Dreaming of Rhapsody

by Selena Laurence

  Now it’s the thing that might destroy my adulthood, because as much as I love Lush the band, Lush the guys just don’t seem to understand how to function with the addition of a keyboardist and back-up singer.

  Joss scratches his head and shoots a look at Walsh. “So, Tully. On that lead-in to the chorus, I’m wondering if you can drop the harmonies. I think it’s kind of busy for this song. If you’ll follow the main thread through there, then into the chorus, maybe we can add those harmonies at the bridge.”

  The anger bubbles up inside of me and I struggle to breathe deeply like my sister always tells me. I need to be patient, not combative, but it’s tough for me. If you’re going to be heard in my big Irish family you sometimes have to get angry.

  “I disagree,” I say, with as much patience as I can muster. “What you call busy is what Dave asked me to do here. He wants that extra embellishment, that complexity. You’re not used to it, but trust me when I say it’s adding a new depth to your sound.”

  Mike sighs. Loud and long. Then I hear him muttering something that sounds like, “Don’t mind us, we’re only fucking Grammy winners.”

  Now I’m mad and embarrassed—again. I know he’s right. In a sense. I don’t have the kind of elite credentials that Lush does, but I do have the musical chops. I haven’t been recognized for it yet, but if there’s one thing I know, it’s music.

  “Well, excuse me,” I snap, spinning to face Mike and gritting my teeth. I keep my voice soft, but my words are like a whip snapping out. “I’m sorry I’m not a famous Grammy-winning rock star. But what I am is the one your own manager put here, with explicit instructions to do shit like those harmonies in the lead-in to the chorus.”

  From the corner of my eye I see Joss do that signature hand through his hair move and then roll his head up to the ceiling. He’s like this creature from another world. He’s so physically beautiful it makes you want to shield your eyes, like somehow you’ll go blind from all that glittering perfection.

  Mike steps toward me, his guitar hanging across his body as he jabs an index finger in the air in my direction. “Listen up, little girl—” he snarls.

  Before I can take a breath, Colin has jumped in between us, the neck of his bass pointed at Mike. Mike is the band asshole, Colin is the defender of the underdog. The four guys are very different, but somehow they make it work. Where I’m supposed to fit in is anyone’s guess though.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Colin admonishes Mike. “Let’s all take a breath here, dudes—and dudettes.” He tosses me a heart-melting smile over his shoulder. “I’ve got an idea. Let’s get Dave on Skype tomorrow morning bright and early. Let him listen to some of these variations, and he can tell us what he’d like. He’s the guy who helped us hone our sound the first time around, no reason he can’t do it again.”

  Walsh, Mr. Happy Go Lucky, splashes out a little flourish on his cymbals and yells, “Sold! To the man with the funny-looking guitar.”

  Colin flips him off, his eyes still focused on Mike who is an interesting shade of red right now. I smirk at him over Colin’s shoulder and he growls again. I can’t help it, he looks so much like a big angry bear it’s sometimes hard to take him seriously.

  “Dude. Right?” Colin prompts.

  Mike throws his arms up in the air and twirls around toward Walsh. “Fine.”

  “Great!” Joss exclaims, falsely cheerful. “I’ll let Dave know right away. Let’s call it for today and pick it back up tomorrow. Ten a.m.”

  * * *

  My hands are shaking as I work to pack up my keyboard and stand. Joss has told me there’s plenty of security here. I could leave my stuff overnight, but this keyboard is the most valuable thing I have aside from the baby grand I bought used that sits in my apartment, and I can’t risk losing it. The guys all set their stuff down and walk away, so in mere moments I’m here alone. I’m also frustrated, embarrassed, and really considering not coming back tomorrow, no matter how great an opportunity this might seem to be.

  “It’s not easy being the new girl,” Colin says from behind me. I turn and find him leaning against the wall at the edge of the stage. When I look at him he pushes off and walks to me. “I was the new kid with these guys once upon a time. I remember what it felt like.”

  I shake my head as I fold the keyboard stand and squat to slide it into the case. “I find that hard to believe. Plus, that was before everyone was famous. And old.”

