The Oxford Shakespeare: The Complete Works

by William Shakespeare

  That do renown this city.

  ANTONIO

  Would you’d pardon me.

  I do not without danger walk these streets.

  Once in a sea-fight ‘gainst the Count his galleys

  I did some service, of such note indeed

  That were I ta’en here it would scarce be answered.

  SEBASTIAN

  Belike you slew great number of his people.

  ANTONIO

  Th’offence is not of such a bloody nature,

  Albeit the quality of the time and quarrel

  Might well have given us bloody argument.

  It might have since been answered in repaying

  What we took from them, which for traffic’s sake

  Most of our city did. Only myself stood out,

  For which if I be latched in this place

  I shall pay dear.

  SEBASTIAN

  Do not then walk too open.

  ANTONIO

  It doth not fit me. Hold, sir, here’s my purse.

  In the south suburbs at the Elephant

  Is best to lodge. I will bespeak our diet

  Whiles you beguile the time and feed your knowledge

  With viewing of the town. There shall you have me.

  SEBASTIAN Why I your purse?

  ANTONIO

  Haply your eye shall light upon some toy

  You have desire to purchase; and your store

  I think is not for idle markets, sir.

  SEBASTIAN

  I’ll be your purse-bearer, and leave you

  For an hour.

  ANTONIO

  To th’ Elephant.

  SEBASTIAN

  I do remember.

  Exeunt severally

  3.4 Enter Olivia and Maria

  OLIVIA (aside)

  I have sent after him, he says he’ll come.

  How shall I feast him? What bestow of him?

  For youth is bought more oft than begged or

  borrowed.

  I speak too loud.

  (To Maria) Where’s Malvolio? He is sad and civil, 5

  And suits well for a servant with my fortunes.

  Where is Malvolio?

  MARIA He’s coming, madam, but in very strange manner.

  He is sure possessed, madam.

  OLIVIA

  Why, what’s the matter? Does he rave?

  MARIA No, madam, he does nothing but smile. Your ladyship were best to have some guard about you if he come, for sure the man is tainted in’s wits.

  OLIVIA

  Go call him hither. Exit Maria

  I am as mad as he,

  If sad and merry madness equal be.

  Enter Malvolio, cross-gartered and wearing yellow stockings, with Maria

  How now, Malvolio?

  MALVOLIO Sweet lady, ho, ho!

  OLIVIA

  Smil’st thou? I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.

  MALVOLIO Sad, lady? I could be sad. This does make some obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering, but what of that? If it please the eye of one, it is with me as the very true sonnet is, ‘Please one, and please all’.

  OLIVIA⌉

  Why, how dost thou, man? What is the matter with thee?

  MALVOLIO Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. It did come to his hands, and commands shall be executed. I think we do know the sweet roman hand.

  OLIVIA

  Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?

  MALVOLIO (kissing his hand) To bed? ’Ay, sweetheart, and

  I’ll come to thee.’

  OLIVIA God comfort thee. Why dost thou smile so, and kiss thy hand so oft?

  MARIA How do you, Malvolio?

  MALVOLIO At your request?—yes, nightingales answer daws.

  MARIA Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady?

  MALVOLIO ‘Be not afraid of greatness’—’twas well writ.

  OLIVIA What meanest thou by that, Malvolio?

  MALVOLIO ‘Some are born great’—

  OLIVIA Ha?

  MALVOLIO ‘Some achieve greatness’—

  OLIVIA What sayst thou?

  MALVOLIO ‘And some have greatness thrust upon them.’

  OLIVIA Heaven restore thee.

  MALVOLIO ‘Remember who commended thy yellow stockings’—

  OLIVIA ‘Thy yellow stockings’?

  MALVOLIO ‘And wished to see thee cross-gartered.’

  OLIVIA ‘Cross-gartered’?

  MALVOLIO ‘Go to, thou art made, if thou desirest to be so.’

  OLIVIA Am I made?

  MALVOLIO ‘If not, let me see thee a servant still.’

  OLIVIA Why, this is very midsummer madness.

  Enter a Servant

  SERVANT Madam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino’s is returned. I could hardly entreat him back. He attends your ladyship’s pleasure.

  OLIVIA I’ll come to him. Exit Servant Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where’s my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special care of him, I would not have him miscarry for the half of my dowry. Exeunt Olivia and Maria, severally

  MALVOLIO O ho, do you come near me now? No worse man than Sir Toby to look to me. This concurs directly with the letter, she sends him on purpose, that I may appear stubborn to him, for she incites me to that in the letter. ‘Cast thy humble slough,’ says she, ‘be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants, let thy tongue tang arguments of state, put thyself into the trick of singularity’, and consequently sets down the manner how, as a sad face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit of some sir of note, and so forth. I have limed her, but it is Jove’s doing, and Jove make me thankful. And when she went away now, ‘let this fellow be looked to’. Fellow!—not ‘Malvolio’, nor after my degree, but ‘fellow’. Why, everything adheres together that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe circumstance—what can be said?—nothing that can be can come between me and the full prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked.

