The Sparrow

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by Kristy McCaffrey


  It was breathtaking. Emma turned in circles to take in the magnificence of the starry night. Humans were truly part of something amazing, whatever that larger picture might be. Una sat several feet from her.

  “It’s beautiful, Una,” she said. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

  I am simply the courier. You were invited.

  “By who?”

  As Emma watched, forms began to take shape around her. Tall and human in appearance, they wore elaborate clothing, some with headdresses made of feathers, or long hair adorned with beads. They looked Indian, but some seemed even more foreign than that, with angular features and strong jawlines. In all, there appeared to be 15 to 20 ephemeral beings, glowing and filling the space with a strong, grounding energy.

  A shiver went down Emma’s spine. If there was astral royalty, then she surely was among them.

  Emma-Sparrow, we welcome you. A female being spoke. Glowing frosted hair sat piled atop her head, accentuating her darkened facial features. Her dress sparkled and stitched animal designs adorned her long gown. Emma recognized a buffalo and a deer, but the other creatures she didn’t know.

  We are the Guardians of the Great Canyon. We protect this space that is the energy of Creation, and maintain the borders from the rush of chaos beyond. The way is difficult for the seeker to tread. Those lacking in wisdom, impurity of heart, or a weakness of purpose will not prevail. But you have shown us a bright spot of bravery and courage, having conquered an element of darkness, and so we turned the wheel to let you in. Know that you will always be welcome among us.

  Emma didn’t know what to say. For a moment, she enjoyed the flow of warmth and love that filled her. It gave her hope beyond measure to be in the company of these angels from a higher realm.

  “Thank you,” she replied softly, tears filling her eyes.

  You came seeking answers, but they have always been within you.

  You are the answer.

  Emma finally understood. Life was magic, a gift from the heavens, and each person harbored an immense potential within themselves.

  It was all very simple, really.

  “We’re all blessed,” she whispered.

  Chapter Thirty

  At dawn Emma boarded the dory with the intention that this would be her last day on the river. Today, she would find Nathan.

  Diamond appeared. “I’m getting on the boat.”

  “I never said you couldn’t.”

  He climbed into the dory, and she moved the craft onto the water. She hadn’t had much sleep last night but she didn’t feel overly tired. She was, however, weary of being stuck in the trenches with Diamond. Today, she’d be done. And then she could let Nathan deal with him.

  The rain started as a drizzle, but then moved to a heavy downpour. It didn’t deter Emma as she continued to row onward. They immediately ran a long rapid of little difficulty. Later, they ran a second rapid and it was at that point that the cloudy haze cleared enough for Emma to see the cone-shaped mountain just ahead. It was the marker Sparrow had given her. She began to search the shore for signs of Nathan, but saw nothing. To the left was an open beach, and she decided this was her way out. It had to be. A rapid loomed ahead so she rowed hard to get the dory to shore.

  “Why are we stopping?” Diamond asked.

  “Because this is the end of the line,” she replied.

  Emma jumped out and dragged the boat onto shore, annoyed that she had to haul Diamond’s weight with it. She stood back and scanned the surroundings. It started raining again, leaving little visibility.

  “Can we exit the canyon here?” he asked, moving along the shore, squinting for a better view.

  “I can,” she said.

  She saw no sign of anyone else. Nearby a wash flowed with water, emptying into the Colorado. She decided to follow it. Surely it would lead to higher ground.

  “Wait a minute,” Diamond demanded. “We aren’t done here.”

  Emma ignored him, and walked away. After several feet she stopped, thinking she saw movement in the distance. She searched where the horizon should be, although the rain made the sky and earth blend into one. Then she saw them, three figures walking toward her. Her heart leapt. Only one wore a hat, and Emma was certain it was Nathan. Just as she prepared to run toward him Diamond slammed into her, pushing her to the ground.

  Stunned by the impact, she couldn't move as Diamond rose above her, rolled her onto her back, and slapped her face. She threw her arms up to fight.

  “Get off me!” she screamed.

  “You won’t walk away from me! We’re not done!”

  She fought against him as he tried to keep her down. Then he was gone, pulled from her by two men.