  He laughs softly. “I never thought I’d see a day when I was the old guy, but I guess to you thirty does seem old.” He slowly wanders around the stage while he talks. I can tell this is going to take a while, so I leave my keyboard case on the floor and sit on a stool nearby.

  “The three of them—” He gestures off-stage where Mike, Joss, and Walsh disappeared. “Grew up together. I didn’t move to Portland until our senior year in high school. So even though I was here for the start of the music, I wasn’t here for the start of the band. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  I nod, even though I’m not crystal clear on it all yet.

  “Lush is a lot more than a group of guys standing on a stage playing music. And it’s more even than that group of guys writing music, or talking music, or selling music. Lush is really just our name for our family. You’re not coming in here and trying to make a spot in a musical group, Tully. You’re coming in and trying to make a spot in a family.”

  Now family is something I know about. Mine is big, Irish, and Catholic, and if you don’t make them let you in, they never will.

  “So you’re saying I’m like the new boyfriend coming to Sunday dinner and the dad and all the older brothers are looking for reasons to haze you, and the mom is trying to find out if you earn enough to support her daughter, and the dog is busy trying to shove his nose in your crotch under the table?”

  Colin chokes a little as he laughs. “I think I’m scared to meet your family.”

  “You should be,” I answer honestly, remembering the results of the last time my brothers tore into some other guys in the parking lot of my sister’s pub. Let’s just say that the O’Roark boys, as the neighborhood calls my brothers, came out on the winning end of it all.

  He walks over to where I sit and looks at me with his serious puppy dog eyes, his arms crossed in front of his chest. One thing about the Lush guys, there’s not an ugly one in the bunch, even if they are all thirty.

  “All I’m trying to say is that this isn’t going to happen overnight. There’s going to be some rough patches, and everyone’s going to have to compromise too.” He raises an eyebrow at me. “I know you’ll make this band better, but you might have to adopt a lighter touch at first…until everyone gets used to the new ideas.”

  This is hardly the first time I’ve been told that I come off a little strong. But when you’re five foot two with your shoes on, and you’ve been figuratively and literally held down by three older brothers your whole life, you learn that the only sure way to be heard is to be strong—bold, visible.

  “Okay,” I mumble. “I’ll try to tone it down…”

  “Hey,” he says, bending his knees to catch my gaze. “I know your ideas are the right direction for us to go. But if you piss everyone off so much that they quit listening to you, then having the world’s best ideas isn’t any use. Am I right?”

  I sigh. I roll my eyes. I concede that he has a point and vow that I’ll try to be more diplomatic tomorrow.

  “I would never have picked you for the fatherly lecture type,” I tell him as we walk out of the rehearsal building together.

  “I wasn’t before I got married. But I’ve got a son now—Sean—and you learn how to parent real fast when one of those little faces is looking up at you every day expecting words of wisdom to fall from your mouth.”

  “Huh. I’m not sure my dad got that memo. He just yells. You know, ‘cut your hair’, ‘don’t eat all the salami’, ‘bring me a damn beer’, stuff like that. And usually from the comfort of his lazy boy.”

  �
��Everyone’s words of wisdom sound a little different,” Colin says with a wink.

  And some people’s sound like, “get off the damn piano and find a real job.”

  Just sayin’.

  Blaze

  I’m jonesing—hard. And even though booze isn’t my substance of choice, that glass of Jack Daniels that Dez is dangling from his fingers is looking damn good.

  “You going to drink that or just hold it like a security blanket all day?” I ask, eyeing the golden liquid as my bones actually ache from the want.

  Dez looks down at the glass in confusion, then up at my face, and because he’s my best friend and has been for years, I can see that he gets what’s happening.

  He swigs it down in one gulp, then stands and walks the glass over to the bar in our manager’s office, setting it down amidst the shiny bottles that beckon to me.

  “There,” he says, as if I was just giving him shit for the hell of it. “You satisfied?”

  Hardly. “Hey, didn’t want you to look like a giant pussy in front of all the suits.”

