The Oxford Shakespeare: The Complete Works

by William Shakespeare

  Made wit with musing weak, heart sick with thought.

  Enter Speed

  SPEED

  Sir Proteus, save you. Saw you my master?

  PROTEUS

  But now he parted hence to embark for Milan.

  SPEED

  Twenty to one, then, he is shipped already,

  And I have played the sheep in losing him.

  PROTEUS

  Indeed, a sheep doth very often stray,

  An if the shepherd be a while away.

  SPEED

  You conclude that my master is a shepherd, then,

  and I a sheep?

  PROTEUS I do.

  SPEED

  Why then, my horns are his horns, whether I wake or sleep.

  PROTEUS A silly answer, and fitting well a sheep.

  SPEED This proves me still a sheep.

  PROTEUS True, and thy master a shepherd.

  SPEED Nay, that I can deny by a circumstance.

  PROTEUS It shall go hard but I’ll prove it by another.

  SPEED The shepherd seeks the sheep, and not the sheep the shepherd. But I seek my master, and my master seeks not me. Therefore I am no sheep.

  PROTEUS The sheep for fodder follow the shepherd, the shepherd for food follows not the sheep. Thou for wages followest thy master, thy master for wages follows not thee. Therefore thou art a sheep.

  SPEED Such another proof will make me cry ‘baa’.

  PROTEUS But dost thou hear: gav’st thou my letter to Julia?

  SPEED Ay, sir. I, a lost mutton, gave your letter to her, a laced mutton, and she, a laced mutton, gave me, a lost mutton, nothing for my labour.

  PROTEUS Here’s too small a pasture for such store of muttons.

  SPEED If the ground be overcharged, you were best stick her.

  PROTEUS Nay, in that you are astray. ‘Twere best pound you.

  SPEED Nay sir, less than a pound shall serve me for carrying your letter.

  PROTEUS You mistake. I mean the pound, a pinfold.

  SPEED From a pound to a pin? Fold it over and over ‘Tis threefold too little for carrying a letter to your lover.

  PROTEUS But what said she?

  SPEED (nods, then says) Ay.

  PROTEUS Nod-ay? Why, that’s ‘noddy’.

  SPEED You mistook, sir. I say she did nod, and you ask me if she did nod, and I say ‘Ay’.

  PROTEUS And that set together is ‘noddy’.

  SPEED Now you have taken the pains to set it together, take it for your pains.

  PROTEUS No, no. You shall have it for bearing the letter.

  SPEED Well, I perceive I must be fain to bear with you.

  PROTEUS Why, sir, how do you bear with me?

  SPEED Marry, sir, the letter very orderly, having nothing but the word ‘noddy’ for my pains.

  PROTEUS Beshrew me but you have a quick wit.

  SPEED And yet it cannot overtake your slow purse.

  PROTEUS Come, come, open the matter in brief. What said she?

  SPEED Open your purse, that the money and the matter may be both at once delivered.

  PROTEUS (giving money) Well, sir, here is for your pains. What said she?

  SPEED Truly, sir, I think you’ll hardly win her.

  PROTEUS Why? Couldst thou perceive so much from her?

  SPEED Sir, I could perceive nothing at all from her, no, not so much as a ducat for delivering your letter. And being so hard to me, that brought your mind, I fear she’ll prove as hard to you in telling your mind. Give her no token but stones, for she’s as hard as steel.

  PROTEUS What said she? Nothing?

  SPEED No, not so much as ‘Take this for thy pains’. To testify your bounty, I thank you, you have testerned me; in requital whereof, henceforth carry your letters yourself. And so, sir, I’ll commend you to my master.

  ⌈Exit⌉

  PROTEUS

  Go, go, be gone, to save your ship from wreck,

  Which cannot perish having thee aboard,

  Being destined to a drier death on shore.

  I must go send some better messenger.

  I fear my Julia would not deign my lines,

  Receiving them from such a worthless post. Exit

  1.2 Enter Julia and Lucetta

  JULIA

  But say, Lucetta, now we are alone—

  Wouldst thou then counsel me to fall in love?

  LUCETTA

  Ay, madam, so you stumble not unheedfully.

  JULIA

  Of all the fair resort of gentlemen

  That every day with parle encounter me,

  In thy opinion which is worthiest love?

  LUCETTA

  Please you repeat their names, I’ll show my mind

  According to my shallow simple skill.

  JULIA

  What think’st thou of the fair Sir Eglamour?

  LUCETTA

  As of a knight well spoken, neat, and fine,

  But were I you, he never should be mine.

  JULIA

  What think’st thou of the rich Mercatio?

  LUCETTA

  Well of his wealth, but of himself, so-so.

  JULIA

  What think’st thou of the gentle Proteus?

  LUCETTA

  Lord, lord, to see what folly reigns in us!

  JULIA

  How now? What means this passion at his name?

  LUCETTA

  Pardon, dear madam, ‘tis a passing shame

  That I, unworthy body as I am,

  Should censure thus on lovely gentlemen.

  JULIA

  Why not on Proteus, as of all the rest?

