Chapter 23 – The Shopping Trip
December 23rd
At the first signs of light I shift in bed and sit up. Charlie is finally asleep. I noticed his breathing changed an hour or so earlier. He’s rolled into the middle of the bed and is lying on his side, facing me. I watch him sleeping, hoping to figure out what I’m supposed to do. I try to picture the Charlie from The Windmill. I realize this Charlie looks different. His hair is longer and shabby. His complexion is pale and I think he might have even lost some weight, too. Perhaps it’s the shadows casting over his face, but he looks haunted.
I reach out and move his hair out of the way of his face and freeze when he sighs, moving into my hand in his sleep. I noticed at The Windmill he seemed to have a nervous habit of moving his hair around. I run my fingers through it again and straight away his breathing deepens. I’m fascinated by his response to my touch. Even given my anger and confusion over what he’s done, I keep moving my hand through his hair. His features all start to relax and his appearance begins to look less burdened.
My eyes move down his neck and down his arm that is resting over the covers. He’s wearing a t-shirt, but the sleeve has ridden up and I notice a scar on his shoulder. I let my fingers run over it, wondering what it’s from. It’s faint and I know it must be years old. I have no idea how he got it, and it reminds me that we really don’t know each other very well. Perhaps a fresh start is what we need.
I move my hands back through his hair and slowly trail my fingertips down his face. His skin is warm and I feel the stubble of his chin. I hadn’t really noticed it before, yet now it’s scratchy. I’m sure he hasn’t shaved in a couple of days. His hair appears to be darker than before and I think it must be from the lack of sun he’s had. I’m sure in Houston they have plenty of sun. No doubt the weather is a lot like Jacksonville.
I hear movement downstairs and finally pull my hand away from him before slowly and carefully moving out of bed. I quickly change back into the clothes I had on yesterday, tucking my shirt into my jeans so you can’t see the two buttons that Charlie ripped off last night. After one last look at Charlie sleeping, I open the door, slowly emerging before shutting it behind me.
I see Will moving about downstairs. The fire is dying in the hearth, and when I reach the bottom of the stairs, I grab the poker to prod it, reigniting the flames and keeping it alive.
“You’re up early.” Will watches me carefully as I stare a little longer at the flames before glancing over at him.
“So are you,” I point out, not wanting to discuss the fact that I haven’t actually slept, or at least, not since I fell asleep at the dinner table last night.
“I don’t really ever sleep in; besides I slept a lot on the car ride.” Will shrugs, his face taking on a troubled appearance.
“According to Charlie, you threw up a lot also,” I comment. Will winces and I wish I hadn’t brought it up.
“I don’t like being in a car.”
“Maybe with time you’ll get used to it.” I shrug. I’ve never known anyone to get car sick, but I’m sure it’s not uncommon.
Will sits down on the couch, looking tired.
“Everything okay?” I sit down next to him, feeling warm from standing by the fire.
Will shrugs at me again. I’ve managed to lose Talkative Will and get Silent Will instead.
“If you need to talk, I’m happy to listen,” I offer. When he doesn’t respond to that, I think over what I’ve heard about Will’s new life. Not much. “So apart from being attacked, did you like it at your new home?”
“I made some friends.” I see the corners of his mouth creep up and I know I have an in with him now.
“What are their names?”
“Freddie and Natalie. They’re brother and sister.”
“How did you meet them?”
“I met Freddie in a library. He’s really cool.”
“And you met Natalie through him, I suppose?” I try to work out if perhaps Will’s angst is from having to leave Natalie behind. Is she more than a friend to him?
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry you’ve had to leave them behind. Perhaps we can go back for them or find a way for you to see them again?” My heart drops when I know that won’t be possible.
Will shrugs and I decide this is what is bothering him. Rose found love in her new home and Will found friends. Charlie found himself drunken sex.
I frown as that last thought filters through and I wish I could wipe it from my mind.
