Giving Wyatt the short version of her and Eli’s history, she said, “We knew, before he left, that there was a life mate connection between us, and we...bonded. If he’d asked, I would have gone with him when he was banished. But he...” A wry, pain-edged smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, and she shook her head a little as she stared into the empty fireplace that was on her left. “Well, he obviously didn’t. Instead, he crushed my heart into useless little pieces. So no matter what my body might want, I can’t trust him.” She brought her gaze back to her partner. “And if I can’t trust him, what’s the point?”
Wyatt worked his jaw, looking as though he wanted to put his fist through something. Something, say, like Eli’s face. It was at times like these that Carla was reminded why she loved this guy so much. He was the freaking family she’d never really had. The one she could always count on.
“So he’s the reason you never date anymore?” he asked.
She nodded, swallowing the bitterness in her throat. She hadn’t dated anyone in the last six years. Half of that time she’d been completely mad over Eli, and the other half completely destroyed because he’d left her.
Wyatt looked curious, and more than a little confused. “I don’t sense the mating bond on you. Why is that?”
“Because it didn’t fully take.” When his eyes went wide, she gave a sharp laugh and held up a hand. “And no, I’m not explaining any more than that. Suffice it to say that there was an unexpected interruption. Then the next thing I knew, he’d been banished and was gone.”
He winced. “Christ. Talk about shitty timing.”
With another wry twitch of her lips, she murmured, “In case you hadn’t noticed, that’s pretty much the theme of this story.”
“I didn’t even know you knew Eli Drake.”
Shaking her head again, she said, “I didn’t while growing up. Just of him. We never spoke until he helped me with my mom one night after she’d gone on one of her benders and I got a call from town to come and collect her. She’d passed out on the sidewalk.”
His dark brows drew together in a frown. “When was this?”
“I’d just turned twenty-two.”
“Where the hell was I?”
“You had joined Jeremy and Mason on a hunt for a rogue that had traveled into our territory.” She’d planned to leave it at that, only to hear herself adding, “But the truth is that it wouldn’t have mattered if you were home that night, Pall. I was too embarrassed to have asked you for help.”
A fresh wave of irritation darkened his rugged face, and then he sighed, looking resigned. He knew her too well to expect her to have acted any differently. “Did you know he was yours? I mean, six years ago, on the night that he helped you with your mom?”
“Yes. I realized then, but I...I didn’t know that he felt the same. Not for a long time.” Pushing her hair behind her ear, she stared into the empty hearth again and quietly said, “As lame as it sounds, we spent the next three years being ‘secret’ friends. We’d meet for runs...for walks...to hunt or to train, and I’d...I’d have to bathe like crazy after every meeting so that none of you would be able to catch his scent on my clothes.”
The memories of those bittersweet nights swept through her in a wrenching rush of emotion, and she dug her nails into her palms as hard as she could, needing that bite of pain to ground her. Keep her from falling apart. She’d never trusted easily, thanks to her upbringing. But she’d wanted to trust Eli. Wanted it so badly that she’d been shattered when he’d left without a word, confirming her fear that she’d never been anything more than a dirty little secret he’d used to amuse himself.
Getting back to her explanation, she looked at Wyatt and said, “I always worried that he was too embarrassed to let anyone in the pack know we were friends because of my bloodline.” Her voice started to shake, so she took a deep breath and tried to steady it. “I know now that that’s exactly how he felt. But at the time, I felt so right when I was with him, I just didn’t care.”
“You deserve better than that, Reyes.”
Her throat worked as she gave a hard swallow. “I actually asked him about it a few weeks before he left, and he told me that it wasn’t true. That he would never care about something like that. But it doesn’t change the fact that he abandoned me. That after sharing a close friendship with me that he didn’t want anyone to know about, then finally admitting that he wanted me and making a partial bond with me on the night before he was banished, he just walked away from me without a single word. Given all that, I can only assume he was lying when he said my bloodline didn’t matter.”
Stroking his jaw, Wyatt sighed. “Or maybe he wasn’t, and there was another reason for his silence. I wish I could give you all the answers, but this is something the two of you need to work out for yourselves. Just know that Elise and I are always here for you. Eli might be her brother, but you’re family to us, too. And that’s never going to change.”
She was mortified to feel the sting of tears burning behind her eyes. “Thanks,” she scraped out, his show of support meaning more to her than he could ever guess.
“And a word of advice?”
She’d started to pick her bag up, but let it drop back down to the floor at his serious tone. “Do I have a choice?” she asked dryly, sliding him an exaggerated smirk.
Wearing the stoic expression he was so well-known for, he said, “If you want him, don’t waste the time you’ve got with him blaming him for the past.”
She couldn’t hide her surprise when she gaped at him. “You think I should just forgive him? What the hell, Pall?”
“I’m not thinking about him,” he said in a low voice, his dark eyes kind. “I’m thinking about you, honey. And if he’s your mate, you’re never going to be whole without him.”
