Seasoned Veteran

by Roz Lee

  “Twenty.” Five years younger than her. “Oh, boy.”

  “Siobhan.” Kelly patted her leg to get her attention. She looked into eyes so familiar they made her heart ache. “I’m so sorry. If I’d had any idea…well, I never would have suggested Dad try to make you jealous. It was a stupid thing to do.”

  Had she ever been that young, that clueless? You still are. That young. Maybe not so clueless anymore.

  “This isn’t your fault. Jake should have known better.” She glared at the man in question. He was too old to be playing childish games with people’s feelings. He had the good sense to appear contrite, at least.

  “I’m going to get out of here, let you two be alone, but I want you to know how happy I am to meet you. Dad was miserable without you. He’s never been that way about a woman before, so I knew you had to be special. I can see you’re everything he said you were.”

  “Thanks,” she said, meaning it. It wasn’t the girl’s fault her dad was an ass. She accepted Kelly’s congratulations on her presumed pregnancy then watched as the girl left, taking her whirlwind enthusiasm with her.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” her brother vowed.

  She was certain he had more in mind than a casual sibling meet-up. Big brother lecture number two million coming right up. Sean followed the younger woman out, promising to see her safely home.

  She was alone with Jake.

  “So.” Jake shuffled his feet, wanting to jump in the bed with her, hold her close, marvel at the wonder of his child growing inside he. Not wanting to end up on his ass if she didn’t want him there, he stayed where he was.

  “You have a daughter?”

  He nodded. Looking at the floor was so much safer than seeing the pain he’d etched onto her face. “Yeah.”

  “You didn’t think this was something I should know?”

  He shook his head. “I was afraid you would think I was some kind of pervert. You know, looking for a twisted, incestuous fuck. It wasn’t like that with you. It never was.” He shifted, turned his gaze on her, willing his next words to make a difference. “You’re light years older than Kelly in every way that counts.”

  “She’s not a child, Jake.”

  He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Don’t I know it.” He took that first step toward her, stopping short. “She makes me feel old, but when I’m with you, I feel like a teenager again. I love you. I love you so much it scares the shit out of me.” She hadn’t tried to run from him yet, so he took another step closer to the bed.

  “I don’t know how you ended up pregnant.” He grinned. “Well, I do know, but we were careful. I was careful. Just in case you think this is an apology, it’s not. I’m not the least bit sorry you’re pregnant.” He hoped he’d put the right amount of inflection in that last statement, hoped she would hear it as an invitation to tell him how she felt about the child.

  “I was there, Jake. I know you were careful. If I’m pregnant, it was an accident. I get that.”

  “Do you think you’re pregnant?”

  “Yes, I do. All the signs are there. I’ve been ignoring them for weeks, dismissing them as dep—”

  “Depression?” He closed the distance between them, dropping to his knees beside the bed. Taking her hand in his, he brushed his thumbs over her translucent skin. “I’m so sorry, babe. I never should have left you.”

  “I know what you said when you left. Would you care to tell me the truth now?”

  He nodded, looking down at her hand in his. “I was nineteen when Amy got pregnant with Kelly. Heading off to my first Minor League assignment. Even if that lifestyle had been a good one for a family, which it wasn’t, not by a long stretch, Amy and I weren’t in love. She didn’t want to spend her life with me. I didn’t even try to convince her to. I had no idea if I would ever be able to provide a stable home or make a living for us, so I left. I sent her money, made legal arrangements for Kelly’s care. Amy never tried to keep me from seeing her. I spent as much time as I could with her. I have a home near her in Denver.”

  “That’s where you disappear to in the off season?”

  “Yeah. Amy wanted Kel to have a normal upbringing, so I’ve done my best to keep her out of the media spotlight. Her last name is Porter. Amy’s name.”

  “I don’t see you agreeing to that.”

  He’d shrugged off the long-ago hurt. “I didn’t like the idea, but at the time, it was the right thing to do. Less questions Amy would have to answer about the father of her child. Less confusion for Kel at school. That sort of thing.”

