1st Street Church_Love's Leading

by Kate Cambridge

  She was rewarded with a little smile from her subject before Mackenzie began to devour her breakfast. She glanced at Thor who gave her a nod of approval. Thea knew enough about human behavior, even child psychology, to know that it’s never right to pretend something isn’t happening, even if it’s hard—and a child benefits from gentle illustrations honoring how they feel now—along with encouragement that it will get better.

  She hated to admit how much his nod of approval meant to her, and she dreaded the moment when he’d return to the house from dropping Mackenzie off at school.

  “Bye, Thea,” Mackenzie’s little voice sounded so sad as she jumped down from the bar stool and turned to grab her backpack for school.

  I have to get a grip, Thea thought, as she walked her to the door, fighting the tears.

  “Will you be here when I get home today?”

  “I will be here, and we’ll have dinner together later, okay?” she assured with a smile.

  Mackenzie brightened. “Okay!” she said as she gave Thea a hug.

  Thea’s eyes closed and pain washed through her face.

  “Have a good day, sweet girl,” she uttered automatically, and then bit her lip at the term of endearment that had become so automatic, but probably not wise in light of what was to come. She mouthed, Sorry, to Thor as he placed his hand on his daughter’s back, gently guiding her out the door, seemingly immune to Thea’s pain.

  * * *

  “Thank you for this morning. I appreciate how you handled breakfast, and acknowledging Mackenzie’s feelings in a safe way for her,” Thor offered, opening the door to his office to let her walk through before him.

  “Of course,” Athena bowed her head, her voice husky, wanting to run in the opposite direction, or be anywhere but his office at this moment.

  “Will you be okay?” he asked, after he had pulled the chair out for her. She’d expected him to sit at his desk across from her—but he didn’t—he pulled the other chair directly across from her and sat down, far too close. There was no way she’d be able to control her emotions with him this close. She pushed her chair back, his left eyebrow rose, but he didn’t object.

  “This is really hard for me, and I realize that I don’t matter, and that all that really does matter—all that should matter—is Mackenzie in all of this,” she started, her voice filled with unshed tears, and her hands grasped in her lap.

  She continued softly, “But I want you to know that I love her…” she paused for a couple of seconds as she desperately tried to blink the tears away, “and I will do whatever is necessary to ease the pain for her. Just tell me what you think is best.” Her eyes felt red-rimmed and shining with tears as she looked at him.

  He leaned forward and grasped her hands, and there was no way to stop the floodgates at that point. As her tears fell, she could feel his eyes seeking hers. She didn’t dare to let him glimpse at the depth of pain she felt—or the love she was desperately trying to deny.

  When she began to sniffle, he reached for a tissue from his desk, and she used that moment to try to get a grip, because there’d be no stopping if she didn’t get it under control now. He handed her the tissue and she took it from him gratefully, their fingers brushing for a brief moment. She hoped he didn’t notice her quick intake of breath at the contact, and managed a ‘thank you’.

  He waited while she blew her nose, and she squeezed her eyes tight, looking for the strength to just get through these next few moments so she could go to her room and mediate. Or do something to quell a sadness so deep that she wasn’t sure if her life would ever be the same again. She had to minimally try to get it under control before seeing Mackenzie tonight. She didn’t dare to look at him, but she thought he might wait all day until she did, so she risked a quick glance.

  “I’m sorry. You probably think I’m an emotional wreck—which is totally out of character for me—it’s just, well, to be honest, I’m completely out of my league here. I could not have anticipated what it would feel like to love—and then lose a child.” A sob tore at her throat, but she contained it. “But I understand this is best for Mackenzie.”

  She exhaled, brushing away the lone tear that coursed its way down her cheek with a shaky hand, her head bowed, and eyes closed.

  “Thea?” he asked.

  He used my nickname. Her heart leaped in her chest despite her sadness. Get a grip. She coached herself, steeling herself with a shaky breath.

  “Yes?” she acknowledged, her voice barely audible.