Her heart was pounding so hard that it hurt, and she pressed a trembling hand to her chest. “He won’t even tell me why he didn’t take me with him.”
“Just give it some time.”
“I can’t,” she muttered, panicked...and determined to do whatever it took to kill the pain inside her. If she didn’t, she was terrified it would hollow her out, leaving nothing but hatred in its wake, the same as it’d done with her mother. “I’ve already given him too much. I’m done.”
Wyatt looked at her as if she wasn’t making any sense. “Carla, that isn’t how these things work. You can’t just turn them on and off.”
“Not with a full bond. But that isn’t what we have.”
“And you think you can keep going like this?” he asked, his tone and expression making it clear that he thought she was on the ragged edge.
She shook her head. “No. And I won’t have to. I’ve talked with Jillian, and she—”
Lifting one of his hands to stop her talking, he moved to his feet and said, “Wait a minute. Jillian knows about you and Eli?”
“Yes,” she admitted, her voice tight. “She...suspected that something wasn’t right with me, and after she moved to the Alley to live with Jeremy, she finally asked me about it. I told her the truth because I...I wanted her help.”
His dark gaze looked wary. “Her help with what?”
“I want her to undo it.”
He blinked, staring at her as if she’d lost her mind. “Christ, Reyes.”
“Can you blame me?” she grumbled defensively.
The groove between his brows deepened. “What did Jillian say? Can it actually be done?”
Wetting her lips, she said, “She had to research it, but she finally found a way she thinks she can make it happen. But I needed Eli here for it.”
“And does he know this is what you want?”
Exhaling a rough breath, she rubbed her arms as she turned her head to the side. “Yeah, I told him the night I found him.”
His voice became eerily quiet. “And what’s the cost?”
She shot him a surprised look from the corner of her eye, her heart still beating to a pounding, painful rhythm. “The cost? You know Jilli
an wouldn’t charge me anything. There isn’t any cost.”
“I’m not talking about money,” he muttered, taking a step toward her. “The whole idea of something for nothing—that’s not how nature works. So what’s the cost to you?”
“It doesn’t matter,” she shot back, narrowing her eyes. “It could be the greatest risk in the world, and I would still do it.”
His own eyes went wide. “Jesus, Carla. You hate him that much?”
She opened her mouth, trying to force the words from her tight throat. But they wouldn’t come. Shaking...shivering, she locked her watery gaze with Wyatt’s compassionate one, and stopped trying to speak. It was too late anyway. She didn’t need to say anything to make him understand.
The salty tears that suddenly spilled over her cheeks told him everything he needed to know.
Chapter 6
The moment Eli stepped into the kitchen the following morning, every set of eyes turned toward him. Kyle, Sam, James and Lev had already started in on plates of toast and eggs, but he could see that some had been set aside for him to eat when he joined them.
Leaning back in his chair, Sam gave him a slow once over. “I hate to say it, but you look like shit, boss man.”
Yeah, and he felt like it, too. Ever since Carla had detailed for him and the others what the Runners had been dealing with here, he’d felt the sickening slide of guilt working its way through his system. There’d been so many times, since he’d caught news of his father’s death, that he could have picked up a damn phone and called home to check on his family. But he never had, because there’d been a part of him that hadn’t really wanted to know, so that he could keep going through the motions of living without giving a damn. Because giving a damn sucked.
But after seeing the relief on Eric’s and Elise’s faces last night, he felt more than guilt. He felt like a pathetic bastard who’d let his family down in the worst way. More than his skill in battle, they’d needed him there just to give them support, and he hadn’t been. He’d failed.
When it came to the people he cared about, that was apparently the way he worked.
Which means I’m nothing more than an asshole, he muttered inside his head, grabbing his plate and mug and taking a seat at the table.
“We spoke with Mason and the other Runners earlier this morning,” Kyle said, his arms crossed on the sturdy tabletop. “We would have dragged you out of bed to join us, but you were sleeping like the dead.”
He choked back a curse as he took a hefty swallow of his coffee, irritated that he’d overslept. But after two sleepless nights and the fight against the Whiteclaw, his body had finally demanded some downtime. Setting his mug down, he looked at Kyle. “What did you learn?”
“They have it on word that at least fifty battle-trained Lycans could be coming from various packs, ready to fight beside the Whiteclaw soldiers. They reckon that total number could be anywhere between two hundred to two fifty. Then you have to add in the mercs that Bartley’s brought with him.”
“And how many do we have fighting for the Silvercrest?” he asked, taking a bite of his eggs.
“Currently trained? About half that.”
Lev whistled under his breath. “And those are shit numbers.”
“Could be worse, if the Whiteclaw were a larger pack,” James offered in his gravelly voice. “They’re thankfully on the small side. But they’ve spent time training their men to fight, which is why they have the higher number.”