  Masito and Na’i.

  Strong arms lifted her up and grasped her midsection from behind, pulling her close.

  Nathan.

  Masito and Na’i struggled to hold Diamond’s arms on each side. From over her shoulder, Nathan drew his gun and aimed it at the man.

  “Stop moving or I’ll kill you,” Nathan said.

  Diamond froze.

  “Are you alright?” Nathan asked into her ear.

  She turned into his arms and held him tight, burying her face into his neck. His left arm came around her while his right still held the gun pointed at Diamond. She melted into his presence, so relieved to see him.

  “Are you hurt?” Nathan’s voice held urgency.

  Leaning back she looked into his face, still not believing he’d found her. She shook her head to answer his question. She reached up and touched his face. He looked exhausted but then she could hardly appear any better. She kissed him, briefly, knowing they had an audience, then reluctantly stepped back so they could all deal with the problem of Diamond.

  “We’ll tie him up and take him with us,” Nathan said, leaning down to retrieve a coil of rope he must have tossed to the ground when the three men had rescued Emma from Diamond’s attack.

  Na’i said something in Hopi to Masito, who then translated. “If we kill him now, no one will need to know. We can dump his body into the river.”

  “What?” Alarm filled Diamond.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Nathan said.

  “Tell Na’i he’d be just as dangerous in death as he is in life,” Emma said to Masito. “Loloma is safe, as is Lenmana’s spirit.”

  “Are you certain?” Masito asked, hope shining in his eyes.

  Emma gave a slight nod.

  “She’s wrong,” Diamond interjected. “I can help you, with both of them.”

  Na’i and Masito both tightened their grips on him, causing him to wince in pain.

  “You speak lies,” Masito said. “And you have hurt enough people.”

  “There are pathways no one can understand,” Diamond murmured, his eyes glazing over. “To walk in them is to learn the riches of all that can be. It’s the magic, and I know it. It’s beyond the edge of reason. I can help you all contact those you’ve tried so hard to reach. And Emma will help me, because she knows of the Ways now.”

  Mesmerized, Emma watched him. And then she shook free of the hold. A glance at Nathan, Na’i, and Masito told her they were entranced as well, staring at the ground, motionless.

  “No!” she yelled. “He’s casting a spell!”

  The rain suddenly became heavier. Mud and water ran toward the river. Emma paused as she watched the slurry, a sense of foreboding washing over her. Diamond began a frenzied struggle to get away, twisting and kicking and screaming. Nathan moved in and all three men fought to pin Diamond to the ground.

  Emma’s breathing became labored and her eyes widened. The cause swirled just out of reach. What was happening?

  Oh my God.

  She spun around, and stared in disbelief as a wall of water rushed toward them. It was at least fifteen feet high.

  “Flood!” she screamed. “Run!”

  Nathan jumped to his feet and grabbed her hand, dragging her to the side but it was devastatingly clear they wo
uldn’t clear the wash’s floodplain. Masito, Na’i, and Diamond scrambled behind them.

  In a rush Nathan pulled her to a large boulder and frantically threw the looped end of his rope around it. She winced when he grabbed her wrist and wound the rope three times around her forearm.

  “Don’t let go!” he demanded.

  The water slammed into them, jerking Emma’s arm. A sharp pain shot up through her shoulder but she remained on the rope. As the water pushed past her with the force of a landslide, she struggled to get her head above water. But despite her effort, she couldn’t catch a breath of air. In a panic she knew she would drown. She had to get free. She began circling her arm to unwind the rope. As soon as it was down to one coil, she flew away into the current of the rushing water.

  Emma’s head came above water briefly, and she gasped for air.

  “Emma, no!” Nathan was still on the rope, but in the next instant he was in the current with her. “Bring your feet up! Watch out for rocks!”

  But she was moving so fast and then her body slammed into something hard. Dazed, she wondered what had happened.

  Masau’u must have sent the flood for Diamond, his son that had done so many bad things. She felt herself slipping away. Please don’t take Nathan. Please don’t take him. Please don’t take him.

