Nil Admirari

by Carlo Zen

  EARLY APRIL, UNIFIED YEAR 1927, FORMER ENTENTE ALLIANCE TERRITORY, NEAR THE OSFJORD

  Looking up at the sky, I'm back... The wind blew through her hair and the air she breathed in smelled like home.

  I've been gone from these shores for so long, yet it feels like only a short time has passed.

  Father, I'm home.

  I've returned to the country we all tried to protect.

  Even the ground beneath my feet feels different. This is where I, we, my people, were born and raised, and it's where they died.

  ...This is home.

  It's what I, what we all, need to protect.

  It's what we swore to our friends who fell along the way, what I swore to my father, that we'll regain.

  Okay then. Mary enthusiastically joined her partisan friends who breezily came to meet her, and they walked back to joint headquarters step in step.

  Since it was a fight to liberate her fatherland, she was especially enthusiastic.

  The partisans, who had basically been fighting alone all this time, traded cigarettes with the Commonwealth and Federation mages who had come running from far across the sea, and they began chatting in a relaxed mood.

  When the partisan leaders met Lieutenant Colonel Drake and Colonel Mikel, they passionately embraced as if they were at a party, while the propaganda corps showed up with cameras, and their shutters got busy snapping away.

  The sight of the brothers-in-arms exchanging firm handshakes was a moving testament to their solidarity.

  At least that's how it looked to someone with pure eyes.

  But there was something the girl who was ready to fight with her friends to take back their country didn't know. Before getting down to business, the partisans and the soldiers were only conscious of how they looked in the photo because they knew they needed these shots.

  And so her pure, noble spirit came crashing into reality.

  The moment they started talking about the issue at hand, the partisans began expressing disapproval of the large-scale guerrilla attack that Drake and Mikel proposed.

  "...You want to aim for the imperial torpedoes? Don't be stupid!"

  The response the Entente Alliance partisan practically spat was one Mary never imagined.

  "Wh-what's that supposed to mean?"

  "You guys are leaving right away. But we have to stay here and fight. If we draw their attention like that..."

  It was pretty unfair.

  Mary wanted to strike with tenacity, but the partisan leaders tried to talk her down, their expressions sour.

  This is our battlefield, they said. But Mary couldn't believe it when she heard that. She had come all the way here to fight.

  "We're all in the same boat, aren't we? Fighting for the same objectives?"

  "Being a partisan means knowing that fighting head-on isn't the only way to fight a war. Isn't that right, little lady?"

  "But we have that ability---to fight the Imperial Army head-on!"

  She had trained and she had lost friends along the way. The whole point was to liberate their home country. They all wanted to be a strength to their fatherland.

  So why?!

  "We'll do what we can, bit by bit, to drive the Empire off! What's wrong with that?!"

  Why won't they understand?

  "...You're so young. Cool your jets. The problem isn't weapons and power."

  "Then what is the problem?"

  She was shocked that they were sighing at her. Why can't I get through to them?

  "Someone like you who ran away wouldn't understand."

  "I came back!"

  "Must have taken some nerve." The older man snickering didn't even try to hide the disgust in his twisted expression.

  The partisans should be our allies in the fight against the Empire, so why are they looking at us like that? Like we're outsiders?

  It makes no sense that they won't accept us.

  Are we wrong to consider them friends? Why would people from home say such a horrible thing?

  The tensed corners of her mouth were nearly driven to loose that question. If things had gone on like that, she definitely would have spat some harsh words.

  The only reason she managed to avoid it was the flash in Drake's eyes. "Lieutenant Sue! That's enough."

  When he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her back, she returned to herself.

  The partisans scowled at her while her superiors had vaguely hollow smiles plastered on.

  She wasn't a girl who couldn't read the room.

  Mary knew exactly how her criticism would have been taken. Though it didn't feel good, she was still capable of stepping on the brakes.

  Having been pulled to the back, she looked on as they negotiated with exaggerated politeness. Why?

  "I'm sorry my subordinate caused trouble."

  "...To think that a Commonwealth officer would understand so well. What a sad era we live in."

  "To hell with this era where we have no choice but to hand guns to children. Now then, I would be happy to hear the opinion of the experts on the ground here. What do you recommend as our target?"

  Drake and the partisans were all buddy-buddy as if they knew something...

  Mary held her tongue, but inside her, questions were swirling. Why do they listen to Drake, but what I say doesn't seem to resonate?

  No. She shook her head. If I'm wrong, I need to ask where I'm wrong.

  I should listen now.

  Then I can say what I think, she tried to convince herself, doing her best to regain her composure.

  For the liberation of my country...

  For the land of my father...

  She could control herself and listen to what these proud resistance fighters had to say.

  Her focused gaze was stern, but it was because she was in earnest.

  "We want you to hit the coastal radar site and the torpedo boat supply bases they've built around the fjords on the outskirts."

  It was weird how Mikel nodded as if he was on the same page as them after thinking silently for a moment, but even so, Mary was excited to attack Imperial Army bases.

