The Red Line
Page 3
“So, how is everything going with the two lovers? Did they move in together? Or not yet?"
"Oh, Kamil, it's been so long since I talked to you. I’ve been busy lately. Nora moved in. Guess where? His room! I never would’ve thought a girl like her would do that. I don't think her parents are aware of the situation. I recall she lost her dad. Maybe her family’s more open-minded; they are Christians."
"He had a lot of other girlfriends over, didn’t he?"
"Yes, but either foreigners or—you know what. Not girls like Nora!"
"This must be serious indeed. I don't want you to encourage him, Mona. He’s always heading for disaster. And it's a shame to let this girl become his victim."
"But Kamil, he looks so happy. He’s so changed..."
"Mona, Mona, Mona, calm down. I respect your maternal feelings, but nothing has changed the situation. I don't want things to drag on till we can't handle the outcome. Do you understand what I'm saying? Your son has to stay under our supervision, and this girl is actually his wildcard."
After her conversation with Kamil, Mona moved to the living room where Tamer and Nora were sitting. Nothing showed on her face, no trace of the torment and anxiety raging inside her. She never imagined her feelings would change so much, especially toward her son. In the past, she hardly cared about what was happening to him. Was she becoming old and sentimental? Kamil would say so. He was the one who always reminded her to look out for herself.
The living room was bathing in the last light of the sunset. The huge French doors leading to the balcony were closed, muffling the noise from outside except for the explosions of mortars—what a shame! Inside, the lights were dimmed, and Mona could hear the whisperings of the two young people. They were sitting on the sofa, lost in their own world. Today the bombing had been really heavy, especially on the Christian side. Nora had tried to call home many times, but to no avail. All the lines had been cut, and the power had gone out countless times. She looked calm and composed sitting there, but all her anxiety showed in her eyes and in her gestures. Tamer was trying to calm her down with his smile and light conversation.
Mona didn't want to admit to herself how Tamer’s attitude and new behavior were getting to her. She was discovering a new person in her son. Where was Tamer the crazy and rebellious young man who refused to listen and treated her with hatred and disdain? In his place was a very tender and caring person who was doing his best to make his mother and his girlfriend feel happy and safe. But danger was still lurking, and who knew what would happen if questions started to come up, questions about serious issues that were better kept hidden?
"Hey, young people, ready for dinner?" To the Lebanese, meals are of utmost importance. Everything gets resolved around the table, from political debates to family problems.
"Did you get any news from your mother, Nora?"
"A friend of mine who works with the Red Cross came by the hospital this morning. There are many wounded, but he thinks that the area where my home is was still a little safer than the others. No way to find out anything about my mom, though. The blackout over there has lasted a week now, so there’s no way to call. I want to try to cross the line tomorrow if it's possible. I'm very worried, and she must be feeling the same."
"I'll take you myself. I'll just wait on one side until you safely cross the line. Leave your car on the Christian side on your way back. I'll be waiting for you with some guys I know on the Muslim side. It's safer to walk the distance. You’ll be able to hide behind a wall in case a sniper takes aim at you, at least."
"Oh Tamer, don't do it!" said Mona, very disturbed by the awakening of old memories. "Please don't do it! It will be so traumatic for you."
Tamer looked at her angrily. "I'll do whatever it takes to keep Nora safe. Do you understand? I don't care about the past anymore!"
Nora, who felt like she wasn’t a part of what was happening, thanked Tamer with her eyes and a smile. They resumed their dinner in silence, lost in their own thoughts.
XI.
Lately, the whole Christian area was under heavy bombing from the Syrian army. After the first fights between Muslims on one side and Christians on the other, leaders on both sides asked their neighbor Syria to intervene for the sake of peace. A heavily armed Syrian army got inside the country and took over all the strategic points, which allowed them to dominate the capital and all major cities.
That was twelve years ago. Despite how the Syrians had entered primarily to protect the Christians, they ended up siding with the other party. In the end, the Christians were left to fend for themselves; their only support was Israel, which secretly gave them arms and training. They ended up in a sort of ghetto, surrounded by enemies from the old ones at the front lines to the Syrians all over the mountains around the city.
The west side of Beirut, the Muslim side, was still in relatively good shape. Despite Israeli bombings and Muslims fighting against each other and Palestinian refugees, West Beirut was still in better shape than East Beirut.
Civilians caught between the fighting parties were the unwilling players in this game and its first victims. They lost everything: parents, kids, jobs, and homes. Sometimes they even had to beg for bread and water. All the basic necessities had disappeared. People were used to living and studying by candlelight, taking bucket baths, and rationing their water. Nora had gotten used to living this way when she was eleven years old.
War had taken everything from her. It had taken her dad first, and after that, nothing really mattered anymore. If it wasn't for her mom, she wouldn't have worked so hard to get her medical degree. Her only wish was to get out of this inferno, which meant leaving the country. Other people could afford to do better; they could bribe the militia to get them more food and water. Many tried to live normal lives by using generators for power and even selling some lines to a neighbor...But for Nora, the only way out was not to adapt, but to leave—just leave without looking back at this huge mess of a country…
XII.