  He gives me a wry smile, his dark eyes crinkling at the corners. He’s my best friend and these are the sorts of games we play when it comes to my addiction. I’ve been out of rehab for four months, and I’m hanging on, but some days it’s by a thread.

  “Did they say they’d actually be here on time?” I jiggle my leg up and down as I sit on the big leather chair that our manager, Shannon, keeps in her office overlooking L.A.’s downtown. She’s got the whole slick agent thing down. Her dad owns the firm, so she grew up here. It all comes to her like second nature. Someone needs to tell her that her furniture is too low though. I’m six foot four, and this club chair has my knees up somewhere around my ears.

  “Topher and Carson are already on the way,” Dez answers, referring to our bass player and drummer. “I haven’t heard from Garrett, but I reminded him last night.”

  “Yeah, but if he found some tail after you talked to him he could be balls deep right now and completely forget about this.”

  Dez raises an eyebrow at me. I know what he’s thinking. Quit stressing, quit worrying about shit you can’t control. Dez is Zen. He’s the best human being I’ve ever known, and the most patient. I’m the opposite. I’m driven—I’ve been told to a fault—I can’t stand to wait, and I’ll do pretty much anything to come out on top.

  I’ve talked to my addiction counselors about it. I know I send myself to a place where I can only get relief with substances. I know I’m way too type A. What Dez and the counselors don’t realize is that I have so much shit to prove that my one lifetime won’t be enough. Every day, every decision, every deal, is essential to showing the world. Showing them—showing him, my asshole of an old man—that I’m every bit as good, that I might have chosen a different path, but I’m as worthy of the Davis name as he is.

  The door to the office swings open and in walks Shannon, all stiletto heels and long red hair. Dez stands awkwardly. I know he’s got a thing for her, but he’d never admit it. It’s kind of strange to see him anything but completely chill and confident though. Normally Dez would just put it out there—his attraction—but in our industry, in the crazy world of rock and roll, she’s a suit, we’re the talent, and the two don’t tend to mix. Even for someone who cares as little about rules as Dez I guess. Shannon’s closely followed by Topher, Carson, and Garrett, our lead singer. Thank God, at least one thing’s gone right today.

  Shannon ushers us all to the conference room that connects to her office and everyone settles in around the big glass table.

  “Glad to see you’re all here,” she says, looking at Garrett in particular. He scratches his nearly bare chest, where his short-sleeved plaid shirt is unbuttoned midway down his chest. His dark red hair is, as usual, askew, pieces sticking up all over, and his green eyes sparkle as he grins at her, because he’s fucking shameless. “I’ve got some great news and paperwork to seal the deal if you all agree to the terms.”

  “Get on with it then,” I chide. “Before Dez pees his pants with anticipation.” Dez flips me off silently, his eyes never leaving Shannon, and everyone else chuckles. This is how we roll.

  Shannon clears her throat, her eyes darting away from Dez. Hmm. I’m starting to wonder if there’s something there on her end too. “So several of the biggest new economy companies have gotten together to celebrate the 25th anniversary of the World Wide Web,” she says. “They’ve decided to put on an outdoor music tour, the West Fest 666 tour. It’ll be six bands, six cities, and six weeks.”

  I look around the table and everyone’s nodding. It’s a good start.

  Shannon continues. “They only want bands from the West Coast to keep with the theme, and they want two headliners with four lesser bands to round out the lineup.”

  “I assume we’re a headliner?” I ask. We sure as hell better be. Rhapsody’s been working our asses off for six years, and in the last two years we’ve had the highest selling single of the decade, as well as three Grammy nominations. We’re not the top of the top yet, but we’re definitely headline material.

  “Yee-es.” There’s a twitch in her left eye as she answers, and I know I’m not going to like what I hear next.

  “Oh shit,” Carson pipes up. His gray eyes are sleepy but in his own quiet and astute way he’s noticed it too. “There’s a catch.”

  Shannon clears her throat. “Before I tell you the rest, I want to remind you that this is a huge honor. To be invited to an exclusive tour hosted by Google, Intel, Amazon, Apple—it’s a once-in-your-career opportunity.”