  Enter Sir Toby, Fabian, and Maria

  SIR TOBY Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion himself possessed him, yet I’ll speak to him.

  FABIAN Here he is, here he is. (To Malvolio) How is’t with you, sir? How is’t with you, man?

  MALVOLIO Go off, I discard you. Let me enjoy my private. Go off.

  MARIA Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him. Did not I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a care of him.

  MALVOLIO Aha, does she so?

  SIR TOBY Go to, go to. Peace, peace, we must deal gently with him. Let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? How is’t with you? What, man, defy the devil. Consider, he’s an enemy to mankind.

  MALVOLIO Do you know what you say?

  MARIA La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes it at heart. Pray God he be not bewitched.

  FABIAN Carry his water to th’ wise woman.

  MARIA Marry, and it shall be done tomorrow morning, if I live. My lady would not lose him for more than I’ll say.

  MALVOLIO How now, mistress?

  MARIA O Lord!

  SIR TOBY Prithee hold thy peace, this is not the way. Do you not see you move him? Let me alone with him.

  FABIAN No way but gentleness, gently, gently. The fiend is rough, and will not be roughly used.

  SIR TOBY Why how now, my bawcock? How dost thou, chuck?

  MALVOLIO Sir!

  SIR TOBY Ay, biddy, come with me. What man, ’tis not for gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan. Hang him, foul collier.

  MARIA Get him to say his prayers. Good Sir Toby, get him to pray.

  MALVOLIO My prayers, minx?

  MARIA No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.

  MALVOLIO Go hang yourselves, all. You are idle shallow things, I am not of your element. You shall know more hereafter. Exit

  SIR TOBY Is’t possible?

  FABIA
N If this were played upon a stage, now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction.

  SIR TOBY His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man.

  MARIA Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air and taint.

  FABIAN Why, we shall make him mad indeed.

  MARIA The house will be the quieter.

  SIR TOBY Come, we’ll have him in a dark room and bound. My niece is already in the belief that he’s mad. We may carry it thus for our pleasure and his penance till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to have mercy on him, at which time we will bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a finder of madmen. But see, but see.

  Enter Sir Andrew with a paper

  FABIAN More matter for a May morning.

  SIR ANDREW Here’s the challenge, read it. I warrant there’s vinegar and pepper in’t.

  FABIAN Is’t so saucy?

  SIR ANDREW Ay—is’t? I warrant him. Do but read.

  SIR TOBY Give me.

  (Reads) ‘Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.’

  FABIAN Good, and valiant.

  SIR TOBY ‘Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for’t.’

  FABIAN A good note, that keeps you from the blow of the law.

  SIR TOBY ‘Thou comest to the Lady Olivia, and in my sight she uses thee kindly; but thou liest in thy throat, that is not the matter I challenge thee for.’ 155

  FABIAN Very brief, and to exceeding good sense (aside) -less.

  SIR TOBY ‘I will waylay thee going home, where if it be thy chance to kill me’—

  FABIAN Good.

  SIR TOBY ‘Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain.’

  FABIAN Still you keep o’th’ windy side of the law—good.

  SIR TOBY ‘Fare thee well, and God have mercy upon one of our souls. He may have mercy upon mine, but my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy,Andrew Aguecheek.’

  If this letter move him not, his legs cannot. I’ll give’t him.

  MARIA You may have very fit occasion for’t. He is now in some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart.

  SIR TOBY Go, Sir Andrew. Scout me for him at the corner of the orchard like a bum-baily. So soon as ever thou seest him, draw, and as thou drawest, swear horrible, for it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him. Away.

  SIR ANDREW Nay, let me alone for swearing.

  Exit

  SIR TOBY Now will not I deliver his letter, for the behaviour of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding. His employment between his lord and my niece confirms no less. Therefore this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the youth. He will find it comes from a clodpoll. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth, set upon Aguecheek a notable report of valour, and drive the gentleman—as I know his youth will aptly receive it—into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and impetuosity. This will so fright them both that they will kill one another by the look, like cockatrices.

  Enter Olivia, and Viola as Cesario

  FABIAN Here he comes with your niece. Give them way till he take leave, and presently after him.

  SIR TOBY I will meditate the while upon some horrid message for a challenge.

  Exeunt Sir Toby, Fabian, and Maria

  OLIVIA

  I have said too much unto a heart of stone,

  And laid mine honour too unchary out.

  There’s something in me that reproves my fault,

  But such a headstrong potent fault it is

  That it but mocks reproof.

  VIOLA With the same ’haviour

  That your passion bears goes on my master’s griefs.

  OLIVIA (giving a jewel)

  Here, wear this jewel for me, ’tis my picture—

  Refuse it not, it hath no tongue to vex you—

  And I beseech you come again tomorrow.

  What shall you ask of me that I’ll deny,

  That honour, saved, may upon asking give?

  VIOLA

  Nothing but this: your true love for my master.

