The Gift

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

Turning onto the main road, Cora looked at the sky. “At least my son has a beautiful day for his wedding.” It was a cold, crisp November day without a cloud to be seen. The air was sharp and so nippy it felt as though she could almost touch it. A sheet of ice glazed over the top of a pond she passed. Most of the trees were nearly bare, with only a few leaves hanging on the branches.

  The other morning, driving to work, Cora had seen a few snow flurries. It reminded her of living in Chicago, where she had become used to the wind and snow. At least Cora didn’t have snowy roads to contend with today. She was good at driving in the snow, but everyone else worried her. Over the years, she’d witnessed people making terrible mistakes when they drove on icy and snowy roads. But being a nurse and having to drive herself to work every day, Cora had learned to get over her fear and pay attention to what other vehicles were doing.

  Cora glanced at her reflection in the rearview mirror. She had chosen to wear a simple outfit because she would be attending an Amish wedding. Her closet was full of fancy dresses she’d brought with her from Chicago, but none of them would have been appropriate. She had attended many hospital functions, weddings, and parties with her now ex-husband, but those dresses were too flashy to wear to a simple gathering such as this. Cora certainly didn’t want to bring attention to herself, so she had chosen a dark blue skirt with matching jacket, and a light blue blouse. Since Amish women wore no jewelry, she avoided wearing earrings or a necklace.

  Cora took a deep breath and concentrated on the matter at hand, slowing down at each farm she came to, hoping to see a crowd of horses and buggies. So far she’d had no luck. To make matters worse, a few minutes ago, her vehicle had started making sputtering noises.

  Oh, please, not now, Cora silently prayed. I don’t need this on top of everything else. She checked the gauge, but that was okay. She still had a half tank of gas. No other lights on the dash were lit up, and the steering seemed to be okay. Inspection was due sometime soon, but Cora hadn’t had a chance to seek out a garage where she could take her vehicle. That was the first thing she planned to do when she went back to work the next day. Perhaps her coworkers could let her know of a reputable place to get her car inspected.

  A few more miles down the road, Cora’s car sounded normal again.

  Sure wish I’d thought to ask Leah where the wedding was going to be. But then, she might not have told me.

  Cora clutched the steering wheel tightly and berated herself. “What am I doing?” She was slowly beginning to lose her nerve. “What will I say to Adam if I come face-to-face with him?”

  She’d planned out what she would say, but now she was so nervous she couldn’t remember the words. She didn’t want to talk herself out of it, but her nerves were on edge. What if she located the place where the wedding was being held and found out that she wasn’t welcome? Cora didn’t think she could handle the rejection.

  After driving another mile up the road, she spotted a line of buggies parked in a field. This must be the place. Biting her lip, she slowed to let another vehicle pass before pulling in.

  She turned up the driveway and parked her car near the edge so that if anyone needed to get out she wouldn’t be in the way. Besides, she didn’t want to alarm any of the horses, even though most of them were probably used to vehicles. Cora had to admit, she wanted to park in a space where she could get out easily, in case she had to leave quickly.

  Opening the car door, Cora froze when the car started drifting forward. She realized then that she’d forgotten to put the gear in Park. After doing so, she sat for a few minutes, taking deep breaths. “Pull yourself together,” she whispered. “You came here to see Adam, so you can’t chicken out now.”

  Gathering her courage, Cora grabbed the door handle and stepped out of the car. Despite the butterflies in the pit of her stomach, there was no stopping her now.

  CHAPTER 40

  Cora heard singing coming from inside the oversized shop on the right side of the property, so she headed in that direction. When she got to the door, she stopped, running her damp hands down the side of her skirt. Earlier she had been concerned that she hadn’t dressed warmly enough, given the cool weather. But now, Cora’s nerves were keeping her plenty warm enough.

