of the navy brocade fabric of the curtains. Julian’s room. How had she ended up in her husband’s bed when the last thing he’d said was to order her out of his room? She closed her eyes and tried to think what might have happened last night. Suddenly the memory of smoke filled her head. She winced as she remembered sounding the alarm about a fire that didn’t exist. Julian had come for her and carried her back to his room.

  Patience tilted her head slightly upward to study his face for a moment. She’d always loved watching him sleep. There was a gentleness to his face when he slept. It was at times like these that she could see the boy he’d once been. Tentatively she reached out to touch the dark shadow on his face. Rough and bristly against her fingertips, she remembered how he’d once threatened to grow a beard and whiskers when she expressed disgust at the trend among men. She pulled her hand away from him and gently reached for his arm to slide out from his embrace. The second she moved, his arm tightened around her.

  “Stay, lass.” His command held a hint of a plea as well. Without a word she acquiesced and remained where she was. The silence between them was soft and comforting. She thought he was dozing until his fingers pressed gently into her arm.

  “I am to blame for last night.” It wasn’t an open apology, but she took it for the apology it was meant to be. When she didn’t say anything, he cleared his throat. “What do you remember?”

  “Most of it,” she murmured. “I must have frightened Aiden very much.”

  “The lad will no remember it.”

  “I’m sure the rest of the household thinks I belong in an asylum.”

  “No. Muireall used to sleepwalk as a child. They are familiar with the signs. Have you done this before?”

  “Once, it was troubling for everyone, but Harlan had already warned the family something like this might happen.

  “Harlan?” The word was a low growl in his chest. “Do you no’ mean Dr. Branson?”

  “Yes, Dr. Branson. But he’s my friend as much as he is my doctor,” she said with a sense of gratitude for everything Harlan had done for her. “He’s been my healer, counselor, and friend.”

  Julian didn’t respond for a moment, and there was a tension about him that made her look up at his face. His expression was harsh and unyielding. Almost as if he was aware of her eyes on him, his lips became a straight line.

&nb
sp; “And have you discussed the past with him?” The question was chilly in tone, and she winced. Was it possible he was hurt by the fact she’d discussed the events of that terrible night with Harlan, but not him?

  “Yes, it was part of my treatment. Dr. Branson insisted on it,” she replied referring to Harland by his title in an effort to ease Julian’s obvious displeasure when it came to her friendship with the doctor.

  “Yet you do no’ wish to discuss the past with me,” Julian said with restrained anger. Patience sat up, and he didn’t try to hold her in place.

  “Talking to Har—Dr. Branson is different, he wasn't there that night. When I talk to him, it’s as if I'm simply telling him about a story I've read and how it makes me feel.” She sighed when his hard expression didn’t change. Closing her eyes, she tried to keep the tears from flowing. “It hurts—no—terrifies me to talk about it, Julian. I couldn’t do anything to save them. What do I have my gift for if I can’t help the people I love? It just hurts to much too think about it all.”

  Unwilling to continue the conversation, she started to slide out of the bed, but Julian’s hand reached out for her. His firm grasp rested on her shoulder, before sliding down to her scarred hand.

  “It does no’ do any good to keep it bottled up inside you, mo leannan.” The endearment rolled off his lips easily, and her heart skipped a beat. His mouth twisted slightly as though he was debating a problem. “And if you can no’ trust me with your pain, I do no’ think you can trust me with your happiness.”

  “They’re not the same thing, Julian,” she exclaimed.

  “Are they no’?” He shook his head and rolled away from her to sit up on the edge of the bed. “You must trust me completely if we are to reconcile, Patience. I will no’ accept anything less.”

  It was a quiet, firm ultimatum that chilled Patience until her skin was covered in goosebumps. There was such a finality to his statement. Deep inside she knew he was right. Loving him meant she had to trust him with her deepest, darkest secret. A revelation she’d only just now come to realize. She’d survived and she was glad. Patience drew in a sharp breath at the thought then quickly scrambled off the bed. The admittance shook her down to the depths of her soul, and guilt assailed her with a gale force.