Chasing Aubrey

by Tate, Sennah

I nodded my agreement.

  “And I’m the idiot that keeps going back in for more.”

  She clapped her fragile little hand onto my broad shoulders.

  “You’re not an idiot. I think it’s kind of romantic. She’s the idiot. If she had any sense, she’d realize how awesome you are and how stupid her other life is. If she has to keep what she loves a secret, then it’s obviously not a life worth preserving.”

  Sometimes, the things Skye said took me by surprise.

  “You know, you’re too smart for your own good.”

  She grinned, all too confident that she really was a genius.

  “Yeah, I’ve been told that a time or two.”

  I couldn’t resist the pull I felt to wrap my arm around her shoulder. I pulled her in for a brotherly hug and ruffled her hair, making her shriek as she tried to smooth it back into place.

  We walked into my apartment with my arm around her tiny shoulders until she flopped down on the couch with a bag of chips.

  “So,” she started to speak through a mouthful of Doritos, “I think you should just come out and tell this Aubrey chick that you’re only interested in this if she’ll come clean with you about who she is.”

  She curled her legs under her to give me a place to sit on the couch with her.

  “Well, but what if she doesn’t want to tell me? That’s one of those things that could really easily blow up in my face.”

  “Look, dude, if she doesn’t think you’re worth bringing into her life, then she’s not worth brining into yours. She wants the best of both worlds, but you can’t have that. You have to choose.”

  I realized that Skye was right; about both of us. Aubrey wanted the thrill of the racer lifestyle without committing her entire life to it. I wanted the thrill of Aubrey without committing fully. As long as she was a mystery, she couldn’t try to weasel a real relationship out of me. As long as I couldn’t be a part of her life, there were no strings attached. We both wanted our cake and we wanted to eat it without any of the consequences.

  But what Skye said was right: I had to choose. I knew that I wanted Aubrey in my life for some inexplicable reason. She was the only woman I’d ever felt this way about. I had to choose if a life with only half of Aubrey was worth more than the chance at all of her, even if the other side of that coin meant there was a chance I would lose her completely.

  “Thanks kid,” I said with a pat on her knee.

  Her smile only grew.

  “Is this what it’s like?”

  “What?”

  “Having a family?”

  The needy look in her eyes reminded me of just how young she was. She may be an adult in the eyes of the law, but in reality, she was still a lost and lonely little girl.

  “You know, I don’t know for sure, but it’s pretty cool.”

  She nodded and snuggled down into the couch, not even bothering to take her shoes off before getting comfortable.

  “Yeah. Having a big brother is awesome.”

  I saw he drift off to sleep and made sure I covered her with a blanket and turned the lights off before heading to bed myself.

  Chapter 18

  I woke up the morning after the race and couldn’t shake the giddy happiness I felt. I didn’t immediately remember why I felt so hopeful for the future, but then I started to recall my little time spent with Tanner the previous night. A warm smile crept onto my face and stayed firmly plastered there throughout my morning hygiene routine.

  It was a little ridiculous how much I enjoyed the attention from Tanner. I’d never so much as flirted with a man before I met him and here I was fantasizing about him! I knew I shouldn’t string him — or myself — along with the promise of anything more than we’d already had. I knew that there could never be anything between us and I thought I’d made that much clear to him. Of course, then I’d gone and flirted with him some more. I was definitely sending mixed signals.

  Then again, I was pretty conflicted on the whole thing myself. I wasn’t maliciously stringing him along. Everything in me told me that I needed Tanner. He was smart, witty, charming, incredibly sexy and able to do things to my body that I hadn’t previously known possible. Hell, he even shared an interest in cars with me. If I had met him any other day, maybe things would have turned out differently. Unfortunately, I met him on the day that I was engaged, and that complicated things a bit.

  I was running a flat iron through my hair when I heard a knock on my door.

  It was Sunday morning. No doubt that my mother had plans for me. I was never afforded a free Sunday when there were social events to attend.

  “Elise, darling,” my mother popped her head into my bedroom before allowing herself entry to my attached bathroom.

  I knew that she was up to something when she used that sickly sweet tone with me.

  “Yes?” I asked as I clasped a necklace around my neck. Marilee had given it to me for my birthday a few years ago and I tried to make it a point to wear it as often as possible.

  “Are you nearly ready?” She asked, giving me a thorough once-over.

  “Ready for…?” I was unaware of any specific plans.

  “Brunch with the Westmores!” She exclaimed happily.

  “Again?” I blurted out without thinking. I cringed in preparation for the verbal lashing I was going to get.

  “Elise! That is no way to speak about your future in-laws. The Westmores were so enamored with you last week that they wanted to spend more time getting to know you.”

  I rolled my eyes. The Westmores didn’t know me at all. My own parents didn’t know me at all. They had no idea what they were really asking. Still, I planned to play the good daughter and go along with it. What other choice was there?

  I thought about telling my mother my true feelings about this engagement, but I knew it would only start a fight. My mother liked to live in her perfect little bubble where nothing ever went wrong and everything was exactly according to plan. If ever there was a monkey wrench thrown into her plans, she simply acted like it wasn’t there. She was a master at handling unpleasant situations for exactly that reason.

