The Sparrow

by Kristy McCaffrey

  My name is Emma, she began. When I was very young, my mama was killed in a gruesome way. I was very upset and confused, and I missed her more than anything. It’s a terrible pain to carry around, one that never really heals. Even now she could feel the remnants of the wound, centering in her chest and emanating into her abdomen. If I could’ve been with her, I suppose I would’ve wanted to stay in a place like this. Do you understand, Loloma?

  The boy looked at her with wide, blackened eyes. He appeared frightened while he lay in the embrace of his mother. His sweet sadness tore at Emma’s heart.

  I’m so sorry, Loloma, she continued. But you’re alive, and you must leave this place. Your father waits for you, along with the rest of your family and friends.

  “I don’t want to go,” he said. “I did a terrible thing when my mama died.”

  Emma immediately knew what troubled him—the horrific act of cannibalism that Diamond had made him perform. She switched her gaze to Lenmana. You must tell him that it’s all right to go. You must tell him what he did wasn’t his fault. You must tell him of the evil that infects Diamond’s soul.

  Lenmana didn’t speak. Young, with a smooth face surrounded by long, dark hair, her beauty was remarkable. But she was also a shell of what she had once been.

  If you hold him here, Emma said, he will never live a full and wonderful life. If you love him, then you must let him return to his body.

  Distress crossed Lenmana’s face. “I’m afraid to be here alone,” she whispered.

  Emma wondered if there was anything she could do. What were the rules in the Land of the Dead? She didn’t know. Could she simply take Lenmana with her? But there was no longer a body in which to deposit her spirit. Where could Emma take her? Instinct told her that Masau’u would be of no help. In fact, she was certain it would be advantageous if she could somehow sneak the woman and the boy away before the dark entity even knew, but doubted that was possible. She wished she could call to Una or Riddle and ask them, but probing for their energy turned up nothing. It was as if the Land of the Dead had an impenetrable boundary. Emma made a snap decision.

  I’ll take you both with me.

  Lenmana looked at her with surprise. “Where will we go?”

  With compassion, Emma spoke honestly. Loloma must be returned to his physical body. I’ll do my best to find a safe place for you, Lenmana. Will you both let me help you?

  Lenmana spoke softly to her son, in a language Emma didn’t understand. The exchange made Emma think of Pakwa. She thought of the vision in which Pakwa had protected Loloma’s physical form while Lenmana had been swept away by a flood.

  That was it.

  Climb onto me, she told them. Lenmana and her son settled onto Emma’s feathery back. She moved back to Masau’u’s lair.

  I know the answer to your riddle, she said to him. What both destroys and creates? A flood. It destroys imbalance with one cleansing burst, leaving room for a new balance, hopefully a better one.

  Masau’u seemed to nod, although what appeared to her could hardly be defined as a man. That is correct, he replied.

  I want safe passage out of here, she said resolutely.

  Masau’u shifted into a more human form. You are stronger than I thought. And you are an irritation. But you may leave.

  Emma hesitated, knowing she took a risk. Do you know where Diamond’s mother is? she asked.

  A scene revealed itself, a woman trapped in a box filled with goblins. The image made Emma shudder. A giant padlock secured the lid.

  To free her, Masau’u said, will require more than the answering of a riddle.

  Anticipation emanated from him, and for a moment Emma was ready to take the challenge, to prove she was worthy, to prove she was strong enough to stand among the best shamans.

  A voice whispered in her ear. Don’t fall prey. If she failed, she might never leave this place. She didn’t have the skill, and deep down she knew it. Don’t let pride trip you up, Emma. It was the Devil’s downfall in Heaven, and Eve’s when she ate the apple from the forbidden Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Perhaps one day, when she was well prepared, she’d return and fight for the soul of this misguided woman, but not today.

  Milton’s words spoke loudly to her…bow and sue for grace with suppliant knee. Approach God with humility, and the reward will be His grace.