“Morning.” Rose walks slowly down the stairs, yawning and stretching out her arms over her head, trying to wake herself up. She has a short robe wrapped around herself and her hair in a messy bun. She still looks tired and I wonder why she’s awake. I know why I can’t sleep and I suppose Will must just be missing his friends. Why is Rose awake?
Rose disappears into the kitchen, and after a moment, I hear the clanging of pots and pans. Then the taps begin to make those same horrible noises from last night.
“Do either of you want any coffee?” Rose pokes her head through the open doorway to ask us.
Will and I both decline.
Rose walks back out long minutes later with two steaming mugs.
“I think we should get a head start on shopping. We definitely need to buy a kettle, so be ready in half an hour.” Rose disappears up the stairs before I can complain. The last thing I want is to go shopping, then again, I’m not sure I want to spend the whole day here with Charlie, either.
Will walks into the kitchen to make himself breakfast and I watch the clock on the wall, hoping to delay having to go back upstairs to see Charlie. I’m so distracted that it takes me a while to realize that the clock actually doesn’t work. I have no idea how long I’ve been sitting here staring. Not wanting to upset Rose, I begin to think about what I need to do to get ready. I know I have to use the bathroom and grab my hoodie, which involves going back upstairs; so I quietly tiptoe back up to our room and peek in through the door. The large, dusty window in the corner lights up the room brighter now and I can see Charlie more clearly. He is still asleep. His arm is stretched out towards me and as a result he looks like he’s taking up the entire bed.
I use the bathroom quickly and avoid looking at myself in the mirror. I note that I need to buy body wash, toothpaste and a tooth brush along with new underwear and other clothing. I know I should wake Charlie up and ask if he needs anything, however I’m not sure I’m ready to face him. Besides, he really does look like he needs to sleep.
I quietly close the door behind me and see the last moments of Rose and Dean at their door embracing each other. They look so in love, and as happy as I am for them, I feel a pang of jealousy that Charlie and I aren’t like that right now. Instead, my mind is trying to comprehend what I’m supposed to do. I’m realizing there isn’t a right or wrong answer that someone else can give me. I’m simply going to have to decide for myself what I want to do.
Rose grabs my hand happily and bounds us down the stairs. I only just catch my feet under me to keep from falling. Despite Rose’s tired features, she apparently has lots of energy.
We wave goodbye to Will and then Rose sets off to the car Dean and I arrived in.
“Do we have enough money to shop?” I ask her.
“Dean found this.” Rose pulls out a pile of bills from the front pocket of her sweater and my eyes widen taking it in.
“He found this?” I gasp. I take the offered money and my guess is there is easily over a thousand dollars now in my hands.
“Yeah, he remembered his grandparents used to stash cash around the place. He found that just hidden in books apparently.”
“That’s weird.” I hand the money to Rose and she places it back in her pocket.
We drive for a few minutes in silence before Rose finally breaks and I understand the real reason she wanted to go shopping.
“So you and Charlie talked?” She looks at me nervously before just as quickly glancing back at the road.
“Yeah.” My heart sinks, guessing where this conversation is heading.
“And?”
“And I don’t know.”
“You know I’m the perfect person to vent to here. I’ll gladly listen to some Charlie bashing,” Rose lightly comments, but it doesn’t make me feel better. I’ve never really had guy problems, yet whenever I’ve needed to talk, I’ve always had Dana. It doesn’t feel right to talk to Rose about this, even given the fact that Dana is no longer here.
“I don’t want to Charlie bash.”
“Are you sure? It might make you feel better to talk about how stupid he is.”
“I don’t think it will make me feel better.”
“Okay, well what are you going to do?”
“What would you do?” I ask her curiously, but I have a feeling I can guess her answer.
“Dump his ass, that’s what. My advice to you would be to leave him and never look back, but I get why this is hard.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, when you know and care for someone, you always find that ‘but’.”
“But?”
“But he’s really sorry, but it was a mistake, but it’s only a one-time thing, but I really care for him. You get my point.”
