“Felicia, I said it’s over. Don’t make a fool of yourself, all right?”
“Please don’t do this to us,” I begged. “Don’t leave me like this. We’ve been through too much.”
I leaned in to kiss him again, but got the same response. I couldn’t hold back any longer; tears started to trickle down my face. All the years I’d been with him, I’d never let him see me cry, but this time, I couldn’t help myself because no matter how bad things had gotten between us, he’d never turned down making love tome.
He ignored my tears and forced me away. “Save the tears, Felicia. It ain’t like our relationship was all that anyway. You know you played second best to Nokea for a long time, so cut the act and let me get out of here.”
He stood, but I grabbed at his jacket so he wouldn’t go. By the time he made it to the door, I managed to pull it off and ripped his shirt.
“Damn, Felicia! What did I tell you?” He ripped the rest of his shirt from his chest and threw it on the floor. “Come on! Let me fuck you! Even though things aren’t going to be different tomorrow, let me just give you what you want so you can get the fuck off my back!” he yelled, and pushed me against the wall.
He pulled my braids back and gave me a wet kiss on the cheek. I knew he didn’t really want to be here, but his angry aggression excited me. He pulled the string on my thong so tight that it tore and hit the floor. Then he unzipped his pants, and as they fell to his ankles, he lifted me and forced himself inside of me. I held his neck tight as he pounded my back against the wall.
“Are you happy now, Felicia? Is this what you wanted? Is this all the fuck you wanted?” he said, pounding me harder.
“I want you, baby! That’s all I want is you.” I continued to cry as the feel of him sliding against my slippery walls excited me.
He took charge, and after I came, he slowed down his pace. He rested his sweaty forehead on my shoulder while he held my legs apart in his arms. He then gave me a quick peck on the cheek.
“I know how badly you want me, but you can’t have me anymore.” He dropped my legs and I eased to the floor and watched as he slid back into his pants. He stood proudly with a smirk on his face. He had no sympathy for me.
“Get out, Jaylin!” I yelled as I helped myself off the floor. “Get the fuck out!”
He nonchalantly gazed at me and then continued to straighten his clothes while looking in the mirror. I rushed to the dining room, picked up the plates on the table, and threw them at him. I wanted to cut his motherfucking face up.
“I hate you!” I yelled as I continued to throw damn near every piece of china that was on my table. My aim wasn’t worth a damn, but he ducked a few times as he tried to unlock the front door.
By the time he slammed it, food was everywhere. I’d made a complete mess, but it was certainly a good way to let go of my frustrations. I dropped to a chair behind me and pressed my knees closely to my chest. I cried like I’d just lost my best friend, and deep down, I really thought I had. I knew Jaylin wasn’t coming back my way anytime soon. All I was left with were memories.
20
NOKEA
I probably jumped the gun, but I’d been to the mall about five more times looking at clothes and furniture for the baby. According to Stephon, Jaylin was back from the Bahamas, but I got nervous and didn’t go talk to him right away. I decided to wait until the weekend to surprise him with the news. He was probably exhausted after leaving the Bahamas then going straight to work on Monday. I knew that the more rest he had, the better my news would be for him. I still contemplated when I would break the news to Mama and Daddy, but Jaylin had to be the first to know. If I didn’t get it out of my system soon, I’d probably listen to Pat and never tell him.
Either way, when Saturday morning rolled around, I didn’t hesitate. I got up, showered, and cooked a fulfilling breakfast so I wouldn’t feel lightheaded when I talked to him. Then I hugged the teddy bear he’d given me and put it in the room that would soon have our new baby in it. I drove slowly down Wild Horse Creek Road to his house, thinking about what he would say. We’d probably sit around all day thinking about what to name the baby or discuss who it would look like.
There was no doubt in my mind that Jaylin would be happy—until I turned the corner and saw Scorpio’s car in his driveway. My heart raced. It was nine o’clock in the morning, so she must have spent the night with him.
