by Tate, Sennah
Not everyone anthropomorphized their cars like I did. But Minerva and I had been through a lot. Even though I had a very real human best friend, no one quite understood me the way this one-ton hunk of steel and raw power did.
I inched her up to the starting line, patting the dash reassuringly. She wanted to go now, but we had to wait for the right moment. I glanced over to my right and saw Rex’s shiny Nissan next to me. His windows were darkly tinted, meaning I would have to wait until after the race to see his face. I wasn’t worried though, I didn’t need to know who I was up against to be able to kick their ass.
He revved his engine in a bout of male posturing and I mimicked him. Minerva sounded much more intimidating, biases aside. The stars twinkled overhead, but were mostly out shone by the bright lights that lined the asphalt. People came to watch the race, after all, not the constellation.
I took a deep breath, reminding myself to focus on the red light in front of me.
My heart beat a frantic rhythm against my ribcage. Why couldn’t I shake these damned nerves? I was so used to being cool and collected that this frazzled insecurity was freaking me out more than the race itself.
I made my brain focus on one thing. If my thoughts were ping-ponging around, there was no hope of me reining them in.
Just focus. I told myself.
I searched for the one thing to focus on and he kept popping up: Tanner. I didn’t want to focus on him, but his half-cocked smile, his sultry gaze, his strong hands running down my body… That was a thought I could concentrate on.
Even though those thoughts were sending the blood rushing away from my brain, they still helped to calm me.
The light turned yellow and my grip tightened. Only a few more moments now.
Tanner’s long lashes and rock hard body infiltrated my mind. I imagined him at the finish line. If I was going to obsess, the least I could do was use it to my advantage.
He was standing at the out-of-sight finish line, those pythons he called arms ready to embrace me and pull me in for a kiss. His body was hard and ready to take me to his bed again. I felt a familiar quiver in between my legs and wished that my little fantasy was true. As ridiculous and complicated as any involvement with Tanner would be, I still longed for it.
Was I really just that much of a glutton for punishment? My life was crazy and convoluted enough without the addition of a secret lover.
Green.
No time to think; my body responded to the stimulus before my brain even had the time to process it. Rex and I each hurtled down the black top at break-neck speed. He was edging me out ever so slightly. I couldn’t have that. I pushed Minerva and started to creep up on him.
Despite the dark windows, I could see Rex’s silhouette do a double-take.
“That’s right, fucker, I’m still right here,” I taunted.
We were nose-to-nose. I kept looking for my moment, searching for my opportunity. He wasn’t experienced enough; surely he would choke. He would make a mistake. I just had to be patient.
The finish line came into view and my adrenaline ratcheted up another ten notches. By this point in the course I wanted to be at least a length ahead of him and there we were, dead even.
This wasn’t really happening. Had I let myself get so caught up with everything else in life that I lost my focus entirely? My brow creased; I was determined to kick this kid’s ass.
“Come on Minnie, you can do this,” I encouraged the straining Mustang.
And then, it was all over.
I zoomed across the finish line and cruised to a stop, searching the crowd for any indication of who had just won.
The crowd was going crazy. Onlookers jumped up and down, many of them had their cell phones out taking videos of the race. I still couldn’t tell who the winner was.
My jaw clenched; this not knowing was always the worst part. I’d had close races in the past, but I was always confident. This time, not so much.
I opened the door and swung my long legs out of the vehicle, pulling myself out with as much grace as I could muster. A roar of cheers and applause greeted me. I smiled and waved to my fans without an ounce of the confidence I tried to display.
My eyes roved to the officials, but they were busy conferring amongst each other. This was even closer than I thought it was. I tried to keep my hands still at my sides, resisting the urge to fidget. My mother spent years admonishing me for my nervous habits. They weren’t proper and they conveyed your uneasiness to others around you.
Racing, much like politics, was all about posturing. You couldn’t let your opponent see your weaknesses. Even if you’re driving a junker that probably won’t even make it through the course, you have to make every sad sap you run into believe that you’re going to wipe the floor with them.
Without confidence, the race is lost before it’s begun. That was one valuable lesson I learned from my parents. That and their unwavering desire to crush any and all competition.
Rex climbed out of his car and I was immediately struck by how young he looked. He couldn’t be older than nineteen. Just a kid. He was met with a nearly equal amount of cheers and applause.
Was this the end of my reign as Queen? I didn’t want to think like that. I wasn’t ready to concede just yet.
He flashed me the biggest fake grin he could plaster on that weasely face and waved. I inclined my head back at him with a strained grin. I hated him so much in that moment. To everyone else this was just a show. Our “rivalry” was part of the script. It was just entertainment. But it was more than that. This was the last piece of my life that I still retained control of. If I lost this, what else was there?
No need to get melodramatic, Elise. I chided myself.
The officials and race organizers approached and Rex joined them. Everyone formed a little huddle around me and I suddenly felt claustrophobic. No need to panic, they just needed to discuss the results.
“So,” I asked, “who won?”