  She took flight and left this place of death without a backward glance, shuddering as a ripple of energy emanating from Masau’u passed through her. She refused to look back, returning along the path she had come. When she crossed the river, she met with Una and Riddle once again.

  You have a full load, Emma-Sparrow, Una said.

  How do I return them?

  You must breathe them back into their bodies. You will do better to fly and not wait for us.

  But what about Lenmana? Emma asked.

  You will know when the time is upon you, Una replied.

  Her animal friends seemed to think she knew more than she did. But if they wouldn’t give her the answers, then she’d simply make them herself.

  I’ll go now then. She looked at Una then at Riddle. Thank you for your help. Will I see you both again?

  Yes, Una replied.

  Only if you call for me, Riddle said.

  I’ll remember that, Emma said. With a great surge, she flew upward. After a long journey through a tunnel she emerged above Grand Canyon, stars twinkling overhead. Almost immediately the souls began to leave through Emma’s beak, returning to their rightful homes. Emma aided their release by exhaling steadily. Finally, her belly was empty. She continued to fly until she found the Hopi encampment where Loloma’s body lay. She landed, and Lenmana and Loloma slid from her back. In the darkness, a figure approached. Emma recognized Pakwa.

  As the old woman came near, cautious and wary, Emma marveled that she could see them at all. Unable to speak to her in her current state of shape-shifted bird, Emma flapped her wings as a type of greeting. Clarity filled Pakwa’s gaze. Her attention turned to her daughter and grandson, and she began to cry.

  Unspoken energy flowed between the three generations of Hopi—grief and loss, but also love and forgiveness—until finally Loloma went to his grandmother. With one last look he glanced over his shoulder at his mother, waved, then returned to the lean-to where his human body resided.

  Lenmana’s form sunk to the ground in defeat.

  Emma didn’t know what to do.

  Forms began to surround them in a wide circle. Emma worried that they weren’t benign, that Masau’u had somehow followed them to retake Lenmana’s soul. And perhaps Emma’s, too. But soon faces materialized, and Emma saw they were Hopi as well. They had come to help Lenmana. Her Hopi ancestors were here to lead her to the next step. They coaxed Lenmana to stand, and guided her upward to the stars.

  We have her now, one of the spirits said to Emma as they sped away. We will help her.

  And with that, they were gone.

  Emma stayed at the Hopi camp for a time, reflecting on all she had done, enjoying the sensation of being Sparrow. Giddy from her successful night of soul hunting, she simply couldn’t resist one more flight. She pushed off and soared high, gliding over the magnificent expanse of the canyon. She rode wind currents and felt the utter freedom of flight, unbounded from the restrictions of the world below. No gravity could keep her down. She thought of Nathan.

  She flew west, in search of him. Flying in low circles she found him on the southern rim, sleeping restlessly beside Masito and Na’i. Landing nearby, she watched him. He was as she remembered. She wished she could speak to him, but knew it wasn’t possible, and she was reluctant to enter his dreams. She wouldn’t make that mistake again. Their paths would intersect in a few days, down river. She just needed to be patient. Finally, she left him and flew back to her body.

  With a gasp, Emma inhaled a huge gulp of air and opened her eyes. Looking down at herself, she saw her hands and boot-clad feet. She was human again.

  Tiny sparrows sat all aroun
d her, chirping loudly. In the pale dawn light, Emma counted nearly fifteen of them. As her gaze shifted to Diamond, watching her intently from several feet away, she didn’t need to wonder why they were perched around her in a protective circle. They had watched over her. Sparrow must have sent them, to guard her physical form. It hadn’t occurred to her that Diamond might try a misdeed in this world; she was wrong to underestimate him. Thankfully, Sparrow hadn’t.

  “Thank you, little ones,” she said softly.

  “And were you successful?” Diamond asked.

  Emma thought about keeping her business her own, but there was no hiding who she was and what she was capable of accomplishing. And she wanted Diamond to know that he had an adversary in her.