  “Just spill it,” I groan. I should have known I’d jinx things if I thought I was out of the woods today.

  Shannon’s next words rush out of her mouth like a geyser out of the earth. “Your co-headliner is Lush.”

  “Oh shit,” Dez hisses.

  “Nooo!” Topher groans as he flops his head back on the executive chair he’s sitting in, making his mop of light brown hair fall over his eyes.

  “Well, it was nice talking to you,” Garrett says before he stands as if he’s going to walk out.

  Shannon, however, is looking at me. Her green eyes sharp and assessing.

  Because, here’s the thing—I’m the lead guitarist for Rhapsody, and I have a long-standing feud with Mike Owens, the lead guitarist for Lush. Hate might be too weak a word for what we feel for each other. He is, without a doubt, the biggest prick in the history of rock and roll. I hate to admit that he’s also a genius on guitar, but it’s true. And in return for all that talent, he’s spent most of his life boozing, fighting, and stealing any woman he could get his hands on, including one of mine.

  It’s not that I was in love with Lisa or anything, but I liked her, and we had an actual relationship, not just fuck buddies. Rhapsody was opening for Lush in a couple of shows in Seattle and San Francisco. We were everything polite and respectful, they were far bigger than us after all, but the first night we all performed, Mike went onstage and started off their set by playing a riff from one of our songs. The crowd cheered and then he leaned into the mic and said, “Thought I should show Blaze how it’s done.”

  The guys told me to chill about it—sure he’d meant it as a joke, just a way to have some fun with the crowd—and I could have let it go even though I was fucking pissed. But the next night I came off stage during the break between our set and Lush’s and walked into the dressing room to find Mike with his head between my girlfriend’s thighs.

  It’s been war ever since.

  I look at Shannon, my bones aching more. My God what I wouldn’t give for a hit right now. “So, six weeks, on the road with Lush? And who takes the stage first?”

  “Alternating,” she answers. “Three shows with you up first, three shows with them up first.”

  “And pay? Ticket take?”

  “Equal. I wouldn’t have discussed anything else.”

  I appreciate that Shannon’s a barracuda, but if you’re one of hers she’ll never let you down.

/>   I glance around the table, and they’re all looking to me. Well, fuck.

  “I hate Mike Owens,” I say to no one in particular.

  Shannon presses her lips together in a grimace.

  The businessman me—Peterson Davis, not Blaze Davis—kicks in. My old man always told me that the businessman who lets his emotions make his decisions for him is destined for mediocrity. I repeat this mantra over in my head a couple of times, then I breathe deeply. The premier tour of the summer, six cities that have huge purchasing power and are live music hotbeds, the access to the fans of all those other bands—most of all, Lush. Any time you get the chance to exploit Lush’s enormous market share you take it. My dad’s voice echoes inside my head once again—destined for mediocrity. Fuck that. Every day, every decision, every deal.

  “But, I guess I’ll be spending the summer with him anyway,” I finish.

  There’s a collective sigh of relief. Garrett sits back down, and Shannon grins, taking a sheaf of papers from a file folder on the table. “You won’t regret this,” she tells us. “This is going to make you even more famous, and increase your net worth by millions—each. Now, let’s get to the nitty-gritty, and make Rhapsody the best thing to hit amphitheaters in decades.”

  * * *

  After we leave the meeting with Shannon, the guys and I decide to go out to our favorite pool hall to celebrate the new tour. There are plenty of nights we all go our separate ways—Garrett in search of pussy, Carson and Topher hanging out with their family, Dez and I writing some songs or playing a little Bloodborne. But at least once a week we all get together and just relax, go somewhere we know we won’t be followed by the paparazzi, do our thing. It’s good for morale, and it’s good for the music.

  Benny’s is one of our favorite places. The owner is an old friend of Dez’s parents, and he’s been reliable about keeping the fans and paps away. We know we can always go to Benny’s and get a good game of pool, some cold beers and a relaxing night.