The well-dressed Latino man, Enzo, that I knew ran this whole circuit was the first to answer me. His smile was so large that I thought his face must be hurting from the effort of keeping it up.
“It’s wonderful!” he exclaimed, pulling out an iPad with the images of the finish line.
He scrolled through the images from every angle. In every angle I saw the same thing: we were tied. There was no getting around it.
“Your rivalry was a huge draw for us tonight. For a finish like this… This is the kind of stuff dreams are made of.”
Rex looked far too pleased with himself. I felt a scowl settle onto my face.
“So, what does this mean?”
Enzo was practically bouncing with excitement, but one of the officials answered for him.
“We’re going to have to schedule a re-match.”
“Fine,” I answered tersely. “Let’s reset and do this.”
I was already trying to break the huddle to get back into my car. I was over-eager to prove myself. I didn’t want to have a tie tarnish my standings. It wasn’t me.
Enzo shook his head, still ginning like a Cheshire cat.
“No, we’ll do the re-match in two weeks. We have to build up the buzz. This is going to be huge.”
So now they were using my failure as a marketing ploy? This was a nightmare.
Rex smirked, still so satisfied with himself. It was hard to remind myself that he was just a kid; he wasn’t worth the trouble of getting annoyed with. Then again, I had underestimated him before and that’s what landed me in this position.
“Fine. Two weeks,” I ground out, thrusting my hand toward Rex for the shake.
“I look forward to the victory,” he said smugly, shaking my hand with a limp grip.
Enzo paraded us before the crowd before snatching up a microphone to make the announcement.
I tried to hide my sulking. Of course I was disappointed with my performance, but that didn’t mean I could drop my persona. Aubrey was unflappable. She was a badass and there was no coming
between her and a win. Elise was more easily defeated, but this was not the time or the place for Elise.
My eyes roved the crowd again, gaging their reactions. Most people seemed surprised, but excited. That was the general consensus. This kind of situation wasn’t unheard of, but it was fairly uncommon.
My gaze traveled over the same section of spectators a few times. Something wasn’t quite right. Something was catching my attention, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. At the fourth pass, I spotted him. Three rows up, in between a rowdy group of young girls holding supportive signs for Rex and a debaucherous crowd of men with copious amounts of alcohol amongst them. He sat there stony-faced, watching me intently.
My shocked expression must have given me away. The corner of his mouth twitched upwards in a lop-sided grin that could only say one thing: Surprised?
Yes. Yes I was surprised.
Chapter 15
She may have thought that she was fooling everyone else, but she wasn’t fooling me. Aubrey was pissed. This race did not go the way she anticipated and she was busy beating herself up over the perceived failure instead of enjoying the limelight she so rightly deserved.
Even angry she was gorgeous. The high ponytail atop her head accentuated her strong cheekbones and angled brows. Her eyes were heavily lined and the bright red lipstick she wore only sent my mind back to the wonderfully explicit things that mouth could do.
I wanted her the moment she stepped out of that car. Well, I wanted her long before that, but seeing her in those tight jeans and form-fitting top sent my libido into over-drive. The air of cool confidence that shrouded her in elusiveness only heightened the effect.
I expected to be affected by her; I never expected the effect to be so profound. It was as if the entire rest of the deafening crowd faded into the background. Her eyes locked with mine and we were the only two people in the world. My heart fluttered in my chest and I was dying to hurdle across the stands to get to her.
Her head tilted to the side; she wasn’t expecting to see me in the crowd, but surprisingly, she didn’t look upset about it. I’d mulled over all of the possible reactions she could have to my stalking her and showing up at her event. None of those possibilities that I considered involved detached amusement. Despite the thinly veiled anger that seethed just below the surface, I could see a little twinkle in her eyes that reassured me that she was happy to see me.
I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders that I wasn’t aware was pressing on me. Throughout all of this, I had convinced myself that she had a right to be angry with me, that she would probably feel violated and somehow twist this to make me seem like a creep. Hell, maybe I deserved that reaction. I couldn’t explain my motives for any of this beyond my insatiable desire to see her again and find out who she really was.
Regardless, it was a relief that she didn’t scowl at me. After a brief announcement, she was free to leave the track. There was still one more race after hers, so she had to move her car, but I flew out of the crowd as quickly as I could to follow her. I hoped that she wasn’t planning on running off again. I didn’t know what I’d do if that happened.
I found her still in her car, quietly stewing with a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel. The car was parked, so there was no need for it other than her own frustration. I rapped my knuckles against the window and she rolled it down half an inch.
“Get in,” she commanded. I heard the doors unlock and sprinted to the other side of the car to climb in.
I closed the door behind me and we were off before she said a word.
“You were great out there,” I commented, hoping that she would hear the sincerity.
She scoffed and rolled her eyes, peeling out toward the highway.
“I got cocky and it bit me in the ass.”
“You didn’t lose,” I tried to reassure her.
Her ice cold gaze met mine.
“I didn’t win, either,” she said without an ounce of mercy for herself.