  “Yes.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Nathan awoke from the dream, feeling the essence of Emma surrounding him. It was as if she’d been right there with him. She hadn’t spoken, but he was certain she had been present, somehow, in the space beside him. She’d also been a bird.

  That he accepted this as more truth than imagery told him how far his perspective had shifted since being in this place, since knowing Emma Hart.

  He stood and began to search the area around their encampment. Masito and Na’i had yet to awake. When he saw the tracks on the ground, he knelt to have a closer look. The marks were clearly the outline of a bird’s claws, and had been made recently. They were quite substantial, much bigger than would be normal for a bird, even a large one such as a hawk or raven.

  She was here.

  Deep in his heart, he knew it was true.

  But it meant that the world he'd denied his entire life was real. It existed. And Emma walked in it.

  For one panic-filled moment, he worried she was dead. How else might she walk among the spirits and become an animal? He quickly refuted the thought. She’d done it before among the Hopi and returned. This had to be the same.

  She was out there, and visited him the only way she knew. The idea gave him hope. They needed to keep moving. He felt more certain than ever that he’d soon find her.

  * * *

  Emma and Diamond were on the river by the time full sunlight filled the sky. The sparrows continued to hover.

  “Damn nuisance birds,” Diamond spat. “Can’t you get rid of ‘em?”

  “I think they’re sweet.” Emma smiled at one, the biggest of all of them. He always sat to her right.

  “Did you find my ma?” he asked.

  Emma almost responded with the truth, but then remembered that she dealt with Diamond, a man accustomed to violence and murder. “I tried,” she replied. “But I couldn’t find her. I can try again.”

  “You said last night that you were successful. How’d you gain entrance to Masau’u’s lair?”

  “I was allowed to enter.”

  “Why? You must’ve done something, said something important. What was it?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “But you couldn’t find my ma there?” he persisted.

  “No.”

  “Well, she is there. Masau’u has told me himself. You weren’t as successful as you should’ve been. You aren’t as good as you think you are.” Smug satisfaction mixed with his disappointment.

  Emma rowed the boat. “Maybe not,” she muttered under her breath. “But you don’t do anything but just sit there.”

  “I don’t like it down here.” He brooded. “It’s so damn hot. It’s so damn remote. And I’m tired of all this damn water.”

  As if on cue, it started to rain.

  “At least it’s not hot anymore,” Emma said.

  Diamond sank back on the bench and pushed his hat low on his forehead.

  She guided the boat on the river for several hours, the water calm despite the continuous rain. Emma enjoyed the physical task of rowing. The world seemed different to her, more vibrant, more alive. The colors appeared so clear, the rocks and the shrubs vibrating with a beauty hard to describe. It was as if her sight had changed.

  When they came upon a large rapid, she didn’t hesitate. She entered one of the avenues pouring into it. They dipped and crested through the whitewater, and Emma felt herself fly from her seat. She laughed as she smacked her bottom. Diamond withered to the floor of the dory, shielding himself with his arms from the waves of water pouring over the sides. She screamed with delight and continued to work the oars through the rapid, feeling the rush of nature pulse through her.

  She knew its source, felt its power, and honed her skills to match it, not control it. It all made perfect sense to her now, the rhythm of the natural world.

  As they emerged from the rushing torrent of water, Emma took a deep breath of satisfaction and rowed them into calmer waters.

  “You’re crazy,” Diamond moaned. “We can’t go through whitewater like that anymore.”

  “Mother Nature can support you, or destroy you. Surely you understand that concept. You just don’t pay enough attention. You spend too much time hurting people and turning yourself into a snake.”

  “It scared you,” he sneered.

  “Not anymore.”

  * * *

  They made camp that night just ahead of a rapid at a large area filled with granite peaks and a large side canyon. There was even a small island in the center of the river. As Emma settled for the night, a fair distance from Diamond, she felt comforted by the presence of the little sparrows once again. She knew she’d be safe to journey.