  Of course, I’d been the cause of those “unpleasant situations” far too often while growing up. It took me a very long time to understand that it was much easier to just go along with what she wanted rather than rebel every step of the way.

  She rested her hands on my shoulders and squeezed affectionately.

  “Oh Elise, I’m so excited for you. Chester is going to be the perfect husband for you. You’re going to have such a wonderfully glamorous life.”

  I nodded with a fake smile.

  “Yeah, it’s really a dream come true,” I muttered sarcastically.

  She beamed in response, obviously not detecting that sarcasm.

  “I’m so glad you think so too! To be honest, I’ve been quite worried about you in the past few years. I was starting to think that we’d never find a suitable match for you. You’ve always been so headstrong; most men are repelled by that.”

  I nodded again; biting my tongue against the response that I knew would only make things worse.

  “Yeah, I’m a really lucky girl,” I mumbled.

  “You know,” she began with a new rush of excitement, “I would love for you to join me in the wedding plans, Elise. It’s so fun, I know you would love it, dear.”

  I couldn’t think of something I would enjoy less than planning my unwanted wedding with my clueless mother.

  “Oh, I don’t know mom, you’re really the one with the knack for that sort of thing.”

  “Well, it’s time for me to pass the torch! You’re going to be responsible for organizing all of Chester’s soirees.”

  I sighed; I didn’t need a reminder of the bleak prospects of my future.

  I wondered what it would be like to be a normal girl, able to pursue her own interests and relationships without the not-so-subtle puppeteering of her parents. I couldn’t even imagine a life that free. I didn’t have any frame of reference f
or a life without the obligations and duties of being a Van der Poole.

  “That’s true,” I replied, trying to disguise my glumness, “I guess I could benefit from some pointers.”

  I was beginning to accept my fate. It was a reluctant acceptance, but this wedding was going to happen whether I liked it or not. I might as well try to make the best out of it, even if the best seemed dismal.

  My mother ran her fingers through my hair and we locked eyes in the mirror. There were so many things I wanted to say to her, to ask her. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to get past my disappointment. I always dreamed of having a caring doting mother, not one too consumed with her own social standing to be bothered with her child.

  “You look beautiful, Elise. They will love you.”

  “Thanks mom.”

  She steered me out of my bedroom and down the stairs to the waiting town car outside. I only realized the moment before she shoved me into the car that she wasn’t going to be joining me.

  “Wait, you’re not coming?” My voice sounded small and frightened. All the years I’d only ever gotten through these things because I leaned on my parents to steer the conversation. I was used to being decoration, not a focal piece.

  “Your father and I thought it was time that you represent yourself alone, Elise. I know it’s a little intimidating, but if you’re going to be in charge of your household, it’s something you’re going to have to get used to.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat and closed the car door behind me, dreading what lie before me.

  My new phone chirruped with an email notification and I opened the message, hoping for a distraction.

  It was from the race commissioner: confirming my rematch with Rex was scheduled in two weeks. I hoped that I would be able to make it. The summer was over; typically our family went back east this time of year. My parents were likely only lingering here because Chester was still here and they hoped that the close proximity would aid our courtship.

  Even thinking of the time I spent with Chester as a ‘courtship’ made me feel a little queasy. There was nothing about the man that struck me as anything special or attractive. He was pleasant enough to be around, the same way that a potted plant was nice to be around. There was nothing stimulating or engaging about him. He was just there. And his parents weren’t much better.

  Once I arrived at the restaurant and was directed to the Westmore’s table, I felt a new sinking sensation in my stomach. It was one thing to be frightened by the prospect of spending time with my soon-to-be family, but it was another thing entirely to actually be faced with them.

  “Elise!” Chester’s mother, Yvette, cooed as she held her hand out for a dainty shake.

  Chester stood and withdrew my chair for me before taking his seat again and greeting me with a warm smile.

  “You look lovely,” he commented before directing his attention back to his father.

  I nodded my thanks, but the elder Westmore took no time at all in regaining everyone’s attention.

  “I was just explaining to Junior here the value of a well-behaved wife. Some men get silly notions in their head about romance and passion, but those men will never make it in our business. Your entire life is on display when you’re in Washington. Every move picked apart, even if it was only by someone associated with you. Many a career has been ruined by an ungrateful woman.”

  I cringed while he continued to espouse his antiquated philosophy. My eyes wandered to Yvette and she was simply nodding along with everything her husband said, a vapid smile plastered on her face. She looked empty inside and I wondered if she’d always been that way, or if decades of marriage to this man had done that to her. I saw a vision of myself in thirty years, listening to Chester spout off the same doctrine while I dutifully nodded along without any notions of my own.

  The thought made my heart race with anger. I would not allow myself to be broken like a wild horse. I was an independent woman and it was going to stay that way.

  “I think there’s something to be said for a woman with her own interests and passion, though, with all due respect, Mr. Westmore. A woman whose entire life revolves around her husband is much more likely to be a thorn in your side when you want a night of carousing. Don’t you agree, Chester?” I asked, testing the waters with my new fiancé. Would he be open to his future-wife’s beliefs or just hang on to his father’s old-fashioned gender roles?