I started to call him on my cell phone, but I was there to tell him about his baby, and so that’s what I intended to do. I rang the doorbell because I didn’t want to use my key and walk into what I did the last time.
It took a minute for someone to come to the door, and it was Scorpio. She had on Jaylin’s burgundy silk robe and looked at me with a blank stare on her face.
“Hi, Scorpio, is Jaylin here?” Since I was uninvited, I tried to show her a little respect.
She didn’t say anything; she just opened the door and let me walk in. I went into the living room and sat down on the couch. I immediately noticed toys all over the floor. Moments later, Jaylin came from the swinging kitchen door with what looked to be a four or five-year-old beautiful little girl on his shoulders. I was shocked.
“She’s here to see you,” Scorpio said as she walked back into the kitchen. Jaylin put the little girl down, and after she kissed his cheek, she ran back into the kitchen after Scorpio.
“So, what’s up, Miss Lady?” he said, picking up the toys on the floor.
“No. You tell me. Seems like you got yourself a new family over here.”
“Something like that. So, what brings you by?”
I wasn’t about to tell him about the baby until I found out what was up with him, this little girl, and Scorpio. Maybe he wouldn’t be as happy about my news as I’d thought he’d be.
“Is that her daughter?” I asked.
“Yes. Her name is Mackenzie.”
“So, what is she doing over here? And why are all these toys here?”
“Because, Nokea, she lives with me. After we came back from the Bahamas, both of them moved in with me. Is there anything else you’d like to know?”
“What’s going on with the two of you? I mean, I see you’ve made a commitment to her, but you were so unwilling to commit to me.”
“Put it like this: it’s a commitment I’m making to myself. See, when you were busy trying to decide if you were going to give yourself to me or not, I decided for you. I’m moving on, Nokea, moving on to bigger and better things. Leaving all bullshit behind me, baby.”
“In other words, you’re ending our nine-year relationship to be with this woman and her daughter?”
“If that’s how you want to look at it, feel free. You didn’t make my decision any harder. You were the one playing games like you didn’t want this, and holding back on the sex didn’t help us much either. So like I said, it’s time to move on. Now, if you don’t mind, I was in the middle of eating breakfast. Do I need to show you the way out or can you find it yourself?”
I couldn’t believe Jaylin’s tone. He’d never talked to me like that. He had an attitude like he just didn’t give a damn. There was no way I would tell him about the baby now. He’d definitely think it was a trap right about now, and I didn’t want my baby being raised with a father who had such a horrible attitude. I got off the couch, unable to even look at him.
“Hey, Nokea?” he said as I walked to the door. “Do you still have the key to my house?”
“Yes.” I turned and swallowed the huge lump in my throat.
“On your way out, leave it on the table.” He walked back into the kitchen.
My eyes filled with tears as I dug in my purse and removed his key from my key ring. I laid it on the table and shut the door behind me.
I barely made it to my car before I gagged and threw up all over myself. I started my car, jetted down the street, and thought about my only other option: abortion. There was no way I would raise this baby alone. How could I have been so foolish to think he’d be happ
y about me having his baby? He already had his homemade family and seemed to be just fine with it.
I was so miserable and needed someone to talk to. I didn’t feel like talking to Pat; I wasn’t in the mood to hear “I told you so.” I decided to stop by the barbershop and give Stephon a piece of my mind, since he was the one who assured me Jaylin would be happy.
I went home first and cleaned myself up, and then headed to the shop to see him. By the time I got there, my eyes were so puffy from crying that he stopped cutting his customer’s hair to come outside and calm me.
As soon as he walked out, I grabbed him by his shirt.
“Why did you tell me to go see him, Stephon? You knew how he would react, didn’t you!” I said hysterically.
“Hold on, Shorty.” He grabbed my arms. “What are you talking about? Calm down and tell me what happened!”