“Did you talk to any of the Runners about the day-shifting option?” During one of the meals they’d shared with Carla while they’d been on the road, she’d relayed the story of how his father had taught many of his followers the act of day-shifting. It was a skill that had previously only been known to those who sat on the League of Elders, but Stefan Drake had used it as a way to give his followers an advantage over the Runners, and now the Whiteclaw were attempting to do the same with their “super soldier” drugs.
“I talked to the one named Brody about it,” Sam said, after taking a drink of his coffee. “He told me they’d had a meeting about it, since its whole purpose is to be used during times of war. But given how things went down with your old man, and the younger Lycans who are still trying to get their heads on right after all his brainwashing bullshit, they believe it’s safer to avoid going that route.”
Eli scrubbed a hand over his stubbled jaw. “Yeah, I can see where they’re coming from. Sometimes the cure can be even deadlier than the poison.”
The group sat in heavy silence for a moment, until he looked round at his men and asked, “So what’s our play? That can’t be the only thing you’ve come up with.”
Kyle placed his hands behind his head and rocked his chair back on its hind legs. “We’ve been brainstorming some ideas that we’ll run by you tonight, after you’ve had a chance to settle in.”
He swallowed the bite he’d just taken and grimaced. “Why not just tell me now?”
“Because you look like you need a break at the moment, and we’re still putting our heads together. Just take some time to get things sorted out today, and let us deal with crunching these ideas into something that might work. Then you can listen to everything we come up with and tell us it’s all wrong tonight.”
He laughed, which was what he knew Kyle had been going for. It sucked that he’d lost touch with his family for so long, but he had to admit that he was a lucky son of a bitch to have found these guys. They were like a second family to him, and he was going to miss them when all was said and done.
He couldn’t say exactly what he’d be doing when this thing with the Whiteclaw was over, but if he survived it, Eli was determined to stick close to the ones he’d left behind.
Whether they want me here or not.
“When I spoke with Mason this morning,” Sam added, “he asked if some of us can help with the training. They’ve been working with any volunteers they get from the pack on weapons training and combat skills.”
“If they want our help, they’ve got it. But I think we need to be careful until we have a better bearing on how involved they want us. I don’t want to step on any toes around here.”
In a dry tone, Lev said, “You’re not exactly Mr. Popular with this group, are you?”
“I don’t have a great history with the Runners,” he admitted with a grimace, “but I’m hoping it’ll improve.”
“It better, if you want to keep your little lady love,” Sam murmured.
James shoved Sam in the shoulder so hard it nearly knocked the guy out of his chair. “Come on, Sam. Don’t you remember us warning you that the boss man would be out of sorts this morning?”
Shaking his head, Eli couldn’t help but smirk at their antics. “You’re all a bunch of jackasses.”
They laughed and gave him an even harder time as they finished off breakfast, then cleared the table, making plans to meet up again later that afternoon. After the guys headed out, Eli grabbed a quick shower, then threw on a pair of jeans, his boots, and a dark gray T-shirt, eager to get outside and find out what Carla was up to. As he headed out the front door of the cabin, he almost reached up and straightened his damp hair, then stopped himself with a scowl. Last thing he needed was to start primping for her. When it came to Carla Reyes, he became almost more animal than man. No sense really in putting out false advertising.
The instant he got her under his hands and mouth, everything inside him—man and beast—went straight into feral aggression mode. She was just too much. Her taste. Her scent. The silky feel of her skin. All of it was guaranteed to turn him into a slathering animal that wanted to do things to her that would make most women run for cover—which was why he needed to get a damn grip on himself.
The last time he’d touched her, in that motel room the other night, he’d forced himself to pull back because he’d been on the verge of losing it. If he wanted to touch her again—something he wanted more than anything—he was going to have to find a way to leash that visceral, primitive pa
rt of his hunger, or he’d be sinking his fangs deep into her tight flesh, completing their bond, before he even knew what hit him. And Carla would end up skinning him alive.
Not that he would blame her, with the way things currently stood between them. Hell, at this point he’d be happy just to have her look at him without that scathing burn of fury and suspicion in her beautiful eyes. Though it was the pain that really did him in. Made him feel like his insides had been flayed and dipped in lye.
Pulling in a deep breath of the pine-scented air, he started walking a bit faster across the bustling glade, needing to be with her, close to her, even if she didn’t want him there. He wasn’t really in the frame of mind to fully appreciate the beauty of his surroundings, but he would have had to be blind not to notice how in the bright morning sunlight the Alley looked like something out of a freaking fairy tale, even with all the activity going on. The grass seemed greener here than anywhere else in the world, thick and lush beneath his boots, the air so crisp and clean it damn near made him lightheaded. Then there were the tall, majestic trees, thick with leafy branches, lining the perimeter, the surrounding forest brimming with life.
And yet, despite the surreal beauty of the glade, there was an air of tension and expectancy in the air that hung over those who lived here like a dark, dense storm cloud. They were doing their best to enjoy each day as it came and to be thankful for what they had, while remaining constantly mindful of the fact that everything could change in a heartbeat. That this idyllic paradise could all too easily slip into hell if they weren’t vigilant.
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