I didn’t know how to make her feel better. I didn’t know what to say to someone that obviously had such high standards for themself. I wanted to comfort her and convey how amazing I thought she was, but it didn’t seem like anything was going to calm her.
“Well, you’ll have your re-match,” I offered, realizing how futile the platitude was.
She rolled her eyes and glared at the road like it had wronged her.
“What a pathetic display that will be.”
Her phone started buzzing non-stop and she directed her death glare to the blinking device.
I raised a questioning eyebrow, but she tossed it out of the window without a word. I took that as my cue to keep my mouth shut lest I be the next thing sent hurtling out the window at highway speeds.
“How did you find me?” She finally asked the question I’d been waiting for.
I cleared my throat, trying to figure out the right way to phrase what I was going to say.
“Well, I told you I have a certain set of… skills. It wasn’t that difficult.”
It was my turn to receive the evil eye. It was unsettling to say the least.
“How much do you know about me?”
An understandable concern.
“Enough to know that you’re not really Aubrey, but not enough to know who you really are. Why all the secrecy?”
She exhaled and I saw some of the tension slip away from her shoulders.
“I have my reasons.”
“I don’t doubt that,” I answered, “but I had hoped that I wasn’t the only person that felt… whatever it was.”
Those slightly-tilted eyes framed by impossibly long lashes traveled to me, surprised and at a loss for a response.
“What… what did you feel?” She asked, training her gaze back to the road. I didn’t think she knew where she was driving. She was just going, trying to flee her self-loathing.
I rubbed my temples, wondering why I kept getting myself into these impossibly complicated situations with women. First Skye, now Aubrey. Didn’t I have enough going on?
“I don’t know, Aubrey. I’m not in the habit of feeling much of anything, to be honest. I certainly wasn’t looking to find this incredible sexy strong woman. I wasn’t prepared to have a new obsession. I definitely didn’t think that if I ever did find someone I felt something for that she would be living a secret life…” So, maybe I wasn’t helping myself. Her face transformed into a neutral unreadable mask.
“You didn’t have to track me down. You could have just left it as a one-night stand and washed your hands of me.”
I didn’t know how to make her understand.
“Believe me; I had every intention of doing just that. It’s not possible to forget about you. I can’t get you out of my head. You’re like that song on the radio that I don’t really want to hear but every time it comes on I just have to sing along. There’s no avoiding you in my brain and I hoped that seeing you again would fix that.”
“Has it?”
“Fuck no. Tell me who you are.”
“That’s not going to happen, Tanner. I’m sorry; I have two reputations to protect.”
My blood was molten in my veins. I didn’t know if I was angrier at her or myself. What did I really expect? If she’d lived her life this long in secret, why did I think she’d change that for me?
“You know, I could find out regardless.”
The moment I said it, I realized how stupid it was. I was angry and being dumb. I didn’t mean to threaten her like that, but I could tell instantly from her body language that she took it as a personal attack.
“I’m sure you could. Please don’t.”
There was a hint of fear in her voice that tugged at my heartstrings. I couldn’t deny this woman what she wanted, even if what she wanted was to keep me at arm’s length.
“I won’t. I promise.”
As hard as it was for me to agree to stay out of her life, the wave of relief that washed over her made it worth it. I wanted to protect her, even
if it was from me.
“Thank you Tanner, that means a lot to me.”
I nodded without a word, mulling over the last few minutes. I didn’t think I could just let her go that easily, but what choice did I have?
“I wish things were different…” she muttered. I saw remorse start to creep in to replace her self-deprecating fury.
“Why can’t they be? Please, tell me,” I begged, surprised even with myself. I wasn’t the kind of guy to be this desperate. I wasn’t the type of man to be defeated so easily.
She sighed and pulled off the road. I could tell she was getting overwhelmed. It shocked me how easily I could read her emotions. I didn’t even really know her and yet I could pinpoint her breaking point and the way her shoulders slumped.
She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. I couldn’t resist the opportunity. I’d been craving her taste for nearly a week and I couldn’t deny her when she was presented to me so perfectly.
My hand slipped behind her head and grasped the back of her neck, gently pulling her toward me. Our lips met in an electric embrace. It was so familiar and comforting, but exotic and spicy at the same time. Her lips molded to mine as if they were meant to fit together like puzzle pieces. Her soft gasps and hushed moans sent my hormones on an express trip to memory lane. I couldn’t forget her naked body underneath me, wrapped around me, engulfing me. I couldn’t forget the way her face contorted in ecstasy as I made her come apart over and over again.
I groaned and tried to angle closer to her, our embrace made awkward by the close confines of the car. She finally broke the kiss, a bewildered look on her face, her lipstick smeared and her cheeks flushed with want.
There were no words exchanged between us. We were both looking for things in that kiss that we couldn’t find. We both wanted a way out of this. Some kind of sign that our memories were failing us and there wasn’t anything there. If I was looking for something to make me forget her, that kiss was the last thing I ever should have done. It only cemented her place at the forefront of my mind and I cursed myself for letting her lure me in further.