  Looking back at her car to make sure it was still parked where she’d left it, Cora wiped her hands one more time then grasped the shop door handle. Taking a deep breath, she stepped inside and slipped quietly onto one of the backless wooden benches on the women’s side of the room, near the rear. She couldn’t see the bride and groom because other heads blocked her view. Cora sat silently, willing her heart to quit beating so wildly and uncrossing her legs to keep her feet from bobbing.

  Leaning slightly forward, she looked past the women in front of her and saw several children. Some sat with their mothers, grandmothers, or some other person, and a few sat with their fathers. Cora wondered which of these children might be Adam’s nieces. Then she spotted little Carrie, whom she’d met at the clinic the day Leah had brought her in. The child looked so cute, wearing an olive-green dress with a white apron. Her small hands were folded as she looked straight ahead. On either side of Carrie sat two other young girls. Beside them was an older woman, who Cora recognized as Leah’s mother. She’d only seen her briefly the last time she’d gone to Leah’s for a foot treatment, but she was sure it was her.

  I wish I were the one sitting on the bench with those girls, Cora thought. I gave up the privilege of knowing my children when they were young, but, oh, I would cherish each moment if I could spend that lost time with my grandchildren now.

  Cora’s attention was drawn to the front of the room when one of the men, whom she assumed was a minister, stood and gave a message on the topic of marriage, speaking in German. The language came back to her as if she’d never stopped using it, and Cora was able to understand every word he said.

  The focus of the message was on the serious step of marriage, for in the Amish church, the people were taught that divorce was not an option. The sermon and Bible passages emphasized the relationship between husband and wife, as God intended.

  Cora had heard something similar the day she’d married Andrew but hadn’t really taken it to heart. Today, however, the man’s words penetrated her soul. Even though she’d spoken her vows before God and man and promised to be true only unto her husband, Cora had broken that vow the day she’d left Andrew and filed for divorce. Then by some twist of fate, Evan had done the same thing to her. If only she could go back in time and reverse her decision. What goes around, comes around. And what she had done so many years ago to her family had certainly come back around to her. I didn’t leave my husband for another man, though, Cora justified, comparing what she’d done to Evan’s reason for divorcing her. Wanting to be a nurse was a burning desire she’d had years ago, but had it been worth it in the end? Cora knew she had done wrong by leaving Andrew and had cheated herself out of the joy of knowing their children and being the kind of mother to Mary and Adam that they deserved. She had also robbed herself of the privilege of knowing her granddaughters. But maybe it wasn’t too late for that.

  As the minister continued, Cora’s face burned with shame. Tears dripped onto her blouse. It felt like he was directing his words at her; yet he was speaking to the bride and groom. Father, forgive me, she silently prayed. I was a selfish woman who knew better but wanted my own way. I know it’s a lot to ask, Lord, but I’d like the chance to make amends.

  When the sermon ended, the wedding couple was called to stand before the bishop. Cora craned her head to get a look, and her heart nearly stopped beating when she caught sight of Leah standing beside a young Amish man with blond hair. It was the same man she’d spoken to at the hardware store the other day. Cora knew now why he’d looked so familiar. He resembled his father.

  Swallowing against the lump in her throat, Cora couldn’t take her eyes off the couple as they said their vows. Her son wasn’t the little boy she remembered from long ago. Adam had been such a cute
kid, and now he’d grown to be a handsome young man who had taken on the responsibility of raising Mary’s daughters. No wonder Leah had fallen in love with him.

  Cora continued watching as Leah glanced shyly at Adam. It took Cora back to the day she and Andrew had shared their wedding vows and looked bashfully at each other.

  Adam and Leah were asked by the minister if they would remain together until death and if they would be loyal and care for each other during adversity, affliction, sickness, and weakness. They both answered affirmatively, and then the minister took their hands in his, and after wishing them the blessing and mercy of God, he said, “Go forth in the Lord’s name. You are now man and wife.”

  Tears clouding her vision, Cora sat very still as the couple returned to their seats. Then she stood and quietly left the building, hoping neither Leah nor Adam had seen her. She had come here, planning to speak with her son and reveal who she was, but now she realized that this was not the time to make an appearance. She didn’t want to spoil Leah and Adam’s wedding day, so she would wait for a better time to speak with Adam.