  Chester seemed flustered; backed into a corner; he didn’t know which way to run. I could see him mulling over his response in his head. He wasn’t an idiot, but this was a test.

  “It depends on what her interests are. If they’re appropriate then I see no problem with a woman pursuing her own interests.”

  I was actually a little surprised at Chester. His father was, too. The elder man’s face was turning red, making his graying whiskers stand out against his double chin even more.

  There was one thing that Chester said that still made me pause.

  “What do you consider ‘appropriate’?” I asked.

  “Oh, you know… Decorating, event planning, cooking, child rearing, that type of thing.”

  “Oh, right, so as long as her interests are in line with being a dutiful wife and homemaker?”

  “Right.”

  I fought the urge to clench my fists; Chester didn’t even realize that he’d just said something unforgivable to me.

  “And what if her interests weren’t so conventional?”

  “Then they would have to be discouraged. Appearance is everything,” Chester replied, sounding like my mother.

  So this was the life I was in store for. I managed to get through the rest of the meal with minimal interaction. I was always polite and responded when it was necessary for me, but the men seemed content to let us just fade into the background. Yet again, I was relegated to being nothing more than a trophy on display.

  Chapter 19

  I was probably more excited for my date with Aubrey than I had any right to be. I couldn’t wait to see her again. More than just how incredibly sexy I found her, I genuinely enjoyed her company. She made me laugh, she wasn’t afraid to make a joke at my expense and I loved her natural confidence. She was unapologetic about who she was, even if she wouldn’t tell me who that really was.

  I waited for Skye to get home from school before I left for the drag strip. She already knew about my plans, but we had this new bond between us and I felt like I needed to see her when she got home. I didn’t want her coming home to an empty house. I knew from years of experience how sad that could be.

  “Don’t worry, bro, you’ve totally got this. She’d be a fool to not see how great you are.” She smiled up at me, giving me a hearty pat on the arm.

  “Thanks, I just don’t feel that confident, I guess.”

  “Everyone thinks they’re a doofus when it comes to the opposite sex, man. Just go charm her pants off; you’ve already done it once,” she nudged me with her elbow with a cheeky grin. I was starting to regret telling her all of the details.

  I chuckled and grabbed my keys off the counter.

  “Am I totally crazy?” I asked, more to myself than anyone else. Skye still answered me.

  “Absolutely, but love does that to you.”

  I left without another word, trying not to give too much thought to what she’d just said.

  Love?

  That was a loaded word for me. Bryce — and by extension Marcie and Hope — was really the only person in my life that I loved. Even that relationship was more of an unspoken understanding and mutual respect kind of thing. Love like Skye was talking about… that was a completely foreign concept to me.

  But that was a moot point. I didn’t love Aubrey. Hell, I didn’t even know Aubrey. My attachment to her was some kind of sick exercise in self-sabotage. I made myself available to the only woman that wasn’t available to me. Maybe it was just safer that way.

  I’d never been afraid of a challenge before, though. I wasn’t the kind of man to choos
e the well-worn path only because it was safer and easier. I didn’t shy away from shady people and situations. Regardless, it didn’t matter. Aubrey made it very clear to me that nothing could ever happen between us. I had to respect that. Even if I didn’t fully understand why she’d invited me out today if that was going to be the case.

  There were definitely mixed signals coming from the sexy brunette, but I made my peace with it. I decided I was just going to enjoy what I could and make it clear to her that if things were going to progress further, we were going to have to be completely honest with one another.

  My hands gripped the steering wheel as I peeled through the city streets.

  Yeah, honest. And if she didn’t want to agree to that, then I was better off without her.

  Totally.

  So why couldn’t I shake this gloomy feeling?

  The warring excitement and nervousness inside me made for an interesting drive down to the track. On the one hand, I wanted to snatch Aubrey up, carry her back to my place caveman style and ravish her. On the other hand, I knew that I shouldn’t settle for a purely carnal encounter when I knew there was so much more to our connection.

  I tried to remind myself of what Skye said: if I wasn’t worthy of being in Aubrey’s real life, then she wasn’t worthy being in mine. I just needed to believe it. I never dared to dream that I would have a chance at something like what I thought Aubrey and I had. I still didn’t dare to dream. She wasn’t giving me a chance yet. I only hoped that she would be open to it.

  I understood that she was only trying to protect herself, but maybe she would realize that I wanted the same thing. I hoped that she would. I hated to think that today may be the last time I ever saw her. I never thought I’d be the one on this side of the relationship talk. I never thought I would be the one that wanted something a little more serious. Typically I was the one trying to get out of these talks. I learned the art of short flings years ago after one particularly clingy girl convinced me that relationships were poison.

  Now, here I was, convinced that it was the best course of action I could think of.

  Love. I heard Skye’s voice in my head and I silently told her to shut the hell up. There was no way that I could love Aubrey after such a short time. I liked her, sure. But that wasn’t the same thing at all.