“He doesn’t want me anymore! He doesn’t want this baby! He asked me to leave and told me to give him his key back!”
“Did you tell him about the baby? I know he wouldn’t have told you to leave if you told him.”
“After he told me he was moving on, I couldn’t tell him about the baby.” I wiped the salty tears from my face. “He basically said he was with who he wanted to be with, so there was no sense in me hanging around.”
“You should’ve told him about the baby, Nokea. I knew Scorpio had moved in with him, but I thought once you told him the news, things would be different. If you don’t tell him, I’m going inside right now and call him.”
“No, Stephon! Please don’t call him. Please! I wish like hell you would’ve told me about her moving in with him. I never would’ve gone to his house and embarrassed myself like that. Now,” I begged, “I don’t want him to know anything. You can’t tell him, Stephon, please!”
“Then when are you going to tell him?” he asked. “He needs to know that he’s got a baby on the way. And I can’t make you any promises that I won’t tell him.”
I looked at Stephon with serious hurt in my eyes. “Stephon, please. Let me decide how to handle this. I don’t even know if I’m going to keep this baby.”
“Now, that ain’t even an option. You’re definitely going to keep it. If I’m going to keep my mouth shut, you gotta promise me you won’t have an abortion. If Jaylin finds out you did, he’s really going to be upset. Not only at you for doing it, but at me for not telling him. So, go home and think about being a good mother to the baby you’re carrying. I’m kind of looking forward to having a little Jaylin around.”
“Jaylin could care less if I had an abortion, Stephon. He doesn’t even care about me, and I don’t care what you say, his actions show it.”
“He cares, and deep in your heart, you know he cares. I care too, and I want you to relax and think about this before you make any drastic decisions. If you need me, Shorty, I’m here.”
Stephon wrapped his arms around me. Whenever I had problems with Jaylin, Stephon always seemed to be there for me. He was the only one who could turn a bad situation into a good one.
I thanked him for lifting my spirits and headed for home with a better attitude. An abortion was out of the question. If Jaylin didn’t want anything to do with me, then maybe it was time to move on. I had a bigger thing in my life to worry about now than trying to get him to be with me. This baby was going to need all the love and support a mother could give. If I continued to stress myself with his mess, I’d probably have a miscarriage or something. From what I heard, those ain’t no picnic.
I felt so confident about continuing my pregnancy that I stopped by my parents’ house to tell them about the baby. I stood on the porch, as they’d just come home from a prayer meeting at church. Seemed like they lived in church. I didn’t mind going, but my Saturdays always kept me occupied.
Mama got out of the car and put her arms around me; she’d said no matter what, she could always tell when something was wrong with me.
“Nokea, are you all right?” she asked as Daddy opened the door.
“Yeah, Mama, I’m fine. I just came over to see how you and Daddy were doing.”
“Well, you could’ve called to see how we were doing,” Daddy said.
Daddy and I sat at the kitchen table while Mama poured us each a glass of orange juice. I took a few sips.
“So, how was church? Did Reverend James preach today?”
“Church was good, Nokea. And Reverend James always preaches a good sermon. Even on Saturday. Now, you know that.
“Everybody’s been asking about you. Asking when you’re going to come back to church. You haven’t been there in a while. Why don’t you make plans to go with us tomorrow morning?” Mama said.
“I don’t know, Mama. I’ve been going to Pat’s church with her. Kind of like hers a little better, that’s all.”
“Okay, well, when you’re ready to visit, let us know.”
“I will. I promise you I will.” I finished up the orange juice and got up to pour another glass. Mama and Daddy looked at each other.
“Nokea, what’s on your mind, girl? You’ve always been able to talk to us about things, so come on, out with it,” Mama said, seeming tired of all my fidgeting.
I stood in front of the sink and took another sip of orange juice. I put the glass on the counter and looked directly at Mama first, then Daddy.