  When Leah took a seat after saying her vows, she glanced over at Adam’s nieces and smiled. Those precious little girls would be in her care full-time from now on, and she looked forward to that. Unless things changed between her and Adam, she would probably never have any children of her own. That was one more reason for Leah to find satisfaction in being able to nurture and care for Carrie, Linda, and Amy. If the look of happiness on the girls’ faces was any indication of how they felt, then they were equally glad that she’d become Adam’s wife.

  Adam’s wife, Leah mused. It was hard to believe, especially given the fact that at one time she hadn’t cared for Adam that much. Things were different now. Since Adam had become the caregiver of his nieces, Leah had seen him in a different light. He didn’t annoy her like he had before, although he could still be pretty stubborn. If it weren’t for the bitterness he carried toward his mother, Leah could give Adam her whole heart.

  Turning her attention to the final sermon, Leah listened as the minister praised the institution of marriage and quoted more scriptures. She thought about the vows she’d just spoken and wondered what the rest of her life would be like. Would Adam ever give his heart to her in love? Was there any chance that he would agree to speak with Cora? So many questions and doubts floated through Leah’s mind. The best response was to simply take one day at a time and trust God to work things out for everyone.

  Adam’s throat felt dry as he alternated between listening to their bishop speak about marriage and looking at Leah’s rosy cheeks. She’d looked at him so sincerely when she’d answered the bishop’s question only moments ago: “Can you confess, sister, that you accept our brother as your husband, and that you will not leave him until death separates you?”

  “Yes,” Leah had said with a decisive nod.

  Why didn’t my mother stay true to those vows when she married my daed? Adam wondered. Did Dad, Mary, and I mean so little to her that she could forget about the promise she’d made before God and the church?

  That old familiar bitterness welled in Adam’s soul. It was wrong to harbor such feelings of anger and resentment toward his mother, but he couldn’t seem to help himself.

  I won’t let it consume me, Adam told himself. My concentration needs to be on raising my nieces and trying to be a good husband to Leah, even though we won’t be married in a physical sense.

  He glanced at Leah once more and relaxed a bit when she smiled at him. Adam was convinced that God had brought them together—if not to be husband and wife in every sense of the word, then to make sure that Mary and Amos’s girls received the love and care they truly deserved. Although Mary had never met Leah, Adam was sure she would have approved of the young woman he’d chosen to marry.

  That evening when Leah and Adam arrived at his house with the girls, Leah told Adam that she would help the girls get ready for bed.

  “That’s fine,” Adam responded. “While you’re doing that, I’ll put your suitcase upstairs in the room next to Amy’s.”

  Leah nodded. She’d known she would not be sharing a room with Adam downstairs, but the reminder that she’d be sleeping in the guest room was most troubling.

  What have I done? she asked herself as she and the girls went into the house. Marriage is for life, and I’ve just committed to a man who does not love me and who will never truly be my husband.

  Resolving to make the best of her situation, Leah followed Carrie and Linda up the stairs and into the room they shared, while Amy went to her room next door. After the younger ones changed into their nightclothes and said their prayers, Leah tucked them into bed. After kissing Carrie and Linda good night, she entered Amy’s bedroom.

  “How come Uncle Adam said he was gonna put your things in the room next to mine?” Amy asked when Leah took a seat on the end of her bed.

  Unsure of how best to respond, Leah smiled and said, “I want to be close to you and your sisters right now.”

  Amy gave Leah a hug, apparently satisfied with that answer. “I’m glad you’ll be living here with us now. I don’t miss my mamm so much when you’re around.”