  That must be what they need. So I'll put my all into it, too. If I do that, I know we'll be able to overcome our differences.

  ...Because we're allies.

  Even if they had different opinions, the objectives they believed in were the same. Having decided to quietly observe, she watched; she waited, sure that Mikel would start talking about how they could defeat the Empire.

  "I understand what you're trying to say. In order to cooperate well, fighting as you suggest is probably our only choice."

  "Thanks. We don't want to cause a disturbance in the city."

  They bumped fists and appeared to be getting along in a way that was quite reassuring. But something about it didn't sit right with Mary.

  "We won't cause you trouble."

  Mikel's simple comment felt too strange to her.

  "The pests will fight on the sidelines like pests should."

  "Is it all right to say I'm surprised? Honestly, I didn't expect people from the Federation to..."

  "Didn't an agent from the Commissariat for Internal Affairs get in touch with you?"

  "Yes, we heard from them, but honestly we didn't quite believe it."

  "...Well, action forms the foundation of trust, so it makes sense."

  Mikel continued talking cheerfully, but Mary couldn't understand it. Why is he being so passive?

  "We won't get in the way of your phony war. But let us know if there's anything we can help with."

  What does that mean?

  She'd been listening all this time, but nothing he was saying made sense to her. As far as she could tell from the flow of conversation, it was like they were...having a meeting about not fighting.

  It can't be. She tried to shake the idea out of her head, but the meeting to coordinate the operation seemed more like a gathering of conspirators.

  "May I ask something? What's going on?" Mary interrupted in spite
of herself.

  The sound of her eager deep breath was bizarrely loud in his ears.

  "Lieutenant Sue, contain yourself."

  He couldn't really say it went against his expectations. As Lieutenant Colonel Drake reproved the young first lieutenant on the verge of going off the rails, he mentally sighed.

  In order to avoid an incident, they probably needed to step away for a little while. It didn't make him happy to say it, but though the brass was probably expecting Sue to be a bridge to the Entente Alliance people...she was immature.

  Not only was she not useful, she was actually a nuisance.

  Still, he couldn't very well shoo her away, nor could he tell her to pipe down and live as a civilian in the Entente Alliance.

  When his only option was to lecture her, of course he was going to sigh.

  "Excuse me, Colonel Mikel. I'll explain things to her. Can I leave you to continue the resistance meeting?"

  "...That's fine, but..."

  Drake bowed his head apologetically as Mikel nodded to show he understood. He could just barely hold back his gripes at the higher-ups. It was better for him and the subordinate he couldn't control to withdraw rather than get laughed at for poor discipline.

  What an amateur Lieutenant Sue is if she still doesn't get it!

  Where did she do her officer training? All he could do was lament how dangerous it was when mages were pushed through their training too quickly.

  There may be a shortage of officers due to the war, but to think we'd have to be giving the rank of first lieutenant to someone who isn't even qualified! Drake faced the subordinate he'd had to drag out of the meeting like he would face a headache.

  I thought I understood how reckless she could be. But I never imagined she wouldn't be able to understand partisans from her own country!

  She had vented and complained so many times, it was absurd, but apparently her worries were still going to keep bubbling up.

  "I'm surprised you don't understand. I didn't think you would be against measures to protect the Entente Alliance's people."

  If the one coming to him with a pouty face and an objection was a little girl, Drake might have found her charming.

  Sadly for both of them...

  Mary Sue didn't seem conscious of the fact that she was here as a first lieutenant, not a girl.

  "...Where did you learn to act like that?"

  "Colonel Drake? I wasn't trying to do anything!"

  The look in her eyes said she just wanted to get back at the Empire, and it wasn't as if he couldn't comprehend that.

  Even Drake was human. A flesh-and-blood human. If the enemy was occupying his homeland, he would want to put up a tough resistance. As an individual, he understood.

  He understood, but as a soldier, it disgusted him.

  "Are you planning on rampaging through the city?"

  He was honestly surprised that he had to keep going with this stern look on his face, but... Does she really not get it?

  It was in the major city that the imperial guards were stationed.

  "If you go on a huge rampage, you know you'll catch civilians in the cross fire, don't you?!"

  "I have no intention of carrying out that sort of attack!"

  "It's not an issue of intention!"

  How many times had he heard someone say, I didn't mean to do that? Was that supposed to make up for a mountain of corpses?

  "...'Stay out of the city. We especially don't want any regular army members in the city.' That's what the partisans are saying---can't you see that?"

  Anyone examining the partisans' suggestions for where to attack should clearly understand. All the targets were remote or at least on the outskirts in barely populated areas. They were keeping the number of people who would get caught up in an attack to a minimum.

  Frankly, they were environments where the Imperial Army and the regular army could have repeated scuffles.

  "I don't understand a thing you're saying. If we help them, we should be able to resist more effectively."

  "I'm pretty sure we're a nuisance."

  "Huh?"

  Perhaps she hadn't considered that possibility? First Lieutenant Mary Sue's mouth made a strange sound like a broken machine.