“I think all of those things.” I frown. Should I not be thinking them? Should this just be black and white for me like it seems to be for Rose?
“Of course you do. And I get that this situation is especially hard. You guys really had something special at The Windmill and I never got the feeling Charlie was a cheater. Seeing his face that morning when Will and I barged in shows he’s no experienced cheater. He looked like Will on a bad driving day and I know it didn’t have anything to do with how drunk he was.”
“What was she like?”
“The bitch he slept with? She was nothing really. Don’t worry about her; you don’t need to be thinking about that.” Rose speaks all of that quickly and I read between the lines to get she was hot.
“So you think I shouldn’t forgive him?”
“I know I couldn’t, but you’re not me. Can you forgive him?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, once you figure that out, you’ll have your answer. I know I don’t like Charlie very much, but I’ll concede that he’s generally a decent guy, and he quite obviously cares for you, so I guess that could count for something in this.”
I sigh heavily and watch the passing trees flying past us. We’re nearly off the dirt road and our car will look a real sight from all the mud we’ve just spat all over the lower part of the car.
“So what do you think of Dean?” Rose asks me, now keen to get away from the Charlie topic.
***
It’s past lunchtime when Rose and I finish shopping. We’ve bought several new clothes, all warm. Rose has insisted we buy some running shoes and clothes to exercise in as well. She assures me we need to maintain a certain level of fitness. We purchased toiletries, the boys a lot of clothes and Rose bought a kettle. We also grab a few different bottles of alcohol and beer which I’m not sure is such a good idea. Not because I don’t want to get drunk, but that I fear if we’re incapacitated, what will happen if Stan turns up? We’ll be stumbling over ourselves to get away. Not exactly the safest option.
We get back late in the afternoon and I immediately notice Charlie lying on his back on the kitchen floor with his head in the oven. The house is hot from the fire still going and there are loads of cut up logs by it now. The boys must have found some wood to chop up. Some of it looks wet, but in here, it’ll take no time at all to dry.
I carry the bottles of alcohol into the kitchen with Rose. As I get closer to Charlie I see he’s wearing faded jeans and a white tank top. He has grease marks all over his arms and top. My breath catches when I see his arm muscles contracting as he tries to pull on something in the oven. Failing that, he turns around, his head still in the oven and shifts onto his front. He moves up with his knees so his butt protrudes upwards. My cheeks redden realizing I’m just standing frozen, gawking at him.
“Maybe now your answer to whether you forgive him is easier?” Rose teases as she passes me, holding the kettle.
“Rose!” I hiss, hoping Charlie didn’t hear that.
He must have heard our voices, though, because, in the shock, he jolts up and bangs his head on the ceiling of the oven.
“Ouch!” He pulls his head out and rubs the sore spot.
“Are you okay?” I step closer to him, but stop short of reaching him. He stands up and my eyes lock onto his, noticing grease marks all over his face and hands, too, as he continues holding his head.
“Yeah.” The tension in the air builds up the longer we stand staring at each other, and I feel like he’s waiting for me to say something. What am I supposed to say?
“So is it fixed yet or are we having another cold dinner?” Rose asks, breaking the trance that has fallen over us.
As Charlie looks over to Rose, I’m freed from his gaze. I quickly look away and move back around the breakfast bar, feeling as if the distance helps me keep my head clear.
“Just a few more minutes and it should be done.”
“Good, ‘bout time you were useful,” Rose sneers at him.
“Yeah, still waiting for you to be of any use,” Charlie shoots back.
“What, getting everyone new identities and giving you cash to go on the run doesn’t count then?” Rose glares.
Charlie rolls his eyes and moves his arms over his chest, drawing my eyes down to his shoulders, and I wish I could have his arms wrapped around me.
“Whatever, next time you can be on your own then.” Rose taps her foot impatiently. “Where’s Dean?”
“He and Joel are outside looking at the pipes,” he answers her. I feel his eyes are back on me now, so I force my eyes away from his arms.