  LUCETTA

  Then thus: of many good, I think him best.

  JULIA

  Your reason?

  LUCETTA

  I have no other but a woman’s reason:

  I think him so because I think him so.

  JULIA

  And wouldst thou have me cast my love on him?

  LUCETTA

  Ay, if you thought your love not cast away.

  JULIA

  Why, he of all the rest hath never moved me.

  LUCETTA

  Yet he of all the rest I think best loves ye.

  JULIA

  His little speaking shows his love but small.

  LUCETTA

  Fire that’s closest kept burns most of all.

  JULIA

  They do not love that do not show their love.

  LUCETTA

  O, they love least that let men know their love.

  JULIA

  I would I knew his mind.

  LUCETTA (giving Proteus’ letter)

  Peruse this paper, madam.

  JULIA

  ‘To Julia’—say, from whom?

  LUCETTA

  That the contents will show.

  JULIA

  Say, say—who gave it thee?

  LUCETTA

  Sir Valentine’s page; and sent, I think, from Proteus. He would have given it you, but I being in the way Did in your name receive it. Pardon the fault, I pray.

  JULIA

  Now, by my modesty, a goodly broker.

  Dare you presume to harbour wanton lines?

  To whisper, and conspire against my youth?

  Now trust me, ‘tis an office of great worth,

  And you an officer fit for the place.

  There. Take the paper.

  She gives Lucetta the letter

  See it be returned,

  Or else return no more into my sight.

  LUCETTA

  To plead for love deserves more fee than hate.

  JULIA

  Will ye be gone?

  LUCETTA

  That you may ruminate.

  Exit

  JULIA

  And yet I would I had o‘erlooked the letter.

  It were a shame to call her back again

  And pray her to a fault for which I chid her.

  What fool is she, that knows I am a maid

 
And would not force the letter to my view,

  Since maids in modesty say ‘No’ to that

  Which they would have the profferer construe ‘Ay’.

  Fie, fie, how wayward is this foolish love

  That like a testy babe will scratch the nurse

  And presently, all humbled, kiss the rod.

  How churlishly I chid Lucetta hence

  When willingly I would have had her here.

  How angerly I taught my brow to frown

  When inward joy enforced my heart to smile.

  My penance is to call Lucetta back

  And ask remission for my folly past.

  What ho! Lucetta!

  Enter Lucetta

  LUCETTA

  What would your ladyship?

  JULIA

  Is’t near dinner-time?

  LUCETTA

  I would it were,

  That you might kill your stomach on your meat

  And not upon your maid.

  ⌈She drops and picks up the letter⌉

  JULIA

  What is’t that you

  Took up so gingerly?

  LUCETTA Nothing.

  JULIA

  Why didst thou stoop then?

  LUCETTA

  To take a paper up that I let fall.

  JULIA

  And is that paper nothing?

  LUCETTA

  Nothing concerning me.

  JULIA

  Then let it lie for those that it concerns.

  LUCETTA

  Madam, it will not lie where it concerns,

  Unless it have a false interpreter.

  JULIA

  Some love of yours hath writ to you in rhyme.

  LUCETTA

  That I might sing it, madam, to a tune,

  Give me a note. Your ladyship can set.

  JULIA

  As little by such toys as may be possible.

  Best sing it to the tune of ‘Light o’ love’.

  LUCETTA

  It is too heavy for so light a tune.

  JULIA

  Heavy? Belike it hath some burden, then?

  LUCETTA

  Ay, and melodious were it, would you sing it.

  JULIA

  And why not you?

  LUCETTA

  I cannot reach so high.

  JULIA

  Let’s see your song.

  ⌈She tries to take the letters⌉

  How now, minion!

  LUCETTA

  Keep tune there still. So you will sing it out.

  And yet methinks I do not like this tune.

  JULIA You do not?

  LUCETTA

  No, madam, ‘tis too sharp.

  JULIA

  You, minion, are too saucy.

  LUCETTA

  Nay, now you are too flat,

  And mar the concord with too harsh a descant.

  There wanteth but a mean to fill your song.

  JULIA

  The mean is drowned with your unruly bass.

  LUCETTA

  Indeed, I bid the base for Proteus.

  JULIA

  This bauble shall not henceforth trouble me.

  Here is a coil with protestation.

  She tears the letter and drops the pieces

  Go, get you gone, and let the papers lie.

  You would be fing’ring them to anger me.

  LUCETTA (aside)

  She makes it strange, but she would be best pleased

  To be so angered with another letter.

  Exit

  JULIA

  Nay, would I were so angered with the same.

  O hateful hands, to tear such loving words;

  Injurious wasps, to feed on such sweet honey

  And kill the bees that yield it with your stings.

  I’ll kiss each several paper for amends.

  She picks up some of the pieces of paper

  Look, here is writ ‘Kind Julia’—unkind Julia,

  As in revenge of thy ingratitude

  I throw thy name against the bruising stones,

  Trampling contemptuously on thy disdain.

  And here is writ ‘Love-wounded Proteus’.