  Head bowed, he nearly fell over when she stroked his hair with her free hand. She was offering him comfort. If he hadn’t already been on his knees, he would have fallen. Only his Siobhan would show that kind of compassion to a man who’d knocked her up then left town.

  “She looks like you. She has your eyes, your smile.”

  “You think so?” He dared to look up at the woman he loved. Her skin had lost the pallor acquired when she fainted. Her cheeks were rosy. Her skin glowed as it had every time he’d seen her the last few weeks.

  “I do. She’s beautiful, just like her father.”

  He was stunned by her admission. “You think I’m beautiful?”

  “Handsome, sexy on the outside, beautiful on the inside. You did what was best for your daughter at the expense of what you wanted.”

  “You make me sound like a saint,” he protested. “I did what was right at the time. I’ve protected her privacy for a long time—it’s just something I do without thinking. She’ll always be my little girl, I guess. I should have told you about her weeks ago.”

  “Would it have changed anything if you had?”

  “I honestly don’t know.” He held her hand prisoner, afraid if he let go, she’d bolt. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but you and this baby aren’t on that list. Since we’re being honest here, Kel was the excuse, but I ran because I was afraid you’d wake up one day, see an old man in your bed. That would be the end of me.”

  “You left because you didn’t trust my love for you.” She pulled her hand from his grasp. “I need to go home.”

  He balled his hand into a fist in an effort to preserve her touch. “I’ll take you home.”

  “No. I’ll catch a cab downstairs.”

  The tiny sliver of hope he’d been holding onto evaporated into the icy air between them. He’d fucked up to the point she didn’t even want to accept a ride from him. Unable to think of a single argument to change her mind, he let her walk out of his life.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Present - Christmas Eve

  “I think you’ve lost your mind.”

  Siobhan was glad her back was to her brother, so he couldn’t see her rolling her eyes. He sounded like a broken record. She grabbed two water bottles from the fridge then joined him in the small living room.

  “Are you going to tell me that every day until you die?” Wasn’t two weeks enough?

  “Maybe,” he said, not an ounce of remorse in his voice. “I don’t understand why you won’t talk to Jake. He’s got as much at stake in this as you do.”

  She propped her feet on the edge of the coffee table. “He’s the sperm donor. Nothing more.”

  “Do you hear yourself? That’s the bitchiest thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

  She acknowledged the truth of his statement by raising her plastic bottle in salute. “Yes, I suppose it is. But it’s the truth.”

  “No, it’s not. If that’s all he was, he wouldn’t offer to marry you. He loves you.”

  She shook her head. “He feels guilty, that’s all. The he-man used protection. It failed. He’s going to do the right thing, sacrifice his freedom on the altar of marriage.”

  “I don’t think he sees it that way.”

  “That’s the way I see it. In case you don’t know, my opinion is the only one that counts.” If he really wanted to marry her, he would have asked when he first returned to Dallas. His lame proposal the day she’d co
me back from the doctor with a positive pregnancy test proved one thing—he would sacrifice his happiness for his child, just as he’d done when he gave in to Amy’s mother instead of insisting Kelly have his last name.

  “Yeah, I get that it’s your body, yadda, yadda, yadda. But half of the kid you’re carrying is Jake’s. You can cut him out of your life, but you can’t cut him out of his child’s life.”

  “I know that. That’s one of the reasons I let my lease go on my condo in D.C. I’m uprooting my entire life, so he can see his kid.”

  “Is that the only reason?”

  The soft way he posed the question indicated he suspected her of fraud where Jake was concerned. He was right. She didn’t want Jake to marry her just because she was pregnant, but she couldn’t bring herself to go back to D.C. either.

  “Siobhan? Talk to me.”

  “What do you want me to say, that I love him?” She blinked at the ceiling, willing the moisture gathering in her eyes to go away. “Okay. I love him. Are you happy now?”