Rose exits through the backdoor, leaving us alone.
“Well, I guess I better let you get back to it.” I keep my eyes averted.
“Zoe, can we talk about this?” Charlie wipes his hands on his pants, although the grease never comes off. He takes a step towards me, but I step backwards with him so he doesn’t get closer to me.
“I’m not ready to talk about it yet,” I plead, hoping he doesn’t push this.
“Okay.” We stand in silence, and right when I’m about to just walk away, he speaks up. “Did you have a good trip with Rose?”
“It was okay.” I shrug. I might have been able to enjoy it more if I wasn’t feeling so exhausted.
“I was worried about you. I wish you’d woken me to tell me you were leaving.”
I look up at him then and see him moving his hand through his hair, bringing it backwards and forwards. It reminds me of my morning and suddenly my hand twitches, wanting to run my fingers through his hair. I place it firmly in my pocket to prevent him from noticing anything is amiss.
“You looked tired. I thought you could use the sleep.”
“Did you manage any sleep?” he asks with concern in his voice.
I shrug, feeling like Will, keeping so quiet.
“Did you eat today?” His tone stays concerned and I flush at that line of questioning.
“Yes.”
“Well, that’s something, I guess. You look like you’ve not really been eating properly.”
“I’ve had a lot on my mind.” I try to defend myself, not looking him in the eye.
“Dana,” he murmurs. Hearing her name out loud is like a stab to my heart. Even though I’ve thought of her every day for the past eight months, I’ve never spoken about her to anyone. It’s unsettling to suddenly hear her name out loud.
“Yes.”
“If you need to talk about her I’m here, even if you simply need someone just to listen. I know we’re not okay right now, but I will always be here for you.”
“Thanks.” I suddenly feel an urge to sob and turn away, trying to keep it in.
“Zoe…” His hand is suddenly on my should
er and I jump, not expecting to feel his touch. “I know you must miss her and being on the run is not the best circumstance to grieve, but it’s not healthy to keep it all in.”
Tears trickle down my cheeks, however I don’t turn around. I continue trying to keep in my sobs. I know I should quickly leave, but my feet are stuck to the ground.
“I’m here when you’re ready, okay?” Charlie drops his hand away from me and I turn around, hugging him tightly. I didn’t plan on doing it, yet suddenly I need to feel him in my arms. I’ve felt alone for so long. I cry openly while he holds me tightly until I cry out all the tears I have left. Unfortunately, I know more will come. I’ll always have an endless amount of tears over the sadness I feel having lost Dana.
“I miss her every day,” I admit, sounding broken even to my own ears.
“Of course you do. Have you been doing what I suggested? Thinking of a happy memory every night?”
“I tried. I keep seeing her die. I can’t stop seeing her dying.” I stay in his arms, finding comfort in them even though I shouldn’t right now.
“You have to fight past that image. You’re in control of your mind, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you’ll be able to leave that image behind. Every time you see her like that, think about her smile, think about her laugh. Remember a fun memory from school, or even just a boring one. It doesn’t matter, but overlap it with something else. Soon it won’t be so hard and it’ll come naturally to you. You have to try, though.”
I nod yes, not trusting my voice. Charlie had helped me back at The Windmill, perhaps this will help me, too.
“Good. Why don’t you try and get some sleep. It’s harder to focus on the good when you’re exhausted. I’ll wake you later when dinner is ready.”
“Thanks.” I already feel a small amount better, although I don’t know if this has really changed anything between us.
***
Dinner that night is a lot lighter. Everyone seems to have gotten over their exhaustion from the previous night and having alcohol definitely helps. It’s strange seeing Will taking a hesitant sip of beer from his glass, however the horrible face he makes after his first sip makes me laugh. He moves the glass away from him after that and it takes Dean slapping his back and pushing it back in front of him to have another try. It appears to go down a bit easier, but after he finishes it he doesn’t ask for another.
Taken By Force (Taken Trilogy Book 2) Page 16