  And then, there was nothing.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Beginning of October, 1877

  Nathan sat at the edge of the river, staring at the water. It was still hot and his skin burned under the noonday sun, but he didn’t care. His shirt was missing buttons and his trousers were torn along one leg. He stared at the water and wondered why it wouldn’t grant him just one prayer, his only prayer these past weeks. He was reduced to this, only this, after his physical search up and down the Colorado for Emma had turned up nothing. Not even a body.

  This gave him hope.

  And so he prayed. He probably wasn’t doing it right, but that didn’t stop him.

  Tears burned his eyes as his throat closed. He really couldn’t bear this, he who had survived an imprisonment by the Comanche for eighteen months, he who had fought Mexicans along the Texas border with the Rangers, including his good friend Matt. How would he tell Matt’s wife Molly that he’d lost her sister? That it had been a senseless death?

  Nathan never told Emma he loved her.

  He’d been here for—how long?—two weeks, three maybe. He’d lost count of the days, determined only to find her. After the flood subsided, he hadn’t thought it would be difficult. He’d found scraps of her clothing, had run up and down the river frantically searching in case she was hurt, keeping all thoughts away of her having drowned. He wouldn’t accept such an outcome.

  He’d found Diamond’s body, mangled and bloody, about a mile downstream of the flood. He was very much dead. While he would hardly give Diamond’s demise a second thought, it worried him that Emma’s fate might be the same. Masito and Na’i survived, but after days of searching they had left. They’d urged Nathan to go with them, back to the Hopi encampment but Nathan refused. He wouldn’t leave without Emma. They’d left him food, but he hardly ate. There didn’t seem to be much point.

  Even the bright sunlight couldn’t burn away the darkness that threatened to consume him. His soul leaked its very life force, and he didn’t care. Life had never seemed so incomplete before, so pointless, not even after his pa had died. He held the grief at bay with thoughts that she lived, somewhere, that maybe she'd forgotten him, had hit her head on a rock and couldn’t remember who she was. Because if he let the grief inside, it would fill up his hollowed-out life and drown him, just as that flood had drowned Diamond.

  “So there you are.”

  The deep voice startled Nathan. He turned over his shoulder to see Masito atop a horse, another beside him. Black. Surprised, Nathan stood and walked over to his animal friend.

  “Hey there,” he murmured, stroking the horse’s nose. Black greeted him with a strong nudge and stamped his foot.

  For the briefest moment, Nathan smiled then it was gone. It was good to see Black, but it would never be enough to erase the void that now existed in his life.

  “How did you get him?” Nathan asked.

  “Mormons brought him out of the canyon, then a Hopi man brought him to our encampment. I did not think you would ever leave here, so I brought him to you. I would say he is happy to see you.”

  “Thank you,” Nathan said somberly. He stroked Black’s neck. “I can’t repay your efforts, but I’m grateful.”

  “Our mission is complete. That is payment enough. Diamond is dead, and Na’i has agreed to return to our village and put the past to rest.”

  “How is the boy?”

  “Loloma is awake. You should know that he spoke of a woman who rescued him from an endless void, but she was in the shape of a sparrow.”

  A chill ran down Nathan’s spine. “She did it then.”

  “I am sorry for the loss of Emma. She was one who walked differently. There are not many like her.”

  Nathan nodded woodenly.

  “But you cannot stay here forever,” Masito continued. “You must keep going forward in this life.”

  Nathan said nothing.

  “Were you not going to see your sister in California?” Masito asked.

  Nathan thought about how Masito had lost his sister, Lenmana. They had all suffered losses. He wondered how he’d shouldered his earlier existence in the Army and the Texas Rangers. Now, it all seemed unbearable. Pointless. His desire for living had all but drained out of him. Nathan took a breath but even that was difficult anymore. “I was. But first I must go to Texas. I owe that to Emma.”

  “Then I will ride with you for a bit.”

  Nathan knew that Masito was telling him that he wouldn’t leave without him. He knew it was time to go. He couldn’t find Emma. She was gone. The Canyon had claimed her as one of its own.

  It was time to leave.