  ...It won't be easy to make her understand.

  I'll have to spell it out, Drake realized and spoke carefully as he looked her straight in the eyes.

  "We're a bother to them. We're second only to the Imperial Army in terms of headaches. Lieutenant, I know you don't want to hear what I'm saying, but please just understand." He pitted his words against her glistening eyes. "Listen, the partisans are only reluctantly lending us a hand. We can't cause too much trouble for them."

  If we go into the city, there'll be problems.

  That went for the partisan camp as well as the Commonwealth and Federation Armies.

  Even the Imperial Army probably didn't want to fight in an urban area. It was almost strange how due to this unspoken desire for peace, the former Entente Alliance cities were maintaining relative tranquility.

  And from the point of view of the law of war, too, any delicate conflicts in urban areas were to be avoided if possible.

  "What?! W-we're---!"

  Before Drake could stop her, Mary had run back to the meeting and was asking the partisans directly.

  If he suppressed his thought, After I said all that..., he could see how she might want to run off like that. His personal opinion wasn't that she didn't understand but that she didn't want to accept reality.

  She sounded frantic as she asked if they were really in the way.

  As far as Drake could see as he watched, the partisans' answer to her was sincere.

  "Please don't think badly of us. But your presence here will cause trouble."

  That statement murmured with a bitter expression spoke to the situation the partisans were in.

  They were rebels. But they weren't an army.

  Every single one of them was also a person who lived here. Their battlefield was a place to fight but also a space where people were leading their lives.

  ...Which was why, while they wanted to cause losses to the enemy, they had to maintain the delicate balance that protected their day-to-day existance.

  "You could say the partisan movement is built on a strange equilibrium."

  Saying it was a symbiotic existence with the enemy was going too far.

  But the fact that the Imperial Army was garrisoned on this former Entente Alliance land couldn't be ignored. Under the current circumstances, the slight peace just barely being maintained in the urban area would crumble.

  "But that, that's collusion..."

  "Stop right there, Lieutenant Sue... Let's just be happy that if we tear things up on the outskirts, the garrison presence in the city will weaken."

  It was less that she didn't understand and more that, emotionally, she couldn't agree. Drake sighed as he pulled her away.

  War is complicated. These things happen in the field. Getting her to understand that was a monumental task. War wasn't just about shooting guns.

  When, where, and how to fight were the sort of troublesome things an officer entrusted with subordinates had to consider...but apparently that hadn't made it into her training.

  "I'm sorry my subordinate was so rude."

  "Well, it's an issue to do with our own request. Thanks for being so considerate, though."

  As the partisans bowed their heads in appreciation, they were probably frustrated, too. But they knew that realistically this was the way things had to be done.

  Why couldn't that girl understand these subtleties instead of throwing her fit?

  "You're going to be fine with that?!"

  "Are you saying they're being too servile?"

  "Ngh!"

  Given the way she went silent, that must have been what she wanted to say. Even considering she was the daughter of the resistance fighter Colonel Anson Sue, she was being too narrow-minded.

  Disdain, contempt, an
d pity were the furthest things from comprehension.

  "Lieutenant Sue, we're troublemakers."

  "But...," she started to argue, but Drake admonished her over and over. If she blew up here, there was no way things would end well.

  The partisans weren't emotional; they could be termed strategists who kept up a clever resistance. Their movement was the best resistance that could be maintained under the circumstances. Only an insane person would criticize them.

  "You were able to escape your fatherland. Or maybe I should say you were lucky enough to."

  Honestly, he wanted to yell at her, So why did you come back?

  If you think so fondly of your home country, then why can't you show a little understanding to the people who were forced to stay?

  "Many people had no choice but to remain. About the only ones who can criticize them are the children who got caught up in their circumstances."

  "So you can just say this is fine, then?!" she argued back, practically in tears.

  But it was just a child's moaning. This was a battlefield, it was reality, and it was the world of adults. It wasn't a gentle place where your guardian would comfort you if you threw a fit.

  "We probably should," Drake said.

  "But," she gasped. Did she not expect him to say that? At least, she must not have agreed. Here she was raising her voice in stubborn determination. "This is the Entente Alliance homeland! Please consider the fact that it's being occupied by the Imperial Army!"

  "Right. We should consider the fact that it's being occupied by the Imperial Army." Are emotional arguments a problem of the heart, in the end? "This is a battleground, but at the same time, it's a place where people live. Think a bit about the troubles of people besides yourself!"

  There was no reason the people of the Entente Alliance should wish that their country become a war zone. How ironic that the fight for liberation must always be fought at home.

  "I can't help it that you hate the enemy, and that's fine---but Lieutenant Sue, we're soldiers. I'm even one of the more lax ones, but orders are orders and duty is duty. I've got to have you keep that in mind."

  "...Understood."

  She reluctantly swallowed her argument. After giving her a stare that instructed her to return to her unit, Drake put the cigarette he'd taken out into his mouth.