  “No. I won’t be happy until you’re happy. You aren’t going to be happy until you forgive Jake for leaving. He came back, sis. Before he knew you were pregnant. Hell, he came back before you knew you were pregnant. I find it hard to believe you’re holding out because of that. So, are you going to tell me what’s really going on inside that hard head of yours?”

  No.

  He shifted on the sofa, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “Okay, so here’s what I think. His age didn’t mean much to you until you found out you’re barely older than his daughter. A few months ago, you were pissed at me for pointing out that it was a possibility. My guess is, you’re feeling…used? Freaked?”

  She squirmed beneath his steady gaze, not to mention his spot-on assessment of her state of mind. “So, you were right. He has a kid my age. I was wrong.”

  “I was wrong, sis. I was wrong.” He poked a finger at his chest. “Not you. I judged the guy without knowing all the facts. Back then, he did what was right for all of them—Kelly, her mother…him. He didn’t love Kelly’s mother. But he loves you. He wants to marry you. He came here to propose—before he knew about the kid. Yeah, he was an ass for leaving in the first place, but I’m a guy, I can tell you, we do stupid things sometimes. But he came to his senses. He realized the age thing didn’t mean as much as he thought it did.”

  Sean sat back though his gaze remained fixed on her, no doubt waiting for her to admit he was right.

  “At least give the guy a chance. Aren’t you the person who writes sappy love stories about people overcoming impossible odds to be together?”

  She was, once. “It’s called fiction for a reason. It isn’t real.”

  “So says the woman who is afraid to write her own happily-ever-after ending.” He stood, ruffling her hair like she was still a kid. “Prince Charming is waiting for your call.”

  “He always has to have the last word,” she mumbled to herself as her brother traversed the walkway to the main house. “Prince Charming. There’s no such thing.”

  For the first time in months, she opened her laptop with the intention of writing something productive. The blank white screen representation of a piece of paper stared back at her. If she could write her own happy ever after, what would it be?

  It’s fiction. You can write any impossible thing you want.

  She placed her fingers on the keys.

  Once upon a time….

  A knock on the door startled her. She mistyped the word climax as climacx, hastily backspaced to fix it, saved the work in progress, then went to the door. She flipped the light switches, illuminating the room and the porch. The day had somehow morphed into evening without her noticing. She hadn’t gotten that lost in her writing since before she’d met Jake.

  Expecting to find her brother on the other side of the door, she swung it open. The harsh words intended to end his daily interference in her life died on her lips. Not Sean.

  “Jake.”

  “Siobhan.”

  Her fingers tightened on the doorknob. Damn him for looking like the hero in every fantasy she’d ever had, including the one she’d been writing all afternoon.

  “Your brother mentioned you didn’t have a Christmas tree.”

  She followed his gaze to the scraggly evergreen beside him.

  “Last one on the lot.” He gave it a little shake. Tiny greenish-brown spikes showered the doorstep.

  On the verge of protesting the mess, she glanced at her visitor. The plea written in the lines of his face stopped her.

  “I didn’t want to be alone tonight.”

  If he’d brought anything else, said anything else, she would have slammed the door in his face, but how could she turn him away when he looked more forlorn than the stubby tree dangling from his gloved fist. She stepped back, issuing a silent invitation for him to enter.

  She closed the door behind him. He stood the emaciated plant on the floor. It leaned precariously to one side on a makeshift stand nailed to the bottom. Jake proceeded to remove his coat and gloves, tossing them over the nearest chair. He smelled like pine mixed with winter cold right before it snowed. The tips of his ears and nose were red. Bright spots of color dotted his cheeks. He turned, focused his gaze on her. The warmth in his gaze melted some of the ice around her heart.

  You’ve been reading your own writing again. Stop it. He’s not your Prince Charming or a hero. He has his own agenda. Remember that.

  “I think it might snow.” He blew into his cupped hands. “It sure feels like it could. Wouldn’t that be something, a white Christmas in Dallas?”

  She hadn’t given it much thought, but she supposed a blanket of white would be an anomaly for the area. “I guess.”