  In the form of Sparrow, she traveled up and down the river. It looked much as it usually did but the colors were a little off, more muted, more bluish in hue although it was nighttime here as well. She didn’t see Una or Riddle, but then she didn’t call on them either. A part of her wanted to see what she could discover on her own.

  After a time, she recognized the spot on the river where she and Nathan had made love for the first time. The memory filled her with warmth and connection, and she stopped to explore the place. As she enjoyed the canyon views and the starry sky, she became aware of another presence.

  A woman moved along the shoreline, stopping when she saw Emma. It was clear that she travelled in the same way as Emma.

  Hello, Emma said.

  The woman hesitated. “Greetings,” she said, but Emma was aware that she didn’t speak English. Perhaps some greater spirit translated for them. Or maybe Emma simply understood this woman’s language. She appeared to be Indian, similar to the people Emma had sensed so long ago at a place not far from here. They had been ethereal creatures then, but this woman, while obviously in some form of spirit, was different than those beings.

  Are you in search of something? Emma asked.

  “Yes. I’m scouting the future for a safe place.”

  You’re from the past? The thought intrigued Emma. Are you a medicine woman? A healer?

  “Yes.”

  Where in the past are you from?

  “I am in the time of the twelfth century.”

  Impressed with the woman’s grasp of time, Emma knew she must come from an intelligent clan.

  What are your people called?

  “Our name would mean nothing to you. But I have come across a future name for us—the Ancient Ones. We are the mothers and fathers of the people here called Hopitu.”

  Emma nodded, still in bird form. Why are you looking for a safe place?

  “We can no longer live where we are. There are those who seek to control all. There has been great violence and much death. Many of us are afraid. We need a safe place to live, a safe place to hide. Can you help me?”

  Yes. Your people do come here, to this great Canyon. I’ve seen it in a vision. You’re still afraid but here you’re safe, at least for a while.

  “I thank you for your help. What are you called, great bird-spirit?”

  I am Emma. I’m just a traveler, like you. I’m human like you, too, but sometimes I take this form.

  “I understand. Sometimes I take animal forms as well. My thanks.”

  The Ancient On
e’s spirit departed, and Emma was once again alone. She decided to search for Nathan, and began flying to the west but soon realized she was in a world like the one she walked in but slightly different. She was unable to find him.

  But she did come across another wandering spirit and this one she recognized—Nathan’s father.

  She changed into human form, or at least some semblance of one. “Why do you stay near your son?” she asked.

  The older man saw her and smiled sadly. “You’re the woman he’s been traveling with.”

  Emma nodded.

  “I just want to talk to him,” he continued. “I want to explain. But I can’t seem to get him to listen.”

  “Keep trying,” she said. “He needs to speak with you. I don’t think he knows how much.”

  “He’s stubborn—like his mother.”

  “Try again,” she suggested. “Visit him in a dream. Maybe this time, he’ll listen.”

  “My gratitude. I’ll try.” He faded away.

  Emma returned to her body, thanked her sparrow guardians, and fell into a deep sleep.

  * * *

  Nathan dreamed. It was the damnedest thing—he knew he was dreaming. He marveled at how he could know this, glancing around. He was still at the campsite, along the canyon, where he slept beside Na’i and Masito. He walked toward the edge, hearing a call from deep within himself. It was dark but he could still see, as if a full moon shone down on him, but an upward glance told him there was no moon. He could see every bush, every rock on the path, and the horizon ahead that signaled he was getting close.

  He came to the brink and looked out over the immense chasm. It was different this far west, not quite as deep as earlier in the canyon, but still enough to give a man pause, still enough to stop a soul in its tracks. A man came near, but Nathan didn’t feel threatened.

  His father.

  He’d dreamt of his pa many times before, frustrating and angry dreams. Nathan had never felt resolution upon waking, only more confusion.

  He decided to take a chance. “Why are you here?” he asked his father.

  “I want to talk with you.”

  “I’d like that,” he answered, feeling an overwhelming gratitude to be with his pa one more time.