  * * *

  Five days later, Nathan sat atop Black in the pre-dawn light at the edge of Grand Canyon. The scope and distance of the gorge was beyond words. It didn’t look real, as if a painter from heaven descended and created a false landscape to awe the humans in residence.

  He and Black were alone. Masito had departed the previous night to return to his people. The goodbye had been difficult for Nathan, but he’d kept it to himself. A part of him didn’t want to leave. Emma was here, in some way. He could feel it. And Masito was a part of the landscape as well.

  If only she lived. They could stay here, live together, love together, grow old together. He would tell her she was right about everything, that her abilities to heal were real. He was wrong to have doubted her. He’d been wrong about a lot of things.

  Do you believe in things you can’t see? Her words echoed in his mind, haunting him. He finally believed in the mysteries of a world beyond this one. How ironic that he was unable to tell her.

  We can’t be the only ones who live in the universe. Did that mean she was somewhere, not here, but somewhere else? What if there was some way for him to get to her? Did he believe enough in God and the beyond to find a way?

  What about loneliness? Her words rushed back to him now. He had liked being alone, but now it was intolerable.

  Do you have a dream for the future? He had, only he didn’t know it included her all along. He couldn’t seem to come to terms with a world in which she didn’t exist.

  Thank you for waiting for me. But it hadn’t been enough. Sometimes, even love wasn’t enough.

  The sun crested the horizon, and the dark canyon slowly came to life. The walls vibrated in hues of reds, tans, and browns. What had a moment ago appeared dark and endless suddenly pulsated with the colorful palette of the earth.

  Maybe it’s a doorway to a world we can’t see.

  He would never see Emma in this life again, but maybe he’d see her in the next. Perhaps there was a God, and a heaven where Emma now dwelled in the open arms of a protector far stro
nger than Nathan. That he hadn’t been able to save her swept his soul clean, leaving desolation in its wake.

  He wanted her back. He needed her back. He needed her as much as air and water.

  He needed to hang on long enough to return to Texas, to tell Molly of all there was to her sister, to tell her what had happened during their journey through the Canyon.

  He pulled on Black’s reigns and turned the horse to the southeast, wincing as the sun blinded him. He yanked his hat down to cover his eyes, and let Black find his footing. Every moment that passed increased the distance between Nathan and the canyon.

  The greatest of cañons.

  Big Cañon.

  Grand Canyon.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Late October

  Texas

  The trek had been a long one. Nathan didn’t opt for the easy route, preferring instead the solitude of riding alone. He’d never pushed Black like this, but the horse seemed to understand that Nathan was running from a grief that had narrowed his vision considerably.

  From the Grand Canyon he rode southeast, eventually following the Little Colorado River to Sunset Crossing, then down to St. Johns. From there he went into New Mexico—Santa Fe his destination. He made his way into the Texas frontier where the SR Ranch lay, the homestead of Jonathan and Susanna Ryan, the folks of his good friend and fellow Ranger, Matt Ryan.

  The large ranch, nearly eighty thousand acres, had always felt welcoming to Nathan, but now it was like a glove that didn’t quite fit. When he’d left, he’d taken the photo of Emma that Molly gave him and offered to find her missing sister. It never occurred to him the epic change his life would take with that decision.

  But now, he returned alone and a heavy sense of dread consumed him. How would he tell Molly that her sister was dead? The sister she hadn’t seen in ten years? He had no idea what words he’d use, could hardly wrap his mind around thinking about it.

  As he crossed beneath a wrought-iron archway cast with the SR emblem, wide open plains stretched to the horizon. Still at least a mile away from the ranch house, he didn’t hurry Black along. The late afternoon sun cast long shadows onto the ground, shadows that seemed to beckon to him, promising relief from his worries within the darkness. He wanted to close his eyes and never wake up. He pulled the collar of his duster around his neck to ward off the chill in the air and let Black walk at a slow pace, as if the two of them had nothing better to do. In truth, they really didn’t. Eventually, he’d get out to California and visit with his sister and her new baby. And he’d return to St. Louis to make amends with his ma. After that, he didn’t know.

 

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