  Poor wounded name, my bosom as a bed

  Shall lodge thee till thy wound be throughly healed;

  And thus I search it with a sovereign kiss.

  But twice or thrice was ‘Proteus’ written down.

  Be calm, good wind, blow not a word away

  Till I have found each letter in the letter

  Except mine own name. That, some whirlwind bear

  Unto a ragged, fearful, hanging rock

  And throw it thence into the raging sea.

  Lo, here in one line is his name twice writ:

  ‘Poor forlorn Proteus’, ‘passionate Proteus’,

  ‘To the sweet Julia’—that I’ll tear away.

  And yet I will not, sith so prettily

  He couples it to his complaining names.

  Thus will I fold them, one upon another.

  Now kiss, embrace, contend, do what you will.

  Enter Lucetta

  LUCETTA

  Madam, dinner is ready, and your father stays.

  JULIA Well, let us go.

  LUCETTA

  What, shall these papers lie like telltales here?

  JULIA

  If you respect them, best to take them up.

  LUCETTA

  Nay, I was taken up for laying them down.

  Yet here they shall not lie, for catching cold.

  JULIA

  I see you have a month’s mind to them.

  LUCETTA

  Ay, madam, you may say what sights you see.

  I see things too, although you judge I wink.

  JULIA Come, come, will’t please you go?

  Exeunt

  1.3 Enter Antonio and Panthino

  ANTONIO

  Tell me, Panthino, what sad talk was that

  Wherewith my brother held you in the cloister?

  PANTHINO

  ‘Twas of his nephew Proteus, your son.

  ANTONIO

  Why, what of him?

  PANTHINO He wondered that your lordship

  Would suffer him to spend his youth at home

  While other men, of slender reputation,

  Put forth their sons to seek preferment out—

  Some to the wars, to try their fortune there,

  Some to discover islands far away,

  Some to the studious universities.

  For any or for all these exercises

  He said that Proteus your son was meet,

  And did request me to importune you

  To let him spend his time no more at home,

  Which would be great impeachment to his age

  In having known no travel in his youth.

  ANTONIO

  Nor need’st thou much importune me to that

  Whereon this month I have been hammering.

  I have considered well his loss of time,

  And how he cannot be a perfect man,

  Not being tried and tutored in the world.

  Experience is by industry achieved,

  And perfected by the swift course of time.

  Then tell me, whither were I best to send him?

  PANTHINO

  I think your lordship is not ignorant

  How his companion, youthful Valentine,

  Attends the Emperor in his royal court.

  ANTONIO I know it well.

  PANTHINO

  ‘Twere good, I think, your lordship sent him thither.

  There shall he practise tilts and tournaments,

  Hear sweet discourse, converse with noblemen,

  And be in eye of every exercise

  Worthy his youth and nobleness of birth.

  ANTONIO

  I like thy counsel. Well hast thou advised,

  And that thou mayst perceive how well I like it,

  The execution of it shall make known.

>   Even with the speediest expedition

  I will dispatch him to the Emperor’s court.

  PANTHINO

  Tomorrow, may it please you, Don Alfonso,

  With other gentlemen of good esteem,

  Are journeying to salute the Emperor

  And to commend their service to his will.

  ANTONIO

  Good company. With them shall Proteus go.

  Enter Proteus with a letter. He does not see Antonio and Panthino

  And in good time. Now will we break with him.

  PROTEUS Sweet love, sweet lines, sweet life!

  Here is her hand, the agent of her heart.

  Here is her oath for love, her honour’s pawn.

  O that our fathers would applaud our loves

  To seal our happiness with their consents.

  O heavenly Julia!

  ANTONIO

  How now, what letter are you reading there?

  PROTEUS

  May’t please your lordship, ‘tis a word or two

  Of commendations sent from Valentine,

  Delivered by a friend that came from him.

  ANTONIO

  Lend me the letter. Let me see what news.

  PROTEUS

  There is no news, my lord, but that he writes

  How happily he lives, how well beloved

  And daily gracèd by the Emperor,

  Wishing me with him, partner of his fortune.

  ANTONIO

  And how stand you affected to his wish?

  PROTEUS

  As one relying on your lordship’s will,

  And not depending on his friendly wish.

  ANTONIO

  My will is something sorted with his wish.

  Muse not that I thus suddenly proceed,

  For what I will, I will, and there an end.

  I am resolved that thou shalt spend some time

  With Valentinus in the Emperor’s court.

  What maintenance he from his friends receives,

  Like exhibition thou shalt have from me.

  Tomorrow be in readiness to go.

  Excuse it not, for I am peremptory.

  PROTEUS

  My lord, I cannot be so soon provided.

  Please you deliberate a day or two.

  ANTONIO

  Look what thou want’st shall be sent after thee.

  No more of stay. Tomorrow thou must go.

  Come on, Panthino. You shall be employed

  To hasten on his expedition.

  Exeunt Antonio and Panthino

  PROTEUS

  Thus have I shunned the fire for fear of burning

  And drenched me in the sea where I am drowned.

  I feared to show my father Julia’s letter

  Lest he should take exceptions to my love,