  Undeterred by her short answer, her visitor set about finding a place for his less than majestic gift. After trying a few options, he settled on the coffee table as the perfect spot to display the orphaned conifer. Curled up at one end of the sofa, she watched him fuss with it as if it was a stately specimen instead of a reject from a mass deforestation project.

  “There.” He sat to admire his work. “Perfect.”

  Siobhan snickered. “If you say so.”

  “What?” He feigned being stabbed in the heart. “This tree spoke to me on the lot. I had to give it a home.”

  “What did it say? ‘Hey, sucker, over here?’”

  His expression grew serious. “No. It said, ‘I need someone to love me, just like you do.’”

  “Jake….”

  Coming around the table, he lowered himself to the opposite end of the sofa as if he expected the cushion to explode the moment he touched down. “Please, Siobhan, give me another chance. One night. That’s all I’m asking. Let me stay with you tonight. Let me hold you in my arms again. Waking up next to you on Christmas morning would be the best gift I can imagine.”

  “What about your daughter?”

  “Kelly went home to Colorado. I promised I’d go back next week to see her and my parents.”

  She turned her face away, remembering how her parents had reacted when she’d finally called to tell them of her pregnancy. In one short phone call, she went from being their favorite child, the one who could do no wrong, to an outcast. How had Sean stood it all these years? She’d always admired her brother for his strength but, until she stood in his shoes, she’d no idea how difficult being disowned had been on him.

  “Sean told me what your parents did. I’m so sorry. That’s my fault, too.”

  “No.” She shook her head. “I wanted you from the first moment I saw you. I practically begged you.”

  “That’s bullshit. I took advantage. God, the minute you stepped out of that car and opened your mouth…I lost it. I was a goner. I couldn’t wait to get you in my bed, to claim you.”

  She swiped moisture from her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she sniffled. “I’m usually not a crier.”

  “It’s the hormones,” he said, sounding like an authority on the subject.


  She cocked her head to one side in question.

  He shrugged. “That’s what all the blogs say.”

  “You read pregnancy blogs?”

  He sighed, relaxing since nothing had exploded. “I’m serious, Siobhan. Even if you won’t have me, I’m going to be a part of my child’s life. I missed everything with Kelly. This time is going to be different.”

  A giant ball of emotion formed in her chest, threatening to choke her.

  “I didn’t return because of the baby. I came back for you.” He stretched his hand out to her, palm up. “I love you. I want you to be my wife.”

  Jake trembled while the only woman he’d ever loved stared at his outstretched hand as if it held a cobra ready to strike instead of his heart. Tears spilled undeterred down her flushed cheeks, each one like acid eating away at his confidence. He couldn’t bear to see her upset. Knowing he’d brought her to this state cut him to the core.

  What could he do? Withdrawing his hand, he stood. He’d call Sean, tell him to come check on her. “I’ll go.”

  She looked so fragile sitting there curled into a ball, it was all he could do not to scoop her into his arms. He longed to tell her everything would be all right. She wasn’t a child. She was a full-grown woman capable of making decisions about her life. Her decision regarding him was painfully clear.

  As he drew closer, her eyelids dropped. Reaching out, he cupped her damp cheek in his palm. Tilting her face up, he leaned in to place a soft kiss on her trembling lips. She didn’t respond, not even to protest. Drinking in her scent for the last time, he committed the moment to memory. The last time he would touch her.

  Drawing a small box from his pocket, he placed it under the tree. Maybe she’d sell it or perhaps keep it for their child. Whatever. He’d purchased the ring for her, so she should have it. “Merry Christmas.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Present - Christmas Eve

  Jake paused on the sidewalk. Siobhan’s brother was celebrating inside the main house with Bentley and Ashley. He suspected their association was anything but traditional, but it was their business, not his. Besides, who was he to judge? He’d only had one serious relationship in his entire life, and look how he’d fucked that up. Whatever the three of them had going, he wished them all the best.