Four months had passed…
Nora couldn’t believe what was happening in her life. She left her mom, letting her think that she was going back to the hospital even though she was actually heading for the Monzem residence. Where was the dutiful Nora, obsessed with her medical studies, straitlaced, and traditional? Nothing remained of her old self. She felt like she'd been replaced by another person.
Since she’d met Tamer, her whole life had changed. She’d never thought she could be so passionate about someone, passionate to a point where nothing counted anymore, not the war, not tradition, not religion. She was riding a blazing wave that erased everything in its path. She knew she was walking a tightrope and might fall at any moment. How could she let go of everything? She'd been crossing the line like a crazy, back and forth through bombs and snipers. She’d been lying to her mom about where she was staying, and she’d been involving her best friend in this web of intrigue and lies, all for a guy—but a guy who meant the world to her. How had she let herself go so far?
The weekend she had spent with Tamer and Mona at the mountain resort had changed everything in her life. When she arrived there, she experienced a sense of freedom she never knew existed before. The mountains up in northern Lebanon had their own kind of peace. After a series of fights between the villages during the first years of the war, a kind of truce was settled there.
It was a mostly Christian area, so night clubs were abundant, and an atmosphere of going out and of partying hung around the place. This was where people young and old and even people of different religions met to dance or to dine on tabbouleh, the traditional Lebanese salad. They enjoyed gossip and fought over politics around the same table. In this place, the Muslims tasted freedom from their rigid traditions. The girls—especially the wealthy ones—could go out and party as hard as the Christian ones. The false sense of leaving the war zone was overwhelming.
For Nora, who had lived most of her life stuck between the bunker and her studies, this was a side of L
ebanon she’d never even imagined. This was a whole new life offered to her on a platter, and she decided to fully enjoy it. After spending two days with the Monzems, she accepted their invitation to move into their house. Then when Tamer asked her to stay in his bedroom, she didn't hesitate. For her, she had already taken the step. Besides, in this war, she couldn’t care less about society, especially outside her fief where no one knew her. Nora trusted Rheem to keep her secret and tell everyone who noticed her absence at the hospital that she sometimes had to cross the line and stay with her mother.
The first nights with Tamer opened up a whole world of discovery for her senses and sensuality. As a virgin, educated as she was, she found that she knew nothing of the games of sex and love. He was awakening every cell in her body to this new world of sensations and pleasures, and she was discovering his body, trying to give him as much as he was giving her.
Tamer respected Nora’s virginity and waited patiently for her to make the first move. It took her some time; she was always frightened at the last moment to let go. ‘Let go of what?’ she kept asking herself. Let go of her old self? Or let go of her traditions, education, and beliefs? Maybe she was frightened of the shame she would bring on her family if she were discovered; maybe she was scared of the guilt she would feel for her mom’s sake. She would be crossing the red line big time! No way back anymore.
A week after Nora moved in with Tamer, she tried to be cautious and put herself on the pill. There was no need to get a prescription for medicine in Lebanon. You could just go into any pharmacy and get the drug you needed. Anti-anxiety drugs were being sold by the dozen; rare were the people who could sleep without taking one. These pills were even passed between friends and neighbors and distributed in the bunkers.
Nora got the anti-conception pills she was looking for, and the night she said yes, she knew that she only desired one thing: her lover. Everything else disappeared. She was drawn into a haze of pleasure and passion and wanted to stay there forever. Tamer was as passionate as she was. They lived detached from their surroundings in their own cocoon under the indulgent eyes of Mona, who never said a thing, but just watched...
Nora and Tamer grew so close that they could hardly spend any time away from each other. At the hospital, Nora's whole attitude changed from taciturn to outgoing, from shy to participating actively in her classes. Most of the time, Tamer tried to hover around the university grounds so they could meet in secret around a corner or behind a building. At the end of the day, they would end up sitting close to each other in a bistro or a trendy restaurant, laughing or smiling in their own private world. Neither the sound of faraway bombs nor the darkness in the streets had any effect on them. They hardly even noticed the people around them.
When Nora wanted to visit her mom, Tamer used to drive her to the frontlines and wait until she had safely crossed to her car parked on the other side. When she was ready to come back, he was always there waiting to pick her up. The militia on both sides was amazed by their zeal to please and protect each other. They used to call them the "Romeo and Juliet" of the front lines.
XIII.
Months went by…then a year went by. By her second year of residency, Nora was practically living at the Monzems’ house. The neighbors were polite to her, especially when she was with Tamer or Mona. They didn't talk much; they just said hello, but that was enough for Nora. She kept feeling as though she were living in a different world.