  “Please look at me.”

  Fear splintered her heart, but then she squared her shoulders and looked at him with eyes shimmering—what was the point in trying to hide what he already knew was there?

  He reached for her hands, but she kept them clasped in her lap. If he touched her, there would be no stopping the force of the torrent she was barely holding back.

  He sighed. “Thank you.”

  Her eyebrows rose slightly in acknowledgement, and she willed herself to stay strong, her eyes steady on his.

  “This is difficult for all of us, but you’re right, we’re adults, and the most important person right now is Mackenzie. I know you love her, and she loves you, too,” he paused, “and that complicates things.”

  He sighed. “I don’t want to minimize how beautiful it has been to watch the love grow so quickly between the two of you,” his voice caught, “and yet, I can’t bear to allow something in her life when I don’t know what the long-term ramifications could be. I’m not referring to you,” he clarified, “but rather your side work.”

  She wondered, would he ask her to give it up? If he did, would she? But then her heart sank.

  “This whole situation has made me re-think having a live-in nanny. It’s possible Mackenzie wouldn’t even take to another person like she has you, or maybe I just need to find someone really old.” He smiled gently at her, and the corner of her lips turned up in response.

  “Even though this is hard and unfortunately Mackenzie will be hurt regardless of what we do, I also want you to know that you’ve made an impact on both our lives, Thea. We won’t forget you.”

  So this was goodbye. She looked down at her hands, squeezed her eyes for a quick second, then looked back at him. “Okay, then, how do we handle this tonight for Mackenzie?

  17

  SEVENTEEN

  Watching Thor drive away to pick Mackenzie up from school without her was painful—it had been a pain-filled day, and one she didn’t wish to relive. She’d spent some time alone in her room, gone for a long run, and retired to her room when she returned.

  There was no point in trying to do any research for her other job. And in light of the fact it was the deciding factor for Thor that she had to leave, she wasn’t at all sure she could return to it with the same fervor she’d had before today happened.

  She’d sent a text to her mom asking if she could hang at her house for a few weeks while she figured things out, and she’d responded with “Of course,” which was exactly what Thea had expected. Her mother was always there for her kids—and others. She was an amazing mom, but somehow that didn’t make Thea feel any better.

  Something didn’t feel right, and it hadn’t since she’d returned from her run. But she couldn’t put her finger on it, so she chalked it up to her sadness at having to leave a family she’d come to love as though they were her own.

  Mackenzie had loved the coconut, chocolate chip cookies Thea had made for her during their first week together. Although she didn’t want to make things harder for Mackenzie, she also wanted her to remember their last day together as a special one.

  She turned away from the window with resolve, and moved to the oven to preheat it to 350 degrees, then began pulling the ingredients from the refrigerator and pantry when her cell phone buzzed. She glanced at it, saw Thor’s name pop up, and answered immediately.

  “Hey,” she answered softly.

  “Athena, is Mackenzie with you?”

  “What do you mean is she wit
h me? You’re at the school, aren’t you?”

  “I am, but she’s not here.”

  “Thor, she always walks out with Jayleen and Abby. Are they there?”

  “Yes, I’m with them, and Shay and Margot—the girls haven’t seen Mackenzie since they got out of class.”

  “What do you mean? Where could she be? You don’t think…?” Panic began to fill her voice.

  “Where are you?”

  “I’m at the house, making her favorite cookies. I’ll turn the oven off and come to the school.”

  “No, I want you to stay home just in case she makes it there somehow. We’re going to search the school. I’ve already called Wren and Cox, and they are on their way.”

  “Thor—please, please keep me posted. I want to help—”

  “I know, Thea. I’ll call you as soon as I know anything. Call Pastor Bernie, and ask him to pray. Make sure he knows to keep it quiet.” Then the call abruptly ended.

  Her heart went out to him, and the unbridled fear she heard in his voice. Of all people, she knew he would keep it together, but she also knew he must be terrified.