  Tears pooled in Leah’s eyes. “I’ll never be able to take her place, but I want you to know that I’ll be here for you in every way.” After kissing Amy’s forehead and telling her good night, Leah turned off the gas lamp and slipped quietly from the room. When she entered her own bedroom, where her luggage now sat, she went to the window and looked out. A full moon illuminated the yard, and Leah could see Adam’s barn clearly. A light shone through the windows, letting her know that Adam was probably tending the horse. She wondered what he was thinking. Did he have any regrets about marrying her? Was he still upset because she’d told Cora about him? He hadn’t said anything more about his mother or what he planned to do, and Leah was afraid to bring up the subject. She hoped Adam wouldn’t make good on his threat to move. As far as she was concerned, that would be the worst thing to do.

  After opening her suitcase, Leah took out her Bible. Taking a seat on the bed, she looked up Isaiah 30:15. “In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength,” she read to herself.

  Closing her eyes, Leah prayed, Lord, please help me remember to put my trust in You to work everything out according to Your will.

  CHAPTER 41

  Leah scurried around the kitchen, getting breakfast on before Adam and the girls came in. It just didn’t seem possible that a whole week had gone by since her and Adam’s wedding. Even though Leah had been coming over for the past few months to care for the girls, it felt strange to actually be living in Adam’s house, knowing she was his wife.

  But I’m his wife in name only, she reminded herself. Adam doesn’t see me as anything more than a housekeeper, cook, and someone to take care of his nieces.

  As Leah stirred a kettle of oatmeal on the stove, her thoughts took her back to their wedding night, when she and Adam came home with the girls. After a whole week had gone by, Adam still hadn’t mentioned Cora. Was he ever going to say anything? Should Leah bring up the topic? She was confused and didn’t know what to do.

  “God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.” Leah silently quoted 1 Corinthians 14:33.

  “What’s for breakfast?” Amy asked, stepping into the kitchen and scattering Leah’s thoughts.

  Leah smiled as she turned from the stove. “Since this is such a chilly fall morning, I decided to fix hawwermehl.”

  Amy’s nose crinkled. “I don’t like oatmeal that much.”

  “I like it, and so does Carrie,” Linda said, holding her little sister’s hand as they skipped into the room.

  “Amy, would you please set the table?” Leah asked. “I’m making toast, so you can have a piece of that.”

  “What can I do?” Linda wanted to know.

  “Why don’t you get out the brown sugar and butter?” Leah suggested. “Oh, and Carrie, you can put some napkins by each of
our plates.”

  While the girls did their jobs, Leah turned the stove down and toasted several slices of bread. By the time they came out of the oven, Adam had come inside from doing his chores in the barn.

  “Brr…” Adam rubbed his hands briskly over his arms. “It feels more like winter than fall this morning. You can really smell the wood smoke in the air. Guess a lot of folks did what we did and fired up their woodstoves and fireplaces this past week.” He glanced at Leah and smiled. “Is breakfast about ready?”

  Smiling in return, she nodded.

  “Great. I’ll get washed up, and then we can eat.” Adam headed down the hall toward the bathroom. When he returned, everyone took a seat at the table. “I’ll bring more firewood in before I leave for work,” he said. “That way you can keep the fireplace going.”

  “Danki, Adam. The warmth from the fire makes the living room cozy.” Leah lowered her eyes, feeling the heat of a blush on her cheeks. She appreciated his thoughtfulness, and the gentle way he’d looked at her just now made her feel kind of giddy.

  After their silent prayer, Leah dished everyone a bowl of oatmeal and passed Amy the plate of toast. As they ate, Amy and Linda talked about school and how their teacher would soon be giving out parts for the Christmas program. Leah looked forward to attending along with the parents and other family members of the scholars who went to the one-room schoolhouse. For her, Christmas would be different than it had been in the past, since she was no longer living at home with her parents. Now, she was a parent, of sorts.

  “Will you be washing clothes today, Leah?” Adam asked. “I spilled some glue on my trousers yesterday, and they need to be cleaned.”

  “I’ll do my best,” Leah responded, “but I can’t promise that the glue will come out.”

  “It’s okay if it doesn’t. They’re an old pair of trousers.”

  “I’ll start washing as soon as I get Linda and Amy off to school,” Leah said. “I need to get it done before Priscilla comes for a foot treatment.”