  OLIVIA

  How with mine honour may I give him that

  Which I have given to you?

  VIOLA I will acquit you.

  OLIVIA

  Well, come again tomorrow. Fare thee well.

  A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell.

  Exit

  Enter Sir Toby and Fabian

  SIR TOBY Gentleman, God save thee.

  VIOLA And you, sir.

  SIR TOBY That defence thou hast, betake thee to’t. Of what nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know not, but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as the hunter, attends thee at the orchard end. Dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for thy assailant is quick, skilful, and deadly.

  VIOLA You mistake, sir, I am sure no man hath any quarrel to me. My remembrance is very free and clear from any image of offence done to any man.

  SIR TOBY You’ll find it otherwise, I assure you. Therefore, if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your guard, for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill, and wrath can furnish man withal.

  VIOLA I pray you, sir, what is he?

  SIR TOBY He is knight dubbed with unhatched rapier and on carpet consideration, but he is a devil in private brawl. Souls and bodies hath he divorced three, and his incensement at this moment is so implacable that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death and sepulchre. Hob nob is his word, give’t or take’t.

  VIOLA I will return again into the house and desire some conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely on others, to taste their valour. Belike this is a man of that quirk.

  SIR TOBY Sir, no. His indignation derives itself out of a very competent injury, therefore get you on, and give him his desire. Back you shall not to the house unless you undertake that with me which with as much safety you might answer him. Therefore on, or strip your sword stark naked, for meddle you must, that’s certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.

  VIOLA This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you do me this courteous office, as to know of the knight what my offence to him is. It is something of my negligence, nothing of my purpose.

  SIR TOBY I will do so. Signor Fabian, stay you by this gentleman till my return. Exit

  VIOLA Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?

  FABIAN I know the knight is incensed against you even to a mortal arbitrement, but nothing of the circumstance more.

  VIOLA I beseech you, what manner of man is he?

  FABIAN Nothing of that wonderful promise to read him by his form as you are like to find him in the proof of his valour. He is indeed, sir, the most skilful, bloody, and fatal opposite that you could possibly have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk towards him, I will make your peace with him if I can.

  VIOLA I shall be much bound to you for’t. I am one that had rather go with Sir Priest than Sir Knight—I care not who knows so much of my mettle. ⌈Exeunt⌉

  Enter Sir Toby and Sir Andrew

  SIR TOBY Why, man, he’s a very devil, I have not seen such a virago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard, and all, and he gives me the stuck-in with such a mortal motion that it is inevitable, and on the answer, he pays you as surely as your feet hits the ground they step on. They say he has been fencer to the Sophy.

  SIR ANDREW Pox on’t, I’ll not meddle with him.

  SIR TOBY Ay, but he will not now be pacified, Fabian can scarce hold him yonder.

  SIR ANDREW Plague on’t, an I thought he had been valiant and so cunning in fence I’d have seen him damned ere I’d have challenged him. Let him let the matter slip and I’ll give him my horse, grey Capulet.

  SIR TOBY I’ll make the motion. Stan
d here, make a good show on’t—this shall end without the perdition of souls. (Aside) Marry, I’ll ride your horse as well as I ride you.

  Enter Fabian, and Viola as Cesario

  [Aside to Fabian] I have his horse to take up the quarrel, I have persuaded him the youth’s a devil.

  FABIAN (aside to Sir Toby) He is as horribly conceited of him, and pants and looks pale as if a bear were at his heels.

  SIR TOBY (to Viola) There’s no remedy, sir, he will fight with you for’s oath’ sake. Marry, he hath better bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now scarce to be worth talking of. Therefore draw for the supportance of his vow, he protests he will not hurt you.

  VIOLA (aside) Pray God defend me. A little thing would make me tell them how much I lack of a man.

  FABIAN (to Sir Andrew) Give ground if you see him furious.

  SIR TOBY Come, Sir Andrew, there’s no remedy, the gentleman will for his honour’s sake have one bout with you, he cannot by the duello avoid it, but he has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he will not hurt you. Come on, to’t.

  SIR ANDREW Pray God he keep his oath.

  Enter Antonio

  VIOLA

  I do assure you ’tis against my will.

  Sir Andrew and Viola draw their swords

  ANTONIO (drawing his sword, to Sir Andrew)

  Put up your sword. If this young gentleman

  Have done offence, I take the fault on me.

  If you offend him, I for him defy you.

  SIR TOBY You, sir? Why, what are you?

  ANTONIO

  One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more

  Than you have heard him brag to you he will.

  SIR TOBY (drawing his sword) Nay, if you be an undertaker,

  I am for you.

  Enter Officers

  FABIAN O, good Sir Toby, hold. Here come the officers.

  SIR TOBY (to Antonio) I’ll be with you anon.

  VIOLA (to Sir Andrew) Pray, sir, put your sword up if you please.

  SIR ANDREW Marry will I, sir, and for that I promised you I’ll be as good as my word. He will bear you easily, and reins well.

  Sir Andrew and Viola put up their swords