  She called the church, and Pastor Bernie assured her he would be praying. Then she began to pace, wringing her hands, nearly jumping out of her skin when the timer went off on the oven—it had reached the required temperature. The least she could do was keep the faith, and make the cookies, hoping that Mackenzie would be home soon, and this was all just a big mistake, nothing more. That, and pray.

  When her phone rang nearly thirty minutes later, she picked it up before the caller ID could come through. “Hello?” she answered quickly.

  “It’s Thor. We can’t find her.” She could hear his fear, and desperation; wanting nothing more than to be by his side. She wanted to cry and ask a thousand questions, but instead she took a deep breath.

  “What can I do?”

  “I’m sending Wren to the house, just in case this is an abduction and they call the house.”

  Thea fell back onto the table, struggling to keep it together as the world threatened to disappear in a pinhole. She grasped the table and used it for support until she could sit down.

  “Thea, are you there?”

  “Yes—I’m here,” she answered weakly, breathing deeply to keep the blackness at bay, laying her head on the table. When she heard the door open and Wren walked into the room; she gratefully surrendered to the blackness.

  * * *

  “Hello, Hello?” Wren grabbed the phone, as she tried to stop Thea falling from her chair.

  “Wren? Is that you?” Thor asked, confused.

  “Yes, I’m at the house.”

  “Where’s Athena?”

  “I think she fainted. Hang on.”

  She lowered her to the floor and into the recovery position.

  “Is she all right?”

  “Yes. She’ll come around, I’m sure. Fortunately, she was sitting down. But where’s the beeping coming from?” she said into the phone.

  “A beeping? Oh, Thea said she was making cookies. Check the oven.”

  “I’ll call you back.”

  “Okay. There’s nothing to report here, but let me know if anyone calls the house phone. And let me know how Thea is doing.” He sounded worried and tightly strung.

  “10-4.”

  Wren tried gently shaking Thea, but she was out cold. She raced around the island to turn off the oven, removing the cookie sheet and placing it on top of the countertop.

  She debated calling 9-1-1, but then heard a groan from Thea. She knelt beside her and gently called her name, “Athena, Athena, it’s me, Wren. Thea, wake up.”

  Slowly she began to open her eyes, and Wren’s phone buzzed.

  “Wren,” she answered.

  “It’s Thor. What’s going on?”

  “Thea’s starting to come to. I laid her on the floor, got the cookies out, and turned off the oven. No calls have come through since I’ve been here, but I haven’t had a chance to check your home phone caller ID before sleeping beauty here went down.”

  “I’m sure there haven’t been any calls. Between Thea and me, someone has been there all day. Wren, if she doesn’t come back to full consciousness within the next minute, call 9-1-1. If she does come to, give her some juice. She probably hasn’t eaten all day, it’s been a long one for both of us.”

  “10-4,” Wren confirmed as Thor ended the call.

  Thea struggled to sit up.

  “Whoa, there, Thea, let me help you.”

  “What happened?” she asked as she slowly pushed herself up, holding her head and looking disorientated.

  “I think you fainted. Have you eaten today?”

  Thea gave Wren a confused look.

  “Look, I was about to call 9-1-1, and unless you drink some juice I’m going to—got it?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m fine. Give me the damn juice,” Thea demanded.

  Wren smiled. You can’t keep a good woman down, and she knew Thea would rise to the occasion.

  After she’d drunk the whole glass, Wren helped her stand, and Thea looked at her with wide eyes before racing to the small side bathroom off the kitchen. Wren heard retching into the toilet, then silence.

  “Thea, are you okay?” she asked, walking toward the bathroom. She was sitting on the floor next to the toilet, holding her head, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

  “Here, let me help you.”

  “I’ll be okay,” Thea insisted. “What have you heard from Thor?”

  “Nothing. They haven’t found her and no one has called here that I know of. Did you hear the landline phone ring at all?”

  “No, it’s been quiet. No one uses those anymore, anyway.”