“Mama, Daddy,” I said, swallowing. “You’re going to be grandparents.”
Immediately, Mama smiled and I was relieved. Her reaction was a lot better than I thought it would be. She stood up and ran over to embrace me. Daddy, however, didn’t say a word.
“Oh, Nokea, I’m so happy for you,” Mama said. “I thought you’d never say those words to me. How far along are you? Do you know what you’re having yet?” She leaned back and looked at my stomach. She didn’t notice Daddy’s demeanor like I did.
“Daddy, is everything okay?” I asked.
“Where’s Jaylin?” he asked in a deep, strong voice.
“He’s at home, I guess.”
“Are the two of you planning on getting married?”
“No. As a matter of fact, we’re not. Sorry to tell you this, Daddy, but Jaylin and me never got back together. Because I’m pregnant, I’m not going to force him to be with me.”
“No, Nokea, that’s nonsense. You’re not going to raise this baby alone. If Jaylin helped you make it, then it’s his responsibility to take care of it too,” Daddy said, raising his voice.
“I’m gonna have to agree with your father on this one, Nokea. You and Jaylin need to try and work things out so you two can raise this child together,” Mama said.
“Mama, you and Daddy both know women raise children by themselves all the time. I’ve already talked to Jaylin, and he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. He’s with somebody else, and I can’t make him be a father if he doesn’t want to.”
“Well, whether he likes it or not, I’m going over there to talk to him tomorrow—”
“Daddy, don’t. Let me handle my own business. I’m a grown woman and I’m quite capable of making the right decisions.”
“Nokea, I thought you and Jaylin always talked about waiting until you were married to have sex. Not too long ago, he promised me that he would wait until you all were married. What happened? Was it all just a bunch of lies?”
“Daddy, believe me when I say we tried to wait. We waited a little over nine years, and one day, things just happened. I don’t regret giving myself to him because I’m going to have a beautiful baby. And the two of you are going to be wonderful grandparents. Just please be happy for me, okay?” I gave him a hug.
Daddy smiled and when Mama saw he wasn’t tripping, she smiled at me too. By the time I left, they were planning for everything, even for the baby’s education. I just threw my hands up in the air, thanked them, and told them good-bye. I thanked God for giving me understanding parents. I wished that my attempt to tell Jaylin about the baby had been this simple.
21
JAYLIN
The nanny didn’t show up, and since Scorpio was still asleep from coming in late last night, I worked from my home office. Last night, Scorpio had left to go spend some time with her sister, saying that I could probably use some quiet time. They’d stayed up late playing cards and watching movies with the kids, and I did enjoy a little time by myself. I liked having them around, but I was still adjusting to having a woman and a child in my house.
I couldn’t get much done in my office because Mackenzie drove her Barbie around in a toy car on my desk. My papers dropped on the floor, and as I talked to one of my clients on the phone, she disconnected it.
“Mackenzie! What are you doing, sweetie?” I tried to calm down as I looked at her cute little face that looked exactly like her mother’s. I sat her on my lap and she reached out her arms for me.
“Nothing, Uncle Jaylin. I just want somebody to help me play with my dolls.”
“Well, as soon I get off the phone, I’ll play with you, okay?”
“You said that the last time, but you didn’t. Do you promise this time you’ll play with me?”
I felt so bad about lying to her that I decided to play with her dolls in the middle of my office floor. I felt like such a damn fool as I put on different outfits for the dolls to look like they had some real money.
When the doorbell rang, it saved me. Mackenzie asked me to drive her Barbies to the mall to buy some more clothes.
“I’ll be right back, Mackenzie. When I get back I’ll take them.”
“Okay,” she said. “I’ll get their purses so we can go.”
I smiled at her and went to the door. When I looked out, I saw that it was Stephon. I hadn’t seen him since I returned from the Bahamas.
“What’s up, my nigga?” he said as I opened the door.
“You got the best go. What brings you by?” I said.
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