Nora met Kamil and didn't like him at all. She felt anger and malice behind his polite smile, and even some disdain. Was it because she was Christian? After she met him, she started looking around her for the first time, really looking at where she was. She was a lone Christian in completely Muslim surroundings! She started to get scared, but one look into Tamer's eyes made her forget everything. She was Tamer's, and that was enough. They would overcome all obstacles together, no matter what.
"Hey Nora, did you get my note? I left it for you in our room." Nora was meeting Rheem this morning to discuss certain patients’ cases. They had a conference later with the Chief of Service.
"No. I didn't have time to stop by our place. I woke up late and came straight here. Is something wrong?"
"Do you remember Ramzi, the guy I used to date at the psychiatric hospital? He’s here. He moved to neurology, and when he saw me yesterday, he asked me a lot of questions about you. I think he’s seriously interested in you. Don't mind me. I'm happy with Farid, and we’re seriously thinking about getting engaged. So go ahead, girlfriend! He's one of our guys like Farid, a Christian from our area."
"Did you tell him anything about my actual life? Watch out, he knows Tamer. "
"Do you think I'm as crazy as you are? I just told him that you barely stay here since you have some cousins you frequently visit on this side of Beirut. Nora, listen to me. I keep telling you that you're playing with fire. Just try to get out. Come back to our room. Even Farid and I, who are actually getting married, haven’t dared to take that step yet. Even though our parents know each other at least, even we are scared to go against convention. Your mom is completely in the dark for now, but there are rumors..."
"What rumors? Oh Rheem, I knew you would talk. You’re disgusting."
"Me? Oh please, Nora. Look at yourself and the blunders you're making! People have seen you many times with a guy in the vicinity of the hospital, and even the Chief of Service asked me the other day if you're getting married! And you say it's my fault? You know what? You're on your own. I don't care anymore!"
"I’m sorry, Rheem."
"Okay, okay, let's get back to our cases before the conference starts."
The day went by as usual, but Nora knew that something had broken in her relationship with Rheem, and she didn't know how to fix it. At lunch, Ramzi was there. It felt awkward to lie in front of Rheem about the imaginary cousins. She had to make up reasons why she couldn't spend time with Ramzi, who was asking her out. She was burying herself deep, so deep under a huge mountain of lies that there was no way to get out.
"I'm not backing away. I know you're shy, Nora, and I know you like to take your time. But I really like you, and we can all go out together in a group."
"Okay, let me think about it." Nora didn't want to be rude to Ramzi, whom she liked. At the same time, she didn't want to give him false hope for a future relationship with her.
Since they were the only Christians there, they got used to sticking together: Nora, Rheem, Farid, Eli, and Ramzi. People around them were never threatening; on the contrary, most of the students there were polite. With the war still going on, though, the awkward feeling of not belonging never left them.
Since Ramzi's arrival, Nora had gotten more involved with her circle of friends. Trying not to arouse suspicion, she asked Tamer to stay away from the hospital. She was still sleeping with him, but finding reasons to leave the dorm every day was becoming more and more difficult. The guys were always around, making plans for the evening. She suspected that Ramzi was the one pushing everybody to include her in their plans, and that bothered her a lot. Tamer was as upset as she was by the turn of the events. He now expected to wait for her at home every day, but he was becoming more and more frustrated.
"Are you ashamed of me or something? What's happening?" She couldn't believe that he failed to understand what an awful situation she had put herself in by living with him. Was he that out of touch with reality?
"Tamer, our situation is very awkward. I'm Christian and you're Muslim, first off, and then we're living together..."
"Hey! Stop. Stop right here. I thought you didn't care about religion or traditions or whatever. Or was it all bull----!?"
"I love what we have together more than anything. I love you. But I can't let it all go so easily. There’s my future, everything I’ve worked for my whole life…I still can't let it go!"
"And what about our future, Nora? Me, in your future. Do I exist?"
"You're everything for me, Tamer. Just give me time to handle it all."
She knew that her attitude was upsetting her friends. Rheem was distancing herself from her, and Ramzi suspected her of already having someone else in her life…
XIV.
“Hey, Tamer! Have you heard from Nora recently?”
"She called yesterday. She'll be back tomorrow."
He'd been unapproachable for almost a week now, and Mona was worried about him. She herself had gotten attached to Nora and was used to seeing her around every day. The girl had left suddenly five days ago, leaving most of her clothes behind. Mona had noticed that there was tension between her son and his girlfriend lately. As usual, she didn't intervene or ask questions, but she didn't want Tamer to suffer a relapse. She knew how deeply he was involved with this girl. It was like his whole world revolved around Nora.
He used to disappear after dropping her off at the hospital. Kamil told Mona that he was frequently hovering around the offices, talking with the employees and asking questions. He even went with Kamil twice to check on some clients. One of Toufic’s many factories was in the sanitary industry; it made all kinds of luxurious bathroom fixtures. It was the only one that stayed open in Beirut during the war. All the others were moved to Arab countries where, as a Muslim, Toufic had a right to do business. None of the Christians had that privilege there, not even the Arab ones.