  “True,” Wren agreed, “but if this is an abduction, it’s likely the home phone they’ll call, unless it’s unlisted—and you need to eat something.”

  “I can’t. I feel sick to my stomach.”

  “That’s obvious, but you’re not going to be any good to anyone in this condition, and right now Thor needs you, and when we find Mackenzie, she’ll need you,” Wren admonished.

  “There’s some ginger ale in the fridge. Can you get that for me, please? I’m going to go upstairs for a minute.”

  “Probably not wise. What do you need? I’ll get it,” Wren said, leading her to the kitchen island.

  “There’s some migraine medicine in my nightstand to the left of the bed—the one with the Bible on top of it. Can you get that for me?”

  “Sure thing,” Wren answered as she handed a glass of ginger ale to Thea, and answering her phone as it buzzed. “Hey, Thor.”

  Thea grabbed Wren’s arm and mouthed, “Don’t say anything.”

  Wren rolled her eyes. “I’m headed upstairs to get migraine medicine for Athena.” Then she covered the mouthpiece of her phone and glared at Thea, “No more secrets.”

  “I think she’s going to be fine. She threw up when she came to, and she’s drinking ginger ale now. What’s the latest there?” she asked as she ran up the stairs to Thea’s room.

  She returned within sixty seconds, handing two pills to Thea who gratefully downed them.

  “Give me fifteen minutes, and then tell Thor I’m coming to him,” said Thea.

  Wren opened her mouth to argue, but Thea held up her hand. “I can’t sit in this house—I have to help them find her. We will find her,” she added, and then walked out of the kitchen.

  “Where are you going?” Wren called after her.

  Thea turned back. “I’m going to lie down on the couch for fifteen minutes, then I want you to come and get me. Promise me, Wren.”

  “I promise.”

  18

  EIGHTEEN

  Thea walked into Mabel’s on Maple, immediately looking for Jeffrey. Jeffery Berkley was the chef there, and Mackenzie loved his mac ‘n cheese. He came around the counter and greeted her. “Hey, Thea, where’s your sidekick?” he asked with a smile, but then sobered. “Is everything okay? You look as white as a ghost.”
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  “I’m not sure, to be honest with you. Please keep this between us—but have you seen Mackenzie this afternoon?”

  Concern radiated on his face. “I haven’t seen her, Thea. Is she okay?”

  “We hope so, but if you see her, will you call my cell phone? Do you have a napkin I can write it on?”

  “Hold on, I’ll just add you as a contact in my phone,” he responded as he pulled his cell from his back pocket.

  Thea relayed her phone number and turned to leave.

  “Thea?”

  “Yes, Jeffrey?” She only half-turned back, anxious to be on her way.

  “You’ll find her,” he assured her. “Bring her by for some mac ‘n cheese when you do, okay?”

  She gave him a grateful smile. “You betcha.”

  Next, Thea headed for the ice cream parlor. She stopped a few people along the way to ask if they’d seen a little girl, five-years-old, with blonde curls; everyone said “no” except for the last person she asked, Summer Smith. She ran the Sweet Grove Sentinel, and if anyone knew what was going on in this town, it was her.

  “Hey, Thea, I did see Mackenzie. She was alone, which I thought was odd, and it looked like she was heading in the direction of the ice cream parlor. I assumed you must have been in front of her or behind her. Should I have called you?” she asked as Thea took off at a run.

  “No—you did great!” she yelled over her shoulder, running all out toward the parlor. She grabbed her phone, calling Thor as she ran.

  “Thea?”

  “Thor, Summer saw Mackenzie! She thinks she was headed to the ice cream parlor. I’m heading there now.”

  “I just arrived, Thea. She’s here.”

  “She is? That’s great. Is she okay? Why didn’t you call?” she asked without giving him the chance to answer.

  “I just arrived. She’s sitting with Daisy—the real estate agent who sold us the house.”

  “I know who Daisy is,” Thea responded through gritted teeth. “If she did anything to…”